Happy New Year to all the PAIFers. I'm sorry I haven't been around for the past few months. One of my NY's resolution is to get on the PAIF board to say goodbye to you all.
M turned 2 in November and I'm still a SAHM. He is (mostly) a joy to be with, and I'm grateful for every single day I get to spend with him. DH and I have decided not to try for #2 for a variety of reasons. I came to accept this painful decision over the past 6 months or so. We had one frozen embryo from IVF#1 (which was successful with M). We tried to transfer the embryo last Spring but it did not survive the thaw. I was angry and sad for several months, and gradually worked on my feelings. I am 41 and I don't want to go through another fresh cycle (even though it'll be covered by insurance). I cannot handle the demands on me physically and emotionally, nor can I handle the (potential) disappointments. Back in October I gave away M's baby clothes to a friend of mine, who gave birth to a boy a month later. It was the start of my "healing process" per se, to let go of the hopes and dreams of having another child. Most days I'm fine with the decision, but at times I still feel guilty for not trying hard enough to give M a sibling. Not only he'll be a single child, he also will have no first cousins (my own brother and my husband's sister both do not want children).
One reason I stop coming here is because I don't feel I belong anymore. Please believe me that I am happy for every single one of you who are pg again and have a #2 or #3. My core group of mom friends are either pregnant or have recently given birth. I feel left out at playdates when they talk about morning sickness, and I feel left behind. I'm still happy for them but there are days I just want to be away from pregnant people.
I have LOVED every minute that I spent on SAIF in the past 2 years (plus the 9 months I was on PAIF before that). I have received so much advice and support from all of you. And even just being able to come here to vent about anything without being judged. I am sad to leave here but I feel it is time to say goodbye and good luck to you all. Last but not least, THANK YOU for being there when I needed you. I will miss every single one of you.
Not sure if it works but I'm trying to attach a pic of M here (taken on his birthday in november)