Happy New Year, and a Goodbye — The Bump
Success after IF

Happy New Year, and a Goodbye

Happy New Year to all the PAIFers.  I'm sorry I haven't been around for the past few months.  One of my NY's resolution is to get on the PAIF board to say goodbye to you all.  

M turned 2 in November and I'm still a SAHM. He is (mostly) a joy to be with, and I'm grateful for every single day I get to spend with him.  DH and I have decided not to try for #2 for a variety of reasons.  I came to accept this painful decision over the past 6 months or so.  We had one frozen embryo from IVF#1 (which was successful with M).  We tried to transfer the embryo last Spring but it did not survive the thaw.  I was angry and sad for several months, and gradually worked on my feelings.  I am 41 and I don't want to go through another fresh cycle (even though it'll be covered by insurance).  I cannot handle the demands on me physically and emotionally, nor can I handle the (potential) disappointments.  Back in October I gave away M's baby clothes to a friend of mine, who gave birth to a boy a month later.  It was the start of my "healing process" per se, to let go of the hopes and dreams of having another child.  Most days I'm fine with the decision, but at times I still feel guilty for not trying hard enough to give M a sibling. Not only he'll be a single child, he also will have no first cousins (my own brother and my husband's sister both do not want children).  

One reason I stop coming here is because I don't feel I belong anymore.  Please believe me that I am happy for every single one of you who are pg again and have a #2 or #3.  My core group of mom friends are either pregnant or have recently given birth.  I feel left out at playdates when they talk about morning sickness, and I feel left behind.  I'm still happy for them but there are days I just want to be away from pregnant people.  

I have LOVED every minute that I spent on SAIF in the past 2 years (plus the 9 months I was on PAIF before that).  I have received so much advice and support from all of you.  And even just being able to come here to vent about anything without being judged.  I am sad to leave here but I feel it is time to say goodbye and good luck to you all.  Last but not least, THANK YOU for being there when I needed you. I will miss every single one of you.

Not sure if it works but I'm trying to attach a pic of M here (taken on his birthday in november)

image
TTC since 10/2008  RE consult 6/2010 Dx:Unexplaied IF

Failed multiple cycles of Clomid+TI and Clomid+IUI

3/2011 inj+IUI #1 BFP. 4/2011 missed m/c. 

Fall 2011 inj+IUI #2&3 BFN

Jan/Feb 2012 IVF#1 BFP 2/23  EDD 10/31/2012 ~~~ Halloween ~~~

Our IVF miracle, Baby Boy M, arrived on 11/8/2012!
Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
image

Re: Happy New Year, and a Goodbye

  • You will be missed PB! Your reasons for leaving are solid reasons and I hope that it helps you to continue to heal. I wish you nothing but the best! Enjoy M! He is adorable ❤
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    TTC# 1 since 5/10
    Me:34 Type 1 Diabetes, Ankylosing Spondylitis, Hypothyroid DH:35 Perfect
    DX: Unexplained IF
    Many IUI's with various meds all BFFN
    IVF #1 11/11 canceled due to OHSS
    IVF #2 Feb/March 2012 ET of 2 on day 3 4/7 BFP! 5/1 u/s blighted ovum
    IVF #3 July 2012 ET of 3 on day 3 7/24 BFP!
    Healthy baby girl born at 36w4d on 3/9/13
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    TTC #2
    IVF #4 May/June 2014 ER 6/4 18R 8M 8F ET 6/9 1 blast, 2 frosties
    Beta 6/18 BFFN

    FET of 2 blasts 7/24...BFP!
    Healthy baby girl born at 36w3d on 3/17/15

    TTC#3
    IVF #5 June 2018- PGS planned, no surviving embryos
    IVF #6 August 2018- ET of 2 on day 3 - Chemical pregnancy
    IVF #7 August 2019-....?
    pb_bride
  • Loading the player...
  • Loading the player...
  • Omg he's soooooo cute. Hugs mama. You will definitely be missed. I hope you are able to fully heal and find peace in all of this.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    pb_bride
  • Hugs, PB. I was wondering where you had gone off, just thought you had gotten busy with the holidays and M's birthday.

    Many hugs and high fives to you as you continue your mama journey. M is a lucky dude, sibling or not! It is hard feeling left behind for various reason, here or IRL. 

    Thank you for taking a moment to say goodbye. I think that is very classy. It makes me sad when we "lose" our fellow SAIF pals without a whisper. 

    I very much appreciated your advice both on PAIF and here on SAIF. Because M is a few weeks older than J, you always had great bits of advice! 

    Much love and blessings to you. 

    (PM me if you want to be FB friends, but I also respect your privacy since this is the internets and all!)
    TTC Since 3/2010
    Me-36, Unexplained Infertility, DH-35, all clear
    Clomid 50mg 12/2011 = BFN
    Clomid 100mg 1/2012 = BFN, with Cyst
    IVF #1 Lupron/Menopur/Gonal-f/HCG Trigger
    ER 4/19/12 = 11 retrieved, 6 fertilized,
    ET 4/22/12 = 2 transfered (day 3), remaining 3 weren't good enough to freeze
    Beta 5/3 = BFP, 87 Beta #2 5/7 560.9 Beta #3 5/9 1376.5 First u/s One Baby, 125bpm!
    Second u/s, 176bmp! Kicked over to the OB by the RE at 8w. Team Green!! 
    Baby girl J arrived two weeks early! Born into water, med-free. Hooray for Team Pink!

    TTC #2 - back to the RE, treatment started 12/2014. 

    image
    pb_bride
  • Just dropping a note to say I think of you from time to time, PB! I pop in every now and then to see what's going on with those I'm familiar with and I did notice not seeing you around lately!

    I can reassure you that speaking from someone who is an only child who has amazing parents, has always been surrounded by a supportive family, and as someone who has always had lots of friends, M won't need a sibling to know how much he is loved and cared about! I know saying that won't make it easier for you to deal with right now, but please know he won't grow up feeling like he is missing anything because he has YOU and all the others who love him in his life.

    All the best to you and your family! Take care.
    *My Loves, My Life, My Littles*

    02/18/11, 05/24/12 and 12/03/13



    pb_bride
  • I'm sorry it's been such a rough time for you. I understand the need to step back and I wish you all the best.

     imagePhotobucket

    TTC #1 since 3/2011
    DX: anovulatory and severe MFI
    DH is a testicular cancer survivor
    IVF#1 w/ICSI lupron, gonal f, ovidrel
    ER 6/15/12 6R 6M 6F! ET 6/20/12
    Beta #1: 154 Beta #2: 509 Beta #3: 7326
    Baby Boy born 3/1/2013
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    TTC#2: 6/2014 all testing came back normal

    IVF#2 (#1 for LO#2) 9/2014 - 17R 10M 10F 4 blasts frozen on day 6.

    FET #1 10/15/14 - Beta #1: 216  Beta #2: 823


    Baby Boy born 7/10/2015


    pb_bride
  • @pb_bride, this makes me so incredibly sad, both on a selfish level because I always enjoyed you but also because I hate that your heart is hurting so much. I however also completely understand. Huge hugs. You will be missed.


    "I won't give up on us, even if the skies get rough, I'm giving you all my love, I"m still looking up."
    TTC #1 since August 2011 MFI Diagnosis - April 2012
    IVF #1 - July 2012 - Stims start 7/2, ER 7/12, 20 retrieved, 16 mature, 13 fertilized!
    ET - 7/17 - 1 blast transferred. Beta - 7/26 273, Beta 2 7/30 - 1143. Beta 3 8/6 - 11,597
    12/25 - Santa tells us "IT'S A GIRL!" EDD - April 4th

    Our Little Easter Bunny has arrived!

    Molly Mildred born 03/31/13


    TTC A Sibling....... FET #1 11/14/14, Transferred one beautiful blast

    Remaining four frosties arrested due to "embryologist error"

    Plllllleasssee stick little icicle.....Beta 11/23...BFN

    Starting ALL over with a fresh IVF cycle

    Stims start 11/28/14, ER December 10th, 13 eggs retrieved, 11 mature, only 4 fertilized 

    1 Blast Transferred on December 15th..... Beta Christmas Eve... Please Santa, bring me a baby!

    Beta #1 345.....Beta #2....750/ First U/S 1/13/15/HB 131....EDD 9/2/2015

    pb_bride
  • Thank you for coming and checking in. I know many of us had been missing you. While I have twins, I understand feeling left out with friends having babies/ getting pregnant. My SAHM group is changing rapidly and it's so hard to feel left behind. We want more children, but won't be visiting the RE again. So, it's unlikely we will have more. Having beat IF once, but not being able to control one's family size is just IF's parting gift to us, it seems. It all just sucks so much.

    I'm so sorry to see you go, but totally understand. Sending nothing but good thoughts to you and your family.
    TTC in 2009, Dx: Unexplained IF
    Three TI cycles (BFP...miscarriage), five IUI attempts and 2.5 IVF cycles later...BFP!!
    12dp5dt: 765; 15dp5dt: 1979; 17dp5dt: 3379...TWINS!!!!!
    Our perfect baby boys were born at 36w1d!! 








    pb_bride
  • Hugs pb. I will miss seeing you around here, but I understand where you're coming from. Take care of yourself and M!!

              image      image    

    IVF #1 September 2012, beta #1: 213; beta #2: 580. Expecting Twins! 
    EDD 6/9 lost one angel at 9w3d :( 
    Baby boy arrived 6/1/13
    FET #1 10/14, BFP -Chemical Pregnancy :(
    Everyone Welcome

    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
    pb_bride
  • It sounds like you're doing what's best for you, but you'll still be missed. Wishing you all the best! Hugs @pb_bride‌

    ___________________________________________________________________________

    Trying for #1 since May 2010   l   DX ~ Unexplained Infertility June 2011

    IUI #1&2 = BFN; IUI #3 = BFP, m/c @ 6 weeks

    November '11 ~ IVF#1 ~ ER 11/18 (29R, 17F) ~ 5dt of one beautiful blast on 11/23 = BFP!!

    Beta #1 9dp5dt = 116, P4 = 28 ~ Beta #2 13dp5dt = 700 ~ Beta #3 20dp5dt = 9500, P4 = 26

    1st u/s 12/27 - hb of 156!! EDD 8.10.12 :)   **TEAM GREEN!**

    Sweet baby boy born 8.18.12

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Trying for #2

    FET #1 - October '13 - c/p   l   FET #2 - December '13 - cancelled :(   l   FET #2.2 - 1.30.14 - BFN

    ~ More testing - hysteroscopy, endometrial biopsy & more b/w - all normal / negative~

    Surprise BFP while waiting on FET #3 ~ beta #1 500; beta #2 1600; first u/s 4/3 - measuring 5w5d, no hb yet!; 2nd u/s 4/10 - hb 132, measuring 6w6d - EDD 11.29.14 :)    **TEAM GREEN!**

    Beautiful baby girl born 11.24.14

      Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    pb_bride
  • ((hugs)) its a very hard decision, but you have to do what is best for you. We'll miss you!
    TTC #1 Since 4/2010, Cycle 30
    Positive for HLA-B27, I'm a mutant :p
    Testing - Me ok, gluten issue? DH - borderline count, low motility
    4/28/11 IUI#1 = BFP!(5/25), EDD 2/2/12 - m/c 5w3d
    7/3, 7/31, 9/25 - IUI#2-4=BFN
    IVF#1 - 1 blast = BFP!! (12/30), EDD 9/9/12, confirmed c/p 4w2d
    FET#1 3/2/12 - 2 blasts =BFP!! EDD 11/18/12, us#1 = twins! Confirmed m/c 5w6d
    4/20-surprise BFP and another c/p 4w2d
    FET#2 7/16/12 - 2 blasts = BFN
    FET#3 8/20/12 - 1 blast - BFP!! Beta #1-2=177, 354
    1st u/s 5w6d, one beautiful little HB :), 2nd u/s 146bpm
    baby girl born 5/10/13

    TTC#2 since 12/17/2014, Cycle 8
    Repeat Testing...FSH=12, AMH=3.8, AFC=28. 
    IUI#5 5/10/15- c/p?
    IVF#2 8/19/15 - cancelled due to cysts
    IVF#2 take two 10/2015 - 5 blasts frozen
    FET#4 12/11/2015 - BFN - 4 blasts remaining
    FET#5 2/18/16 - BFP!!!  Beta1-3, 126, 250, 745!!

    Image and video hosting by TinyPicLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    Tons of love and ((hugs)) to my IF sister NMscubagirl


    pb_bride
  • Sorry to see you go.  I'm sure that was a very difficult decision to make.  ((hugs))
    TTC since Jan. 2010 DX Unexplained infertility
    3 IUI's w/Clomid & Ovidrel=all BFNs
    3 IVF (2 Fresh, 1 frozen) =BFN
    Jan 2012 New RE & Fresh Cycle =BFP!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


    TTC #2 October 2014
    Meet with RE March 2015
    2 Frozen & 1 Fresh IVF= BFNs
    September 2015 Frozen ET=BFP!


    BabyFruit Ticker


    pb_bride
  • I'm so sorry PB. It can be difficult to be on this board when you are not TTC. I also just gave away all my baby clothes today and I know it's rough. Wishing you all the best.
    IVF, acupuncture, meditation and a miracle. 

    image

     Our sweet Valentine's Day FET.

    image

    pb_bride
  • Your little boy is adorable. I'm sorry your leaving this board but understand why. You've really thought about it and it's what's best for you and your family. I appreciate all the advice and support along the way and I will miss you. Take care of yourself.

    Me 38 MH 41 - TTC since June 2010 - dx with Severe MFI. Straight to IVF with ICSI. IVF #1 - ER 06/13/12 - 9 Eggs Retrieved - 4 ICSI'd - only 2 fert. 06/15/12 - 2DT - 3 cell & 6 cell with fragmentation. Beta 06/29/12 - IVF #1 = BFN. 07/20/12 - WTF Appt -Told by our RE to quit IVF. Second Opinion from RE is good. IVF#2 - November 2012. Estradiol Pills Started 11/6. Stims start 11/16. ER 11/26 - 7 eggs retrieved - all mature. 4 fertilized with ICSI. ET 11/29 Transferred 3 embryos. Beta is 12/10. 1st Beta 81 2nd Beta 160 and 3rd beta 360!!! First U/S 12/21/12 - We saw one beautiful gest. sac. 2nd U/S is 01/04/2013 - H/B 183 02/05/13 - NT Scan - everything looks good and IT'S A BOY!  Aiden was born 08/20/2013.

    IVF #2 is in progress.  ER was 05/12/14 - 11 eggs retrieved, 8 fertilized with ICSI.  ET was 05/15/14 - we transferred 3 embryos as we did on the cycle my son was conceived.  We were able to freeze 3 embryos. Beta is scheduled for 05/26/14.  1st beta - 111.  2nd beta - 159 didn't double :( 3rd beta Friday 5/30) - not a lot of hope left. Beta # 3 is 247 - probably ectopic.  Beta # 4 is 813 - possibly vanishing multiple sydrome?  06/05/14 - 5w4days - first U/S - we see a gestational sac and yolk - still have hope!  06/17/14 - 7w1day - U/S and saw and heard the heartbeat - Finally!  06/27/14 - 8w4days - Baby and heartbeat look and sound great :)  EDD 02/01/14 and It's a boy!


     "Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."


    image


    BabyFruit Ticker


      Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


    pb_bride
  • I am sad to see you leave, but I completely understand. Thank you for checking in. Big hugs and best wishes!
    Dx: Unexplained Infertility

    TTC #1 
    IUI's #1 - #3 Clomid = BFN's, IUI #4 Follistim = BFP
    Grayson arrived via emergency c-section on 7/28/12!

    TTC #2 
    IUI's #1 - #4 Follistim = BFN's
    IVF #1 w/ ICSI + PGS: Lupron/Follistim/Menopur
    ER 4/13 - 19R, 13F, 4 PGS tested embryos, 1 normal
    5/14 FET: BFP. Beta #1: 123, Beta #2: 327, Beta #3: 854
    Cora arrived 1/23/15 via RCS!
    pb_bride
  • @pb_bride, I'm so sorry you are hurting.  But know that you will be giving your little guy the best life possible.  He will not lack for not having a sibling or 1st cousins.  You will be missed.  Hope your heart heals.  Hugs
    Me 35, DH 36
    TTC summer 2008
    Diagnose me. DOR, DH perfect
    IUI # 1 6/2010, BFN
    IUI # 2 8/2010, BFN
    IVF # 1 10/2010 Canceled poor response
    IVF 1.2 12/2010 BFP! mc 6 weeks 2 days
    Mental health break for 10 months
    IVF # 2 10/2011 BFN
    IVF # 3 5/2012 BFP! 10 eggs retrieved (best ever)
    7 fertilized transferred 3
    Beta #1 14dpo - 72, Beta #2 17dpo 145 Beta 3 20dpo 521
    First u/s June 15 saw HB 126 bpm missed m/c 7/5/12 10 weeks D&C 7/6/12
    IVF#4 ER 9/30 ET 10/3 Beta 10/16 BFFN. IVF #5 final with o/e. ER 1/21 only 1 retrieved, hoping my lonestar is the one. Beta #1 2/6/13 = 209.... please let this be it! Keep growing lonestar! Beta #2 2/8/13 - 586! , Beta #3 2/10/13 = 1898. First u/s perfect little heart beat at 116 bpm. Measure 6 weeks 1 day. EDD 10/14/13
    3/4/13 measuring right on track beautiful heartbeat 171 bpm, graduated from RE to OB... bittersweet.
    PAIF/SAIF always welcome! Its a girl! 

    Maggie Grace is here!  10/5/13... 8lbs 6 ounces of pure joy!

    TTC#2  No birth control since DD was born.  Getting ready to jump back in the saddle.  Weaning this month. RE
    appt scheduled 5/8.   Here we go again!

    IFV# 6.  10/27  6 retrieved 4 mature 3 fertilized.  2 made it to 3dt 10/30. 1"very pretty 8 cell" and 1 6 cell.  Beta
    11/13.   Please stick embies!!!!  We love you so much already! 11/12/14  POAS, BFP... beta tomorrow!
    11/13 beta #1  924!!!  2nd bet 11/15 1906, one more on 11/17 3rd & final beta 3430.  First u/s 12/5, 7w4d, 2 heartbeats,
    both measuring right on track....2nd u/s... all is well... both beans measuring right on track... released from RE... first
    appointment with MFM 1/5.  Looks like this is really happening!





    pb_bride
  • I only pop in once in awhile as well, but completely understand as we're also OAD - which isn't my preference but it is what it is.

    Best of luc.k to you in the healing process.
    Me: 35 DH: 37 TTC since 4/2010
    DX: 6/9/2011: Azoo ICSI/IVF only option for biological child
    IVF #1: ER - 9/26 * ET - 10/1 * beta#1 10/13 - 140 * beta#2 10/17 - 477 * beta#3 10/20 - 1101
    1st u/s at 6w6d - one hb * 2nd u/s at 8w3d - no hb detected 11/10/11 * natural m/c 11/13/11
    FET #1 Jan/Feb 2012 - 3 delays - cancelled 2/13
    FET #1.2 - May/June 2012 - ET 6/6/* beta#1 6/15 - 95 * beta #2 6/19 - 322 * beta #3 6/22 - 940
    7/6 1st u/s @ 7 weeks - one beautiful hb - released from RE
    EDD 2/22/2013
    PAIF/SAIF/PGAL welcome
    imageimageimageimage
    BabyFruit Ticker
    pb_bride
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards