SIL saying I'm stealing her name! — The Bump
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SIL saying I'm stealing her name!

edited January 2015 in Baby Names
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Re: SIL saying I'm stealing her name!

  • As a couple of pp's have said, while there are no "dibs" on a name, I couldn't use a name knowing that someone felt so strongly about wanting to use the name. When hubby and I were trying for a baby, a few friends got pregnant first and I was SO worried they'd use the names we'd discussed using when we did have a baby. I think your SIL may have said she liked the name hoping you and your husband would not use it. I am so in love with the boys name we had chosen that when I was pregnant, I was actually almost in tears thinking about friends using it (though we had kept all our names secret).
    True, she can go ahead and use the name as well when she has a baby but honestly, I think it's very unfair. Maybe she won't ever have a daughter and be able to use the name but I honestly think your relationship with her will be much stronger if you and hubby agree on another name.
    Spring78saham07
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  • Stay away... she mentioned it, which is her fault, but you would not have otherwise come up with it. This same thing happened to me. I called dibs on grace (before it was so popular) , then my uncle used it. I still named my Dd grace. It was my name!


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  • I agree with the others. She should have kept her pie hole shut but if it was my sister I'd find another name. It's not worth ruining a relationship over. There are a bazillion great names out there. Pick one. Except Cecelia. :smile:


        




     

    Spring78[Deleted User]
  • I would first see if your H can have a reasonable conversation with her about it. Maybe in the heat of the moment she was upset, but has calmed down since.

    I'd also consider some variations on the name: Cecile, Cecily, etc. and see if that is something you could go for.

    But ultimately it's up to you whether this will forever ruin the relationship you have with your SIL or whether you think she'll get over it if you use "her" name.
    catahoulatte
  • I agree that nobody has dibs on a name. But if this were my sister, I could never do this to her, regardless of how many years off from a baby she'd be. I'm wondering if because she's the SIL, it's easier to label her as unreasonable? Either way, feel free to use the name, but you can't control how she'll feel about it.
    I completely agree. My sister called "dibs" on the name Benjamin while I was pregnant with my son. She had just gotten married at that time, and they are still a few years away from having kids. But I would never use it simply because I love her and she told me she wanted to use it someday. I think how you'll feel about this issue is a direct result of how you feel about the person calling "dibs".
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  • catahoulattecatahoulatte member
    edited January 2015
    Ehh...you really can't call dibs on a name, but in this case, you guys discussed it AFTER she said she liked it. Sure, you could still use it, but I think it is slightly not cool.
                                       
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    saham07ashiscute
  • There are no dibs, but it's a little douchy.
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    ColeRose[Deleted User]ashiscute
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  • edited January 2015
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  • If you are having a girl, and you love the name, use it. 

    Although, if it were me, I would probably give pause and maybe try to come up with something else-- there are millions of names out there.  Can I suggest some similar ones?

    Cecily

    Amelia

    Ofelia/ Opelia

    Aurelia

    Emilia

    Cybil/ Sybil

    Serafina

     

     

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    [Deleted User]MrsLolaSky
  • emmy236emmy236 member
    edited January 2015
    Usually I'm all for saying you can't call dibs but in this case I'm on your SIL's side. She brought the name up and even though she isn't ready to have kids yet, it's still a jerk move on your part to suddenly want to use it. If the situation was reversed and you said "oh we love this name" and then she said "no it's my name" than Id be on your side. This was my mom and her sister. My mom said she wanted emily and suddenly my aunt said it was her favorite name. Mainly I think out of spite for my mom for getting pregnant first.

    In the end I'm emily and my aunt had a boy so the point was moot but to this day they still bring it up and have pushed it onto the next generation. My aunt had a girl a year later and that cousin gave me the hardest time when we said we were going to use my gram's name when we were pregnant. She said "your mom did it to my mom and now you're doing it to me". Like your SIL, my cousin was still in school, not engaged and hates kids but suddenly only she could use gram's name. There are 22 cousins and it's also my moms name, no idea why she thought it was only hers. I had a boy so again the issue was moot but both my aunt and cousin bring up these issues. I guess the end of my rant is that it is so not worth having to hear the stupid fight for 29 years and 2 generations.
    catahoulatteMrsLolaSky
  • I don't really believe in calling dibs on names, but I agree with PPs that it does seem kind of rude if you are only considering the name because your SIL said she likes it.  Also, even if you're pregnant now, there's still some uncertainty on your side - you might not be having a girl, and even if you do, unless you're determined to be OAD, you might have a girl in the future, at which point your SIL might have changed her mind.  And she might have a baby sooner than you think - a lot can happen in three or four years, let alone seven; she and her DH may well have kids sooner than they think now.  I like Cecelia, but there are tons of great girl names out there.  I wouldn't get stuck on one name at the risk of my and my DH's relationship with my SIL, if you think that might be at stake and it's something you care about.  (Even if you don't care for her, she's going to be around for the rest of your life and will be your child's aunt, which in our family is an important relationship, so think about the long run.  Some hills are worth dying on, for sure, but I just don't think this is one of them.)
    DD born 10/10/07 * DS born 11/25/11 * #3 due 3/9/2015
  • Talk to her about it because her husband may not like it... She mentioned it first, which was her own fault. It's a hard situation to be in. Good luck!
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  • I agree with PPs.  Your SIL shouldn't have mentioned the name in the first place, but since you and DH haven't decided on a name and this is the ONE name she mentioned, you should move on and find a different name.  DH and I had ONE girl name and ONE boy name, and we didn't share them with anyone, but I would have been seriously crushed if a close family member used them. 
  • This seems like a really strange conversation that must have taken place.  I have four siblings who all had children before me.  I discussed the names I liked if they asked, but never thought that I was doing any more than throwing out nice names for them to consider.  In the end it's your DH's sister and he had the conversation, not you.  I'd put it in his court to talk to her again and decide how he wants to handle it.
    Helenahhandbasket
  • Normally I'd say there's no dibs so go for it. But the fact that she told your husband I wouldn't. It would've been different had you two discovered it on your own without knowing her feelings towards the name, but since you hadn't considered it and she told you I would stay away, it could cause some major problems and hurt feelings. I would never use a name my sister or friends liked knowing they did.

    That's why when we talk about kids and stuff we never tell each other our favourite names :)
  • My sister and each have a couple of special names that we've mentioned to each other and claimed. Even though she is pretty sure she'll never have kids, there is a gorgeous family name that I am going to leave alone out of respect for her, knowing how special it would be for her if she does have the chance to use it. 

    In your situation, it's not like you two happened to come up with your top name choice and then found out it was her favorite that she was saving for down the road...you got the idea from her telling you guys it was her name choice. I don't think it would be right to use it.
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  • Agree- don't be a jerk, choose a different name.
    [Deleted User]saham07
  • BananaLettuceBananaLettuce member
    edited January 2015
    Meh, my name choices when I was twenty are completely different than they are now, so she may not even want to use that name later. I agree with buttercup that you should keep it on your short list but look for something else you both like. I also wouldn't want to create shit with my SIL. I'm all for not complicating things with family if it can be avoided.

    I'll add that my sister, when pregnant, decided she wouldn't use a girl name I have always loved. She ended up having a boy, and the name I loved became super popular, and I'd never use it now. Also my first child is a boy, so....
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    [Deleted User]MrsLolaSky
  • Honestly, I get the whole "you can't own a name" sentiment but I would absolutely not use a name my SIL brought up. Unless it was already my favorite name and I'd picked it out a long time ago.


  • I think it's very douchy of SIL to call dibs on a name when she isn't even expecting. This is your time not her's and she was making it about herself. She shouldn't have even been talking about baby names.
    I know when my sister was pregnant I never called dibs on a name; I let her name her babies without guilt and without limits. You shouldn't have to choose any other name besides Cecilia (I prefer this spelling).
    She'll get over it and be happy that she has a niece with such a pretty name.

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    Beevol
  • BananaLettuceBananaLettuce member
    edited January 2015

    911Diva said:

    1. I liked the name before I even knew she did. So no I'm not just interested in it because she brought it up.

    2. The name has no sentimental value to any of us... I asked.

    3. Prob won't use it because I don't want to deal with the drama. It's not worth a fight I was just curious about the situation. I never said it was a name that is set in stone it was just a consideration name.

    4. Praying I have a boy it's what I want and we have a name picked. Then it won't matter lol.

    I seriously hope you're being facetious about that last point. It is really super shitty to "pray" for a certain sex.
    Yep. I get having a slight preference, but praying for a certain sex? If you have a daughter, or if your son is transgender, I really hope she never finds out you prayed for her to be a boy.

    I just want a baby.
    Amen.

    *Eta I waited 5 years for my son. I never thought I'd even have a biological child. I always pictured myself with a daughter. I grew up in a house full of women. I didn't know the first thing about raising a boy, and I was nervous about it. But my son had a 50% chance of getting Li Fraumeni Syndrome. If he got LFS, he'd be living with a 50% chance of getting cancer. That's some pretty real shit being as how my nephew had just died of brain cancer at age 4. My prayers were consumed with having a healthy baby. Nothing more.

    I'm not trying to chew you out, but just be aware there are women reading this post with worse problems than my own and your comments will come across as incredibly insensitive.

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  • I agree with PPs who say to keep it on your list, but try to find something else. It'll reduce family drama. On the other hand, I really hate when people request that you don't use a particular name because they might want to use it one day. A friend of mine begged her best friend not to name her dog Ruby because she was sure she was going to name her future daughter that. Well, her only daughter wound up being Olivia and the best friend was really annoyed.

    If it would help anything, you could always tell your SIL that the name was on your list of names that you hadn't yet shared with your husband, but I'd really try to be as honest as possible.

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  • 911Diva said:
    I mean, really I think it's just kind of dramatic that you've decided this is the only name for you in such a short amount of time. You haven't even had your anatomy scan yet and up until recently it wasn't on the table because you didn't know your husband liked it. How long could this possibly have been a consideration? But to 'wish for a boy' so that you don't have to miss out on it? And ask her more than once about it when you know it's a sore subject? I mean, come on. It just feels sort of self-involved to me. 

    Ultimately, no. She can't call dibs. And IF you're having  a girl and you really, really can't find any other name you love as much, then I think you should just go ahead and use it. She may not ever have a girl, and if she does, she might not like it anymore. But this whole thing really comes off as "I AM PREGNANT NOW SO I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT". 
    You obviously never read my comments on this post because I just said we don't know the sex yet so nothing is set in stone I have other girls names I like. The name in question is just one option out of a few and it has been on my list for awhile. Secondly I have wanted a boy for a long time and have had a name picked for a boy that is set in stone by both DH and I for over two years and I am in love with it. I am not wishing or praying for a boy I was joking I will be happy to have whatever sex God gives us. I also said I prob won't use because it's not worth the argument or the drama. I asked the question not because the name is set but because I seriously did not know a person could call dibs a decade out from having a baby. 
    WTF?  How do you know it's going to be a decade?  You yourself said she wanted to wait six or seven years, which is not ten.  And you know what?  She may be young, but she's a married adult.  She and her DH are free to change their minds and TTC starting tonight for all that it's any of your business.  You may have a boy this time and she may have her first child before you ever have a daughter.  That is just as likely a scenario as her actually not having a baby for another ten years.
    DD born 10/10/07 * DS born 11/25/11 * #3 due 3/9/2015
    ashiscute[Deleted User][Deleted User]
  • Calling dips is awesome! When you 7 and you want the green Popsicle instead of the blue one.

    Your SIL is off her rocker.
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  • OP you keep harping on the fact that your SIL is trying to call dibs on a name a decade in advance and you didn't know a person could do that. Obviously they can't. But that's not what you described. Your SIL shared a name that she loves and your H said he hasn't considered that name before and now you two love it together.

    I think it would be shitty to use it since she said she loves it. It's a nice name but there are many others. Drop it and get over it.
    magsugar13[Deleted User]
  • I think other posters have it covered - calling dibs when you're not even pregnant (or trying) is shitty but so is using a name that your sister told you is specifically her favorite name. Most important take away is to never discuss baby names with people you know IRL. 

    That being said, my sister and I talked theoretical baby names before either of us were pregnant and there is a girl's name that she loved and claimed 'dibs' on. She has a boy and is one and done, so when I was pregnant with my second girl she gave me her blessing to use that name. It was a sweet gesture, but though I like the name, it wasn't right for me (besides DH doesn't like it). 
    ashiscuteDr.Loretta
  • I'm not going to touch the whole "praying for a boy" thing, as the PPs seem to have covered it. 

    Obviously, no one can call dibs on a name. That's just silly. But it sounds like you never even brought up the name to your DH (in fact it was SIL), so I'm not buying what you're saying about it really being a name that you really truly loved all along. 

    Before I got pregnant, my sister and I told each other the names we liked for our future daughters, so that neither of us would use the other's names. My sister mentioned some really beautiful names that I had never considered, and even though she's probably years away from getting married or having a baby, I knew not to use any of those names... that's just the decent thing to do. 


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  •  "Well the other day he was talking to SIL and she said she liked Cecelia well turns out DH really likes it. "

    Yes, he likes it sooooo much that he never mentioned it before to you, and now it is the only name in the world that the 2 of you love. Like i said if this was so loved by either of you, it would have been discussed before SIL. 

    But, hey hopefully god will hear your prayers and send you a boy!


    ashiscute
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  • Well what would you do if your husband didn't like the name ?  You would have crossed it off your own list and moved on to another name right ?  I think you should do the same in this situation.  Cross it off your list and move on to other names you like.  

    My husband and I were having trouble with names so we started looking at the 2013 social security top 100 list and there we found Nora.  We heard the name before but for some reason seeing it on the list made me pause and think " Hmmm, Nora...Nora.  Ya know Nora might work."  So Nora went from being on the list to top 2 to becoming her name. 
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