I am pregnant with #3 due in July. This will give me 3 kids under 3.5 years. I currently work full-time (36.25 hours/week) at a job that so far has been very flexible. I can hop out of the office if I need to get a kid from daycare.
I would love to go part time though. I think I would like to eventually have four kids.
DH is not in agreement with going part time. We don't need it - I make $110,000 a year, he makes $80,000 a year and we live in a low-cost area. He had a SAHM, I had a WM. I saw how much we/my mom suffered from her working full-time.
My days go by so slowly, which is very frustrating when I'd rather be at home. Our savings accounts are almost maxed-out. We are putting money into our kids college fund. I would like to send our (possible) 4 kids to a private school that would cost $125,000 over the 12 years (for all four of them). DH isn't on board with the private school as it's a Christian school and he's an Atheist. It's really important to me that they go to the private school.
So here are my dilemmas, and this is for after I'm done paying back my third mat leave (so in about a year from now). I'm asking so much in advance b/c DH and I need to discuss and I need to sort out where I stand. WWYD:
1) Work full time forever. Have 4 kids. Send them to private school. I can see working full-time being what DH says I have to do if I want to send kids to private school. This gives me family I'd love and education I value.
2) Work part time after this mat leave, have 3 kids, send them to public school. Find job with shift work that allows me to build family friendly schedule. loose-loose for family and education but I get to work part-time sooner.
3) Work full-time until after #4. Send kids to public school. I get family I'd love but education that makes me nervous (not great schools here).
EDIT x3 b/c OMG everyone would tl/dr
Re: small novel re: part-time/full-time, #kids, school
I was the primary breadwinner for several years. DH's law practice took off thankfully. I worked FT (36 hrs/wk) until the kids were to K. I convinced DH that I could work PT (27 hrs/wk) and that I'd get the kids to school and home from school. My mom was a SAHM so the thought of them having to go somewhere after school made me very sad.
DH works 50-60 hrs/wk. When I was working FT and with two kids by myself in the evenings, it was overwhelming many days. I *love* working PT. I still make good money (around 65K), and I get to be home with my kids everyday after school. This allows for down time for all of us before delving into homework, dinner, activities, etc.
I'm very happy with our public school so I don't have much input there. Have you actually toured the schools? Talked to families that attend them? It would be tough for us to afford that type of tuition if I only worked PT.
You and your DH first need to get into agreement on schools and your work schedule. Thats something only you 2 can figure out. If your DH isnt on board with you working part time, you will be miserable and have a miserable marriage even if you are working less hours, so something needs to happen there. As far as working full time forever? You cant make a decision forever. What works today might not work 1 year, 5 years, 10 years down the line, so get forever out of your head...its a waste of time.
What I would do is have my 3rd child, go part time because my DH would be on board (I would only consider going part time if we were financially comfortable, which is sounds like you are..and if thats the case, my DH would be fine with it). As far as schools, we purposely bought in a town with very good public schools. I plan to send my kids to public school even though I always went to private. If high school comes and they want to go to one of the private schools which are pretty popular where we live, then we will make every accomodation to make that possible. But public school will always be a viable option. I would never live in an area with a bad school district, especially if my husband werent in agreement with using private schools. Again, you have bigger fish to fry in my opinion before you can talk about having a 4th child.
I always like to have everything planned out. It's part of my personality and not liking the unknown.
Thanks for your response though, helps put things into perspective.
I am with mustardseed on this one. Also, it sounds like you and your DH are at odds on some key elements of your lifestyle and the most important thing is that you guys figure out how to get on the same page.
My DS goes to Catholic school but we are Catholic. I would not send him there if we were not at least actively practicing Christians of some denomination because religion is a part of their day from start to finish. Morning announcements end with prayers, they say the Hail Mary every day at lunch, they go to Mass every week, they have religion class every day. I went to an Episcopalean school and it was similar - started the day with prayers every day, had Chapel once a week, etc.
I work PT but my DH is fully on board with it. I also agree with mustard seed that it doesn't usually make sense for the spouse who his making more money to be the one to go PT unless your DH's future career potential can offset the salary you will be losing.
Finally, if you have aspirations of putting four kids through private school (and can find a non-religious one to send them to) what are your plans for funding their college educations? Because sending four kids to college will be pretty expensive and if you are cutting back on your income will you still be able to do that? Again, I am just assuming that if education is important enough to you that you want your kids to go to private school even if it is against your DH's religious beliefs (or lack thereof), then you will want them to go to college.
As I have said I work PT and send my child to a religious private school, so of course if I were choosing what to do that is what I would choose. But in your situation that may not be the right course of action if you and your DH do not agree on it.
And I think like PP said, you and your DH need to just hash out some lifestyle decisions first. You want and need him to partner on the working thing...
1) If going PT is something that you want to do and that your family can handle financially then your husband needs to support this decision unless he can find a truly viable reason for why it can't happen.
2) If your husband is really against the religious aspect of the private school then you must respect that and find a different school that you both are happy with. But, it does sound suspicious that he can overlook the religion if you work full-time. Is it a religion thing or a money thing?
If it's really as simple as the 3 items up for discussion 1) working PT vs FT 2) having 3 kids vs 4 kids 4) private vs public school, then I'd totally compromise on the school. That's the only one that doesn't have an emotional component. Surely you can find a public school that you can be happy with.
Maybe I'll say I'm super against public school, then give him that concession as a compromise for going part time.
Kind of joking but not really...I think the religious school thing is far more concerning to him than me going part time, and I don't know how much we'd be able to afford to send 4 kids to private school if I was going part time. The public school here isn't terrible by any means and it's walking distance from our house. The high school is huge and seems scary, but I think I'm just being super over protective.
As a parent of a child in Catholic school what DiveFrog has written is 100% accurate when it comes to my DS's school. It is very middle-of-the-road as far as academics go. Children who need more help with reading, etc. have to go to a tutor after school on their own time. Similarly there are really not any advanced classes for more gifted students.
One of DS's former classmates had a sensory issue - I cannot call exaclty what it was called but basically if he got overstimulated he would just shut down and sometimes get extremely upset. The school really could not deal with it and his parents transferred him to the local public school where he is now thriving.
The private religious school I went to as a child was very different but it was also one of the best schools in the area and now costs $20K a year at the elementary school level.
I just want to throw in that I went to a Church of Christ elementary school and it was VERY religious. I think your DH would have a heart attack. We started and ended the day with prayer, sang religious songs while walking in line to everywhere (bathroom, water fountain, recess, PE, chapel, etc.). Religion was an integrated part of the lesson plan on a daily basis (I remember having to retake a test on the 10 plagues of egypt in 1st grade b/c I flunked it the first time), and in science they taught creationism.
Apart from creationism in science class it was a really good school and our public schools were not safe to go to, but my parents moved so we would be zoned to better public schools and I went through 4th-12th in public school. It was a major culture shock to me to move, but the public school was very good also and I feel like I was very prepared for college/grad school.
I would yield on the school issue - we are much happier with the experience of public school overall, even if academically I find it less impressive than private school. And I was very opposed to public school.
But I think the others have pointed out the wider issues....agreement on religion and family size are bigger than the PT/FT question. There are too many variables to recommend a path.