Confusion with moving, RE a preschool aged child
Helenahhandbasket
member
Hi all- hope everyone had a great New Year!
DD and I moved on Friday. We had been staying with my mom because STBXH and I decided to divorce about 6 months ago (it's still not final, but it's close). He moved out right away, but stayed local. I have an extremely strained relationship with my mother so my goal was to get out of there as soon as it was feasible, so I did.
The problem is that while DD is old enough (she will be 3 in a few weeks if you are on mobile) to know she's not at "her house" (my mom's house) she's not able to understand that where we are now is her new house. She cried inconsolably for a half hour last night because she wanted to "go home".
I know I did the right thing- I need to have my own space, I have to start rebuilding but I am drained, wiped out and feeling guilty.
FWIW-- our new place is only about 5 miles from my mom's house, and my mom will still be watching her 2 days a week (she's in DC 3 days a week. I work FT). We kept the same daycare (something I was concious of when finding a new place to live)
I guess what I am asking is aside from the divorce stuff, if you have moved with an older toddler / preschooler, how long did it take for your LO to get used to the idea that the new place was permanent?
TL:DR- I moved and my almost 3 YO is not taking it well. Any advice on adjusting?
BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12
Re: Confusion with moving, RE a preschool aged child
After that, he was mostly fine, but every once in a while out of the blue he'd mention the old house. Now, at six, he says he doesn't remember that house.
My kids, 4 and 2, have moved a lot. I was most concerned about this move we did 2 months ago. The thing that helped the most was decorating the kids rooms. I got vinyl wall decals off of amazon and a couple other small touches but my DD, especially, loved it. She was very excited to show off her new room and I let her facetime her grandparents to show them. Maybe try and let her pick out a couple things and make a big deal about it.
It also just sounds like she is reacting to all the change. I would let her know that if she misses your mom she can let you know and you can call her or setup an extra visit. Maybe even schedule a big reveal of her new room for Grandma? I found that the stress of changes comes out at random times for a few months, but overall they seem to move on relatively quickly.
He had a rough time for a few months, but with a new house, school and baby, it was a lot to take in. Dh's cousin bought our old house, so we have taken him back there and down him that his old room is now someone else's. It does get easier after a while. And you did the right thing for your family.
That is a lot of change for a 3 year old in a short period of time.
We moved from the only home our (then) 3 year old knew. He did not express any loss over leaving the old house but clearly was uncomfortable in the new home for a while as we used to find him sleeping on the floor outside our bedroom door several nights a week.
I would say first off, give it time. Let her express her sense of loss and truly listen to what she says. She's likely grieving the change in family arrangements rather than the change in address.
I'd then do my best to reassure her that she is safe and secure and that sometimes things change. A new house is just one of those things. I'm sure she will adjust quickly.