Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
jaybird42
member
Re: Childcare vs. Income
But I do understand. I waited a good four years to try for a baby as I wanted to further my career and income to a certain lever first.
Sort of. I work 2 part-time jobs. One of them I need for insurance. I will be looking for someone to come to our home to babysit. I make okay money but had a set of twins plus we have another child (3 total). We didn't plan on twins, it is just how it worked out. I wouldn't change it for the world but it certainly throws a curve ball in everything. It is hard enough to get 1 daycare spot in this town let alone 2. Whether I stay part time at 2 jobs or go to 1 full-time position, childcare will consume about 2/3 of my income.
My husband doesn't make enough for me to stay home. The leftover money from my checks pay the mortgage, groceries, and formula/diapers.
And why are you only comparing to your salary. Compare it to your total household income, not just the woman.
2010: Infertility
October 2015: missed miscarriage #2 at 11 weeks (trisomy 22)
Total household income is relevant even with separate accounts.
But it was all temporary. I would not have been able to leave my career and then ever come back. I also knew that DH would eventually make more. I also hoped to make more. We do make a bit more now but DS is now in private school so about half my pay goes to education and daycare.
In your situation, I would ask about additional benefits, do you like your work, can you make it work till your kids are in school? Working as a mom is not all about take home pay.
If that's the correct reading, I could go either way if you're really serious about going back for the advanced degree right away. I think it's pretty easy to explain a lapse in professional work history if the reason is education.
All of our children are ours together. I actually love having separate accounts and it's actually opposite of what you think. We did it because we are both real anal with our money. I didn't want to give up my account and he didn't want to give up his. When we married, we were not fresh out of school or anything. Our accounts had long been established. We have an awesome marriage and like I said, never had a disagreement on spending (which is one of the biggest of all disagreements among married couples). I can spend what I want as long as I have the funds - no questions asked. My husband the same. As long as our bills are paid first. I trust him to do that and vice versa. We've never had one financial issue. I don't know his exact salary or what the percentage of bills come out of his checks. I don't really care. If I need help with a bill, I ask and so does he but that is really rare. Whenever an extra bill comes in, whoever has the $$ will pay it. We divided up the bills 6+ years ago. I will know our yearly household income when the accountant does our taxes. I make career decisions based on what bills I have to pay. The plus for me is that I am a nurse and I work at a hospital on a part-time basis and prior to the twins, it wasn't uncommon for me to bring home a couple thousand extra each month just by picking up extra shifts. It is harder for me to work like that now but my husband has no qualms with watching the kids while I pick up extra shifts because I normally buy things that benefit both of us - like eating out or the dishwasher I bought yesterday. We also have separate PO Boxes although he has a key to mine and gets my mail. It's just hard for me to give up. Our bank accounts are joint in the event of an emergency or death. I get that this doesn't agree with everyone but like I said, it works great for us. I have plenty of friends that tell me I don't have a true marriage but then will gripe about their husbands spending. The few people that I know with separate accounts won't give them up.
There was a book from Leslie Bennetts a few years ago with an unfortunately inflammatory headline (The Feminist Mistake) but a lot of really useful data and case studies about the full costs of staying home. I think she also addressed switching to a part-time or otherwise non-career track position but not in as much detail of course.