Pregnancy hormones or more?

shayrenee86 · January 2015

I apologize if this is a SS posting, especially with what some of our fellow bumbies are going through. I've always had a hard time with my husband's work schedule, but since he started full time 3 weeks ago it's almost unbearable. With our military deployment past, I would think that I could handle it, but I end up ugly crying in my sorrow sometimes. He works 4 on 2 off swing (2-11pm) and I'm working M-F 8-4:30 so I never really see him when we're both working. He ends up having Sat/Sun off every 7 weeks. I try to stay busy but that usually involves spending money (shopper's high?); I usually end up moping on the couch and feeling useless.
He's worked this schedule before and it wasn't this hard. I think this pregnancy has made me want to spend these last few months together as much as possible before baby comes.
Has anyone had this sort of feeling or issue? How did you push through with your sanity? Thanks in advance.

fatcat11188 · January 2015

Maybe consult your doctor if your feeling really low. Depression can happen fast with hormones so out of whack. Take care of yourself momma! Enjoy a not to hot tubby and put your feet in some slippers and curl up and watch a comedy on the couch and mow down some yummy craving food. xoxoxo

specialsn0wflake · January 2015

Your feelings are normal. How you act on them is what is important. My advice is to hunker down and try and ride it out. He's probably in provider mode and wants to make sure you're as financially prepared as possible before baby arrives. Its a common feeling among dads to be.

DH is going out of country for two weeks next week and will have a huge time difference so we won't get to talk much and living out of state from family, I only have work to keep me from getting too lonely.

Try and keep busy. While he's gone I've got some DIY projects for the nursery to do to keep me preoccupied. And like PP said, consider talking to your DR. Depression is nothing to be ashamed of. They can help you figure out if you're just sad or if you're actually depressed.

Feel better! - book over

missab · January 2015

I agree with @fatcat11188‌ that it might be worth raising with your doc. But also, what are some things that you love to do or are interested in? Is there anything that you could focus on or take up that might remove your focus from being on his absence? I wouldn't say I feel sad when DH is gone, but I will feel fidgety and bored, and I find that the time passes much more slowly if I stay focused on his absence instead of proactively choosing something to do with my time. Not sure if that helps, but maybe researching something specific about your pregnancy/read certain books or doing something for baby or going to la leche league meetings or taking up crocheting/knitting, or taking a cooking class or something else you won't have time to do once baby is here -- anything that makes your time feel like it's being spent productively may help to improve your general outlook. Hope you feel better, momma!

ChanStew · January 2015

The swing schedule is really tough...my MIL describes it as the "worst 7 years of her life" when my FIL worked swing schedules (they also had 10 kids...).

DH worked nights while I was in grad school, and I felt some of this pain. Plan special events with friends/family, and make sure to communicate the next time you'll both be together and make sure to sit down to a meal or cuddle watching a movie...get some quality time in, and know when it's coming.

Sorry, it's really no fun.

SunnyBeachBum · January 2015

I totally understand. We are both in the military and my DH has been gone for most of my pregnancy. Usually, no big deal, this is what we signed up for and know it sometimes means being apart for long periods of time... However... Now that I'm pregnant, it has been especially hard on me. I have family, clear across the country, so I try to stay involved with friends as much as possible. They have done a great job getting me off my butt and out of the house.. Or else I too, would just lay around all day.

Keep your mind busy and make yourself get up and carry on... You can do this!

fatcat11188 · January 2015

@sunnybeachbum

I am struggling with your GIF hahaha! I currently have seven cats and none of them have attempted anything like this.. All I keep thinking every time you post is "How fishy can her lady bits smell for that cat to do that????"

Sorry to hijack the post for this**

SunnyBeachBum · January 2015

fatcat11188 said:
@sunnybeachbum
I am struggling with your GIF hahaha! I currently have seven cats and none of them have attempted anything like this.. All I keep thinking every time you post is "How fishy can her lady bits smell for that cat to do that????"

Sorry to hijack the post for this**

) right?! Ouch!

sleepeeps · January 2015

I don't have much to contribute aside from talk to your doctor if your sadnesses is preventing you from eating, sleeping or other necessities. But I wanted to say that I empathize with you missing him more than ever during pregnancy. I don't know if it is specifically pregnancy hormones, but I've never been as attached to my husband as I have been the past few months. I hate leaving him for a few hours. I can't imagine weeks at a time ): I think what you're feeling is mostly normal. I'm sorry it has to be this way.

Hpearl · January 2015

I am so sorry you are going through this! I can imagine I would be a hot mess (more than usual) without my husband just being around through the pregnancy. Huge hugs to you!

I agree with the others, it might be worth mentioning to your dr if you are really feeling blue. There is no shame in getting help if you are feeling down!

I had lots of random crying fits during the first trimester, seems to be getting less frequent now. Most recently I dropped a jar of spaghetti sauce and it went everywhere which lead to 1/2 hour of clean up (including bathing a dog and wiping the ceiling), and I cried for a good while afterwords. Pregnancy is tough on your emotions!

Take it easy on yourself

BuckyC · January 2015

My husband was working a very similar schedule when I was pregnant with DS and after the baby was born. I agree - it can be very difficult and lonely. I don't have any advice different than what's already been suggested. Hang in there and know you're not alone.

karalauren1 · January 2015

I work a lot (55+ hours a week) and so does my husband and I can't tell you how many times he's had to endure my ugly crying about how I need more time with him (and mostly, attention from him) - let alone the times I've cried that he doesn't know about! At first, I thought I was going crazy and becoming insecure. I really think that this is just a time when I happen to really *need* more from him, but I didn't expect to feel that way and had to learn how to communicate to him what that means. For us, that means planning time together - however little it is - that is uninterrupted and with no on else. Just quality alone time just the two of us. I think your feelings are normal, but if depression is affecting other areas of your life, please talk to your doctor.

shayrenee86 · January 2015

Thanks for all of your input and support! I just bought The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding (thanks @saltbox40‌) and the Mayo Clinic's Guide to Your Baby's First Year so I'm hoping to spend some good time with those. Unfortunately, the La Leche League only meets during my working hours so it looks like I can only go during my maternity leave. I will make the gym more of a priority, even if it's just for a leisurely swim or 98° hot tub. I think it really is leaning towards depression but hopefully I can shake it if I stay busy.

jk3610 · January 2015

shayrenee86 said:
Thanks for all of your input and support! I just bought The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding (thanks @saltbox40‌) and the Mayo Clinic's Guide to Your Baby's First Year so I'm hoping to spend some good time with those. Unfortunately, the La Leche League only meets during my working hours so it looks like I can only go during my maternity leave. I will make the gym more of a priority, even if it's just for a leisurely swim or 98° hot tub. I think it really is leaning towards depression but hopefully I can shake it if I stay busy.

If it gets bad enough, see your doctor or a therapist. Sometimes you can just "shake" a depressive episode but you can't "just shake" depression. It's very real and painful. You can learn to manage it, with guidance from trained professionals and support from loved ones. Take care of yourself.

DPandMB · January 2015

I agree with the PP. My DH works the same swing schedule (4 on 2 off). I have often felt the same way. The only other advice I can give is make special plans when y'all have off together, and let that take you through till the next time. Also I really second the other comments about mentioning to your doctor in case it swings towards the depression side. Good luck. I feel your pain.

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