HELP! How do you deal? (babies and pregnancies mentioned... not mine, but other people's)

jerseymack23 · January 2015

I have been TTC for almost 2 years, and I've always been sensitive and emotional about the topic of infertility. The last couple months though, I have been a wreck. I am more jealous and bitter of pregnancy announcements and babies every single day- it's now out of control. It is getting increasingly harder to deal, and I am hoping some of you have tips or tricks. My only method is when people mention babies or pregnancy I literally punch myself or push my finger nail into my finger to literally cause pain to distract myself and avoid crying. I know this is NOT a great method.

My worst day was Christmas. I am currently stair-stepping with Clomid, and the holidays are already an emotional time. My DH's mom is aware that we've been struggling with infertility, but Christmas morning, his younger sister (who doesn't have a job or a significant other and lives with her mother) said "I have a question... will you be the godparents?" to announce her pregnancy to us. My MIL sat there smiling. Of course, this caused a huge breakdown, and I sobbed for hours then cried throughout the rest of Christmas.

I haven't seen or spoken to any of my in laws since, but I realize eventually I will have to. And I will have to keep facing more pregnancy announcements and baby showers, and I have to be able to face them. I just don't know how as it now feels impossible. Any ideas?

Remylove1011 · January 2015

I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with all of this and have been tying for 2 years. I have also had a difficult time recently in pregnancy announcements and babies. I really feel like it comes in waves and it's hard to determine how it will hit you. I definitely understand the need to distract yourself when you're told so that you won't cry and agree that digging your finger nails in is probably not the best method. Have you considered seeing a therapist to discuss infertility issues? I know some of the other ladies on here have done this and have found it very helpful. I hope that you are able to find something that will work for you.

Edit... spelling

jerseymack23 · January 2015

Thanks @remylove1011. I haven't thought about seeing a therapist. I started a blog after our first visit with the fertility doctor, which has been helpful. I talk to my husband and couple close friends, but it doesn't feel like anyone understands.

Remylove1011 · January 2015

jerseymack23 said:

Thanks @remylove1011. I haven't thought about seeing a therapist. I started a blog after our first visit with the fertility doctor, which has been helpful. I talk to my husband and couple close friends, but it doesn't feel like anyone understands.

The blog is a great idea, as many find it helpful to get everything out there. As far as the therapist goes, often RE offices have therapists they can suggest or support groups. My office offers a monthly support group with other patients. If either of those sound like good options it'd be something to look for in your area. Even if your office doesn't offer it you can often find something equivalent online or through another office. The support groups are free, which is nice!

emmuffy · January 2015

Welcome! Sorry to hear Christmas was so rough. I've found it helpful to connect with the other ladies here - otherwise, as you know, infertility can be a very lonely journey. We do a check in every week on Tuesdays in which people talk about how they feel about other people's pregnancies.

wanderlust508 · January 2015

I'm so sorry that Christmas was more difficult than you were expecting due to your SIL's pregnancy announcement. It's always the worst to be blindsided like that!

I second what @emmuffy said - the check ins and connections formed on this board have helped me so much. Your blog also sounds like it would be a great outlet. I haven't yet pursued therapy as @Remylove1011 suggested but I've been thinking about it.

(((Hugs))) and I hope you find a way to cope that works for you.

ETA: Sometimes when I get news like that, I just leave the room (maybe go to the restroom) and return after I've composed myself. And I always try to treat myself after going through a difficult IF moment. Whether it's a glass of wine or binge watching a favorite TV show.

jerseymack23 · January 2015

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate the support and advice.

katielovesmilo · January 2015

I have to say that I am literally in tears reading your post because I can totally relate. The kicker for me was last week finding out that a co-worker (who wasn't really trying) has now discovered that he and his wife are expecting triplets.
I would probably second the therapist. Sometimes having that third party opinion puts things a little more into perspective. I am definitely making plans on going back to my own.
I'm also here for you if you ever want to vent or just chat.

mugolik · January 2015

I'm not going to lie…it does not get easier. My SIL announced her pregnancy right after my MC. It was a constant struggle the whole 9 months. We went to the hospital last week when she went in to labor early and I really thought I would be okay and just be happy for them. I did have 9 months to prepare…well I burst in to tears and ran out of the room….caused a total scene. No one can really know what we go through if they haven't gone through it themselves but they do understand that they can't even imagine our pain. It helps to talk about it. My advice is don't be so hard on yourself. in fact, be selfish. Avoid them if you want until you are ready and like the other girls said, treat yourself if you are having a particularly bad day. you deserve it. and You are not alone! :::Hugs and lots of love:::

BunnyBerry · January 2015

I'm so sorry, pregnancy announcements can be so painful, and hers sounds like it was just adding insult to injury.

After (many) years, I just saw a therapist for the first time this week - although it was just an intake and we didn't talk much, I feel like a weight is lifted already.

Perhaps mastering the art of making sad-crying look like happy-crying?

SND1231 · January 2015

I'm so sorry. I know I have so many ups and downs it's bad. But maybe a therapist will help you. If it's getting to where you can't maintain a "normal" life you really should talk to someone. Maybe also talk to your family and explain how you are feeling and how sensitive you are so that they won't trigger some of those emotions. ((Hugs))

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HELP! How do you deal? (babies and pregnancies mentioned... not mine, but other people's)

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