Tacky, right? - NBR

Meggiemuggins · January 2015

I have a friend (we're not really close, though she and her parents came to our wedding three years ago. Her friends are friends with my parents). Anyways, she's getting married this month. She's German and Canadian, and he's Brazilian, so they were having trouble trying to decide where to have the wedding. I got a FB message tonight that was sent to me and 30 other people, outlining their plan: They're getting married here in Vancouver, in a private ceremony, followed by a honeymoon in Mexico. In April, they'll go to Brazil and celebrate with the groom's family. In August, there will be a garden party here in Vancouver and in September, they'll have a party in Germany.

The message included a link to their honeymoon registry, "should we want to give them a gift". We haven't yet been invited to the Vancouver garden party, so I think the request for the honeymoon registry (which includes airfare and activities in Mexico, Brazil and Germany) is a little presumptuous. WDYT? She and her parents gave us a lovely wedding gift, but then they were invited to the wedding and the reception. At this point, I'd be reluctant to even attend the garden party, should we be invited...

It just seems really gift grabby to me. I'm sure she doesn't mean it that way, but I'm still surprised.

kelly321 · January 2015

As someone doing the international relationship thing (albeit not as complicated as that couple, thank goodness!), I have to say that it can be really difficult to figure out things like weddings. I think their plan will be very taxing for them but is great for all of their family- if they just picked one location, then those who feel close to them would feel obligated to travel to attend. This way, it's not a hassle for anyone but the couple themselves.

Considering she sent you a message with their plan, I would assume that they are planning on inviting you to whatever event is relatively local for you. Is it getting a bit ahead of themselves to send out the registry information? Maybe, but I'm guessing that they are so busy trying to figure out all the details about traveling that things like that aren't meant to be gift grabby, just more like "ok, so I'm sending out this message with all the details and, oh, you know, why don't I just include the registry as well so people already know what to think about for gifts if they want to."

FTR, DH and I had 3 "weddings" - the (mandatory) civil ceremony here in Germany, then a church wedding in Germany, then a blessing ceremony in the US (which for all intents and purposes looked just like a wedding except we didn't exchange rings again). It wasn't to get the maximum amount of gifts possible. It was to include as many friends and family as possible in our celebration. If we had had it in just one location, 95% of the attendees from the other country wouldn't have come, and both DH and I are very close with our respective extended families, so that would have been hard for either of us.

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