Older child/children for appointments

sweetkendall · January 2015

What do you all do with your other kid(s) during all the u/s appointments? The first time around it was just a matter of scheduling time off work but now I am a SAHM and have a 4 year old. She's not in preschool and so far (5 rounds of IUI) I've only needed 4-5 appointments per cycle. Finding people to watch her has been difficult and as I'm looking at our first IVF cycle I'm panicking over how I'm going to find care for her for even more appointments. It's about a 2 hour round trip to my RE. I feel like she's too old to come in to the room with me (she doesn't know that we are TTC) but too young to leave in the waiting room even though my RE doesn't have a policy against kids at the office.

sailorgal · January 2015

I've only brought my kid (who is 4) to one u/s but I sat him in the corner with my iPhone and he was fine.

pettycrocker · January 2015

I have brought her for regular appts, when I know I am going to be in an office behind closed doors- I would never bring her in for monitoring when there is always a ton of women dealing with primary IF, I think that would just be too hurtful for them- I don't have primary IF and I always side eye people that bring their kids to monitoring. I would just do my best to find a sitter for the monitoring appts.

There is a lot of monitoring for an IVF cycle, esp your first cycle. I'm not sure what you would do TBH, if you had to bring her, you'd have to bring her in the room with you because I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving her in a waiting room or just expecting random staff to keep and eye on her, and I'm sure you wouldn't be comfortable with that either. That's tough. Def just try to find a sitter that can be available during those times, and expect to need someone about EOD after day 5ish of meds.

Jen071407 · January 2015

I'm a SAHM, but luckily mine have been in preschool so I could try to use those times. Otherwise I have several friends who were always more than willing to help me out. I'm with @potatocastillo‌ on never bringing them to appts. I didn't have primary IF, but I can only imagine how unintentionally hurtful it could be to see a child at an IF appt.

cshm11 · January 2015

I get a sitter. Even my regular OB has a no children policy unless they are restrained in a car seat or stroller and strapped in, but they prefer that you not out of respect for others. It's a pain, but usually I ask my SIL to watch the kiddos.

Frenchteachermama · January 2015

I also hire a babysitter, my practice has signs asking for people with children to please find other arrangements for them. Mine is only a 10 minute drive though...is there someone you could bring with you to watch your child while you are in the appointment?

fuzzbumble · January 2015

I have had to bring bristol once due to a sitter crapping out on me. I know it's hard, but there is anything else those people would want to see besides children. The looks those poor women gave bristol made me tear up. I know I'm blessed to have one, and I remeber the pain of primary IF, even if it was only a year or so for her.

@Frenchteachermama‌ that amazing they have signs. Sometimes the waiting room at my RE looks like a fucking kindercare. I get an emergency no sitter deal, but some of these people bring their moms(grandmas), and the grandma will sit in the waiting room with the kids while the mom goes into her appt. wtf?

spfclr · January 2015

I am lucky that my daughter is in preschool and I am only 20 minutes away so I haven't had to take her.

If paying someone would be an issue and you don't have family or friends able, when I lived far away from family I used to belong to a mom's group who had a system for watching other people's kids - you pay in by watching other group member's children and then can have yours watched. It worked out great the few times I used it. It might be worth looking into.

BDevereaux · January 2015

Luckily, for most of my appointments so far, DD has been in school or is able to go to the school's child care program. We've had a few appointments on Saturday mornings, and for those, we've had the in-laws babysit for an hour or so. We're really lucky that all of our family lives pretty close, so we don't usually have any problems finding a sitter. I have seen a few kids at the RE's office on separate occasions, and while I don't take offense to it, I don't think it's a great idea. I always wonder if other patients (mainly those without kids) feel uncomfortable. I try to keep in mind that I don't know what their circumstances are and maybe their babysitter/plans fell through, etc. In general, I try as best as I can to find a sitter for my child for ANY type of appointment I have, not just at the fertility doc.

On another note, something that is sort of weird, to me, is that my RE's newest location is located in a brand new, beautiful office, right across the hallway from an OB. So, as I'm walking to the elevator after finding out I am about to miscarry, I see a room full of pregnant ladies, like some sort of sad joke. To make matters worse, as I was stepping off the elevator, a gal who looked to be 7-8 months pregnant bumped into me in her rush to catch the elevator. It was such a weird moment for me, and for some reason, I'll never forget that walk out of the office. (I'm rambling again, sorry...)

spfclr · January 2015

BDevereaux said:

On another note, something that is sort of weird, to me, is that my RE's newest location is located in a brand new, beautiful office, right across the hallway from an OB. So, as I'm walking to the elevator after finding out I am about to miscarry, I see a room full of pregnant ladies, like some sort of sad joke. To make matters worse, as I was stepping off the elevator, a gal who looked to be 7-8 months pregnant bumped into me in her rush to catch the elevator. It was such a weird moment for me, and for some reason, I'll never forget that walk out of the office. (I'm rambling again, sorry...)

For both my miscarriages I dealt with my OB's office - both times super busy waiting rooms to see the doctor and get ultrasounds and have blood work, and it just seemed so wrong to be waiting next to all these women just going along while I was so sad. It seemed like there should have been a better system.

pdxveg · January 2015

I have only brought my DD in once when the crappy office staff forgot to give me/teach me how to take ovidrel so I had to run back to the office after my husband had left (he was watching DD in the parking lot). I felt super weird taking her in there. I didn't have primary infertility but I can only imagine how hard it might be for some women to have to look at a toddler while waiting to see their fertility doc.

I don't have many options for childcare nearby, but thankfully I can usually just drop my DD of at my husband's work. It probably takes me an extra hour because his work is nowhere near my RE office.

Frenchteachermama · January 2015

BDevereaux said:

Luckily, for most of my appointments so far, DD has been in school or is able to go to the school's child care program. We've had a few appointments on Saturday mornings, and for those, we've had the in-laws babysit for an hour or so. We're really lucky that all of our family lives pretty close, so we don't usually have any problems finding a sitter. I have seen a few kids at the RE's office on separate occasions, and while I don't take offense to it, I don't think it's a great idea. I always wonder if other patients (mainly those without kids) feel uncomfortable. I try to keep in mind that I don't know what their circumstances are and maybe their babysitter/plans fell through, etc. In general, I try as best as I can to find a sitter for my child for ANY type of appointment I have, not just at the fertility doc.

On another note, something that is sort of weird, to me, is that my RE's newest location is located in a brand new, beautiful office, right across the hallway from an OB. So, as I'm walking to the elevator after finding out I am about to miscarry, I see a room full of pregnant ladies, like some sort of sad joke. To make matters worse, as I was stepping off the elevator, a gal who looked to be 7-8 months pregnant bumped into me in her rush to catch the elevator. It was such a weird moment for me, and for some reason, I'll never forget that walk out of the office. (I'm rambling again, sorry...)

Mine too! There are two OB practices in the small building! One on the first floor as you head up the stairs and another across the hall from the infertility office!

bumpuser6119831 · January 2015

I have taken Declan to an the RE appointment many times when there has been no other option but I try and schedule those for later in the morning when there would not be as many people in the lobby. We had primary infertility and generally would not bother me to see kids in the office because it gave me hope that it could be me someday.

STL34 · January 2015

DD has only been to one appointment with me during this journey TTC #2. That was when I had to go to a particularly tough appointment during IVF #4. My husband drove me and so we had to bring my daughter (it was a last minute appointment because I wasn't responding to meds as hoped). I had also been having some depression issues and problems with that RE's office. So, I didn't think I could make it without my husband. I felt pretty awful about bringing her because I had primary infertility and it was so hard seeing all of the beautiful children after all the failed cycles we had. I know I am blessed beyond words to have my daughter (especially because the cycle she was conceived was our hail Mary, last chance cycle). To be honest, I still have a hard time seeing pregnant women because we are about to the end of the road and I may never get to experience being pregnant again.

All of that to say, it is often appreciated by others if you do not bring your children. If you do bring your DD, you will need to keep her with you and be aware that you may be given a look. But, you have to do what you have to do. Also, for monitoring ultrasounds, I would find it awkward to have my daughter with me. But, my RE's office allows kids but does not allow them to be left unattended or attended by any office staff. ((HUGS)) and best of luck to you!

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