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April 2015 Moms
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Shower question

staffordst4staffordst4 member
in April 2015 Moms
This is my 3rd child but it's been 4 years since my middle. What is shower etiquette for a shower in my situation?
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Re: Shower question

  • mayfateleadyoumayfateleadyou member
    souptin said:
    Swoon13 said:

    RHoPA1109 said:
    The etiquette is that you don't get to decide if you have a shower or not anyway, since it's gross to throw your own.
    Really? I thought the etiquette was to go to the very specific board on the bump dedicated specifically to baby showers.

    I could be off on that one though.
    The amount of pearl clutching and teeth gnashing that this post would garner there! Hoo boy!
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    its more fun if they dont know that in advance!

    lol I was thinking that same thing.
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  • jk3610jk3610 member
    I would roll my eyes if i got a shower invite for someone who was already a mom. Unless there had been several years in between and this one was a different sex. Than maybe.... Still seems gift grabby.
    Together since 5.16.05 (16 & 19yo)
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  • staffordst4staffordst4 member
    God bless your spouses (if you have one!)
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  • redneckmomma25redneckmomma25 member
    staffordst4 said:

    God bless your spouses (if you have one!)

    Let me get my bingo dotted ready!
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  • staffordst4staffordst4 member
    Never said someone didn't offer to throw the shower and I have been on the fence about it because I am already a mother. But I am done with responses, thank you for your input.
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  • taahirataahira member
    staffordst4 said:

    Never said someone didn't offer to throw the shower and I have been on the fence about it because I am already a mother. But I am done with responses, thank you for your input.

    This is my 3rd, with my DD2 being almost 12, still with such a huge age gap, a shower is still a no no. I was welcomed into mothethood 15 years ago with DD1.

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  • AmCheriAmCheri member
    Apparently there is something called a "sprinkle" for second+ moms. Sorry, but the name itself totally turns me off. I only bring it up because it would seem people do it. I didn't want showers the first time around. Can't imagine doing it again. Just not my thing and I would be extremely uncomfortable having a party just to get more gifts. That said, do what you want to do and what you're comfortable with.
    Baby girl Lila born 2013.
    Baby boy Henry born 2015.
    Expecting our capstone baby (boy) early March 2018.
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  • taramantertaramanter member
    I had a second baby shower... But its been almost 10 years, i didn't throw it and it's my husbands first baby and he attended.
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  • trixchik30trixchik30 member
    I've gone to some sprinkles in the past...usually there is usually a bit larger gap, or in one case they had three girls and it was their first boy. But I say do whatever floats your boat.
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  • redneckmomma25redneckmomma25 member
    FWIW I am not against having a sprinkle or something small for additional children. If someone wants to throw you somethings....sure. Registries and stuff? no. Diapers? sure. I think a little more information in your first post would have been helpful like "So and so wants to throw a shower for me. This is not my first child. We have a 4 year gap in age between my youngest now and this one. Would you accept a shower as a gift if you weren't a FTM?" 

    You could also do a search on this since we've had a ton of posts on them. 
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  • dana1047dana1047 member
    edited January 2015
    I'm actually a hostess at an upcoming 2nd shower. I did accept because it's a close friend. However.....I'm pretty sure I complained to my hubby. I'm a FTM who is buying as I can afford it and not relying on a shower. Mainly because ALL showers make me feel like this:

    ETA: ferrets are a lot like cats....they get themselves stuck in the oddest things.

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  • ScarlettgScarlettg member
    "Sprinkle" sounds to me like what a baby boy does when you don't grab the new diaper in time.  No thanks.  And if I was invited to a "sprinkle," what does that mean?  That I'm one of a few folks that the MTB thinks has enough money to keep being hit up for gifts?  No thanks.  If I want to buy a gift for a new 2nd+ baby I will (and I usually do), but I don't appreciate being asked for one.
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  • specialsn0wflakespecialsn0wflake member
    This is my conundrum. My husbands aunt asked if I was going to have a shower and I just don't know. I know it's technically not proper since I already have a child from a previous marriage, but she wants to because it's our first girl (we each have one boy 3 and 6).

    We honestly don't need the gifts because were more than able to buy everything we need, but it doesn't seem right to not celebrate this baby.
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  • specialsn0wflakespecialsn0wflake member
    RHoPA1109 said:


    specialsn0wflake said:

    This is my conundrum. My husbands aunt asked if I was going to have a shower and I just don't know. I know it's technically not proper since I already have a child from a previous marriage, but she wants to because it's our first girl (we each have one boy 3 and 6).

    We honestly don't need the gifts because were more than able to buy everything we need, but it doesn't seem right to not celebrate this baby.



    Could you do something a few weeks/months after baby is born? That way people could meet and celebrate her, and gifts aren't expected, but if anyone wants to buy them that's their choice.
    lovemymuttzillas said:

    specialsn0wflake said:

    This is my conundrum. My husbands aunt asked if I was going to have a shower and I just don't know. I know it's technically not proper since I already have a child from a previous marriage, but she wants to because it's our first girl (we each have one boy 3 and 6).

    We honestly don't need the gifts because were more than able to buy everything we need, but it doesn't seem right to not celebrate this baby.

    Can she somehow frame it as a celebration and not a shower? I'm not really sure how to do this... No registry info on the invites?
    I'm mobile so I may have butchered my attempt at double quoting. Apologies if so.

    I may be able to do something after she's born, but we live 12hrs away and the thought of a drive like that with a newborn honestly terrifies me, so convenience wise doing it beforehand works best.

    I was trying to think of a tactful way to say, no gifts required but if you're so inclined here's a link to the registry.

    Even though I'm not expecting anything I went ahead and made one incase anyone asked what we need so we get stuff we like, and for the completion discount!

    I like the idea of calling it a celebration, instead of a shower because I really don't want to come off as grabby.
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  • somewheresublime86somewheresublime86 member
    dana1047 said:

    baby_blessings said:


    dana1047 said:

    I'm actually a hostess at an upcoming 2nd shower. I did accept because it's a close friend. However.....I'm pretty sure I complained to my hubby. I'm a FTM who is buying as I can afford it and not relying on a shower. Mainly because ALL showers make me feel like this:

    ETA: ferrets are a lot like cats....they get themselves stuck in the oddest things.


    This makes it sound like you were asked to host this 2nd shower...were you? Was it by the mom?
    Yes I was asked to host. Yes it was by the mom. No I'm not excited in the least. Then today I get asked, "would you mind if we just do the shower at your home? It's much nicer & bigger than any of the banquet rooms at the banks etc."

    Ummmm....no I'm in no way feeling up to that. Plus I'd feel the need to scrub every inch of the house...tile, baseboards. Not happening missy!! I'm pregnant too!!



    Good grief. I'm glad you set her straight. Sounds like a case of 'the world revolves around me.'
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  • westie89westie89 member
    Wow the responses in here are harsh.... We are asked for an opinion not a judgement.... I don't understand how one post can have such beautiful kind and helpful remarks and then ones like this are flat out rude... I am on my third child and my family are throwing me my third shower it's not about the gifts it's about sharing what's to come with close friends and family if you don't want one don't have one if you do then go for it my daughter is only 3 but I had just given all baby stuff including expensive barley used cribs bassinet swings car seat ect away to young mums who needed the help so personally having nothing and starting over I'm glad I have friends and family who care enough to want to throw me a shower and help get us started whether there is an unspoken etiquette on not being "allowed" to have more than one shower....
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  • somewheresublime86somewheresublime86 member
    westie89 said:

    Wow the responses in here are harsh.... We are asked for an opinion not a judgement.... I don't understand how one post can have such beautiful kind and helpful remarks and then ones like this are flat out rude... I am on my third child and my family are throwing me my third shower it's not about the gifts it's about sharing what's to come with close friends and family if you don't want one don't have one if you do then go for it my daughter is only 3 but I had just given all baby stuff including expensive barley used cribs bassinet swings car seat ect away to young mums who needed the help so personally having nothing and starting over I'm glad I have friends and family who care enough to want to throw me a shower and help get us started whether there is an unspoken etiquette on not being "allowed" to have more than one shower....

    Oh for Pete's sake. If your family offered to throw you a shower, and you graciously accepted, then there's no issue. Women who are showing poor etiquette expect or demand a shower, or ask someone else to host it on their behalf.
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  • westie89westie89 member
    What I said was judgemental yes but not for being honest for being rude there is a difference I am not defending myself just saying to the person posting that It's ok if someone wants to throw you a shower whether others agree or not... And not that it matters but I am starting over as I have nothing baby in my house what so ever but in saying that I plan to buy it all I If I didn't receive a single gift it wouldn't bother me having my friends and family there to have a relaxing day together before baby comes would make me happy enough.
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  • jk3610jk3610 member
    being new and passing judgment does not go over well here.  and lack of punctuation.
    Together since 5.16.05 (16 & 19yo)
    Married since 3.6.10 (21 & 24yo)
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  • dana1047dana1047 member
    edited January 2015
    aikendrum said:

    taramanter said:

    I had a second baby shower... But its been almost 10 years, i didn't throw it and it's my husbands first baby and he attended.

    Yeah I think you hit on two of the big exceptions-- big gap between kids, and father's first baby. Having kids close together with the same father doesn't seem like a good reason for a shower/sprinkle.

    I'm having my second boy, and my first is a little over 2 yo. I've had a few friends ask if I'm having a sprinkle, and I'm like, "Uh no. Why would I?" Even if I was having a girl, I'd say no. I have all the basics, as should anyone who isn't a FTM. And people closest to you (parents, best friends, etc) will most likely buy gifts for baby whether there's a shower or not. I will graciously accept any gifts like that, but no need for a party where it's a requirement.

    That being said, I work with a woman whose family throws a shower for every person having a baby, whether it be her first or her fifth. That's just how they do it. If it's a family/culturally acceptable practice, then it's all good. Whatever floats their boat.

    @dana1047‌ Oy that's so awkward that the friend asked you to host a shower, and at your house! I have a friend who's pregnant with her first who has already said she'd like a sprinkle for her second. I know she'll ask for that when the time comes because she sees no issue with doing that. I'm dreading that day, and she hasn't even given birth to her first yet! Haha. Good luck to you with handling that situation!!

    @specialsn0wflake‌ If this is your first child together, and if someone is offering to throw you something, I don't see the problem with having a small shower. But as other people said, a shower isn't the only way to "celebrate the baby" so no pressure either way. Good luck!

    Wow this post ended up being pretty long. Sorry ladies!
    Thanks!! I'm a FTM and sorta more of an anti-shower person. I didn't even have a bridal shower. It took me off guard for her to ask me to host but then not mention even wanting to give me one :( I'm beginning to think this is one of those "give" friendships anyway. They always expect you to give more but never have time for you or give back. We have been friends since HS but due to different paths in life we often seem worlds apart now.

    For all those questioning a shower, as long as you're not giving yourself a shower or come off gift grabby then go for it!! Honestly, some people do like a shower for every child as they feel it's celebrating that baby as an individual. Personally, I do tend to side eye it, but who cares what others think, it's your life!!

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  • sallen26sallen26 member
    I knew a mom who held a 0-years-old birthday celebration for her family and friends to meet the baby a couple of weeks after her daughter was born. No gifts were required, and it said so on the invitiations, but she provided cake and some refreshments. It was a little unusual, but could replace a baby shower for a 2nd kid. 
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  • dana1047dana1047 member
    aikendrum said:

    @dana1047 Wait, she's not helping to throw yours?? That's ridiculous. I'd definitely take a step back from that "friendship".....


    Yep!! She hasn't even mentioned it. One of those "all about me" people I suspect. I thought wrongly that pregnancy would bring us closer. Now it's just bringing out my bitchy side the more I dwell on all of it.
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