Last name?

beccs88 · January 2015

My bf has asked me a few times if the babies last name will be his, which he is hoping. I'm considering it and if it was a boy would most likely give him his last name but since it's a girl I'm not sure. Ofcourse we are very close and living together but not married. Who knows what the future holds but I know it's very common to give baby dad's last name even when not married..Anyone else dealing with issue? And is anyone choosing there last name instead of bfs?

elleswarth · January 2015

I would go with your last name. You're right, you don't know what the future holds. It would make things easier for you for you and baby to have the same last names if things don't work out for some reason.

LaBellaVida · January 2015

I have a son from a previous relationship. We were never married, he's got his dad's last name. Even if we were to have had a girl, she would have still had his last name.
I think it depends, if you know/think he'll be activity in her life for ever, regardless of the outcome for you two why shouldn't she have his last name? If the father is never in the picture I can see why the mother would give her last name.

And what's the difference if you were having a boy, you'd give him his dad's last name. .. But unsure if you want to give your daughter his last name?

LaBellaVida · January 2015

Also, it's never been an issue for me having my son's last name different then mine.

beccs88 · January 2015

@labellavida ..Good point. I guess the reason I would most likely give the baby his last name if it was a boy is because it would never change and father to son it seemed more appropriate to me. Unlike a girl who eventually may be married and her last name will change. Even if I end up marrying someone else( which I don't see happening but who knows) my last name will change. Then I would have to change her last to my new one, which may be confusing for a child. Perhaps I'm understanding why most moms give the baby the dad's last name now.

southernyankeegirl · January 2015

I don't see why having a boy vs. girl matters in whether you give the baby your last name or your BFs last name. It also doesn't particularly matter whether you think you guys will likely stay together, though it does matter if you question whether your BF will remain in his child's life as a father. If you have any hesitation that your BF might not choose to be in your child's life forever, I'd give that child your last name, which will make it easier when they're school-aged. If your BF is going to be a lifelong Daddy and have an active role in raising the child, then you can consider his last name or hyphenating both names, but you can still choose your own name, too. If you do decide later to get married and take your BF's name, you could have your child's last name changed then too, if you wished. Or you could keep your own name.

I have friends who had the same last name as either parent and were fine with it. I have a friend who legally changed her name as a teenager because it was her mother's name and she was estranged from her mother after years of abuse. Do what works for you.

EmilyA724 · January 2015

Have you thought about hyphenating? When I got married i hyphenated, and this LO will be hyphenated too.

jmcmoe · January 2015

I kept my last name so our kids will have both names, not hyphenated but both are recognized as their last names on every document.

HStrawberry · January 2015

I don't really have a strong opinion on using your BF's or your last name. However, if you go with your last name, I would be planning to keep it like that forever (don't change if you remarry).

My FIL was born with his mothers last name and no father on the birth certificate. She remarried and changed all her kids to the new guys last name. Well he left after a year and they all got stuck with a last name that wasn't related to them. 46 years later (after finding his dad's biological family and becoming extremely close) my in-laws, BILs, DH and I have all changed our last name to the biological fathers (or grandfather for us kids). My FIL says he would have been ok having his mothers last name but he resented having some random guys last name his whole life. He's so close with all his half siblings now that it just feels right to take his fathers last name. It's been an absolute gong show getting everything changed before LO arrives but it's awesome and makes my DH's family so happy. I know this is a pretty rare circumstance but it's happened!

llambrose · January 2015

In your case I think I would give my child both last names regardless of its sex. I would want my child to have my last name in case things with my boyfriend didn't work out. If you did end up marrying him, I would probably use both last names just like your child.

WormyGo · January 2015

I agree with many other people. I didn't change my last name when I got married and most of my friends didn't either (mostly due to the profession I'm in). Our son is getting both of our last names not hyphenated so he will just have four names. I think people are doing lots of different things these days and whatever works for you and your child will work for the rest of the world.

tdegarmo1 · January 2015

I will be giving my son my last name as the dad and I aren't together and while I'm sure he has every intention on being part of our son's life, I'll never leave and I'll always provide. He has been in and out (mostly out) this whole pregnancy and since I am the constant provider and know I always will be, I am doing that as a pat on the back to myself and not giving away something that someone hasn't earned. Besides, if magic happens and we're back together again or get married, it's not difficult to change last names.

leslieknope2020 · January 2015

I agree with most of the previous posts, but wanted to share what we're doing since it's a bit different. Both of us kept our last names and decided if this kiddo is a boy, he'll have four names with mine as the last; a girl would be four names with my husband's as her last. Simply so it would be random, and our next will have the opposite last name no matter the sex. My sisters and I all grew up with different last names and it hasn't bothered us so far.

idontevenknow · January 2015

My 11yo dd from a prev relationship has my last name-his last name. Things did not work out with us and we are not in contact. My dd will say her name is Kayleigh Mylastname- even at school, once the year is underway, they don't call her by her second last name, but it is in the yearbooks and on school play programs... and of course all legal docs.

butchmum · January 2015

Our situation is completely different: lesbian mums who kept their own last names and each carried a child. Our oldest (carried by my partner) has my last name, and this one (currently a day-from-due-date and still in my belly) will have her last name.

Funnily enough, my partner and I are both from all-girl families, and in both instances the only grandchild to carry on the family name will be one of our two kids--AND be the kid that doesn't have the family genes in question.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that girls might keep their names forever and even pass them on to their kids.

Give your child whichever name you feel is right, but don't do it because of his or her sex, do it because of the bond it creates between the people concerned. Giving the child his name might help to keep him in the child's life, whether or not you two stay together.

marvan5 · January 2015

Like PP's have said, just because she's a girl doesn't mean she has to change her name later in life, even if she does get married. Many women in my family kept their last name, or hyphenated their name with their DH's. My sister struggled for years trying to decide whether or not to change her name because she's proud of it. She ended up taking her DH's name, but it was a long back and forth struggle. PP's have made really good points about assessing whether your BF will play a role in her life if you guys split, hyphenating names, and keeping your own if you use yours unless your heart tells you otherwise at the time. Don't just make a decision solely on the sex of your child. Best of luck making your decision.

beccs88 · January 2015

Thanks for the feedback ladies. There are so many unique circumstances y'all shared. I appreciate it!

mandikins27 · January 2015

All 3! Of my girls have their dads last name and i left him when i was 4 weeks pregnant with our last. It has never been a problem in school or crossing boarders which we do often and i do not regret it.

kittenkc19 · January 2015

My daughter has my last name cause i knew in my heart that her dad wasnt going to stay around... and i was right he didnt and hasnt wanted a single thing to do with her ......after i had her.... he was all for it when i was pregnant, then i guess reality hit
And he disapeared. Im glade i gave her my last name and i will never regret it.

Beauxbaton · January 2015

I kept.my last name when I got.married. Our kids has DHs last name. It makes me sad sometimes, because to me last names are a big deal. But we went heavy on my family names for the first and middle names. And depending on the first name we choose with this one, my last name might be his middle name.

rosascol · January 2015

I'm really glad I found this post- I also kept my name after marriage, and it's really interesting that @WormyGo said that you and most of your friends did the same thing- where I'm from, keeping my last name is HUGELY taboo. I'm glad I didn't cave and it's good to hear others are having their children have both last names. Which last name goes first? Have you run into any problems with that? Great to have this support!

rosascol · January 2015

Also for those of you who are having your babies have two last names, do you hyphenate or just have two last names? Thoughts on this?

beccs88 · January 2015

My sisters kids have her & DH's last name hyphenated with DH's mothers (so her MIL) maiden name.. And her son is expected to have his last name hyphenated with my sisters maiden name. Apparently it's a Puerto Rican tradition to be able to trace family lineage easier.

nmrd · January 2015

I'm confused by this post. Is your bf the child's bio father? If so, I'm not sure why it would matter, in terms of the name, if you ended up splitting up, unless you think your bf would ditch his daughter. Wouldn't the last name also be a joint decision in that case?

If he's the bio father my choice would be to hyphenate unless you're planning to change your last name (though either name would be fine in that case). If he's not the bio father I would go with your last name.

WormyGo · January 2015

We are going with two last names non-hyphenated but I have plenty of friends who did hyphenate. I also have a number of friends who didn't change their own last name and gave their children their spouses last name. I think the thing is to do what works in your situation. For us I feel really strongly that our children have part of both of us. We are having my last name be last last mainly because there are a lot of nieces and nephews on my husbands side that have his last name but I come from a family of only girls and all of them changed there name when they married. Thus there are no little ones on my side that have my last name.

stephchris0321 · January 2015

I also vote 2 last names and no hyphen. My last name was hyphenated on my birth certificate but I changed it when I got my driver's license (after my Dad disappeared and wasn't in my life for nearly 7 years).

Edit: added details

Jellybean707 · January 2015

Add me to the kept my last name club. I really like the idea of both last names with no hyphen.

KatieFNP1984 · January 2015

Here's my thought: The baby should be given his last name. This baby ties you two together forever. Even if you're not together, he will always be the dad.

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