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June 2015 Moms
mishmardhiono
member
Advice on friendship
mishmardhiono
member
Hello everyone was hoping for some non pregnancy related advice cos I'm lost and at my end.
My best friend of 24 years until June was the straightest person I would ever know, at 26 she was saving for her retirement hated alcohol and drugs and was so focused and ambitious. She truly was such a boring and beautiful person to be around. She was always going to be the god parent of our child and the one to take our children if anything happened to myself or my husband.
Back track to February 14, she met this girl (she is a lesbian) was unsure if she wanted to pursue it as she'd just come out of a 7yr relationship and the girl had no job, no car no nothing. I encouraged her to use her as a companion and rebound just for fun to help her move on. If only I had a crystal ball.
I returned home from workig away for 6 months in June to try and catch up with her and every time I attempted she was busy. After 4 months (october) I told her I was pretty hurt that in 4 months she didn't have a spare hour. She then said I could go over for 1 hour. I went over, she's now a heavy weed user, her house is totally trashed and she has a black eye (apparently she slipped in the bathroom). Everytime someone has seen her she has bruises and black eyes from slipping over. In this conversation I had she was telling me about how her partner self medicates her diagnosed bipolar with weed and how she's very abusive. I offered my friend an out and a place to live if she ever needed and gave her a key to our house which she refused.
Now fast forward to January, I text her the same message every week "hi how are you ?? Miss you can't wait to catch up xx" it never gets responded to, she has texted 3 times since October asking for $100 each time ( she has lost her job, has no savings left, her house has been foreclosed and is currently declaring bankruptcy). I've given her the money each time even though I know it's for drugs but if I don't she will get the money some other way and end up with a record. I saw her at the shops with her drop kick partner and was excited to see her (and sad as she acknowledged my pregnancy text with oh ok can I borrow some money?) she created us with a ffs to her partner, told me she was busy and had to go and her partner screamed in the shops to us as we walked off " you f-ing dog c---" whilst we don't like her partner we have never said a single thing to her or my friend about not liking her.
So come to now, what do I do? I don't want to give up but it's pretty upsetting everytime I text she never responds. I don't want to give up on her for the day she decides she's had enough and needs a way out but the person I know now has no chance of being the person to be our child's godmother. What do I do? Do I just stop texting? Do I confront her? Do I keep texting? She's in a hard place but I just feel so hurt but hesitatnt to give up on 24 years..
( her family and I are very close. She no longer communicates with them or I and hasn't done since October aswell) Sorry for the long post everyone
My best friend of 24 years until June was the straightest person I would ever know, at 26 she was saving for her retirement hated alcohol and drugs and was so focused and ambitious. She truly was such a boring and beautiful person to be around. She was always going to be the god parent of our child and the one to take our children if anything happened to myself or my husband.
Back track to February 14, she met this girl (she is a lesbian) was unsure if she wanted to pursue it as she'd just come out of a 7yr relationship and the girl had no job, no car no nothing. I encouraged her to use her as a companion and rebound just for fun to help her move on. If only I had a crystal ball.
I returned home from workig away for 6 months in June to try and catch up with her and every time I attempted she was busy. After 4 months (october) I told her I was pretty hurt that in 4 months she didn't have a spare hour. She then said I could go over for 1 hour. I went over, she's now a heavy weed user, her house is totally trashed and she has a black eye (apparently she slipped in the bathroom). Everytime someone has seen her she has bruises and black eyes from slipping over. In this conversation I had she was telling me about how her partner self medicates her diagnosed bipolar with weed and how she's very abusive. I offered my friend an out and a place to live if she ever needed and gave her a key to our house which she refused.
Now fast forward to January, I text her the same message every week "hi how are you ?? Miss you can't wait to catch up xx" it never gets responded to, she has texted 3 times since October asking for $100 each time ( she has lost her job, has no savings left, her house has been foreclosed and is currently declaring bankruptcy). I've given her the money each time even though I know it's for drugs but if I don't she will get the money some other way and end up with a record. I saw her at the shops with her drop kick partner and was excited to see her (and sad as she acknowledged my pregnancy text with oh ok can I borrow some money?) she created us with a ffs to her partner, told me she was busy and had to go and her partner screamed in the shops to us as we walked off " you f-ing dog c---" whilst we don't like her partner we have never said a single thing to her or my friend about not liking her.
So come to now, what do I do? I don't want to give up but it's pretty upsetting everytime I text she never responds. I don't want to give up on her for the day she decides she's had enough and needs a way out but the person I know now has no chance of being the person to be our child's godmother. What do I do? Do I just stop texting? Do I confront her? Do I keep texting? She's in a hard place but I just feel so hurt but hesitatnt to give up on 24 years..
( her family and I are very close. She no longer communicates with them or I and hasn't done since October aswell) Sorry for the long post everyone
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Advice on friendship
She probably will cut you off after that. But hopefully when she does get her life together, she'll remember that you said you'd help.
Me (31) Him (31)
Married: 5/2013
CP: 9/18/14 (4w:4d)
BFP: 10/16/14 EDD: 6/21/15
Don't give her any more money. Do let her know that you will be there for her in emotional support when she's ready to be your friend again. Friendship is a two-way street and you can't put all of your energy into a relationship and get only hurt in return. And you certainly don't need to raise your little one seeing the unhealthy relationship and she has with her girlfriend, and that she's cultivating with you right now.
My ex husband smoked A LOT of weed. While I enjoyed it too, it got to a point where he spent $15,000 of his mother's death benefit in 2 months without telling me. That's a lot of weed (though I don't think it was limited to weed...). It grew to be that I could only stand to be in his presence when we were both high. We didn't have sex for the last seven years of our marriage. I was also using pot to medicate myself for a too-low dosage of my antidepressant combined with a skin disease for which there is no cure or treatment. I found myself smoking during the work day (I'm a teacher) daily. I decided that I couldn't continue to live with him in "roommate only" status, that I wanted children, and I didn't want them with him (nor did I want to have sex with him in order to have children). We divorced and he is still up to his lazy ass status and I have never been more sure of my decision.
However, I continued to smoke all of my extra money away and had to borrow from friendsand relatives. Even though I wasn't using the money given to me to buy the weed, I was using it to pay bills I couldn't pay because I had already used my money on weed. People say weed is not addictive, but for me, it was very mentally addictive. It took a probation officer friend finding out and threatening to turn me in to my school district to get me to get off of it. I scheduled an appointment with my psychiatrist and my therapist and came clean with them. We came up with a plan and I've stuck with it. I probably think about smoking every day and I do miss it. However, I have a lot more money in my bank accounts, I'm breathing better, and I feel a lot more clear-headed. I never would have been able to stop if I had stayed in my terrible previous marriage.
I'm afraid it's going to take something drastic for your friend to stop acting in this way. She is surely being controlled by this other woman, and it's hard to get out of any abusive and unhealthy relationship.
Sorry I'm not any help. I wish you the best of luck and I do hope your friend turns her life around.