AW: Advice Needed/Vent

dandb925 · January 2015

Hi ladies, if I need a kick in the butt please let me know. I just had my saline sonogram today and luckily everything looked great. Part of the convo with the RE was what's next for us. When I met with her for my post D&C checkup, she said that IUI with Clomid was an option. We've been able to conceive twice naturally, but both times ended in miscarriage. DH doesn't see the point in trying an IUI since our issue isn't conceiving. He wants to continue to try naturally until tax season ends for me and then jump into IVF with PGD if nothing happens by then. The doctor said there's no decreased risk of miscarriage by going the IUI route and that we don't have an increased risk for chromosomal abnormalities based on our testing. I'm upset and I don't know why. I think part of me jumped on the IUI as my hope for a successful pregnancy. That's stupid I know but what I think I've been holding onto. The RE did say that I should be monitored post ovulation so that's something at least. I don't know what I'm looking for here, just wanted to vent really and maybe look to you ladies to see if there's anything else I should think about/discuss with DH. Also we got the ok to stop the BCP's and try this month.

O2girl · January 2015

Just big (((((((((hugs))))))))))
All of that would overwhelm most anyone!

nikiswimr · January 2015

I'm sorry that is a tough decision, ((hugs)) for you and your husband.

meredithcarole · January 2015

(((Hugs))). That sounds like a lot of information to process. I am sorry that I have no wisdom to impart.

eliida · January 2015

It's not stupid to cling to the ideas that give us hope. It's human. I'm sorry that you're in such an overwhelming place. ((HUGS)) Keep talking.

dandb925 · January 2015

Thank you ladies...I'm just trying to process everything. And I understand where he's coming from. If we couldn't conceive, then totally different story. But since we have and IUI isn't going to guarantee a healthy pregnancy, he doesn't see the point in putting me through it. Plus I don't think the odds of a BFP are any higher doing an IUI vs. trying naturally. My RE said to call or email her with any questions. I may do that after I get my head wrapped around this. I guess I'm just scared. This whole thing just sucks so damn much. Hugs right back to you all!!

MSU_Girl1202 · January 2015

Sending you big ((hugs)).
I agree with you completely. IUI will not ensure a healthy pregnancy and IUI will not prevent miscarriage.
Being a pre-diabetic would definitely increase your risk of MC. Are you doing anything for this? Honestly, the best option for pre-diabetes is better diet and exercise.
I wish I had something to tell you that would make it better, but especially since they know your two losses were chromosomally normal, IVF with PGD may improve your chances of healthy pregnancy.

ETA: spelling...

CC1017 · January 2015

Well, I think I can understand why you would want the IUI. What you've been doing (conceiving naturally) hasn't been successful so doing something different (IUI) could make you feel like the outcome would be different. I think men sometimes have the ability to think more rationally at these times because their bodies aren't so intimately connected to the process. I guess I would give it a little more time to process your thoughts and emotions, talk to your DH again, and then call the RE with any questions. ((Hugs))

dandb925 · January 2015

@MSU_Girl1202‌, I'm actually on Day 2 of the South Beach Diet. During my last loss, I gained 10lbs in two months (big stress eater here) so I know that was a factor. I made sure to ask my RE about it and she said they focus on anything 6.0 or higher. Mine was 5.7 so slightly elevated.

@CC1017‌, that's it exactly - I latched onto it because it was something different. I'm coming to terms with it now and am doing much better (was not in a good place when we first got home).

katib77 · January 2015

Just a thought to throw out there...if your test came back with no abnormalities IVF with PGS is a big step. IUI *could* help by monitoring your follies to make sure they're fully mature before insemination with meds. Maybe your ovulating slightly immature eggs when conceiving? Just a thought on why trying IUI before a big leap to IVF. Because cost, mental and physical thing you put yourself through for IVF is sooooo much more invasive for IVF. Plus for IVF it's always good to have an IUI first just to see how your body responds to the meds - its like a trial med run. If you do IVF first its a total guessing game on med dose. Just my two cents from being on IF board for years. Hugs.

alm288 · January 2015

That's a lot to process. Sorry I don't have any advice - you got a lot already from the wise ladies here though. Making give yourself and YH some time to digest everything. Good luck making a decision with YH. (((hugs)))

LizBlue · January 2015

On the one hand, I don't really understand why your doc recommended IUI (other than just to try). What was your doc's rationale?

On the other hand, everything @katib77‌ says is true and a good perspective. IUI is really not that bad. It's not very invasive, all of mine were painless. I'm not saying it's no big deal, but maybe you can explain to your H that IVF is about 3,000 times harder and that trying an IUI is a much easier first step.

It's ok to feel out of sorts about all of this. It's so frustrating- we get it.

((Hugs))

LizBlue · January 2015

Do you think your H may have some anxiety around his part of the IUI? Mine did the first time- its totally normal and maybe worth discussing with him? GL!

dandb925 · January 2015

Thanks again ladies. Our first loss came back as due to Trisomy 13. Our second was a blighted ovum but the pathology report showed no chromosomal abnormalities. My RE said her gut was something chromosomal with the baby though (my beta never doubled but did increase). Both mine and DH's karyotyping results came back normal.

@katib77‌ that's my concern with jumping to IVF. I know its going to be intense and I need to be prepared, which at this point I'm not. With both our BFP's, I used the CBEFM. The second time gave me a high reading for two weeks so I knew something was up (usually I get peak readings). My RE did want to monitor me during ovulation so maybe that's a good step and will show something.

Part of me is just done though and I hate that this shitty process has taken pieces of me. You all know what it's like and I'm so thankful for you all.

Km380 · January 2015

It's possible I'm missing something but I was wondering why your RE is advising IUI now.

I also think IUI is a good first step before jumping to Ivf. (My first 2 pg's were natural as well) We tried 2 IUIs partly bc I couldn't make that leap from nothing to IVF w PGD. It was more like a step towards IVF. It's not invasive and if you only do clomid it's 1 trigger shot. Your RE can see how you respond to meds. For me having done a few shots with IUIs before the many for IVF helped prepare me.

I hope you and YH can decide in a plan you are both comfortable with