Is Anyone Finding Out the Sex but Not Telling?

sschwege · December 2014

The name post got me thinking, I get the idea of not sharing names. Too many opinions, now you are more locked in, etc. But is anyone planning to find out the sex, but not share that until baby is born? And if so, why?

I know of one person who did this IRL. It was a lady in my moms' group. Her and her husband found out they were having a girl, but did not share with anyone, went as far as to pretend they did not know either. When the baby was born it was a boy, the u/s tech had been wrong! Their whole family said it served them right for keeping it a secret! I would be curious to know why you wouldn't tell anyone?

sschwege · December 2014

Oh yeah, no, definitely just curiosity on my part. We were Team Green with our first two and will be this time around as well

Plus our family/friends only do showers for the first baby, so no shower for us!

JuneBug0611 · December 2014

Oh, I hope no one does this. Or, if they do, have the decency to lie about it and let others think they don't know. But telling people that you know but won't share... maddening!

It reminds me of the "Pregnant Women Are Smug" song... "We know, but we're not telling..."

I feel differently about baby names... I'm fine with people knowing their names but not telling... because if you tell your name, people will give you unsolicited feedback and potentially try to change your mind or make you feel bad about your choice. Not so much when it comes to the sex of the baby!

Dcwtada · December 2014

I may be in the minority here, but something about finding out the sex and keeping it a secret rubs me the wrong way; feels petty, selfish or just pretentious. If your family and friends are excited and want to be involved be thankful and find another way to make yourself feel special or find another surprise to keep to yourselves. I would seriously side eye any of my friends or family that did this.

nikkisauro · December 2014

I'm team green but when I told my MIL that we weren't finding out the sex, she was actually mad/upset! It was a mix of "how could you" and "no way, I know you will end up finding out." Her smugness alone made me want to find out and just not tell her!! Now I'm over it, but that was the only time I considered finding out and keeping it a secret. I agree with PP, something about it is a little off to me.

ashiscute · December 2014

I don't really get finding out and keeping it a secret. No one else really cares about it as much as you do so it's an odd thing to not share.

We'll be team green this time as well. I don't think neutral clothes are that hard to find. Gerber and Carter's both have a decent selection of neutral onesies and sleepers and that's all you need at the beginning.

ashiscute · December 2014

sassycassieb said:

ashiscute said:

I don't really get finding out and keeping it a secret. No one else really cares about it as much as you do so it's an odd thing to not share.

We'll be team green this time as well. I don't think neutral clothes are that hard to find. Gerber and Carter's both have a decent selection of neutral onesies and sleepers and that's all you need at the beginning.

Agreed. We're still unsure and probably will decide whether or not to find out last minute, but when I told MIL we were probably team green she mentioned that clothes tailored specifically to boys or girls are more affordable. I feel like this is not a thing.

What? That's not even a little true. A pack of onesies is the same whether it has flowers, ducks, or sailboats. Also, my DS wore a decent amount of DD's flowered stuff at the beginning and so far he still has a penis. It's not that big of a deal.

MCH77 · December 2014

I have a friend that did this. There were a few clues... The bedding "could" work for a boy or girl, but was really more feminine. And she agreed to the boys name that her husband picked which was HORRIBLE (it was 6 years ago so I can't remember the name now).

We were out one night and she was really pg (9 month-ish) talking about everything. And my sister (who doesn't know her well) said "you know" based off of what she was saying. She admitted it, but made us promise not to say anything b/c her husband didn't want to know and she found out on her own. Yep, her husband didn't know she knew. And we knew.

It was so odd.

SheenaNWood · December 2014

We decided to do a gender reveal the weekend after the ultrasound. We can find out with our family and friends. Think we'll do some fun guessing games and cake pops to reveal the gender. As far as names go, we decided on a boy name but still up in the air on girl names. We will wait til birth to announce names

BeachMom15 · December 2014

I considered a reveal party, but my parents are on the fence of deciding if they would like to know the sex or not. I respect their decision. We are keeping the name a secret though.

ChelseyBreanna22 · January 2015

I am doing a gender reveal before baby gets here, but I will not know what the gender is before the reveal. My best friend is going to be given the sex and then throw me the party where me and the father and everyone else attending will find out in some clever creative way. We know that the theme is going to be "what the duck is it?" And that's about it. I couldn't keep the sex underwear from myself or others until birth I would go crazy! Also only asking for diapers, gift cards, and children's book at reveal. My first baby is 6 months, so we still have everything we need for baby number 2. I am 13 weeks 5 days as of now.

ChelseyBreanna22 · January 2015

Underwraps!!!!***** not underwear... oi. Lol

etchyoo2 · January 2015

Ugh. My SIL and BIL found out the sex, and didn't tell anyone but told us all they knew. It was so annoying.

Beachy730 · January 2015

ChelseyBreanna22 said:
I am doing a gender reveal before baby gets here, but I will not know what the gender is before the reveal. My best friend is going to be given the sex and then throw me the party where me and the father and everyone else attending will find out in some clever creative way. We know that the theme is going to be "what the duck is it?" And that's about it. I couldn't keep the sex underwear from myself or others until birth I would go crazy! Also only asking for diapers, gift cards, and children's book at reveal. My first baby is 6 months, so we still have everything we need for baby number 2. I am 13 weeks 5 days as of now.

Asking for anything is incredibly tacky and rude.

See, this is why I have such a problem with gender reveal parties. Basically it's another baby shower with a different theme.

sschwege · January 2015

ChelseyBreanna22 said:

I am doing a gender reveal before baby gets here, but I will not know what the gender is before the reveal. My best friend is going to be given the sex and then throw me the party where me and the father and everyone else attending will find out in some clever creative way. We know that the theme is going to be "what the duck is it?" And that's about it. I couldn't keep the sex underwear from myself or others until birth I would go crazy! Also only asking for diapers, gift cards, and children's book at reveal. My first baby is 6 months, so we still have everything we need for baby number 2. I am 13 weeks 5 days as of now.

@ChelseyBreanna22 you are 'only' asking for diapers/gift cards/books, 'only' 'only'?! How kind of you to dictate what your guests can bring you to your gender reveal party! And it makes no difference whether you still have everything from baby #1, it's your job to provide for your baby.

sschwege · January 2015

ashslatts524 said:

Also only asking for diapers, gift cards, and children's book at reveal. My first baby is 6 months, so we still have everything we need for baby number 2. I am 13 weeks 5 days as of now.
::quote snip:: These events are so AWish to begin with, but buy me more stuff because my other LO is six months old, so I need all my friends and family to replenish my stock??!! I can't even imagine the tacky that would be on those invitations.
Do people ask for gifts at reveals? I've never been to one like that!

This is the first I've ever heard of people actually asking for gifts. My understanding is that they are non-gift giving affairs, true sometimes people may bring something small, but typically they are hosted by the parents, so should never involve gifts.

I've never actually been to or known anyone who has had one IRL though, so my knowledge is limited to what I have seen on here.

luckystarr1 · January 2015

I actually respect people finding out but not sharing. It's their child and their right to cherish the knowledge on their own. The world will get to know the sex for the rest of the kid's life. Besides, I think it's much more exciting when waiting to hear the news of the birth when the sex is unknown or hasn't been announced. I tend anticipate births less when I know the sex and name of the child beforehand, I know that might be flameworthy but it's true. Maybe I'm just a curmudgeon though... I dislike "gender reveal parties," especially if the hostess is as rude and greedy as the poster above seems to think she can be to her guests.

taschultz · January 2015

We are going to keep it a secret for a while. Until we have a gender reveal party / baby shower. We are doing more of a gender reveal party since this is #2 and we don't really need anything for this baby that we don't already have. Other than that, I wouldn't be able to keep it a secret!! My mom and sister can't wait to find out!

thiscoffeechick · January 2015

ChelseyBreanna22 said:
Also only asking for diapers, gift cards, and children's book at reveal. My first baby is 6 months, so we still have everything we need for baby number 2. I am 13 weeks 5 days as of now.

carrieoz_76 · January 2015

We have considered finding out the sex and not telling anyone until the baby is born. I'm awful at keeping secrets, so we probably won't, but I don't think it's mean or anything. So much of what is chosen for babies and children is so gendered that if I can hold that off for my LO, just a little bit, then I don't see that it affects anyone else. Instead, when ppl ask, we'll tell them we're aiming for gender neutral stuff, and hope for the best.

It is not a tradition where I'm from to have a reveal party. If someone did have one and I'd already been to their shower, I probably wouldn't attend. It seems like double-dipping. And tbh, there's only so much baby stuff that I can stand at a time.

ChelseyBreanna22 · January 2015

Basically I know my family and friends will get me things anyway, so yes I decided to dictate because I feel I won't need anything. I am also building a children's book collection since mine were so carelessly tossed out by a family member. So I ask for children's books not greeting cards. Diapers for a diaper raffle, and gift cards instead of merchandise. I'm also not going to know the gender myself. God you people are judgy.

ohkay · January 2015

ChelseyBreanna22 said:
I am doing a gender reveal before baby gets here, but I will not know what the gender is before the reveal. My best friend is going to be given the sex and then throw me the party where me and the father and everyone else attending will find out in some clever creative way. We know that the theme is going to be "what the duck is it?" And that's about it. I couldn't keep the sex underwear from myself or others until birth I would go crazy! Also only asking for diapers, gift cards, and children's book at reveal. My first baby is 6 months, so we still have everything we need for baby number 2. I am 13 weeks 5 days as of now.

Do people usually bring gifts to gender reveals? I've only been to one. The couple received a cute outfit from the hostess, but that was it. Just curious because I am also having a gender reveal, but would prefer no gifts.

ETA: I read a few responses. I'm gathering presents are not the norm.

catladymeow · January 2015

I have never heard of a gender reveal party until I joined this site...I don't think they are a thing here.

Anyway, I haven't decided what we will do, but I can see the argument for not telling other people the sex. I really hate how gendered baby items are....all pink and frills for girls and all blue trucks and stuff for boys. Humans have their whole life to be painted into a box based on their genitals, it would be nice to avoid that for a little while!

sschwege · January 2015

ChelseyBreanna22 said:

Basically I know my family and friends will get me things anyway, so yes I decided to dictate because I feel I won't need anything. I am also building a children's book collection since mine were so carelessly tossed out by a family member. So I ask for children's books not greeting cards. Diapers for a diaper raffle, and gift cards instead of merchandise. I'm also not going to know the gender myself. God you people are judgy.

@ChelseyBreanna22 we are not being judgy, simply saying to you what at least some of your friends and family will most likely be saying behind your back. It is not OK to dictate what people buy for you. You feel you don't 'need' anything, well that's good because friends and family should not be responsible for providing for your children!

There was a post on the third tri where the girl was complaining about the sprinkle she hosted for herself. Basically she invited 40 people and only 1 person showed. Why do you think only one person showed? Maybe because everyone was judging the hell out of her, but similar to your nearest and dearest they wouldn't say it to her face, so they just didn't show up. Here's the link: https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12502085/baby-shower-2nd-boy-any-thoughts/p1

You claim you don't need anything, then what are the gift cards for? Also you are 'only' asking for a book, gift card and diapers. Well that is going to add up quick for guests. Let's say someone spends $5 on a book, $10 on a gift card and $10 on diapers, here they are at $25 and I'm being conservative here! You are fooling yourself if you believe people are going to be excited about this.

petrichor14 · January 2015

Yeah, I've got to say I find the gender-reveal party concept to be pretty tacky and AWy. People throw you a shower for your first child because they are excited that you are having a baby and want to help ease the transition into parenthood (financially anyway) by giving you a bunch of gifts.

Nobody gives a fuck whether you are having a boy or a girl. Your MIL might have a preference, your BFF may be hoping for one over the other- but for the vast majority of people (people who love you and care about you even!) the sex is peripheral and just not that important.

The idea that you would throw a big party to "reveal" this big news that only you and your DH care about anyway is laughably self-centered and kind of ridiculous. To ask for gifts on top of that? Yikes. I would side-eye the shit out of any friend or family member if they did something like this, and of course decline the invitation.

(Probably should have posted this in UO! Before anyone jumps all over me, making a little ceremony out of finding out the sex, and having a few friends or family members there to share the moment with you- totally different. I'll just find out during the u/s, but I totally get wanting to have a more special experience. But having a big party, essentially a second self-hosted shower, is just tacky.)

petrichor14 · January 2015

ChelseyBreanna22 said:

Basically I know my family and friends will get me things anyway, so yes I decided to dictate because I feel I won't need anything. I am also building a children's book collection since mine were so carelessly tossed out by a family member. So I ask for children's books not greeting cards. Diapers for a diaper raffle, and gift cards instead of merchandise. I'm also not going to know the gender myself. God you people are judgy.

Wait, what? You actually asked people to give you gifts instead of cards?

"Dear friends and family, I have no use for a $3 Hallmark card with your thoughts and well wishes written it. Stuff only, pls. And gift cards.Thx."

Is this real life?

ifwisheswerefishes · January 2015

We do gender reveals for the family. We invite my parents, the ILs, DHs siblings, and my sister. That's it. No gifts, just food prepared by myself and my mother, and then we watch a fun movie afterwards. It's just for fun.

Seriously. GIFTS at a reveal? I hope someone tells you to your face how AWish and selfish that is.

petrichor14 · January 2015

sassycassieb said:

petrichor14 said:

ChelseyBreanna22 said:

Basically I know my family and friends will get me things anyway, so yes I decided to dictate because I feel I won't need anything. I am also building a children's book collection since mine were so carelessly tossed out by a family member. So I ask for children's books not greeting cards. Diapers for a diaper raffle, and gift cards instead of merchandise. I'm also not going to know the gender myself. God you people are judgy.

Wait, what? You actually asked people to give you gifts instead of cards?

"Dear friends and family, I have no use for a $3 Hallmark card with your thoughts and well wishes written it. Stuff only, pls. And gift cards.Thx."

Is this real life?

This is a new Pinterest-inspired gift-grabby tasteless trend in further alienating family and friends. It's fucking heinous.

Ack! WTF is wrong with people.

If someone is getting you a card and not a gift, they don't want to get you a gift. It's not like they're at the store thinking "gee would so-and-so like this $50 thingamagig from their registry or would they prefer a nice card with a handwritten note in it?" They can't afford to get you a gift, or they don't feel obligated to get you a gift, or they don't feel like the occasion or their relationship to you merits a gift, or they prefer to express their love through words and not through $ and objects. In any situation telling people not to give you cards is the EPITOME of ungrateful entitlement. I am not an etiquette nazi but I cannot believe this is a "thing" now.

valigrl21 · January 2015

ifwisheswerefishes said:

We do gender reveals for the family. We invite my parents, the ILs, DHs siblings, and my sister. That's it. No gifts, just food prepared by myself and my mother, and then we watch a fun movie afterwards. It's just for fun.

Seriously. GIFTS at a reveal? I hope someone tells you to your face how AWish and selfish that is.

That's a really cute way to do it. If our family lived close, I probably would have done it this way so we could tell everyone at once, in a fun but casual way.

ChelseyBreanna22 · January 2015

Did I say buy me a book? I don't believe I did. I'm deleting this site you are all brutish opinionated jerks. All I've seen on this site is a lot of negativity from "know it alls" I didn't tell you how to do your parties or reveals or tell you are dumb if you think this or that. I have more class than that. I'm out.

Knottie25121326 · January 2015

This will be the first baby in my family as I am the oldest and they're just as excited as I am to find out. I have a younger sister and brother in their teens so of course they fight over it my sister wants a girl my brother wants a boy. I will probably just

Edited bc I'm trigger happy and can't spell.

Knottie25121326 · January 2015

Sorry hit the button kinda quick.

Play a game to reveal it with my parents and then just to make it fun for them but no big reveal and of course I wouldn't expect any gifts

thiscoffeechick · January 2015

sassycassieb said:

ChelseyBreanna22 said:

Did I say buy me a book? I don't believe I did. I'm deleting this site you are all brutish opinionated jerks. All I've seen on this site is a lot of negativity from "know it alls" I didn't tell you how to do your parties or reveals or tell you are dumb if you think this or that. I have more class than that. I'm out.

See, we all know this isn't true based on your gift grabby gender reveal plans! Good luck with that.
-----------QBF------------------------------
@sassycassieb‌ you are the wisest of the wise. LOL at OP telling us she has too much class for The Bump but not enough class to know better than this "heinous" <------- loved this too Cassie, tackfest.

Amycutzhair · January 2015

I think we are planning on revealing the gender at the baby shower. My husband and I wont know until then what were having. I know someone said it was tacky to do this since one of my main reasons is so I get more practical gifts as opposed to all cute boy or girl cloths. This is easy for me to say now, but waiting until June to find out what we are having might drive me nuts.

kris_tee · January 2015

I think I would be too excited to not tell someone!

hhunt1234 · January 2015

In England we don't tend to have 'gender reveal' parties and baby showers are only now picking up. Me
and my partner are finding out the sex and we were just going to call people after! However, both our families have asked to be told at the same time so I will do every one dinner and tell them then, I'll be mortified if anyone brings me a present though!

hhunt1234 · January 2015

Also, not to be controversial but the few baby showers I've been to I've chosen something off a list to buy for the baby, I thought it was quite a practical approach!

)

SoonToBeGenao · January 2015

We are finding out but not sharing only for 4-6 weeks. Our anatomy scan will likely be in the beginning of February and we will find out then. But all of our family lives 1200 miles away from us. We want to make it special and reveal it to our parents/siblings (the only people who give a hoot) together. We have a tripped planned about a month later so we won't tell in that time and then make it public after we share it with out parents.

sschwege · January 2015

hhunt1234 said:

Also, not to be controversial but the few baby showers I've been to I've chosen something off a list to buy for the baby, I thought it was quite a practical approach! )

I think registries are great and I typically buy at least some items off the registry. But a registry is a list of suggested items not demands and therein lies the difference. Dictating (to use a word from pp) that guests buy a book instead of a card, diapers for a diaper raffle and a gift card, is rude. Making a registry of suggested items and pointing a person in that direction if they should inquire are two totally different things

carrieoz_76 · January 2015

ChelseyBreanna22 said:

Did I say buy me a book? I don't believe I did. I'm deleting this site you are all brutish opinionated jerks. All I've seen on this site is a lot of negativity from "know it alls" I didn't tell you how to do your parties or reveals or tell you are dumb if you think this or that. I have more class than that. I'm out.

#ByeFelicia !

Oh, and FYI, folks who actually have class don't really talk about how much they do or don't have. They just show it in their actions.

mrswarren1221 · January 2015

We are doing this. We are telling my parents and part of our siblings but that's it. This is our third baby so I feel I can decide to do what I want! We've told friends that we aren't finding out. We have one of each do its pretty easy for us to do. My child my knowledge. I say the heck with everyone who's doesn't like it!

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