Curiosity about co-sleeping

LoveOBX917 · December 2014

I have to be honest, co-sleeping blows my mind a little. I know there are so many ways to raise babies and you do whatever works for your family. I genuinely refrain from judgment when it comes to raising babies, but I'll be honest that this is a topic I'm borderline judgy on because I lack understanding/knowledge of it. I'm truly curious to hear from mommas who do this how this is a better alternative to having baby sleep in a crib in their own room. How do you have a good nights rest when LO tosses and turns? How do you go out for an evening or better yet go on vacation leaving LO at the grandparents or something? How do you and your husband ever have sex? At what point do you cut it off and how hard will that be? Just looking for answers to these questions from moms who have experience with it with previous LOs or have made the decision to do it as a FTM. I want to understand it better.

Songbird2 · December 2014

We do it. I can't answer all your questions BC we haven't encountered all the situations. But, as for sex....you can do it anywhere. It doesn't have to be in the bed. You can also do it during nap time. Our little one naps in her crib during the day. Our daughter doesn't really toss and turn. She is a pretty sound sleeper. My DD wakes at least two times a night fir a feeding. I find it easier to roll over and quickly breastfeed and fall back asleep. We get pretty decent sleep. We plan to transition her to her crib starting around 6 months. Although, if we aren't ready or she isn't we will just keep going.

Songbird2 · December 2014

Sorry for typos...mobile bumping

Everyusernameistaken · December 2014

Are you referring to bedsharing in particular or co-sleeping in general? (as in room sharing)?

wieb67 · December 2014

Our 3 month old sleeps with us because he wouldn't sleep anywhere else at first and honestly now I just love snuggling with him at night and would be sad to give it up - I get much more sleep sticking a boob in his mouth and going back to sleep than I would if I was getting up to nurse him - if I wake up in the middle of the night I never can get back to sleep. Maybe that's where LO gets his shitty sleeping skills? I'm sure he will sleep in his crib eventually but I'm not that worried about it. If you are curious about bed sharing read Sweet Sleep - published by La Leche League. It will give you a whole new perspective on co-sleeping.

ETA: I can't imagine going on a vacation and leaving LO with his grandparents - maybe I will get to that point eventually lol, but we go out for evenings all the time and he does fine. He's only three months so he doesn't have any set schedule.

portentosa · December 2014

I was against cosleeping in theory before my first was born... but he would not sleep in his crib or a pack n play or a swing or a cosleeper. The first couple nights home I propped myself in place with pillows and slept with DS on my chest. I was exhausted and completely terrified my child would never sleep.

Out of desperation I researched how to safely cosleep... no heavy blankets, no gaps between bed and headboard, no pain pills or flu medicine or drinking to make me sleep more heavily and it just worked for us. DS would wake every 2-4 hours at first (more often during growth spurts) and I could offer him the boob and go back to sleep. Rolling over on him was not am issue. My hip getting sore from not moving was more of an issue. I learned to nurse him to sleep and then scoot away from him to get comfortable.

DH and I would have sex just fine during the day or early evening when he slept. If it gets too late I'm not interested anyway. .. too tired.

We moved him to the guest queen bed around 7 or 8 months and one of us coslept with him in that bed... but more because we hadn't baby proofed the room than anything else because he was STTN. I finally baby proofed the room and he slept in his own queen bed by himself great.

With DD I went straight to cosleeping and it's worked great for us. I recently went on a trip where I shared a hotel room with my mom and she said she heard DD nursing and me snoring at the same time.

DS is currently going through a sleep regression and leaving his bed to join ours in the middle of the night so we had a couple nights with all four of us in our bed..... no sleep.... the tossing and turning and kicking of a toddler is awful. As infants neither of my kids were or are difficult to sleep with

I started cosleeping with both kids in DS's bed so DH can sleep before going to work. That's challenging. Sometimes I'm laying there with a boob in DD's mouth and an arm being hugged by DS.

All three sets of my kids' grandparents have babysat DS overnight. My mom and my dad both use a pack n play for at least half the night. Sometimes DS will STTN in it sometimes they bring him into bed with them. My MIL cosleeps with DS straight out. Now that he's sleeping in his own bed most nights at home I do want to change that.

Overall, with my and my DH's crazy work schedules and now two kids, cosleeping helps us get more sleep.

HorseLover11 · December 2014

Another curious thought/question - don't you still have to get up and change their diaper after they eat so that would wake you up anyway or at least some point?

wieb67 · December 2014

HorseLover11 said:
Another curious thought/question - don't you still have to get up and change their diaper after they eat so that would wake you up anyway or at least some point?

I don't change his diaper unless he poops, which he normally doesn't till morning. If he does during the night I wake up my husband and get him to do it, lol.

portentosa · December 2014

wieb67 said:

HorseLover11 said:
Another curious thought/question - don't you still have to get up and change their diaper after they eat so that would wake you up anyway or at least some point?
I don't change his diaper unless he poops, which he normally doesn't till morning. If he does during the night I wake up my husband and get him to do it, lol.

Same. It's extremely rare for either of my kids to poop at night and neither are bothered by a wet diaper so we can go the whole night without a change. The only time this is a problem is when they start to get too big for their diaper size. We'll get a pee blowout in the middle of the night, but I just go up a size and problem solved.

Megan09140 · December 2014

I only let LO co sleep once I a while and now I am try not to do it at all cuz I'm terrified of my brother-in- laws situation with his DS. They are having extream difficulty moving their son to his own bed. he is 2 and will not sleep w/o them and when they move him to his bed or room he screams all night long, the boy doesn't run out of energy. they also have another son at 10 weeks and he sometimes sleep with them too.
I just don't want to have that happen to me and neither does DH.

LoveOBX917 · December 2014

Thanks for the responses. I was curious about diaper changes too so I'm glad that was asked. I'm still confused how the baby nurses on their own while mom sleeps. They're just THAT good at it I guess? Lol

My curiosity of it all also stems from the fact that my DD wiggles like crazy all night long and sometimes wakes up throughout the night then soothes herself to sleep. If I coslept with her neither of us would sleep as good. Sometimes she makes cooing grunty noises and I just turn the monitor down. Having separate rooms is the only way to go for us.

LoveOBX917 · December 2014

Everyusernameistaken said:
Are you referring to bedsharing in particular or co-sleeping in general? (as in room sharing)?

I mean bed sharing

wieb67 · December 2014

LoveOBX917 said:
Thanks for the responses. I was curious about diaper changes too so I'm glad that was asked. I'm still confused how the baby nurses on their own while mom sleeps. They're just THAT good at it I guess? Lol

I used to have to wake up long enough to help him latch but he's pretty much got it figured out at this point.

RedBaramid · December 2014

We co-slept mostly for the first couple of months.. and then we started bed cuddling and moving her to her crib to try and break it (We started this at about 8 weeks). I am happy to report that on occasion I still take day naps in MY bed with my baby but she is ALMOST STTN in her crib every night now. We only changed diapers when I felt her fussing and heard her diaper cry.. my baby seems to have a set sort of tone and pattern for being angry about her butt, so I only get up in the night to change her when she does that one.

aliciak316 · December 2014

I swore I would never co-sleep (both my mil and mom were ER nurses so they told us some heartbreaking story of some parents who weren't informed how to do it safely) but after my DD was born two years ago and some desperate nights we usually co-sleep about half the night. I put both my kids to bed in their own beds for a few hours, my two year now stays in hers all night, my 4 month old joins us between 2 and 4 am usually. My daughter used to join us till she was about 10 months old then she just naturally started sleeping through the night and preferred her own space.

With the diapers I don't change either of my kids at night anymore, my daughter is potty trained but wears a diaper at night and since she sttn I'm not waking her and my son just doesn't peed or poop that much at night were he needs to get changed. If he has a rash that's a different story.

My kids rarely sleeps anywhere else but with us. If we go on vacation we take them with us and if we go on a date night they're watched at our house and we come home to them. I'm sure we'll leave them at some point when they are older for a few days but right now that is just not a concern for me.

portentosa · December 2014

wieb67 said:

LoveOBX917 said:
Thanks for the responses. I was curious about diaper changes too so I'm glad that was asked. I'm still confused how the baby nurses on their own while mom sleeps. They're just THAT good at it I guess? Lol
I used to have to wake up long enough to help him latch but he's pretty much got it figured out at this point.

This exactly. I had the closet light on the first two months and would wake enough to help her latch, but now she latches pretty easy so we don't need the light and she probably latches while I sleep now. Even if I wake to latch her I fall asleep before she's done half the time.

kristine618 · December 2014

Just wanted to say that reading this is fascinating. I walk across the house to the nursery and am so wide awake afterwards that some nights I don't fall back to sleep at all. I'm so tired and sleep deprived that I'm losing my milk supply and about to go on PPD meds. I would worry so much about squashing baby if he were in bed with me, but I'm a little jealous that you're getting good sleep that way and it sounds snuggly!

zgolding · December 2014

I bed shared with all my kids. Ages 7,7,5, 3 months. We all sleep better together. Our sleep rhythms are in tune. I get more comfort knowing my baby is in arms reach and I can feel them breathing. As far as sex goes, theres no issue because sex is to be had anywhere. No one has sex at night in the bed anymore anyway right? Haha our sex lives are more spontaneous and exciting now that we have kids to sneak around lol. Anyway the only kids still in the bed with me is the baby. All the others transitioned as expected. You cant just expect them to up and sleep on their own. Some will and some wont! 1 of mine prefers her own bed at 7 yrs old and the 5 yr may want to snuggle to bed from time to time then no issues after!

wieb67 · December 2014

kristine618 said:
Just wanted to say that reading this is fascinating. I walk across the house to the nursery and am so wide awake afterwards that some nights I don't fall back to sleep at all. I'm so tired and sleep deprived that I'm losing my milk supply and about to go on PPD meds. I would worry so much about squashing baby if he were in bed with me, but I'm a little jealous that you're getting good sleep that way and it sounds snuggly!

I had this fear at first too but honestly am aware of him at all times - I think if I moved him somewhere else now I'd wake up freaking out. The book Sweet Sleep by the La Leche League has some great bed sharing advice. I prob already mentioned that but I had a glass of wine already and it's 11AM. #holidaystress - LO is at daycare don't worry...

Everyusernameistaken · December 2014

kristine618 said:
Just wanted to say that reading this is fascinating. I walk across the house to the nursery and am so wide awake afterwards that some nights I don't fall back to sleep at all. I'm so tired and sleep deprived that I'm losing my milk supply and about to go on PPD meds. I would worry so much about squashing baby if he were in bed with me, but I'm a little jealous that you're getting good sleep that way and it sounds snuggly!

A good compromise may be to have baby sleep in a pack n play in your room, or even a co sleeper so you're not worried about baby. Anything to get more sleep!!

gingerkid9989 · December 2014

For the ladies who cosleep and BF, do you leave your boobies out all night? It takes so much work for me to get my 3 month old on the boob that I can't imagine trying to get her to latch on in bed. Bedsharing fascinates me. I will admit I am WAY to selfish for it though.

portentosa · December 2014

@gingerkid9989‌ In the early days I slept topless to make getting boob to mouth easier on both of us, but now it's really cold at night and we're more practiced so I wear a shirt that I just lift up to nurse. If she's being particularly fussy I'll leave my boob out because she likes to snuggle up with her chin resting on it. If she falls asleep fine I pull my shirt back down a scoot away from her to get comfortable.

I'm actually going to attempt a crib transition soon because DD sleeps better than DS ever did.

nienot · January 2015

I was very much against bed sharing for our family before our LO was born. We had a family friend whose husband inadvertently suffocated their 3 week old while bed sharing and it was so horrifying watching them go through that. They wrote a sweet book about safe sleeping in memory of their boy, and we received it as a gift before our LO was born. We have a cosleeper attached to our bed that our son NEVER liked. I don't know what it was, but he just hated it. I noticed that as soon as I brought him into bed with us, he was instantly asleep. I couldn't figure it out. He is only inches from my face in the cosleeper, but he still hated it. We made the transition to him sleeping in our bed around 3 weeks and haven't looked back. It is by far the best decision for us. My husband keeps his distance and LO and I basically have 3/4 of the bed to ourselves. I have no issues with rolling, mostly due to having to train myself not to move in my sleep when I was on partial bed rest and ordered to lay only on my left side at all times.

It has gotten to the point where I wake up and DS is latched on and has obviously been eating for some time while I was asleep. I usually sleep with a nighty on that is low cut and depending on which side I am laying on, I just leave that breast out for him. Sometime around 4am he wakes up for his second feeding, and I move him and I flip over and leave the other breast out for him. He will then eat periodically from 4am-7am and I am able to sleep through it. I change him at midnight when I go to bed, and don't worry about changing him until I wake up for work around 7:30, because he never poops at night.

I'm the type of person that, when I wake up in the middle of the night, if I am fully woken up (lights on, having to move around and do anything productive) I am ruined for the next day and so tired. With our set up now, I am fully functioning at work the next day and feel relatively good.

I know it's not for everyone, and it takes some getting used to. Husband and I each have 1 pillow, a really light blanket and he sleeps pretty cramped up on the side of the bed, but it really is best for us. DS naps just fine in his crib during the day for about an hour at a time, and we are able to have sex in our bed at those times.

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