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TTC After a Loss
buggirl72
member
The day the Bump died - Jasper is wise
TTCAL House Cleaning
buggirl72
member
Good morning ladies and Happy New Year!
Now that we are past the holidays and are stepping into 2015 I wanted to address a couple things that I've seen on the board during the last week or so.
1. Please don't reference how much you miss certain grads in posts. I know how incredibly hard it is when a very active member of the board graduates and how much harder it is when they were your friend.There is a giant hole in the board to you. This is a reminder that neither of the ladies referenced over the past few days announced their BFP on TTCAL. By referencing how much you miss them you are effectively announcing it for them and reminding everyone else about it. To put things more in perspective, one of the grads was a member of Zach's BMB and had her rainbow. While I intellectually know that people who belonged to that BMB have already lapped me, I don't need to be reminded of it on this board. I can lurk on PgAL for that.
2. . For very new members who have just joined, I wanted to let you know we have a weekly thread posted called the Thursday Throat Punch (posted by our wonderful EurydiceNymph). TTCAL is especially hard over the holidays and you may have noticed a lot of separate posts that were "vents". Generally, for the sanity of the board, we ask that you hold off and post your vent in the Thursday TP thread. You do not have to actually want to throat punch the person - it's just a catchy title.
Again, I get how hard the holidays are. I get that for many of us 2014 was the worst year ever and you are super happy it's over. We had multiple separate posts about this yesterday because it is such a hard day to get through - just as we had multiple TP type threads on Christmas Eve. I'm mentioning this only because I don't want newer members to get the wrong impression and think that multiple complaints posts about being blindsided by pg announcements are the norm.
3. Since it is now officially 2015 (and I was here when it officially become 2014 and 2013), for the love of all things please, please, please don't say that "2015 is going to be our year" or "everyone will get their rainbow in 2015" or other psychic bullshit that you can't possibly know. I have not seen anyone post this yet and I'm really hoping we make it through the weekend without it happening at all.
4. Warnings (again for newer members) - we do not need to put warnings about loss mentioned and stuff like that! We are a loss board and expect you to talk about your loss especially in your intro. You also do not need to put a warning for hypothetical mentions of children or possible future hypothetical BFPs.
5. You guys rock. I love you and think you are awesome.
ETA - words are hard
Now that we are past the holidays and are stepping into 2015 I wanted to address a couple things that I've seen on the board during the last week or so.
1. Please don't reference how much you miss certain grads in posts. I know how incredibly hard it is when a very active member of the board graduates and how much harder it is when they were your friend.There is a giant hole in the board to you. This is a reminder that neither of the ladies referenced over the past few days announced their BFP on TTCAL. By referencing how much you miss them you are effectively announcing it for them and reminding everyone else about it. To put things more in perspective, one of the grads was a member of Zach's BMB and had her rainbow. While I intellectually know that people who belonged to that BMB have already lapped me, I don't need to be reminded of it on this board. I can lurk on PgAL for that.
2. . For very new members who have just joined, I wanted to let you know we have a weekly thread posted called the Thursday Throat Punch (posted by our wonderful EurydiceNymph). TTCAL is especially hard over the holidays and you may have noticed a lot of separate posts that were "vents". Generally, for the sanity of the board, we ask that you hold off and post your vent in the Thursday TP thread. You do not have to actually want to throat punch the person - it's just a catchy title.
Again, I get how hard the holidays are. I get that for many of us 2014 was the worst year ever and you are super happy it's over. We had multiple separate posts about this yesterday because it is such a hard day to get through - just as we had multiple TP type threads on Christmas Eve. I'm mentioning this only because I don't want newer members to get the wrong impression and think that multiple complaints posts about being blindsided by pg announcements are the norm.
3. Since it is now officially 2015 (and I was here when it officially become 2014 and 2013), for the love of all things please, please, please don't say that "2015 is going to be our year" or "everyone will get their rainbow in 2015" or other psychic bullshit that you can't possibly know. I have not seen anyone post this yet and I'm really hoping we make it through the weekend without it happening at all.
4. Warnings (again for newer members) - we do not need to put warnings about loss mentioned and stuff like that! We are a loss board and expect you to talk about your loss especially in your intro. You also do not need to put a warning for hypothetical mentions of children or possible future hypothetical BFPs.
5. You guys rock. I love you and think you are awesome.
ETA - words are hard
The day the Bump died - Jasper is wise
This discussion has been closed.
Re: TTCAL House Cleaning
:x
4 Losses (2003, 2008, Apr 2012, & Oct 2012)
All RPL and IF testing with multiple REs = normal
5 IUIs = BFN
All AL are welcome
W born September 2020
#3 due November 2022
The day the Bump died - Jasper is wise
I know I am still finding my own ways to contribute on the board, but in the short time I've been here you guys have given me the strength to look for counseling, get going with OPK's and start temping (my bbt should be in the mail for me tomorrow!) which I NEVER would have considered before. Ever. in short, you've shown me a way to cope with loss that isn't crying myself to sleep every night or comparing myself to friends with pregnancies or children. I feel like I'm starting to get my life back, and there's no way I could have even begun this process without you. I know there's a long road ahead of all of us and I'm so appreciative we have each other.
And as an aside, I mostly heard in @buggirl72 's post is that we need more NTTCAL posts. Does this mean it would be acceptable to unleash my newest addiction to the podcast serial on my own thread ? I'm just sayin', because stalking that damn murder case has practically given me an armchair law degree and I am more than happy to feed my obsession and push it onto you guys. I mean, it's all about building the board and conversation, right? Totally not weird to binge read the serial reddit page when I'm not on this board, right? This doesn't make me a crazy person, right?
The day the Bump died - Jasper is wise
08/2011: Clomid 50mg, IUI --> BFN ,
10/2011: Clomid 100mg, IUI --> BFN
04/13: Clomid, IUI BFP --> MC at 6w1d
05/13: Femara 2.5mg, IUI --> BFN , 08/13: Femara 2.5mg --> BFN
03/14: Femara 5mg, IUI --> 1 follicle @ 27d --> BFP! EDD 12/02/14--> blighted ovum, missed MC 6w6d --> D&C
4/23: D&C...starting over again, with a little part of my heart broken off
7/14: Femara 5mg + brevelle + menopur + IUI --> converted to IVF, ER 7/28 --> ET cancelled due to severe OHSS.
9/20/14: Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFP--> EDD 6/6/15 --> MC at 5w3d
10/16/14: Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFN
2/6/15: Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFP --> MC at 5w4d
3/20/16: PGS-tested Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFP, Living Child born 12/1/15
6/6/17: Fresh IVF Cycle --> Severe OHSS, 5 PGS-tested embryos frozen
2/23/18: PGS-tested FET --> BFN
3/30/18: Cancelled cycle due to lining 4.2mm
:-bd
Thanks for the additional thoughts - especially on #2. I knew that part was missing when I posted but could not think of the right words. You hit the nail on the head.
The day the Bump died - Jasper is wise
I have not been shy about saying that I think this board over uses warnings and know that I'm pretty far to the left on that one. I would like to see what @PetraStonegirl's thoughts are on your specific topic.
In my opinon the TP thread is one of those places where you expect people to bitch about surprise pregnancy announcements and stuff like that. I think ***warning pregnancy mentioned*** is not needed when someone starts something of saying "I want to TP facebook because . . . " and, again, I don't think it's a "surprise" topic to find in that thread. This is my opinion and I might be in the minority on this.
Honestly? I feel like 9 out of 10 vent posts that fall outside of the TP thread are about BFPs/pregnant people/babies so I'm more surprised when something like that is not mentioned. It bugs me more to see a BFP mentioned warning in a post title than it does to read something where someone mentions that they are upset because so-and-so is pregnant and they are not. Like I said, it's not a blind-side to see that stuff in a vent post. It's the norm.
To me the warnings on those things are much more simple - we warn if we are announcing a BFP on this board, we warn if we are talking about our own LC, and, as Petra said, grads give siggy warnings before posting. Outside of the TP thread, mentions of pregnancy, BFPs, and babies is generally something that would only be done if it is on point to whatever the topic of the post is - which means it is something expected to be continued in the conversation with the OP. There are also some fairly rare instances of when this type of topic would and should even be a post on this board but that is a different discussion.
I've seen warnings from teachers who mention their students (not needed IMHO); people who mentioned seeing teenagers (seriously! WTAF we now can't handle teenagers?); mentions of going to a niece or nephews bday party when asked what they are going to do for the day (again, not needed IMHO - as far as I know this board is not protecting people who are not Aunts yet - and, if you really thought it needed a warning don't mention the kid part); and the ever popular "hypothetical" pregnancy/future BFP mentioned warning.
Like I said, I think we over-warn and that is more detrimental to me then if we under-warn because you either see nothing but posts with "warning" in the title and don't read anything because you think it is not safe or you start to ignore all of the warnings because they are not needed.
The day the Bump died - Jasper is wise