••TTCAL Newbie Check-in 12/29/14••

rslh10 · December 2014

Welcome to TTC After Loss. I'm so sorry for your loss but am happy you have found us. ((hugs)) This board is full of brilliant and kind women who have experienced the hardship of losing that which is most precious, and I hope you find great comfort and support here in your journey!

For those of you so new that you don't know the routine, this is a check-in for newer members of the TTCAL Board. It will be posted every Monday. Please feel free to use this space to ask those "newbie" questions that feel intimidating to ask on the main board and I will try my best to get you an answer. You have up to 48 hours to respond to the check-in. If you miss this time frame, please do not bump up the check-in, just PM me and I will include you for next week.

As of 12/8/14 there is now a ONE MONTH time limit for being part of the check-in. If you have been here for more than 4 check-ins please let me know, and I will not include you in the following weeks post.

**Please don't feel that you have to provide individual feedback to all of the posters ahead of you. Many do and it's great, but it's most definitely not required to be a part of this check-in. I'd just hate to think people might feel intimidated and not post because of this. All posts and responses are welcomed!**

Please take the time to read the TTCAL blog to answer any questions you may have regarding our board etiquette, TTC, miscarriage & loss, and much more: https://ttcalblog.wordpress.com/ If you are a check-in regular and get a BFP, please PM me so that I can add it to the weekly check-in with a warning for other members. If I don't get a PM, I will not mention your BFP on the check-in.

Finally, if you haven't done so, please post your introduction on the main board including your story. Everyone wants to get to know you. This a community; We give support to get support. Join in!

***If you do not see your name, it’s because you didn’t check in last week, just join in this week and I’ll add you!***

Weekly Update: How are you doing? Post an update including any news, thoughts, or questions - let me know how things are going for you! If you don’t see your name, it’s only because you didn’t check in last week. Feel free to join in this week!

Individual Updates:

@CC1017—How is your fur baby? What day this week do you have your Appt? I’ll be thinking of you!

@Rcvb22—Are you still at your parents house? How did all that go?

@laurenleigh17—I’m sorry I didn’t respond to your check-in last week. I think that you handled it in a great way. I would have done the same thing, and I’m very glad that 2/3 women understood your feelings and reached out to you offering to take over. I don’t know about the 3rd. Maybe she is feeling like she made you uncomfortable (seeing as she is KU?). It’s such a hard thing to navigate. I’m sure she doesn’t want to upset you, maybe she doesn't know how to approach you. Have you heard from her since your last check in here?

@mholmes92—How are you doing with temping?

@NOBB14—How was your trip home for the Holidays? Are you feeling any better about ttc again?

@Nicnackmama—I hope you’re doing ok. Is focusing on the positive stuff helping you feel better?

@sdfonz619—10dpo! How are you feeling?

@imnotfancy—Are you still bleeding? How was your IL’s for the holidays?

QOTW -What are you doing for New Years Eve? Are you making any resolutions?

CC1017 · December 2014

Thanks for the check-in @rslh10. One of these weeks I want to update with some good news, but I'm running out of time for that in the newbie check-in. My appt is on Wed this week.

My pup definitely has lymphosarcoma. She's only 4. We've decided not to do chemotherapy so we've got anywhere between 6 weeks and 6 months according the vet. I'm trying to come up with a "bucket list" of things to do with her before we have to say good bye. Any ideas? We have a local photographer that does photos at a discounted rate for terminally ill pets, so I'm going to contact her. And maybe we'll spend a weekend up at our cabin, even though it will be super freaking cold.

My husband is taking the pup's diagnosis really hard. He lost his Mom last year to cancer so this on top of losing our daughter last month is really stirring up a lot of bad emotions for him. I'm trying to gently encourage him towards some counseling, but he's been really resistant in the past.

For New Year's Eve we always stay home and get a book of scratch offs. Maybe our luck will change and we'll hit it big. I am going to make some resolutions. I'd like to stop drinking soda and eat less meat. I also want to do the 40 bags in 40 days challenge to de-crapify my house. I just need to cleanse and get rid of shit.

rslh10 · December 2014

CC1017 said:

Thanks for the check-in @rslh10. One of these weeks I want to update with some good news, but I'm running out of time for that in the newbie check-in. My appt is on Wed this week.
My pup definitely has lymphosarcoma. She's only 4. We've decided not to do chemotherapy so we've got anywhere between 6 weeks and 6 months according the vet. I'm trying to come up with a "bucket list" of things to do with her before we have to say good bye. Any ideas? We have a local photographer that does photos at a discounted rate for terminally ill pets, so I'm going to contact her. And maybe we'll spend a weekend up at our cabin, even though it will be super freaking cold.
My husband is taking the pup's diagnosis really hard. He lost his Mom last year to cancer so this on top of losing our daughter last month is really stirring up a lot of bad emotions for him. I'm trying to gently encourage him towards some counseling, but he's been really resistant in the past.
For New Year's Eve we always stay home and get a book of scratch offs. Maybe our luck will change and we'll hit it big. I am going to make some resolutions. I'd like to stop drinking soda and eat less meat. I also want to do the 40 bags in 40 days challenge to de-crapify my house. I just need to cleanse and get rid of shit.

I am SO sorry to hear the news about your sweet Pup. ((HUGS)) I love that you're making a bucket list. That is amazing. If you get photos of her, I would love to see them, and I'm sure they would be welcomed in the fur baby thread!! I really really like the idea of the 40 bags in 40 days. I think I could totally get on board with that. I'm going to google it right now.

NOBB14 · December 2014

Oh, @CC1017‌ - I'm so sorry to hear about your bub. I have no recommendations for bucket list stuff other than to give her scraps off the table or big ol bones she wouldn't normally have. I know in typical situations feeding pets off the table isn't great for their health, but with her sad diagnosis it might pep you all up - maybe spend some time mixing some people food in her bowl, etc. But perhaps my recommendations come from the fact that if I were really sick I would want to eat my face off.

give her lots of snugs from my family and own saint, Ronin!

@rslh10‌ thanks for the check in! I'm feeling as optimistic as possible about this cycle- it's a decision I'm consciously making about my situation since I was having such a hard time pre-holidays. DH&i had some hopefully well timed lovin' this weekend, but I plan on purchasing my BBT and ovulation test strips tonight to start getting in the groove of charting and temping just in case this cycle isn't successful (or to catch in time if I somehow haven't O'd yet.)

I've decided that my New Years resolution will be to either have a baby (which I know I only have so much control over) OR lose 50 lbs to my healthy goal weight. I've lost 30 lbs in the past successfully but just stopped pushing myself, so I'm hoping by keeping up momentum I'll not only get healthier but will put less pressure on TTC. I just want to do something that I can be proud of at the end of the day- and while I'm glad I survived this past year, it was a giant fuck cluster of treading water. I know it's a cliche time of year, but I do have hope for 2015.

Hugs to all the newbs!

dandb925 · December 2014

Hi @rslh10, is it ok if I join the board? I intro'd on the main board last week. DH and I have been TTC since 5/2013 and we've had two losses this year, one in March and our second in November. I'm currently waiting for my beta to get below 1 (it's been stuck at 4 the last couple of weeks) so I can have my saline sonogram to make sure there's no scarring/retained tissue.

@CC1017, I'm so sorry to hear about your pup! Does she have a favorite food? I'd try to give it to her everyday.

For New Year's Eve, we just go to my aunt's house. I'm happy to say goodbye to this crappy year and just be with my family.

LittleDucky · December 2014

Hi @rslh10, I'm joining in this check in for the first time this week. I posted an intro last week. I had my second loss last week, a missed miscarriage discovered at my NT scan at 12 weeks a week ago today on December 22. We had seen a heartbeat at 8w0d on November 24th but at 12w0d there was no heartbeat and the baby only measured 8w2d. I had a d&c the following day on December 23 and we are waiting for results from genetic testing of the tissue. I go for my follow up appointment next Thursday, Jan 8. My first loss was also a missed miscarriage, discovered at 8 weeks in July, followed by a d&c. I'm having a tougher time this time than last time, both emotionally and physically. I think I overdid it on Saturday by doing 30 minutes on the elliptical and have had some pretty bad cramps and back pain since then. No cramping so far today, thankfully, but my back is hurting.

I have no idea how long I'll be benched. It depends on the results from the genetic tests. My understanding at this point is that if there is a genetic abnormality identified, I'll be allowed to TTC again after one cycle, but if there is no genetic abnormality, we will pursue RPL testing before TTC again.

@CC1017, I'm so sorry to hear about your poor pup. I think people have a hard time understanding how devastating a sick pet can be, especially if they aren't pet people. I hope you can do some special things with her over the next several weeks.

NOBB14, I hear you on the weight loss goal for 2015. I'd also like to focus on my health and try to lose some weight in the next few months. It's great that you have lost 30 pounds in the past! Good luck with your goal.

dandb925, this is also my first post on this check in. I am so sorry for your losses. I hope your beta gets down below 1 soon so that you can start moving forward.

For New Year's Eve, we are going to a neighbor's house. It should be pretty low key, but I'm looking forward to it.

bfonz619 · December 2014

I hope everyone had an amazing Christmas and are set to have a wonderful New Year!!

Thank you for the check in @rslh10!

Feeling pretty good, but have decided to wait things out. My sleep hasn't been that great with waking up anywhere from one to two hours before my usual wake up time (and temp taking time.) I usually just lay in bed trying not to move and fall back asleep but it hasn't been that easy. Not sure how much this can affect my bbt.

@cc1017, My heart breaks for you as I know how it is having a terminally ill pup. With our little girl, we made sure to do all of the things she loved - being outdoors, going for walks and having egg white bell pepper omelettes - up until it was time for us to say goodbye. We made sure to take lots of pictures and video tape moments we wanted to remember. I still have a hard time watching some of them but am definitely grateful to have them. Sending lots of ((hugs)) and positivity your way.

Welcome! @dandb925 & @littleducky

rslh10 · December 2014

NOBB14 said:

Oh, @CC1017‌ - I'm so sorry to hear about your bub. I have no recommendations for bucket list stuff other than to give her scraps off the table or big ol bones she wouldn't normally have. I know in typical situations feeding pets off the table isn't great for their health, but with her sad diagnosis it might pep you all up - maybe spend some time mixing some people food in her bowl, etc. But perhaps my recommendations come from the fact that if I were really sick I would want to eat my face off. give her lots of snugs from my family and own saint, Ronin! @rslh10‌ thanks for the check in! I'm feeling as optimistic as possible about this cycle- it's a decision I'm consciously making about my situation since I was having such a hard time pre-holidays. DH&i had some hopefully well timed lovin' this weekend, but I plan on purchasing my BBT and ovulation test strips tonight to start getting in the groove of charting and temping just in case this cycle isn't successful (or to catch in time if I somehow haven't O'd yet.) I've decided that my New Years resolution will be to either have a baby (which I know I only have so much control over) OR lose 50 lbs to my healthy goal weight. I've lost 30 lbs in the past successfully but just stopped pushing myself, so I'm hoping by keeping up momentum I'll not only get healthier but will put less pressure on TTC. I just want to do something that I can be proud of at the end of the day- and while I'm glad I survived this past year, it was a giant fuck cluster of treading water. I know it's a cliche time of year, but I do have hope for 2015. Hugs to all the newbs!

I am so glad to hear you're trying to stay positive. I think at the end of the day, that's all we can really do. I feel like sometimes that's all I have control over--and sometimes I don't even feel like I can control that! I really like your new years goals. I also need to lose some weight and that will be big on my list. Obviously, a baby as well. I have 3 chances for IUI's and I am very nervous about them. After that, it's a little sketchy for us....

((HUGS))

rslh10 · December 2014

dandb925 said:

Hi @rslh10, is it ok if I join the board? I intro'd on the main board last week. DH and I have been TTC since 5/2013 and we've had two losses this year, one in March and our second in November. I'm currently waiting for my beta to get below 1 (it's been stuck at 4 the last couple of weeks) so I can have my saline sonogram to make sure there's no scarring/retained tissue.
@CC1017, I'm so sorry to hear about your pup! Does she have a favorite food? I'd try to give it to her everyday.
For New Year's Eve, we just go to my aunt's house. I'm happy to say goodbye to this crappy year and just be with my family.

Absolutely! I'm so glad to have you here. I'm so sorry for your losses. FX that your betas drop soon

((hugs))

rslh10 · December 2014

LittleDucky said:

Hi @rslh10, I'm joining in this check in for the first time this week. I posted an intro last week. I had my second loss last week, a missed miscarriage discovered at my NT scan at 12 weeks a week ago today on December 22. We had seen a heartbeat at 8w0d on November 24th but at 12w0d there was no heartbeat and the baby only measured 8w2d. I had a d&c the following day on December 23 and we are waiting for results from genetic testing of the tissue. I go for my follow up appointment next Thursday, Jan 8. My first loss was also a missed miscarriage, discovered at 8 weeks in July, followed by a d&c. I'm having a tougher time this time than last time, both emotionally and physically. I think I overdid it on Saturday by doing 30 minutes on the elliptical and have had some pretty bad cramps and back pain since then. No cramping so far today, thankfully, but my back is hurting.

I have no idea how long I'll be benched. It depends on the results from the genetic tests. My understanding at this point is that if there is a genetic abnormality identified, I'll be allowed to TTC again after one cycle, but if there is no genetic abnormality, we will pursue RPL testing before TTC again.

*snip*
For New Year's Eve, we are going to a neighbor's house. It should be pretty low key, but I'm looking forward to it.

Welcome. I am so sorry for your losses. I think I remember you from before on the board as well. I'm assuming you aren't seeing an RE, just an OB correct? I truly hope that you are able to find some answers. ((hugs))

rslh10 · December 2014

sdfonz619 said:

I hope everyone had an amazing Christmas and are set to have a wonderful New Year!!

Thank you for the check in @rslh10!

Feeling pretty good, but have decided to wait things out. My sleep hasn't been that great with waking up anywhere from one to two hours before my usual wake up time (and temp taking time.) I usually just lay in bed trying not to move and fall back asleep but it hasn't been that easy. Not sure how much this can affect my bbt.

@cc1017, My heart breaks for you as I know how it is having a terminally ill pup. With our little girl, we made sure to do all of the things she loved - being outdoors, going for walks and having egg white bell pepper omelettes - up until it was time for us to say goodbye. We made sure to take lots of pictures and video tape moments we wanted to remember. I still have a hard time watching some of them but am definitely grateful to have them. Sending lots of ((hugs)) and positivity your way.

Welcome! @dandb925 & @littleducky

Wait it out? Until AF shows or is late? You have some willpower, lady! Good luck, and I can't wait to hear what happens!

LittleDucky · December 2014

rslh10 said:
Welcome. I am so sorry for your losses. I think I remember you from before on the board as well. I'm assuming you aren't seeing an RE, just an OB correct? I truly hope that you are able to find some answers. ((hugs))

Thanks, @rslh10. I was around this board from July to October, but wasn't a very active poster. This go round I'm finding myself needing more support and I am glad to have this community to turn to.

I am just seeing my regular OB for now. A referral to an RE has not been discussed at all yet, and I really like my OB and trust her judgment. I'm not opposed to seeing an RE at some point in the future if it comes to that. At this point I'm hoping that the genetic testing comes back showing some sort of abnormality and that the two losses in a row are just a fluke. No matter what though, I am going to want to be followed/monitored much more closely in any subsequent future pregnancy.

bfonz619 · December 2014

@rslh10 I know, and trust me it's hard. The drop I had at 7 DPO had me close to boarding crazy train, but the drops from the last couple of days are motivating me to wait. Then again, as I sit here typing this, I am questioning (in my mind) whether I should wait it out or go ahead and test so that I know what is happening. Ugh!

rslh10 · December 2014

sdfonz619 said:
@rslh10 I know, and trust me it's hard. The drop I had at 7 DPO had me close to boarding crazy train, but the drops from the last couple of days are motivating me to wait. Then again, as I sit here typing this, I am questioning (in my mind) whether I should wait it out or go ahead and test so that I know what is happening. Ugh!

You can do it!! Hold out!....or wait...pee on everything!! I hope you can decide what you want to do. Me, I take it one day at a time. If I'm past 8dpo and the mood strikes--I act on it. Good luck!

)

rslh10 · December 2014

Rcvb22 said:
@rslh10‌ thanks for the checkin! Is this my last one?

*snip*

AFM: We had a great time at my parents, we leave in the morning. Not much to report on TTC, we are still TTA this cycle, I think I'm past my FW now. Still counting down the days for our WTF appt with the RE on the 8th.

We are still on the fence about going out for NYE, the bars are just so crowed. On NYD we are going to my BFFs house, I miss her so I'm excited to hang with her!

I'm not sure I will check tomorrow AM! I'm so happy you had a good time at your parents. I hope your appt goes well. We don't go out for NYE, and really never have. Not too big on crowds

plus Id rather stay home and relax with DH. Enjoy whatever you do:)

mholmes92 · December 2014

Hi everyone!

SO decided that by "trying" he ment NTNP so temping is out the window until I can figure out why I need to do it when we aren't actively trying

New Year's Eve I'm working, then sleeping because I'm a lame-o and SO won't be home so I'm just gonna kinda be lazy

I can't think of any resolutions either so no to that as well.

brendisimma · December 2014

First time checking in..hello ALL
I had my first miscarriage at 8 weeks this June and just mustered up the courage to TTC again. My emotions are all over the place. I'm excited, sad and afraid all at the same time. Never thought this new experience would trigger so much angst. Here to be supportive and gain information. Happy New Year

bfonz619 · December 2014

@rcvb22 After looking into it further, it appears that even just laying awake in bed does have an affect on your temp. I have decided to take mine as soon as I wake up enough to know that I can't fall immediately back to sleep.

@mholmes92 It is good to start temping before you actively start ttc because it gives FF a baseline of information which will help make pinpointing O much easier when you are actively trying. Also, just getting into the habit of temping at the same time every morning can be hard so this will help ease yourself into that process.

bettyfaith · December 2014

This is my first check in! I posted my intro a couple of weeks ago but couldn't check in last week due to a lack of technology in our house for the week!

@brendisimma‌ I'm sorry for your loss! This board is amazing and the ladies are so comforting!!

imnotfancy · December 2014

@cc1017 I am so sorry about your pup! I was really hoping that would turn out differently for y'all.

@mholmes92‌ I'm with the fonz on keeping track of temps even when NTNP. We were NTNP the first 2 months and it gave me a better idea of my FW when we were actively TTC. Also, it made me feel more comfortable when I was drinking all the wine during the TWW.

@brendisimma‌ ((hugs)) for your emotional journey. You've found the right place... We can all be excited, sad, and afraid together!

I am going on day 3 of no bleeding after 5 days of heavy spotting and 2 1/2 weeks of bleeding. I really think that getting those big clots out made all the difference. It has been nice not having that constant reminder of my loss. I still feel a little crampy but that could just be gas. Haha

So now all my signs are pointing towards being close to ovulation. EWCM is abundant and my temp jumped up 4 days ago like it usually does on CD10 (and I usually O a week later). So I'm sitting here thinking that I should be HIO but am TTA and it's totally messing with my mind. Don't get me wrong, I'm hoping to O soon so we can get these 2 cycles of TTA out of the way... But it is still making me crazy.

QOTW - I think we are staying in for NYE. We have been invited to hang with 2 different groups of friends but we haven't made any commitments. DH isn't very social so he won't push to go. I am usually the one that pushes to go out but I'm actually not feeling like forcing a fake smile. I would rather do something low key with just DH and myself. My NY resolution: I'm going to be better with my spending. I've been letting it slip a little, getting things here and there that I don't really need. It stresses out DH so I want to do better. We don't have debt except for 1 car payment so it's not like I'm a ridiculous spending or anything. But I could do a little better.

rslh10 · December 2014

Rcvb22 said:

@rslh10‌ I hope it's not! If it is, that went by so fast! Enjoy your New Years too!

Oh no! it is your last week here! I am so sorry. I need to figure out a better way to keep track of these things. I am so sorry, but hey feel free to stop back in and love tit and stuff

I'll be seeing ya on the main board. Also, feel free to PM me. I would love to keep in touch with how things are going. ((hugs))

rslh10 · December 2014

mholmes92 said:

Hi everyone! SO decided that by "trying" he ment NTNP so temping is out the window until I can figure out why I need to do it when we aren't actively trying New Year's Eve I'm working, then sleeping because I'm a lame-o and SO won't be home so I'm just gonna kinda be lazy I can't think of any resolutions either so no to that as well.

Ugh, I'm so sorry. I hope that you and your H can come to a point where you agree to actively try!

I would still temp honestly if it was me. It would make me feel like I was getting to know my body, and getting to practice temping etc. But that's just me! Good luck. ((hugs))

rslh10 · December 2014

brendisimma said:

First time checking in..hello ALL I had my first miscarriage at 8 weeks this June and just mustered up the courage to TTC again. My emotions are all over the place. I'm excited, sad and afraid all at the same time. Never thought this new experience would trigger so much angst. Here to be supportive and gain information. Happy New Year

Hi, I'm so sorry for your loss. Welcome to the board. I hope that we can provide you with some comfort. I noticed you didn't into on the main board yet? I would encourage you to post one if not

There are some amazing ladies out there

((hugs))

rslh10 · December 2014

bettyfaith said:

This is my first check in! I posted my intro a couple of weeks ago but couldn't check in last week due to a lack of technology in our house for the week! @brendisimma‌ I'm sorry for your loss! This board is amazing and the ladies are so comforting!!

Welcome to the check in. I am so sorry you find yourself here. I hope that your technology cooperates so you can join in more

rslh10 · December 2014

imnotfancy said:

@cc1017 I am so sorry about your pup! I was really hoping that would turn out differently for y'all. @mholmes92‌ I'm with the fonz on keeping track of temps even when NTNP. We were NTNP the first 2 months and it gave me a better idea of my FW when we were actively TTC. Also, it made me feel more comfortable when I was drinking all the wine during the TWW. @brendisimma‌ ((hugs)) for your emotional journey. You've found the right place... We can all be excited, sad, and afraid together! I am going on day 3 of no bleeding after 5 days of heavy spotting and 2 1/2 weeks of bleeding. I really think that getting those big clots out made all the difference. It has been nice not having that constant reminder of my loss. I still feel a little crampy but that could just be gas. Haha So now all my signs are pointing towards being close to ovulation. EWCM is abundant and my temp jumped up 4 days ago like it usually does on CD10 (and I usually O a week later). So I'm sitting here thinking that I should be HIO but am TTA and it's totally messing with my mind. Don't get me wrong, I'm hoping to O soon so we can get these 2 cycles of TTA out of the way... But it is still making me crazy. QOTW - I think we are staying in for NYE. We have been invited to hang with 2 different groups of friends but we haven't made any commitments. DH isn't very social so he won't push to go. I am usually the one that pushes to go out but I'm actually not feeling like forcing a fake smile. I would rather do something low key with just DH and myself. My NY resolution: I'm going to be better with my spending. I've been letting it slip a little, getting things here and there that I don't really need. It stresses out DH so I want to do better. We don't have debt except for 1 car payment so it's not like I'm a ridiculous spending or anything. But I could do a little better.

I am so happy to hear that your bleeding is pretty much gone! That's great news! I hope that you do O soon, and get the ball rolling on your 2 TTA cycles. Whatever you decide to do for NYE, I hope you enjoy yourself

laurenleigh17 · January 2015

Thanks for the check-in @rslh10!

I am finally back home after traveling to visit family for the last 2 weeks. My mom lives out in the country with NO WiFi! Eek! So, I haven't been able to check-in on the board until today

@CC1017 - I am so sorry to hear about your dog! I know this is very heartbreaking for you - but I think you are handling it so well and honoring her with the "bucket list".

brendisimma - Welcome! I'm sorry to hear about your loss, but glad you're here

dandb925 - Welcome! FX that your beta drops back down quickly! I know how much it sucks to wait it out!

AFM, I have been feeling better lately. Glad to be back home after holiday travels. Looking forward to enjoying my last couple days of vacation before school starts back up on Monday. On the TTC front, I finally ovulated on CD 36 (yes, that's right - 36!!!) Which puts me at 4 dpo today. So, we'll just have to wait and see, but I don't have high hopes for this cycle and my overcooked egg

I had a great talk with my friend over the holiday break (the friend who's baby shower I'm throwing next weekend). She was just really affirming that my loss and grief are real and that it's OK to feel mad. I let her know that while I'm very happy for her and want to celebrate her baby boy, it's hard for me and I get jealous sometimes. She was really great about the whole thing and I'm not dreading her shower as much as I was.

Thanks girls!!

rslh10 · January 2015

laurenleigh17 said:

Thanks for the check-in @rslh10!

I am finally back home after traveling to visit family for the last 2 weeks. My mom lives out in the country with NO WiFi! Eek! So, I haven't been able to check-in on the board until today

*snip*

AFM, I have been feeling better lately. Glad to be back home after holiday travels. Looking forward to enjoying my last couple days of vacation before school starts back up on Monday. On the TTC front, I finally ovulated on CD 36 (yes, that's right - 36!!!) Which puts me at 4 dpo today. So, we'll just have to wait and see, but I don't have high hopes for this cycle and my overcooked egg

I had a great talk with my friend over the holiday break (the friend who's baby shower I'm throwing next weekend). She was just really affirming that my loss and grief are real and that it's OK to feel mad. I let her know that while I'm very happy for her and want to celebrate her baby boy, it's hard for me and I get jealous sometimes. She was really great about the whole thing and I'm not dreading her shower as much as I was.

Thanks girls!!

I'm glad to hear that you had a great holiday get away. As for the late ovulation (this is your first cycle post loss?) , I wouldn't be too worried about it. Our "after loss" bodies are prone to being wonky (yet sometimes they are not). I have my FX for you, anyway though

I'm so glad you were able to discuss your feelings and emotions with your friend this holiday break.

••TTCAL Newbie Check-in 12/29/14••

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