Inlaw living with me, driving me crazy.

kelleydingess · December 2014

So I am almost 34 weeks pregnant. Me and the Mr have a toddler already. A three bedroom apartment and, oh yeah, his father in law is living with us. Wasnt too bad at first but he is so opinionated always saying things constantly and if I disagree he tells me other wise. He says things, racist things, I dont want my daughter learning all the time. My husband works so Im staying at home. Im the one that cooks, cleans, makes dr. appt, does laundry, dishes, everything. I also have to take his dad to his dr appt, get his medicine from the store, and pretty much do everything. HE HAS A LICENSE! But when I say he cant use the car to do something, "he doesnt want to". He doesnt work. He has no income what so ever. We pay for everything, do everything and Im getting so tired of it. But yet he goes and spends the weekend with his friends all the time. I ask why he cant get his medicine when he leaves with his friends, and Im considered a bitch. I get mad because Im tired of doing everything and getting nothing and when I mention about anything, Im just starting arguements. Im freaking 7 1/2 months pregnant and I cant deal with it anymore. My husband is asking me why Im being so mean and acting like this and doesnt seem to understand. No one seems to care how I feel about anything and no one wants to do anything about it. the only thing I was asking for a while there was for him to watch our daughter so we could go out for our anniversary, but he went out with his friends then and we have yet to go out. (we have only had one time out to ourselves since she was born and she is almost 2). We all went out to eat and even though he got a little money for Christmas, guess who paid for dinner? I dont understand why I have to support him like he is another child or something. He doesnt even cook or do dishes anymore. I want him out so bad but I cant say anything or I will be resented and no one seems to get this but me. Im to the point where Im going to just lose it. I dont know what to do. Someone please tell me what to do because I cant take it anymore.

Unknown · December 2014

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Maebb · December 2014

Yeah, just stop doing it. Explain to your H that you will no longer be the butler / maid / driver to your FIL. Why is he living with you? Why is he not working and not contributing to the bills? Be the bitch if you have to, but you're soon going to have a newborn to take care of. I am overwhelmed enough thinking about taking care of a toddler and newborn.

Also if your FIL says racist things and is as incompetent as you are describing, I would not be asking him to babysit. I would be having a serious talk with my H about making alternate living arrangements for him.

PrimRoseMama · December 2014

DaisyBlinks said:
Say it with me ladies:

"you don't have a FIL problem, you have a DH problem".

Yes. Ask for help with household duties & child rearing. Make his dad his responsibility.

You have one child -- these two need to locate their Big Boy Briefs.

Learn the word "no" . Repeat as necessary.

Neesey · January 2015

I can sympathize! My mil called to tell us she was getting a divorce and arrived the next day. She was with us for 4 LONG months. She doesn't work, didn't help with bills, shopping, housework..... It was the most trying time in our marriage. I got to the point where I was just retreating to our bedroom when I got home. It sucked.
DH was really torn. He didn't want to upset his mom while she was struggling to finalize the divorce but he was alienating me in the process. We sat down and had a big long talk about it. We made a deal that I would tell him what was bothering me instead of bottling it up and he would deal with her. It did help. I put my foot down about some things and it did get better. Granted our situation had a light at the end if the tunnel when she closed on a condo.
I hope you can figure things out soon. I can only imagine how tough that would be to deal with pregnant! If you are worried about your husband actually hearing you out, maybe take the time to write down your issues along with possible solutions so it isn't just you venting but having a plan to make it better.

missmarissa0527 · January 2015

My husband and I had several fights over his mother. She would just show up at our house unannounced all the time. The final straw was while we were getting busy in the living room and we hear a knock at the door. Guess who???? He didn't understand why I was so upset because he's a freakin momma's boy and the sun shines out of her butt. We had several cry sessions and I was soooooo stressed and he finally (just over Christmas) told her she couldn't be in the delivery room (something I had told her, but she was planning to ignore) and also told her that we didn't want visitors after we got home either. She was upset, but I was so proud of him for finally stepping up and being the man. Your FIL is no longer his immediate family. You and your children are his immediate family, and those are the ones that are priority! Having a newborn is stressful enough. You don't need to have any other stresses in your life right now!

Disneygeek77 · January 2015

ladycersei said:

Well. It seems like you have 2 choices. You can choose to continue to accommodate your DH and FIL and build up your own resentment OR you can choose to take care of yourself and let them deal with being resentful. Your DH is doing a piss poor job at putting you first right now. You're going to have to put your foot down. I would establish my own boundaries if I were you. You did not take vows to honor and obey your FIL and it's about time they remember that. Let him know he can run his own errands while he's out with his friends. Simply don't do it anymore. Stop cooking for everyone, stop cleaning up after everyone, just stop. Do for yourself and your toddler, period. You can revisit the issue when your DH is ready to approach the topic in the proper manner, by considering your needs first.

Going along with this, your husband made vows to " Put above all others and let no one come between." All others includes his dad. You are not below his dad, you are not equal to his dad, you come before his dad. That is exactly what he promised you on your wedding day ( well assuming your vows said something like that ). Never ever feel bad about holding him accountable to the promises he made to you on your wedding day.

Timfany1 · January 2015

you have to reset the boundaries, from your post it sounds like in the beginning he was cleaning up after himself, but by you telling him dont worry about it hes comfortable now, sit him and hubby down and lay down the law on the rules, yes your going to be a bitch and every name in the book but he'll be grumbling it while hes in his friends car getting rides for his medicine or call united way and see if there is a elderly mobile service that will come pick him up for his appts and to get his medicine in your area, you cant force him to babysit but you have a right to let him know not to use certain language around your child

kelleydingess · January 2015

Yeah he was cleaning in the beginning. It was when I lost my job and had to stay home that suddenly all the cleaning and helping ceased. I tried talking to my fiance (might as well say husband, we basically are married) and he didnt seem to understand and got mad at me and said I need to stop being so negative and try to be happy. So now Im in the thinking process of some rules around the house. Since it is in my name, all the bills and the lease, I will tell them this is whats going down and anyone who doesnt like it can get out. And as far as him needing elderly mobile to get him, he is perfectly capable of driving, he just doesnt want to. So from now on I make dinner for me and my daughter, maybe my fiance, and thats it. I clean only after her. Im done trying to be nice to people who keep putting me last.

janda426 · January 2015

kelleydingess said:

Yeah he was cleaning in the beginning. It was when I lost my job and had to stay home that suddenly all the cleaning and helping ceased. I tried talking to my fiance (might as well say husband, we basically are married) and he didnt seem to understand and got mad at me and said I need to stop being so negative and try to be happy. So now Im in the thinking process of some rules around the house. Since it is in my name, all the bills and the lease, I will tell them this is whats going down and anyone who doesnt like it can get out. And as far as him needing elderly mobile to get him, he is perfectly capable of driving, he just doesnt want to. So from now on I make dinner for me and my daughter, maybe my fiance, and thats it. I clean only after her. Im done trying to be nice to people who keep putting me last.

You and your fiancé have issues that REALLY need to be addressed before marriage. He's acting like an ass.

janda426 · January 2015

DaisyBlinks said:
You're not married yet! That might make things a lot easier. Good luck!

For real. Like the fact you can get out now while all of these red flags are staring you right in the face. It's only gonna get worse. A real man puts his wife first.

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