I agree that I'm not sure why you feel this teacher is so unhinged. Sure what she did was inappropriate and unprofessional but it hardly sounds scary or dangerous.
I personally think you are overreacting about this but if you feel so strongly then switch her to a new daycare. You don't have to give anyone the details. Just say that you felt a change was needed, no one is going to press you for details. Has your H said what he thinks about switching daycares? You said he's embarrassed about it so it sounds like he thinks you are talking about it too much as well. I don't blame him for not wanting you to tell everyone you know.
I think you have to decide to either switch her or leave her and let it go.
I think the possibility of someone who works at a daycare (and has therefore probably been through child abuse background screenings) escalating an embarrassing situation to professional suicide or possible criminal charges by hurting your daughter as retaliation, is extremely unlikely. You've made it known to her director, so she's probably under higher scrutiny as it is. I'd be pissed, but in the best interest of not uprooting my child, I'd probably keep her enrolled.
I can completely understand why it's uncomfortable for you to see her and have your daughter under her care, but what it probably boils down to is...you've gone mama bear on her because she challenged your position with your husband using your own daughter as the tool. But it's probably at least as awkward for her as it is for you, since it backfired.
She hasn't done anything to harm my daughter (that I know of), but that's the scary thing... I have no idea what happens when I'm not there and just because she hasn't done something yet doesn't mean it couldn't happen. And I would never forgive myself if something happened and I could have prevented it. There's no way I'll let her be in the same room with her, even if on the other side because the kids are alone with the other teacher during naps and I don't want her influence on her whatsoever. I really don't know that much about the teacher which is why it's so crazy to me that she could have attempted that from afar. So it's more a decision on whether to move her soon or right before she would be in her class. I just feel like the longer I wait, the more opportunity she has to do something.
My husband was hesitant at first and thinks I'm being too paranoid, but he has come around and is supportive of moving her. He just doesn't understand what's it's like to be in my shoes. I did ask the director to keep an eye on her but she can't possibly watch her 24/7.
If you're going to move her anyway then I'd move her sooner rather than later. I would tell your current director why you are making the switch but no one else.
I still think you need to take a deep breath and relax though. She has done nothing that should make you fear for your child's safety. I don't get what you mean by your H doesn't understand what it's like to be in your shoes. Didn't it happen to him? I should think if anyone he definitely gets it. I think you need to take a step back and try to assess the situation for what it is or I don't see how you could be comfortable with her at any daycare setting.
Why in the world do you feel what she did somehow makes the daycare (or her as a teacher) unsafe. Is she a good partner? No. Does she have strong morals? No. Neither of those put your daughter at risk. Do you think no other teachers at the daycare have done something personally questionable outside of school? If you found out a teacher had done the same thing to a non daycare family, would you pull your daughter for that?
I guess I just don't feel what she did is that upsetting. Off putting sure but you said she made some inappropriate comments to your husband over the course of a weekend and then backed off when he was firm. She doesn't sound crazy or dangerous.
I guess my point is how will you feel comfortable dropping her off at another daycare? They'll still be strangers.
snookums2013
member
Re: Daycare dilemma