Intro....I think I'm becoming SAHM

bf43005 · December 2014

So I have less than two weeks left on my leave after the birth of DS on 10/1. FTM so it was rocky especially at first but I feel like DH and I are both getting better. I also really enjoy the time with DS and watching him develop more than i thought I would.

With that being said a lot of things changed with DH's job after I got pregnant and then again when I was on leave. It would mean some drastic changes if/when I went back to work. So we started to float the idea of me staying home with DS.

I tried to talk to my boss about a modified schedule of being in the office and at home and working part time. She said no. So I suggested I come into the office but still only part time. She said no. Well thanks for working with me at all. At this point coming into the office full time doesn't work for our family. Well DH thinks I should go back to work to get my Christmas bonus put DS in daycare for a few weeks and after about a week say it's not working and here's my two weeks. I feel like I should just tell them now this doesn't work I resign but if you want me to come in for a few weeks to transition someone to my position I will. Any thoughts? I feel so confused. Becoming SAHM seems scary. How did you all make the transition if you used to work?

Sorry for it being so long. Guess my intro turned into a little of a rant. Not so good at this. I think it being Christmas makes all these decisions weigh on me more.

bf43005 · December 2014

babybell22 said:
I went through the same thing in October. For me I couldn't find anyone or a place to take her for just a couple weeks so I did not return to work. I figured out I didn't want to go back around week 9 and I let my boss know at that time.

I had a friend give me this advice " when your kids are grown you'll never look back and say man I wish I wouldn't have been there when they were little to see all of their firsts. I wish I would have worked instead."

I've only been doing it for a few months but she has changed so much I couldn't imagine not being there for it all. There are tough days but there are so many more good days.

Just remember to be kind and patience to yourself in the beginning. Also find a mom's group and join. For me it gives that social aspect that I lost.

Good luck!

Thanks so much. I never even thought the daycare might not take him for only a few weeks. Honestly I knew earlier on I wouldn't be able to do full time and first reached out to my boss before Thanksgiving.

Where and how did you find a mom's group?

nolemomma14 · December 2014

Welcome and congratulation! The decision to stay home can be a tough one, but it is so rewarding. For me, what I was making vs the cost of daycare was not a big difference so now I work part time from home (I work for my stepmom) and am home with DS. I agree it might be hard to find someone to watch your LO for just a few weeks, so maybe if you talk to your boss you can decide which way would work best.

Agree with PP that finding a moms group of some sort was a big help in making the transition. I started taking DS to the library for story time, swim classes and a mom and me exercise class, and was able to meet moms that way.

Good luck with everything, and enjoy that LO!!

lexusolsen · December 2014

Not to be a downer but have you considered the long and short term implications of SAH? How will you do without your income? Do you have an emergency fund to cover unexpected expenses? How will this impact your healthcare costs and retirement savings? Will you be able to afford outlings and playgroups? How will leaving the field impact your career plans?

bf43005 · December 2014

lexusolsen said:
Not to be a downer but have you considered the long and short term implications of SAH? How will you do without your income? Do you have an emergency fund to cover unexpected expenses? How will this impact your healthcare costs and retirement savings? Will you be able to afford outlings and playgroups? How will leaving the field impact your career plans?

The short answer is yes all of these conversations have been had and most have plans in place. Thanks for the list of items though.

lexusolsen · December 2014

bf43005 said:

lexusolsen said:
Not to be a downer but have you considered the long and short term implications of SAH? How will you do without your income? Do you have an emergency fund to cover unexpected expenses? How will this impact your healthcare costs and retirement savings? Will you be able to afford outlings and playgroups? How will leaving the field impact your career plans?

The short answer is yes all of these conversations have been had and most have plans in place. Thanks for the list of items though.

Oh good! You would be surprised by the number of people who come here without a plan for these things.

mrsmopar67 · December 2014

I would just be honest with your boss, I don't think going back to work with the intention of quitting so you can get a bonus is honest or would leave a good taste in your employers' mouth.

snicksnack · December 2014

I am a working mom who lurked over here for some activity ideas and saw this post. My first question is can you do full-time in the office to try it out and see how it goes? Most daycares just require two weeks departure notice. Personally I would give it a month and at least collect your bonus,unless you know for sure you are not staying no matter what. That money may be useful while you are not working. Also, if it is not working maybe your boss will work with you once you are back and she sees you trying. I know I could never let any of my employees go part time simply because we are understaffed and my company would not reinstate the job as full-time when the person left. As for working from home, my company is pretty easy going but I am not sure if I could grant it while the person is on leave. Normally HR wants them back and everything back in order before granting flex schedules. Is working from home common for your company? Did she give a reason for saying no?

jlovesky · December 2014

Thank you for writing this post. I am currently a working mom but I am due with our 2nd child in April and leaning very much toward doing SAH as paying for daycare would almost be pointless with what I would have left to bring home monthly from my pay..

I wish you luck in making your decision and thanks again as reading through this was helpful, I am still in a boat similar to yours in trying to make this decision and figure out what will be best for our family..!

Keeptruckin · December 2014

I agree with @CurlingRocks‌ you don't want to burn bridges. Leave on good terms, that means not accepting a bonus and then leaving. I also want to stress many of us have different budgets for staying at home, some have to budget, some don't. What I didn't expect was that I would be spending a lot more money being at home. Play places, trips to target or the mall, lunches out, etc. It adds up. I bought lots of memberships to the zoo, amusement park and bouncy castle place to lower the costs but still spent about 400 on memberships for the year. Plus mommy and me classes, etc. no one talks about that. You will go crazy sitting at home all day so factor that in. It sounds like your DH's job changed and that is what happened to us. My DH took a promotion that meant he couldn't leave early, he can't take random days off, etc so he choose to focus on his career and have me at home. It's a big decision.

bf43005 · December 2014

After a lot of discussion it's been finalized that I will not be returning to work. I spoke with my boss today and she didn't seem surprised. I was with the company for 8 1/2 years so I thought they would work with me a little. They let me work from home for almost a month before I went out on leave. And my boss even commented that it worked out better than she had thought. And there is a woman in a different position but same department that works part time from home. It's not like I pulled this idea out of nowhere.

Keeptruckin

I didn't actually think of the things you mentioned to budget for, and I'm sure there are other things I'm missing too. There are a few playground, and pools in my community so I'm hoping some of that will be enough.

mandymack · January 2015

bf43005 !!

The decision is 100% yours and only you know yourself, your marriage and your child well enough to choose but so glad you came here to "talk outloud" and gather some insight from other moms. Feeling validated in our choices is so important.

It IS scary to make such a huge life change but just like with anything in life, you can only be so prepared and do your best to consider all the pros and cons and it sounds like you've done that. No one can know for certain whether working after birth will be horrific or if they will love being at home before they've done it for a single day so I say, go with your gut! A few months or even a few years at home isn't going to kill your chances at returning to work one day should being at home not be something you want to do indefinitely.

I do appreciate lexus' contributions as they are very important long-term items to think about and try to plan for, which you apparently have. Great!

Good luck!

Intro....I think I'm becoming SAHM

Re: Intro....I think I'm becoming SAHM

eclaire 9.10.06 diggy 6.2.11

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