want to be excited, but cannot

moomers8213 · December 2014

I'm 18 weeks and am no longer with my son's father. We have a 17 month as well.. he was cheating on me and proceeded to tell me he was with me all this time bc he pitied me.. I work full time.. I want to be happy about this baby but can't seem to get past everything else without losing it. Be it scared , angry, hurt, overwhelmed. .he says I use my pregnancy as an excuse for being emotional. I sit at home every night try not to cry because when I cry my son wakes up and cries.. he never wakes up otherwise.. I have yet to stop smoking completely. .I'm beyond stressed. Sometimes I just want a hug, someone to hold while I cry.. no one is there .. new years is tm.. I'm working, then going to an empty house.. I'd prefer to be numb right now, but it's not an option... any words of wisdom or am I just being pathetic?

bossybluejay · December 2014

No, you're not being pathetic. You're being normal. I can't imagine being under that stress while also being pregnant. Have you looked into counseling at all? Sometimes a really good counselor can be an enormous help, especially if you feel like you don't have another option. Also, sometimes a low dose of an antidepressant can be a huge help to get you through something like this without completely losing it...just to get your head above water so you can think clearly. You might try to check with your dr about this.

Thoughts to you Xo

missjenniebean · December 2014

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. Is there anyone you could confide in? Your mom? After a break up I couldn't get myself together and started seeing a counselor. A wonderful choice for me cause I had pre existing issues to deal with, but it never hurts to get help from an outside perspective.

Try going out for new years, take yourself out. Have the lil one? Take him too- have a good time.

I hope this helped and am truly sorry that you are going through this. It is never easy.

eshap90 · December 2014

I think you have every right to be "pathetic" right now. I can't imagine how you're feeling right now. That's so low of him. What a fucking ass. You need to focus on yourself and your babies no matter how hard it may be. Hopefully your family and friends are there for you but I can understand not wanting to ask for help or someone to talk to but you definitely should. It will help. And please try not to smoke! I know it's not as good buuuuut a warm bath? A relaxing movie or book? Long walks? Clear your head in a healthier way. You want your unborn baby to be healthy and happy. Don't do anything that could add more stress to your life! Maybe look into acupuncture. It helps people quit smoking and I think most obs would say it's safe as long as you're going to a reputable place. Good luck!snd good job getting it out on here! I feel like venting and opening up helps!

leenziepops · December 2014

Because the PP said it beautifully just wanted to send you some creepy internet ((hugs)). Hang in there mate.

tinavonsparkle · December 2014

I'm so sorry that you are in such a sad place at the moment. You sound like a very strong lady and you are going to pull through. You don't need that man in your life if he's going to be so unsupportive and treat you in such a dispicable way. I promise if you step away now it's going to be tricky at first but in a few years time you are going to look back and be so proud of yourself for what you have achieved. You will have two beautiful children who love you so much because you are a fantastic mom and you put them first and bought them up surrounded by love in a peaceful, respectful place. There will be so many support groups in your area that will be able to help you and there will be plenty of women who are or who have been in similar situations as you that can offer help and advice. You can do this!

My mum was left with 4 children under the age of 10 by my cheating scumbag father and she kicked ass and she's my hero! She worked at our primary school, she always made sure we never missed out on anything, paid the morgage and got super crafty & frugle. I had the best childhood EVER. If she had stayed with him it would have been miserable for all of us. She died when I was 16 but now my siblings and I are best friends and she made us into such good, happy people. I know how hard it must have been for her, I remember her crying at times but I'm so proud of her strength and courage. You can do the same and you will be so happy in time x x x

silentdormancy · December 2014

Hey. Your ex sounds pretty cruel, you don't need that negativity in your life. Consider his cheating on you a favor because now that you see the type of person he is you can save yourself years of heartache in the future. Still I can't imagine being in your situation but I believe in the strength that comes with truly difficult times and you will persevere. It's good you're reaching out here but as someone above suggested I think a good counselor can help you get in a better place. I started seeing one when I first found out I was pregnant because I was newly sober and didn't think I could handle it. I wanted an abortion but at the same time felt guilty and terrified and even a little suicidal... I'm not saying it's a magic fix but sometimes having an unbiased, objective, trained person there to help guide you is the difference between feeling completely hopeless to seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. He/she can probably help you quit smoking too. I'm in a completely different mindset now and feel like I can handle whatever curveball life throws at me and I've learned to
Appreciate the beauty that is pregnancy, planned or not.

flbabychin · December 2014

I'm so sad for you that you're going through this heartbreak right now. He did a terrible thing, and you have every right to feel sad, or angry, or overwhelmed...I too have sought out therapy after going through a really tough split with an ex, and I found it very helpful to gain new perspectives and find ways to take care of myself that are healthy and nourishing. Plus, it makes such a difference to be able to talk openly with someone who is there to listen to you and help you navigate this, so you are not alone. Do you have any friends or family around too that could help out, even if it's to come over and help cook dinner with you or sit and talk? Maybe even doing something distracting like watching a movie? I hope you take care of yourself - you certainly deserve it!

Trampslikeus · December 2014

I can't imagine

Sending hugs and hoping you can reach out to a friend or family member to give you some love and support. Once a toxic relationship ends, the healing and rebuilding begins. You can do this. But don't let anyone make you feel bad for not being all glitter and rainbows about being pregnant right now, it's not a realistic expectation given what you're going through, and has ZERO bearing on how much you'll love your child.

babsgray · December 2014

My ex left me with four kids a few years back right before the holidays as well. He had been cheating on my with a coworker for quite some time and basically dropped us like a bad habit. I held it together during the day for the kids and cried myself to sleep every night. Talking to friends family and finally a therapist got me out of it and helped me stay strong.

You don't deserve this and you are a strong woman and mom. You will get through this and be in a much happier place. I am sending creepy internet stranger hugs too...

littlechemist · December 2014

I don't have any words of wisdom but I wanted to say you are not pathetic; you are hurting for good reason and shouldn't feel bad for that. It is ok to feel the way you feel, but I suggest like PPs have that seeing a counselor would be a good step - just to talk to someone about everything you're going through and have some support. Best wishes to you!

juliep91080 · December 2014

So sorry you are going through this! Big hugs to you mama. And remember, this too shall pass.

tiffbot1985 · December 2014

You definitely aren't being pathetic. I can't imagine what it must feel to go through that. I have an almost 18 month myself and know how mentally consuming that is already!

I wish you good luck and hope you can find some peace and happiness soon.

taisree · December 2014

You are not pathetic.

Holidays are tough, but eventually I think you will realize you are better off without him.

Pregnancy under the best circumstances has its ups & downs, in the worst of times it would be very tough. Don't be hard on yourself.

Agree with the other posters, reach out to your fam & friends. If you don't have any close by: force yourself to go get a counsellor. It will help & keep you sane!:)

Hugs

ghostof5letters · December 2014

You're not the pathetic one in this scenario. He is.

wendyful · December 2014

Screw him, you deserve better.

I can't imagine going through a breakup while pregnant. I'm sorry you're going through this. You deserve a good cry, even if its in your car after work. Crying is cathartic.

I hope you have some family to lean on.

Good luck and you will come out of this stronger.

R4MJ3T · December 2014

Sence being pregnant I have horriable crying this is my third child my two boys when I cry they have learned compassion and come tell me everything will be ok it is ok to show your little one your hurting just give your little a chance and if they see you cry boys should learn it is ok to show emotions I know it can be hard I was in your shoes my first pregnancy but life gets better just worry about you and littles and baby and do t worry about him let him talk you will find the right person when the time is right lots of hope and hugs

want to be excited, but cannot

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