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When other people discipline your children in front of you

rjacquesrjacques member
in Parenting
I am not sure how to respond to this sort of situation. So, here is the back story. My MIL and her boyfriend came to visit awhile back. While we were having dinner our DS1 was acting up a bit so my DH and I were correcting him when MIL BF chimed in and said something about behaving or the like. I really can't remember as it was awhile ago. What I do remember is being really put off that he would do that seeing as both of the parents were present and taking care of the situation. I don't feel it was his place to say anything at all since we were there. Well, they are coming for another visit tomorrow and I am sure it will happen again. My question is, if/when it happens again what should I do? I don't want to sound like a complete B about it but then again it isn't his place to say anything. I am not a confrontational person at all but I feel like if I keep it in again I could explode. 
Any thoughts on what to say if it happens again? 
Thanks!

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Re: When other people discipline your children in front of you

  • rjacquesrjacques member
    Thanks ladies! It doesn't help that I don't like her BF. I hope to be able to keep it together and that he keeps his mouth shut!
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  • SpaceGirlSpiffSpaceGirlSpiff member
    There are some people (my in laws) that I'm ok with this on because they follow the same lines of discipline we do so there's no friction there, AND they are very often in his everyday life...we see them many times a week, they're the ones he stays with when we need babysitters, he stays overnight a lot...etc.  I have no issues with them disciplining, even if we're there.

    I also don't really have an issue if another family member catches him doing something wrong/dangerous and steps in to correct him if I'm not there to do so, or not close enough to stop it, etc.

    If someone interjected while H or I are already on top of the situation.... No.  This hasn't really happened to me yet, so it's hard for me to know exactly how I'd react but... maybe just simply saying "Thank you, we have it handled" and moving on.... I mean, what else can you really do? Besides say Fuck off I guess lol..

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    I have said something to my nephew when my SIL was there. I know it pissed her off but it needed to be done and she wasn't stopping him. He was kicking a family member who just had surgery.

    But generally, I butt out and I expect the same.
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  • acesupacesup member
    nellybluthredux said:

    Or tell him to Fuck off.

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  • credcat7credcat7 member
    I want sammie to respect all adults no matter what.  This includes listening to them if they tell her something or correct her actions.  I hope it teaches her that her behavior is watched by everyone, not just mom and dad.

    Now if I am right there handling a situation - back off "person who doesn't come over me in priority" but if I am in the living room and hear someone in the kitchen telling my kid right and wrong, I'm cool with that.  I trust most adults to have my kids best interest in mind.

    For me the point is that my kid listens to adults when they talk to her, she can always come to me after the fact and tell me if she doesn't like how or what they said and we can have it out.


    I also have no problem telling my kid that "Aunt XXX was wrong, its OK for you to do XYZ" if I so deem it.

    As far as how I would tell someone to back off, i think first time offenders I would do a passive aggressive thanks but no thanks, after that I would be a little more in their face
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  • ridesbuttonsridesbuttons member
    I honestly think that sometimes the same message coming from a stranger once brings the message home to a kid clear as day.

    Particularly within a family unit, suggesting to your kid that they don't need to listen to other adults.

    Why not let someone else say 'behave in an appropriate way'?
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