Please tell me I'm not alone in feeling this way

Sunny528 · December 2014

Hi All,

I was just curious but is anyone's baby actually sleeping through the night? My baby turns 7 months old on Wednesday and he still wakes up several times throughout the night. I don't know about anyone else, but I honestly have not gotten used to this sleep deprivation thing. I find it so difficult to function most days and it truly affects my concentration at work, makes me feel less social, and I often feel short-tempered. While my husband and I do think it will be in the best interest of our child to give him a sibling someday, I often wonder how I will be able to manage doing this roller coaster all over again. I've been told that I probably feel this way as I had a long and rough delivery with my baby that took me months to recover from, the baby had some initial health issues with a dairy allergy (however, this has been resolved with his Nutramagen formula). Also, I get told that the fact that my husband and I do not have any family help where we live is probably playing a part in how I feel about everything. However, I often wonder how true it is that having family help would make a difference in feeling less burnt out? At the end of the day, your child is your child and they are your responsibility, right? For those who do have family support where you live, do you feel burnt out or like you were able to actually recover much quicker from childbirth and feel slightly more balanced? I'm sincerely curious about this.

Also, as the new year approaches I've been thinking about how I want this year to be different (naturally). While 2014 was all about the birth of my son and one I'll never forget, it was honestly a very difficult year and one I'll be happy to put behind me. I really want 2015 to be a happier year overall. I don't want to feel so stressed out anymore and I want to just feel healthy and not like I'm simply trying to survive my everyday life.

Anyways, not sure where I'm going with this rant, but I guess I just needed to put my thoughts into writing and see if hopefully I'm not feeling alone. Thank you for listening.

LunaBug924 · December 2014

Sorry your recovery was so rough. And sleep deprivation definitely takes it's toll. This may or may not make you feel better, but I am very fortunate to have family in the area who can help out, a baby who STTN, and I STILL get burnt out and overwhelmed by the thought of handling another baby. I can't imagine going it alone with just DH and me. I give you lots of credit.

I realize it's a personal choice and not for everyone, but have you considered sleep training? I would strongly suggest you check out the thread. A lot of good tips and support in there!

I hope 2015 is a great year for you! Hang in there, mama!

kendy20 · December 2014

My DD still wakes up twice a night, I've gotten used to that and it works for us. But the last couple nights she up 3-4 times and giving me stretches of only 2-3 hours. When this happens I can relate to what you're feeling. We also have no family nearby (3,000 miles away). But like pp said, maybe look into sleep training, there's a lot of good info on that thread, I've considered it but I'm personally okay with the two wake ups since I bf and would rather feed her than pump. But on those rough nights, I really question myself if I'm doing the right thing or not. So your not alone by any means. All babies are so different and all we can do is adapt to them constantly changing, but at the same time if sleep training would get you refreshed, able to focus more on work and overall be able to enjoy things more, I would look into it. I hope you feel better soon!

bumpuser8967176 · December 2014

You're not alone! LO isn't sleeping through the night and I am up at least twice a night BFing. We have family nearby but having them still doesn't make a lot easier. I feel like when they are over to play with DS I should be cleaning, cooking, etc. Things keep piling up and I sometimes get overwhelmed too. I think once these LOs are aw to sleep a little longer things will be better. As far as when number two comes along, I've started putting a little money away each month for hiring someone to help with house cleaning. I think it may save my sanity. Remember, we are doing the best we can! 2015 will be better!

Sunny528 · December 2014

Thank you all for the suggestions. I will certainly look at the sleep training thread and see what suggestions people provide, what has worked for them, etc. I'm glad to know I'm not alone and to get some insight on how those who are fortunate to have family help really feel. I really hate sounding like a downer in my above post and I'm normally a pretty chipper person...but I guess my circumstances have been challenging and feeling sleep deprived certainly takes a toll after a while. I know it will get better with time. I remember when my older sister was in this stage with her children who are now 8 and 5 years old, she looked so tired all the time! However, ever since her youngest turned 3 years old, she looks refreshed (no more dark under eye circles!) and like the sister I remember...however she definitely is on her toes with 2 very active children and even these later stages have come with their own challenges despite her now getting a full night's sleep.

However, I will say that despite how hard it is some days, I'm proud of the job that my DH and I have done with our son. We get comments all the time on what a good and happy baby he is. Our little guy smiles so much and laughs a lot. He is growing so well and truly loves us. Also, my DH and I have really become a great team and have become closer since we had the baby as we are always taking turns with caring for him. It's not all gloom and doom, but some days can be tough with raising a baby. Thank you all again for your suggestion. I hope 2015 is a great one for you all!

spinsoffresonance · December 2014

I have 2 under 2. When I only had one kid I felt burnt out until she started sleeping through the night. When she did (at 8months old) our lives got instantly better and DH and I felt like we had a life outside of just being parents to DD again.
My baby does not STTN, she doesn't sleep longer than 2 hours at a time and sucks on my boobs all night long. Starting sleep training very soon because I can't keep this up much longer.

RachelCA29 · December 2014

Mine doesn't sleep through the night, up atleast twice, lately it's more like 4 times (nursing every 2 hours). He is also a crap napper (he will only nap attached to my boob while I lie in bed with him). I literally have zero downtime during the day since I have to lie with him for naps. We've tried everything - I've read 6 books on baby sleep and naps. Nothing works! I don't think my guy is a good candidate for cry it out, since he can scream a full 1.5 hours in the car seat home from my in laws while being comforted.

My MIL comes on Sundays to watch him so I can go to yoga and my mom comes Wednesday mornings so I can run errands. It helps, but 4 hours off a week do not make up for the complete lack of sleep. I haven't slept 3 hours in a row in months - that's just not healthy! And I can feel my body giving up on me by the day. You know that tired headache thing with pain behind your eyes you get when you're really exhausted? I wake up like that and then down some advil so I can function. That headache is my constant brain state. Now add a whiney baby (whiney all the time becuase he doesn't sleep enough/ properly).

Anyway, you aren't the only one! I'm pretty much burnt out all the time and we're definitely one and done since I hate being a mom so far. Everyone says it get better, I'm sure it does. But I'm not willing to spend another 7+ months (who knows when it will get better for us) being miserable for whatever the "better" is. Doesn't seem worth the trade off, especially considering the rough delivery my son had to endure. There is NO WAY I'm doing this again. Ever.

Sunny528 · December 2014

Thanks to you all for sharing your experiences. @ RachelCA29--I'm so sorry to hear that you have had such a rough time and feel one and done with the whole kid thing. I can understand where you are coming from as I have had my moments of feeling the same. There's nothing wrong with raising an only child as I have known people who grew up that way and turned out perfectly fine, seem happy, well-adjusted, etc. As much as I hate the not so pleasant aspects of parenthood, somehow in my heart I feel that we are meant to have one more child in our family. Also, I'm so in love with my little guy and would love to give him a sibling someday.

This is a bit off topic, but kudos to the ladies on the board who are still nursing! My baby did not do well with nursing and for the first couple of months of his life I was exclusively pumping and feeding him my breastmilk. However, he had a dairy allergy and had to eventually switch to being exclusively formula fed as it was taking a toll on me to be cutting so many things out of my diet. I've always felt a little inadequate about the fact that I was not successful with breastfeeding while it has come easily to others I know. However, maybe it will actually pan out with the next baby someday.

RachelCA29 · December 2014

@Sunny528‌ the fact that you pumped full time just to give breast milk is amazing!! You can never feel badly about all that work you didf for your LO, even though you had to stop (I don't blame you it's so much commitment, I did it for 2 months due to nursing troubles and if my LO hadn't have been able to get back to nursing we would have gone to formula too). Good for you and all your hard work!!!

jenn43 · December 2014

You are not alone! My LO turns 8 months on Friday, and he's up anywhere from 2-4 times a night. If he's just eaten in the last couple hours I'll kick DH awake and ask him to do a diaper check- otherwise I'm the one getting him every time. On weekends DH will get up with LO and give him a bottle so I can sleep in. But yeah- it's tough.

momthatlifts · December 2014

I stay with my parents from time to time and mom literally takes over. It helps tremendously. I feel like a whole new person when I go back home. You should really get some help!

QOTR · December 2014

RachelCA29 said:

Mine doesn't sleep through the night, up atleast twice, lately it's more like 4 times (nursing every 2 hours). He is also a crap napper (he will only nap attached to my boob while I lie in bed with him). I literally have zero downtime during the day since I have to lie with him for naps. We've tried everything - I've read 6 books on baby sleep and naps. Nothing works! I don't think my guy is a good candidate for cry it out, since he can scream a full 1.5 hours in the car seat home from my in laws while being comforted.

@RachelCA29. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I can relate to so much of what you shared, but especially the part I quoted. My little guy's crying was so intense, even when we tried to comfort him, that I never thought we'd be able to do any type of sleep training. I read a lot about the tension increasers/decreasers theory and I was convinced that mine was an increaser and that sleep training wouldn't work, but things got so bad that I finally asked our pedi for advice. He encouraged me to try the sleep training, with some guidelines that if he didn't calm after 2 hours of intervals or if he vomited, that we could stop. I was still nervous so we hired a sleep consultant (more on that detailed in the sleep training thread) and according to her, boys often require more time to settle than girls and she recommended longer intervals to start with than what is recommended in Ferber's book. So armed with all of that, we gave it a try. During that first night we indeed discovered that our checking on him riled him up more. I wonder if that's what is happening with your DS when you try to comfort him? Now, we give him longer to settle and we've already seen so much improvement. I'm not trying to push sleep training on you by any means, but I wanted to share my experience. Good luck to you and to OP as well!

QOTR · December 2014

It's taking us longer to get there @aimeefarrahfowler (we started training 3 weeks ago), but last night was the 2nd in a row that he went right to sleep with no fussing whatsoever. yay! He still needs more time to wind down for naps though, but usually no longer than 15. I guess it's normal for night sleep to get easier before naps, but it can't happens soon enough. I still get so anxious about his fussing.

caballo718 · December 2014

OP I feel the same exact way you do. Our family lives an hour away and we have zero help. Totally doing it on our own. It's so hard to work full time and be a mom. We already decided this will be our only kid. I can't go through the stress again and work full time. If I can be a stay at home mom that's a totally different story. Childcare is way too expensive in NYC to have more than one child.

KBowen715 · December 2014

Hey there- I dare not reply at first because my LO had just started STTN. Now that it has been awhile, I feel safer sharing advice-

I found that in the middle of the night, I was immediately going I to P's room as soon as I heard him fuss. Usually I would put him in bed with me and nurse. I started giving him a few minutes when I first heard him and found that 50% of the time he would put himself back to sleep. For the other 50% (after 5-10 of letting him fuss), I would go in and make sure he had his paci and that he was warm (readjust jammies, blankie). After a week or so of this, he just started staying asleep for 10 hours. It has been magic. Obviously every baby is different, but just wanted to share my experience.

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