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TTC After a Loss
Ruthie3667
member
Should we try again after multiple losses (LC warning)
Ruthie3667
member
Hello ladies,
I need your advice, I am at my wits end! My husband (42 years old) and I (32 years old) have been trying to conceive for three now, since he had a vasectomy reversal. He has a son from a previous marriage that lives with us half the week; he shares equal custody with his ex wife but we get the little guy (8) more because she works a lot.
Side note: My husband never wanted another child, hence the vasectomy, and neither did I. But when I saw him with his son and how wonderful he was as a father (almost maternal) something changed in me and after a couple of years all I wanted was to add to our family and he agreed!
Because of my unexplained infertility and his low sperm count as a result of the reversal we had to resort to fertility treatments. We did 7 rounds of IUI which resulted in one BFP that ended in miscarriage at 7 weeks. We then moved on to IVF and were lucky to get pregnant right away with boy/girl twins! Needless to say we were over the moon but still cautious because of the last loss. We waited to consummate 12 weeks and then went out and bought a new car and stroller and well went hog wild over twinsie gear. Then the unthinkable happened, I went into labor at 23 weeks and 2 days and lost the babies. My daughter's water broke and she died inside me but I was able to hold my son and was able to experience a love I ca't even fully explain, it was what I imagine love at first sight is like. He passed away in my arms after 30 minutes. They said the loss was due to an incompetent cervix. Both my husband and I were heartbroken. However after feeling that intoxicating love for my son I knew I had to try again, that I could not live my life not having that love be part of my world.
I love my step-son but since my little boy I know the difference between the love for a step-son and the love for my own child. Maybe that is harsh but there was such a wave of love for someone I barely knew, well I was just blown away. Needless to say we tried again 2 months later and I was again lucky enough to get a bfp. But when I went in for my 6 week ultrasound the baby's heart hate was nay 82bpm, the nurse told us to wait it out and see if it went up. A week later we went back in and the little one's heart rate was up within normal range. Also my pregnancy symptoms were getting really intense (For each of the pregnancies I got severe morning sickness that started at 5 weeks). I was so happy and my husband and I breathed a sigh of relief. It wasn't meant to be tho, at three months I lost the baby, I found out at an ultrasound appointment and had a D&C the following week.
That was almost a month ago. Since then I have been an emotional wreck. I vacillate from wanted a child so badly to extreme fear of having a child, what if it happens again. And because I have OCD and anxiety what if I have tried and fought for this so long that I end up having a child and having no connection to that child or worse I want to harm the child! I am scared but I am worried that if I don't have a child I will regret it for the rest of my life. My husband is scared for me too, he thinks another loss will break me. He is happy with his little guy, but every time I see them play or cuddle (which is a lot and maybe it makes me selfish) I want to feel that to have that connection and to be a mom. I just don't know what to do and would appreciate any advice or insight anyone could give me. Should I give in to fear and just face the fact that maybe I am not meant to be a mom or should I try again and see what happens. I have two or three frozen embryos left and the time to renew the freezing for another year or discard the embryos and let go is coming up at the end of february. HELP!
I need your advice, I am at my wits end! My husband (42 years old) and I (32 years old) have been trying to conceive for three now, since he had a vasectomy reversal. He has a son from a previous marriage that lives with us half the week; he shares equal custody with his ex wife but we get the little guy (8) more because she works a lot.
Side note: My husband never wanted another child, hence the vasectomy, and neither did I. But when I saw him with his son and how wonderful he was as a father (almost maternal) something changed in me and after a couple of years all I wanted was to add to our family and he agreed!
Because of my unexplained infertility and his low sperm count as a result of the reversal we had to resort to fertility treatments. We did 7 rounds of IUI which resulted in one BFP that ended in miscarriage at 7 weeks. We then moved on to IVF and were lucky to get pregnant right away with boy/girl twins! Needless to say we were over the moon but still cautious because of the last loss. We waited to consummate 12 weeks and then went out and bought a new car and stroller and well went hog wild over twinsie gear. Then the unthinkable happened, I went into labor at 23 weeks and 2 days and lost the babies. My daughter's water broke and she died inside me but I was able to hold my son and was able to experience a love I ca't even fully explain, it was what I imagine love at first sight is like. He passed away in my arms after 30 minutes. They said the loss was due to an incompetent cervix. Both my husband and I were heartbroken. However after feeling that intoxicating love for my son I knew I had to try again, that I could not live my life not having that love be part of my world.
I love my step-son but since my little boy I know the difference between the love for a step-son and the love for my own child. Maybe that is harsh but there was such a wave of love for someone I barely knew, well I was just blown away. Needless to say we tried again 2 months later and I was again lucky enough to get a bfp. But when I went in for my 6 week ultrasound the baby's heart hate was nay 82bpm, the nurse told us to wait it out and see if it went up. A week later we went back in and the little one's heart rate was up within normal range. Also my pregnancy symptoms were getting really intense (For each of the pregnancies I got severe morning sickness that started at 5 weeks). I was so happy and my husband and I breathed a sigh of relief. It wasn't meant to be tho, at three months I lost the baby, I found out at an ultrasound appointment and had a D&C the following week.
That was almost a month ago. Since then I have been an emotional wreck. I vacillate from wanted a child so badly to extreme fear of having a child, what if it happens again. And because I have OCD and anxiety what if I have tried and fought for this so long that I end up having a child and having no connection to that child or worse I want to harm the child! I am scared but I am worried that if I don't have a child I will regret it for the rest of my life. My husband is scared for me too, he thinks another loss will break me. He is happy with his little guy, but every time I see them play or cuddle (which is a lot and maybe it makes me selfish) I want to feel that to have that connection and to be a mom. I just don't know what to do and would appreciate any advice or insight anyone could give me. Should I give in to fear and just face the fact that maybe I am not meant to be a mom or should I try again and see what happens. I have two or three frozen embryos left and the time to renew the freezing for another year or discard the embryos and let go is coming up at the end of february. HELP!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Should we try again after multiple losses (LC warning)
After I loss my son at 20 weeks due to PTL, talking with an MFM in order to get a game plan in place for a future pregnancy was a huge comfort to both my husband and I.
The day the Bump died - Jasper is wise
DX: Adenomyosis, Compounded MTHFR, PAI-1 4G variant
DH: 34
MFI due to Testicular Cancer
Married March 2012
IVF w/ICSI #1
10 little polar bears
FET #1 with 2 polar bears ~Nov 6, 2013 BFN
FET # 2 with 2 more polar bears ~March 19, 2014 BFP!!!
Beta 1= 276
Beta 2= 662
4/19/14 ~ baby A became an angel
5/02/14 ~ baby B became an angel
5/3/14 ~ D&C
FET #3 with 1 male polar bear ~October 3, 2014
October 13, 2014 ~ BFN
Fur Children: Memphis 3y, Dutch 3y, Marcel 2y, Meadow 1y
January 2015 Siggy Challenge TTCAL
Animals Interacting with Snow
DX: Adenomyosis, Compounded MTHFR, PAI-1 4G variant
DH: 34
MFI due to Testicular Cancer
Married March 2012
IVF w/ICSI #1
10 little polar bears
FET #1 with 2 polar bears ~Nov 6, 2013 BFN
FET # 2 with 2 more polar bears ~March 19, 2014 BFP!!!
Beta 1= 276
Beta 2= 662
4/19/14 ~ baby A became an angel
5/02/14 ~ baby B became an angel
5/3/14 ~ D&C
FET #3 with 1 male polar bear ~October 3, 2014
October 13, 2014 ~ BFN
Fur Children: Memphis 3y, Dutch 3y, Marcel 2y, Meadow 1y
January 2015 Siggy Challenge TTCAL
Animals Interacting with Snow
Maybe that time will come for you, and maybe it won't. Only you will know. I will say that if you are at all unsure and have the ability to do so, pay for another year of freezing...just in case.
((((HUGS)))) and welcome.
DX Endometriosis 2/2002 (lost left tube due to a cyst), PCOS 6/2010
BFP - 10/18/2012, EDD - 6/26/2013, Baby Girl lost at 22 weeks (T21), D&E 2/15/2013
BFP - 4/23/2014, EDD - 1/2/2015 Twin Boys lost at 12 weeks, M/C 6/25/2014
My chart here All ALers welcome!
My Ovulation Chart
IUI#3 brought us our dragon baby Z
TTCAL January 2015 Siggy Challenge: Animal Snow Interactions
I lost my twin girls at 21 weeks to incompetent cervix a little over 2 years ago. If you want to chat about what plan my MFM has for me moving forward feel free to PM me.
TTC #3 since June 2013
BFP #1 7/21/2013--EDD 3/30/14--D&C 9/24/13
BFP #2 1/28/14--MC 2/7/14
IUI #1 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
IUI #2 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
IUI #3 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
Sending you big ((hugs))
08/2011: Clomid 50mg, IUI --> BFN ,
10/2011: Clomid 100mg, IUI --> BFN
04/13: Clomid, IUI BFP --> MC at 6w1d
05/13: Femara 2.5mg, IUI --> BFN , 08/13: Femara 2.5mg --> BFN
03/14: Femara 5mg, IUI --> 1 follicle @ 27d --> BFP! EDD 12/02/14--> blighted ovum, missed MC 6w6d --> D&C
4/23: D&C...starting over again, with a little part of my heart broken off
7/14: Femara 5mg + brevelle + menopur + IUI --> converted to IVF, ER 7/28 --> ET cancelled due to severe OHSS.
9/20/14: Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFP--> EDD 6/6/15 --> MC at 5w3d
10/16/14: Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFN
2/6/15: Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFP --> MC at 5w4d
3/20/16: PGS-tested Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFP, Living Child born 12/1/15
6/6/17: Fresh IVF Cycle --> Severe OHSS, 5 PGS-tested embryos frozen
2/23/18: PGS-tested FET --> BFN
3/30/18: Cancelled cycle due to lining 4.2mm
I agree with PPs only you and YH can make the choice to try again. I've had the se struggle with every loss, but my desire for my own child out weighs my fear of another loss.
I'm not in quite the same situation as you, but can relate when it comes to your SS. Its tough. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk about it.
((Hugs))
Dx: Me: Recurrent Pregnancy Loss; DH: Low Morphology (2%)
BFP#1: MC 3/1/11 at 6w1d - EDD 10/21/11
BFP#3: MC 2/8/14 at 4w5d - EDD 10/13/14
BFP#6: CP 11/6/14 at 4w2d - EDD 7/14/15
IVF #1 with ICSI & PGS: May/June 2015, ER 6/3/15, 17R/17M/15F
IVF #2 with ICSI & PGS: July 2015, ER 7/16/15, 16R/11M/9F
PGS results = 6 normal embryos (4 boys, 2 girls)
FET 9/23/15 = BFFN