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NBR- I hate disappointing friends

4littlebears4littlebears member
edited December 2014 in January 2015 Moms
NBR, but I know I'm taking it extra hard because I'm just hormonal and tired right now. 

I guess our friends had thought we had made new years plans with them, but on our side we never felt like there had been any commitment from them. It was pretty much, "Do you guys have plans for new years?" "We don't know yet..." So we said yes to our other friends when they invited us over to their house. We had wanted to have a few people over for new years, but either there were other plans or not really an answer either way. So now, our friends are hurt. And I'm hurt. Because I hate disappointing people. I'm not the most socially confident of people, plus I suffer with chronic depression, PTSD from childhood, and really low self esteem. Now I can't stop beating myself up for letting this one slip by me. I was trying to let DH take some of the responsibility of finding out if they were coming. This is what happens when you let men try to invite people. But I thought I was skipping a step by letting DH talk to his friend since they don't go anywhere/do anything without his say so. I've tried going through my friend, but it always ends up DH talking to his friend for the final word. So yeah, I've been crying and feeling like the worst friend on the planet. Damn you hormones and depression...  

Thanks if you made it all the way through.
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Re: NBR- I hate disappointing friends

  • rayna912rayna912 member
    Sorry you feel like that :(
    I'm similar when it comes to disappointing people. I always try to make sure everyone is happy.
    I would just apologize and explain it was a miscommunication. I'm sure they will understand.
    And yes, leaving any planning up to men can sometimes be disasterous. My H is terrible at it.
    Hope it all works out.
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  • mshepherd20mshepherd20 member
    I'm so sorry that you are going through this. It's awful when there is a miscommunication and people are let down. Hopefully the whole thing will blow over soon.
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  • KatieFNP1984KatieFNP1984 member
    Could you possibly bring your friends to your other friends' party?
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  • 4littlebears4littlebears member
    KatieFNP1984 said:
    Could you possibly bring your friends to your other friends' party?
    I invited them, but she said no. Then I tried convincing her to come and she still said no. I think she's really feeling badly, I feel horrible. 
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  • 4littlebears4littlebears member
    Thanks ladies. @saiven, you had me crying all over again. Thank you! 

    I'm trying to just remember that it really isn't one person's mistake. It was a miscommunication all around and hopefully they will be more willing to commit next time. I just can't help but feel horrible. I hate disappointing people or thinking I hurt them. 

    I apologized a few times, so I hope she forgives me. 

    Thanks again for letting me cry on here. :(
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  • robsbabygirl08robsbabygirl08 member
    Go ahead and cry it out, but this isn't your fault. I have a friend that never wants to commit to anything, it is super aggravating, but I still find myself feeling guilty when I make other plans because of her lack of commitment. Recently, my filter has been busted and on Christmas I finally told her and her H that its impossible to make plans with them because they are so fickle about their plans. I'm sorry you're feeling like cramp about this though. It's hard trying to please everyone.
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  • amandad715amandad715 member
    In a way, I feel your pain. I ran into an old childhood/teenage years BFF at our local children's museum yesterday with her 1 y/o and parents. I hadn't met him yet as we haven't seen each other in years. She and her H currently live in AZ but have lived in England and New Zealand recently. Nothing happened to our friendship either, we just grew apart towards the end of college.
    Anyways, she asked of we had NY's plans and I explained that we are going to a family-friendly party at our friend's house. It's super-low-key: apps, pizza, dessert and all the kids play until we do a fake countdown around 8. Then we are all home by 9/9:30.
    Then my mouth kept talking and I invited her to this party. My H thinks I overstepped bc no one but one other friend knows her, and I can't figure out how to un-do it. And I'm not super-close with the host enough to see if it's ok that she and her little family come.
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  • 4littlebears4littlebears member
    Thanks @robsbabygirl08, she's such a hard to read person too. It's been a long time that I've been feeling like she just has no interest in me anymore, so I just thought they were trying to make other plans too. Like, at Church, I'll be trying to chat with her and someone else will walk up and she'll give them a hug and big smile and chat a little. Then when she turns back to me (if she hasn't walked away then) it's practically silence. I'd been sort of giving up on her too! But now she's really hurt. I just don't get it and she's not a share your feelings type of person, so there won't be any heartfelt conversation with her either. 
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  • 4littlebears4littlebears member
    amandad715 said:
    In a way, I feel your pain. I ran into an old childhood/teenage years BFF at our local children's museum yesterday with her 1 y/o and parents. I hadn't met him yet as we haven't seen each other in years. She and her H currently live in AZ but have lived in England and New Zealand recently. Nothing happened to our friendship either, we just grew apart towards the end of college. Anyways, she asked of we had NY's plans and I explained that we are going to a family-friendly party at our friend's house. It's super-low-key: apps, pizza, dessert and all the kids play until we do a fake countdown around 8. Then we are all home by 9/9:30. Then my mouth kept talking and I invited her to this party. My H thinks I overstepped bc no one but one other friend knows her, and I can't figure out how to un-do it. And I'm not super-close with the host enough to see if it's ok that she and her little family come.
    Well, hopefully she just won't come. I don't think I would if it was me, I'd feel a little weird going to a big party only knowing one person. It was nice of you to invite her though, lol
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