Ferber vs. Pick up/Put down

Rosebean · December 2014

It's a bit early, but I would like your ladies thoughts on sleep training. With DS, we did Ferber, but for DD, I am considering PU/PD method instead. She just seems... Different. But that's also because she's been spending more time sleeping on me than in her crib. Honestly, when DS was born, I was anti cosleeping. He had to sleep in his own room in his own bed and he did very well with that. We only did Ferber so he could learn to put himself to sleep. With her, she can't make it past a sleep cycle or two on her own without needing assistance. She will sleep 5-6 hours if she's with me, but very little on her own. And because we only have a two bedroom home, she's been in our room since she was born. So I think you can see how she's been attended to a little bit more than her brother was.

Ferber did work for us for her brother, and worked fast. But did anyone here do PU/PD and how did it work for you? Part of me wants to try something different (given she is different) but the other feels that I should stick to what I know.

Rosebean · December 2014

Also, naps are another enigma. She'll put herself to sleep in her swing. But I can't get her to nap in her crib. So that's going to be a part of the whole ball of wax of sleep training too.

mishka29 · December 2014

I remember the first time around - we both had similar sleep issues and did Ferber methods. DD spent 5 weeks sleeping on my in the moby wrap, she would not sleep alone. Pick up put down probably would not have been very successful for her, we kinda needed the cold turkey.

BBS! · December 2014

I like ferber bc the message is clear. Crying doesn't get you picked up but they still don't feel abandoned. According to behavioral psychology, they will cry more and harder if they think eventually it leads to what they want. I'm also biased bc ferber was such a good thing for us!

marshmallows · December 2014

PU/PD seemed to make my boys madder, but I may not have been doing it right. Anytime we tried something from that Ferber book, it worked.

Poppy523 · December 2014

There is no turning back once we pick DD up, putting her back down turns a fussy cry into a hysterical cry.

tamarar5 · December 2014

The same as @Poppy523‌. Pu/pd results in hysterics. If you pick her up, you're done for.

But I'm no help because I just pull her in bed with me and we sleep together.

kleigh926 · December 2014

I never did pick up/put down, but like the others said, my instinct is that would make it worse. If they learn that crying will get someone to pick them up, won't they just keep doing it? With my kids, going in and picking them up makes it worse then when you try to put them down and leave.

Rosebean · December 2014

Thank you so much for your input! I really needed the support to make this decision and DH is absolutely no help at all. We will be sticking to Ferber. It only took DS about 3 nights to really ease into it and I hope she's the same. I think it will be harder on her, given how much more mommy time she gets sleeping with me than he ever did, but the cold turkey will be the biggest aspect to the change. The last thing I want is to make it harder with a method that will make her more upset.

MrsCarroll.6-10-07 · December 2014

She sounds a bit like my #3. I had a harder time sleep training her because we were living in my parents house while our house was built. My family said I was being so mean anytime I let her cry in her bed. So I ended up doing the PU/PD method and just nursed her throughout the night. Her sisters were much easier.

kleigh926 · December 2014

JRomeH said:
When are you planning to start, @Rosebean‌? DD2 was sleeping great until her 4 month regression, and now all naps and sleep are on/with me, and I just can't get anything done that way...but I've never done sleep training this early before...

::Butting in:: I know this is kind of controversial, but I read a few articles that said sleep training a younger infant is actually easier and more effective, because the older they get, the more ingrained bad sleep habits become. This was surprising to me because I had always heard that you shouldn't sleep train before 4-6 months at the earliest. But we really had no choice with DS. He was up constantly and didn't sleep well with me in bed either. He's still not a stellar sleeper but it is better. I also don't believe that allowing a baby to cry for short periods of time is going to damage them emotionally. If their needs are being met in every other way, it doesn't make sense that allowing them to cry a little in order to establish better sleeping patterns is going to be harmful.

BBS! · December 2014

I did sleep training at 4 months for this reason! However, it was just to fall asleep and not stay asleep. I figured he might still need food at night and was waking just once. I truly believe starting early helped and he had already found his hands to self soothe

Rosebean · December 2014

@JRomeH‌ I am planning on doing it sometime in the next week or so. She'll be 5 months. I did it at 4 months with DS and he is an excellent sleeper. I read Ferber before we used the technique on DS so I could understand the why and the author says training should start no earlier than 3 months. I really could start with her any day now, but I guess I am just enjoying my last week of baby cuddles. Sorta.

And, same as you, she used to sleep great before her 4 month regression too. But now I know for sure that my attempts to make that easier on myself have developed a bad sleeping habit with her. She's over the the regression, but not where she thinks she should be sleeping. If I didn't have her so conveniently close in bed, I wouldn't be falling asleep with her in my arms before I can transfer her over.

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