- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Toddlers: 24 Months+
MargyLiz
member
Help - How do i teach my 3YO how to self-soothe?
MargyLiz
member
Recently bedtime in my house has been a nightmare. I'm not sure how we got where we are, but now I feel like my husband and I have fallen completely off course and need some serious help with how to teach my (almost) 3 year old daughter to self-soothe and get to bed more easily.
A little background - I work full time in retail management - translation - my schedule is a terrible revolving mess and I don't know what it will be from week to week. My kids (almost 3 and 18 months) go to daycare at an in home daycare three days a week and spend one day with their great aunt. The other 4 days that are home with either my husband or myself; on occasion we get a full day home with the 4 of us together.
Typically, due to my schedule, my husband is the primary parent at night. He has taken on the burden of bedtime and to survive it has created what are likely bad habits/routine. My 18 month old goes down just fine - brush teeth, sing a song, put her in her crib by 7:15pm and she's done for the night. My (almost) 3 year old is a completely different story. 7:30 starts the bathroom ritual, then two books, lights out 2 songs in one of our arms, tuck in, one more song, good night kiss and we're gone - until she calls us back or gets out of bed. We then continue to check on her as she gets up out of bed or cries for about 2 hours.
I've found myself home at night more often recently so I have tried to step in at bed time and give my husband a break. Well, a mistake that has been. My daughter now wants me to run her ritual but then wants to call for my husband and insist that he put her to bed at the end. Essentially, she manipulates the situation until we are both ragged and ready to scream.
Please, I know we are doing a lot wrong and I'm trying to fix it for the sake of my daughter, judge silently and send some helpful stuff our way! TIA
A little background - I work full time in retail management - translation - my schedule is a terrible revolving mess and I don't know what it will be from week to week. My kids (almost 3 and 18 months) go to daycare at an in home daycare three days a week and spend one day with their great aunt. The other 4 days that are home with either my husband or myself; on occasion we get a full day home with the 4 of us together.
Typically, due to my schedule, my husband is the primary parent at night. He has taken on the burden of bedtime and to survive it has created what are likely bad habits/routine. My 18 month old goes down just fine - brush teeth, sing a song, put her in her crib by 7:15pm and she's done for the night. My (almost) 3 year old is a completely different story. 7:30 starts the bathroom ritual, then two books, lights out 2 songs in one of our arms, tuck in, one more song, good night kiss and we're gone - until she calls us back or gets out of bed. We then continue to check on her as she gets up out of bed or cries for about 2 hours.
I've found myself home at night more often recently so I have tried to step in at bed time and give my husband a break. Well, a mistake that has been. My daughter now wants me to run her ritual but then wants to call for my husband and insist that he put her to bed at the end. Essentially, she manipulates the situation until we are both ragged and ready to scream.
Please, I know we are doing a lot wrong and I'm trying to fix it for the sake of my daughter, judge silently and send some helpful stuff our way! TIA
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Help - How do i teach my 3YO how to self-soothe?
Around 3, we changed to the "check in" method which works for us. Bath, pajamas, toothbrush, one story, then bedtime. We promise to "check in" on him in 5 minutes, although we never actually go in at 5 minutes. By the time we do check in on him, he's out cold. This newer routine wouldn't have worked for us when he was younger, there would have been screaming, crying, and working himself up until he physically was incapable of falling asleep. But time is a magical thing. So if something isn't working for you right now, try again in another week.
As others said, I would also put my foot down on who runs bedtime. I'm being a little hypocritical because I give in to requests that my generally much more easygoing DS2 makes. But I cannot give in to anything that DS1 asks for. With him, you do it once and you are toast.
I tried to take over the bed time routine tonight - and almost succeeded. My husband and I have some talking to do so we settle on one routine - I like to lay out the plan and he is often found thinking that maybe that one more book/song will do the trick. . . .
In any case, it sounds crazy, but I practiced throughout the day with DD1 making sure her emotions and needs were tended too but sticking firm in my resolve on things. By the end of the night it was quite pleasant how easy it was to guide each step in the process of winding down having had only one major blow out before starting the routine. I had her right till the end - then as I turned to leave her room after our final good-nights she slithered like a snake onto her floor. That's when it all ends.
How do you all feel about the put them back in bed over and over method? That's what I've been doing for just two days now. Anyone else have any success with this method?
Any one have any experience in stopping the melt down before it turns crazy as it so quickly does?
That's what we had to do with DS1. Over and over again for 2 hours straight with him screaming. Hopefully with most kids it doesn't get that bad. 2nd night was 1 hour 15 minutes. Third night was 20 minutes. And he was a revolving door, climbing off the bed to follow me out as soon as I set him down. But it worked. I took the first 2 nights because I'm just better with this stuff (more stubborn) and DH took the 3rd.
No advice on avoiding the meltdown. I have one with ASD, so it's meltdown city over here, at times. Nothing works with him except to deny attention while not giving him whatever else he wants. Deny, deny, deny until you can't stand it anymore, and then keep going anyway.
Good luck, it's good that you made some progress with the routine part at least. The rest, you will just have to stick to your guns.