How was everyones Christmas???

KirstenAlecia · December 2014

The board seems so quiet. I thought the perfect post to get us talking would be to find out how your holiday went. Good bad or otherwise lets hear it!

(LOSS and living child MENTIONED)

I was MIA a bit. I had my daughter for a time and spent a lot of time with her. We were also very busy with the holidays...lots of plans. More so that usual. Being that i had my loss a few weeks ago Christmas was SUPER tight as far as a gift budget since i had to turn down work. I took my daughter to an art paint along instead of buying her a bunch of crap. She is very artistic and likes to sketch and draw and dabble in painting. We had the best time! It was the brightest spot in my life the last few weeks thats for sure! We also spent time with my parents where my daughter and my mom put together the gingerbread house kit my mother made. It was fun to watch them and have a good, peaceful family moment. We also did this thing called a Christmas Caravan. Its where you get together as a group of people and each person plans an appetizer. You go from house to house and each person serves their appetizer and we spend half an hour at each house to it takes a long time but its fun and a good time is pretty much guaranteed as well as lots of yummy snacks.Our house was last so not only did people stay longer but my appetizer turned out amazing.....which i was worried about being the last house! will try and post some pics!

Christmas and Christmas Eve itself were Okay. Christmas Eve was rough. I had been having a few rough days and Christmas Eve compounded it. My brother and sister in law announced their pregnancy. I warned my sister I would be stepping out of the house for the announcement. I did so. When i went outside I lost it. My brother came out and talked to me for a bit. He tried real hard to help me feel better but you know how that is. My husband lost his $hit on me. He was SO SO ANGRY. Threatened to leave me there to find my own ride and that he is sick of me and how I embarrass him. I am rethinking having a child with him even if the dr says its okay. My husband treats me well most of the time......but in all things surrounding loss.....he does not.

Christmas was nice. Peaceful. Spent with his family. It was the Christmas Norm. Food, family, gifts and lazing about relaxing. I took a nap to make the time pass.

All in all while my daughter was here I had a really great time.....she is a WONDERFUL distraction. She has to take off before Christmas actually came. So that was a big ol bummer.

I got my hubby just a pair of shoes and cologne for Christmas. He did much better for me. I got the new iPhone 6, the softest pajamas ever, a bottle of Stella Cidre with some fancy glasses and a bean bag newborn poser for photographer (this will make taking photos of the babies SOOOOO much easier) I have wanted one for years but its expensive. I always LOVE when I get something photography related!

So what all did you ladies do? Where did you go? What did ya give/get?? I hope everyone had a really good Christmas!

vh2014 · December 2014

It HAS been quiet.. found myself lurking on other boards and overlaying charts LOL.

Our Christmas was much nicer than I thought. I lost my $hit Christmas eve on DH but in a melt down kind of way. Felt like the whole holiday was going to be a disaster and since I was sure we'd be KTFU by Christmas given my past ease it sort of hit home on top of trying to juggle schedules and him wanting to run it his way and me mine... but once I had my melt down we talked through it all and it turned out really well.

My DD stayed over and we had a nice Christmas morning, then went to see his family who joined us with mine... which made everything we had discussed the day before work out. Seems he always feels left out and odd with mine. We got each other silly presents because we just spent a lot of money on other things this year.

Totally understand about the newborn poser. I used to use those airline pillows. I started working from home and had a storefront studio for a while and all I wanted was stuff for the business. I'm a Canon girl and my most prized posession was probably my 24-70 L series. Even though I've gone back to my corporate career that lens is still my favorite. I kept some of my equipment and it's come in handy on occassion. I still love it on my terms... my mortgage depending on it was just too hard.

KirstenAlecia · December 2014

@vh2014 Oh man.....Christmas schedules with families are the hardest! We used to fight over them all the time. This year THAT was probably the easiest it ever has been!

Girl......How did I not know/miss that you are a photographer???? I feel you on the stability issue of photography and making the bills. The only reason I get to do it is because we don't rely on my income. Im really a stay at home wife with a part time gig. The 24-70 L series is my next big purchase! It will be under the tree hopefully next year.....lol. Im telling hubby now what I want next year. lol. Super excited about the poser though......Im no longer in a studio as of this month and will be a traveling for newborns......or making the extra room in our home a shooting room......we are getting "wood" floors in a couple months and I have studio lighting so....we will see!

WinoGrrl · December 2014

Christmas was ok - a LOT of family. I love my family, but I also don't like spending a ton of time with them - so it was stressful. I managed to convince DH and my siblings that we didn't need to do gifts this year, which was probably the best gift for myself ever. I hate shopping. I did get a gift for my mom (which she complained about immediately) and my nephews (which they loved).

Day after christmas I got AF a week early so that was kind of the crappy icing on the sh!tty cake. DH was really great about it (shared his disappointment but also pep-talked me and let me deal with it how I wanted) and I drank ALL THE THINGS the whole rest of the weekend.

I'm looking forward to NYE - originally that was supposed to be CD1 and I was a little worried about testing before going out and then having to tell my brother and his gf right away why I wasn't drinking but now I guess I just get to celebrate with everyone.

@KirstenAlecia sorry your DH is being such a jerk about the loss

I'm jealous of both of you being photographers! I wish I had that talent - I try but I pretty much suck at taking photos and just let DH handle the whole thing.

KirstenAlecia · December 2014

@WinoGrrl You know what we do as far as gifts cause its overwhelmng spending so much? We pull names. This year everyone is coupled up so couples pulled couples and planed a date night for each other. There is a limit......we spent over that since the only having to buy for one instead of all puts us at no financial burden. We got our couple a date night at the paint along art class...the same thing i did for my daughter cause its hella fun. Along with a gift card for dinner. So we spent $50 over the limit but no biggie....nobody knows lol.

Yup DH is a douche will all things loss....but i REALLY know this now and I know I have to grieve in secret. He knows something is wrong often but pretends it isn't that........asks whats wrong and then says "well i don't know why you don't tell me" when i tell him "its nothing" BS....he knows whats

wrong......i just can't rely on him.

I love being a photographer but it has taken me years to learn......its a talent and a all but there is also a huge amount of learning that goes into it....Im sure @vh2014 will attest to that! lol

CML11 · December 2014

Christmas morning we open presents just the two of us and had our time alone for that. I got an IPad Mini, case, screen things, heating blanket, PJs, scarf and stocking stuffers.

Then we hosted Christmas and it went pretty smooth. My parents are still freshly divorced(under 1 year) so holidays are tough. Luckily for us my dad took a trip to NJ to visit my oldest brother, so it made it much easier to have my mom and her new husband over. So my youngest brother and his wife also came, so there were 6 of us. It was really laid back and relaxed thankfully. Each holiday I get so anxious about which one is going to get left out, so glad we got thru another holiday without that guilt.

@KirstenAlecia‌ I'm sorry your DH was such an ass. He clearly just doesn't get it. That really sucks, I'm sorry. I'm glad that you got those special moments with your daughter though. She will treasure that I'm sure!

waterbaby318 · December 2014

Hi, I don't want to rehash my whole holidays but there was good and bad. My dad came from Michigan with his new wife and stayed for a few days so that was great. I don't see him very often and I miss him a lot. My parents have been divorced for like 6 or 7 years and my mom was also here so it was a little awkward but everyone gets along fine.

Anyhow, gearing up to go to the husband's family cabin in the woods for New Years. Feeling kind of ticked at DH though because I this morning I had another + OPK and I asked him if we could squeeze in a quicky before work and he like snapped at me, "I'm not in the mood to tell you the truth." He never snaps at me like that. Whatevs...

Davie813 · December 2014

@KirstenAlecia, I'm so sorry your DH is being that way. If he's really not like that about other (non-loss) stuff, that's very weird. I do wonder what's going on in his mind.

Christmas was--a blur, really. I was on a nightmare deadline at work, so I worked in the car on the way to the in-laws, worked at the in-laws, worked in the car on the way back, and showed up at work yesterday still behind. I'm not a big Christmas person anyway, though, and it was actually kind of nice to have an IL buffer, so no complaints.

It sounds like everyone had some kind of family/DH drama (or at least discomfort) going on. Hugs all around, and here's to the holiday being over! Happy New Year!

KirstenAlecia · December 2014

@CML11 Sounds like a nice quiet holiday.

I think my daughter definitely loved her visit. Im pretty sure she wants to move back but my H wont let her. She can be difficult......I will admit that. Its her age.....she is a bit self centered in some ways (and not so much in others) You know how it is.....you know everything.....and later you realize (after you get some real world/life experience) that you don't. lol. She has a lot of growing up to do. I miss her a lot though. And no....H doesn't get it. I have come to the realization he never will.

KirstenAlecia · December 2014

@Davie813 I wasn't feeling the holidays this year either girl.....Yup I am glad its over. Im sorry your so slammed with work. I know that is stressful. Can you squeeze in a massage sometime? Something for you? I know I would except my body is so riddled with knots even what is meant to be the most relaxing massage hurts....but i know most people LOVE them! lol. H has his moments where he is a total ass......but for the most part yes its loss centered. Been a long time since we had problems other wise. Im actually used to it now.

@waterbaby318 Im sorry to here your H is being like mine. I don't know if he is the type where you can find out whats in his head or not.........but maybe thats a good idea. How nice to see your dad. It must be hard to be away from him.....i would have a hard time without mine. We are close. I hope your New Year is better. hugs

vh2014 · December 2014

KirstenAlecia I went back to corporate about 5 years ago. Love photography so much more now. Probably would have been ok if I hadn't been the sole income.

Nikolie93 · December 2014

Hey ladies!

@KirstenAlecia‌ I'm so sorry YH acted that way.

do you think he's just dealing with the loss really bad?

Oh, and since there are photographers here I'm so glad I posted my camera phone, over edited, sky pics over on TTCAL and not here hahaha

I want to give each of you hugs and I'd like to respond to each one but I'm on mobile in the back of a bumpy car

**SIL's kids mentioned**

My Christmas was ok but I did find myself going down to the basement to let go a few times. My SIL was there with her 3 "accident" children so it was a bit hard, especially when they started opening presents.

It doesn't help that my MIL said to me prior that "well, if it's not meant to be, it just won't be. At least you have a handsome nephew and 2 beautiful nieces to love"

Ok, they live 800+ miles away and IT'S NOT THE SAME THING! hell, it's not even close. Grrrrr

meredithcarole · December 2014

My Christmas was relatively boring. We did have my brother-in-law and his partner and my BFF and her husband for dinner on Christmas Eve. Christmas Day is was just H and I.

Astoria1587 · December 2014

@KirstenAlecia‌, hang in there. I'm so sorry for the way your dh acted. This whole process makes people act differently than we think they should.

Our christmas was overall really good compared to the past few years, but...my mother would not stop making jabs about my weight. For the first time in my life she weighs less than me and she's sooooo rubbing it in my face. Everything was "well, clearly you like to eat" or "that dress is huge I bet you take every bit of it". Good times. If anything, it's given me motivation.

KirstenAlecia · December 2014

@Astoria1587 Yup my H sucks. Im sorry for you too.....your mom should not be like that! Moms of all people shouldn't be like that. I wish I could hug you. That had to hurt. If you can turn it into motivation thats awesome.....I say go for it! Why do the people who should be loving on us during the hard times have to be such douchebags??

@Meredithcarol I think there have been past years I would have LOVED to have a holiday just H and I (not this year)

@Nikolie93 Im totally going to scope out your photos!!! How is that board by the way?.....been thinking about checking it out. I love this board so much but sometimes I feel like I unload on these poor ladies way too much....lol. I do not think H is dealing with the loss bad......he doesn't feel like we lost anything...... he told me so. He has no sadness over it. Im sorry your MIL is insensitive........same comment i said above applies......douchebag. Why do we ladies have to deal with it when what we need is compassion.

Man...I was hoping to hear about some awesome presents or wonderful reunions.....meh!

I do feel blessed to have a loving family.....but i totally get it.

wannabmama23 · December 2014

@KirstenAlecia‌ sorry DH is being, well, an ass.

@meredithcarole‌ a quiet Christmas can be nice, MH and I plan on doing that next year, well maybe not if we get lucky this year. No way my parents would let that happen if there was a grandchild ha!

Our Christmas was nice. Christmas Eve with a friend's family who are essentially my family now. They have two young teens who are adorable and sweet and still want to hang with us old fogeys, so that's fun. Christmas Day was with DH's family at his sister's. His mom was supposed to be there but decided, after requesting that his sister host bc she was having problems with her own sister and didn't want to go to her family's usual gathering, to go to her own family and leave us kids alone (DH's sister already had bought food and invited her husband's family, etc.) so that was annoying. But, we kids actually had an awesome fun day and his sis did a great job. We never talked to his mom at all and I'm sure she made up some story to tell her family that made us look like jerks. She's a piece of work.
Then we flew to my parents for the weekend. That was a really nice weekend, it was great to see them and we made Christmas cookies and played games (and they treated us to an awesome steak dinner). So other than DH's mom's crazy behavior, the rest was quite nice.

vh2014 · December 2014

KirstenAlecia yes... definitely can attest to a lot of learning and some trial and error about everything. It's all about lighting, angles, and knowing your settings technically and then throw in some art and oh yeah, business knowledge, and if you do portraits/weddings you have to be patient and have good people skills too. Roll that all together and then deal with the frustration of every Christmas a million young girls and soccer moms get cameras and declare themselves photographers. Some of them really are and develp into amazing talent, but some just undercut your prices because they don't take into account the dollars spent on training, equipment, marketing, and all the other stuff. Ok... off my soapbox now. LOL. I really did enjoy it and loved training new photographers.

How old is your DD? Mine is 23 and they sound identical.

Astoria1587 good for you for turning that into motivation. My mom's mom used to nag her about her weight and it made her want to eat more. My DH has been telling me I could go to the gym and it makes me want to not go.He's trying to help because he knows I enjoy it but it just annoys me. I did lose a bunch of weight last year but it was for me.

@cml11 nice quiet holiday is my DH's dream. He'd be so jealous.

Nikolie93 don't be self conscious about your pictures. Photographers don't always take great ones either and I actually saw one competition where one of the blue ribbons was given to an iPhone photo. I was worried about my snapshots when I was a photographer and people judging my ability based on photos I took for myself/ Facebook.... now I just enjoy the moment.

Austrogermokee · December 2014

MIL and FIL came up from Florida for the week. It was pretty low-key and relaxing, but by the time they left on Monday I was EXHAUSTED. They talk so much and so loudly! (Italians, yep.) We took them all around Baltimore - Inner Harbor, Federal Hill, the Walters - and made a Seven Fishes dinner on Christmas Eve.

Funny story: I make an annual family cookbook as my Christmas gift (everyone sends me recipes, I compile them and DH adds illustrations), and my husband was making his mom's shrimp recipe - and instead he COOKED THE COOKBOOK. He turned on the wrong burner, and eventually we all noticed the smell of burning plastic. Hilarious.

We gave the IL's an update on the IF situation and they were very supportive. FIL was shocked to find out that something like one out of eight couples deal with IF - he thought it was much less common. As I put it, "So if you ask a couple when they're having kids, there's a seven out of eight chance you're being nosy and rude, and a one out of eight chance you're being an irredeemable d**kwad."

We also drove up to PA for GMIL's surprise 90th birthday party, which was a lot of fun and also exhausting. One cousin started making jokes about what my and DH's children would be like, which made me feel so depressed, particularly since AF had shown up on Christmas Day.

So, tonight, we're having a relaxing night in just for us. I'm making an appetizer feast - crab dip, antipasto, shrimp cocktail, buffalo chicken dip - and we're going to drink wine and watch movies in our pajamas.

dream2be3 · December 2014

@Astoria1587 - I would've literally slapped my mom if she said something like that to me! I'm so sorry you had to deal with that, especially from a person who should be your biggest supporter.

Sorry to hear that some of you others had unpleasant experiences during the holiday as well:-( The holiday's should be a happy time, a time to celebrate - I wish everyone would've had that kind of holiday.

I was totally in the Christmas spirit, and excited for the holiday's, up until the week of. I don't know what made me lose interest all of a sudden. Maybe the fact that we had so many places to go and there wasn't a day for just DH and I? Or maybe the thought of having an IUI the day after Christmas and knowing it would be one of the last ones (one more month of injectables + IUI if no BFP for this month)? I don't know, I was just not into it and am glad it is over.

My family and extended family are pretty "normal" and everyone gets along well so there is never any drama which is nice. It was great seeing all my aunts, uncles, cousins, etc but kind of hard to see all the little ones.

Nikolie93 · December 2014

@KirstenAlecia I am so sorry YH feels that way. I am not sure how I would be able to deal with it. So many hugs to you

As for the TTCAL board..I love the ladies over there as well. It is a bit different but I suggest you go over there and lurk a bit, get to know the board, then do an intro. It won't hurt anything and they give some great support over there as well! I would never leave this board just to go over there though. There are way too many amazing ladies here. :x

@vh2014 The only reason I am self conscious is because I don't want people to think I am awesome. I just really love sky pictures. Maybe I will start a thread here and we can share some stuff

wannabmama23 · December 2014

@Austrogermokee‌ this cracks me up!
"As I put it, "So if you ask a couple when they're having kids, there's a seven out of eight chance you're being nosy and rude, and a one out of eight chance you're being an irredeemable d**kwad."
Good point!

hooligans4 · December 2014

Hugs to you @KirstenAlecia.

Me, you and @vh2014 should start a mother of a late teen/early 20's support group. Boy do I need one!!!!

We had a busy but good Christmas. All our family is local so the two days was spent going from house to house.

Best part was giving my 87 year old grandmother an ipad so she can face time the few family members that aren't on Long Island. She was like a kid in a candy store when we turned it on and face timed her from the other room. She kept fluffing her hair as she looked at herself on the screen. It was quite funny. Unfortunately I've been sick and haven't been able to get over to her house to show her how to use it and put an iTunes card on so she can get some aps.
She is a very simple and old fashion lady so technology is intimidating to her but I figured an ipad would be fun. We shall see.

KirstenAlecia · December 2014

@vh2014 DD is 18 years old. I agree with @Hooligans4 we need a teen/early 20s support group....lol. So so very appropriate!

As for photography.....man, everything you said is SPOT ON. Moms with cameras.....bane of my existence!

Austrogermokee H cooking the cookbook.....I giggle snorted at the thought of that! That however is something I would no not my H. lol

Teenie16 · January 2015

I kinda feel guilty saying I love our Christmas this year. Since we bought our house and are TTC we decided to stay home, my family is in NJ and his are in Oregon. Which turned out great since AF showed up Christmas Eve morning and I was able to get into the RE office, had my US and finally got the green light to start IUI! So we spent the morning in our PJs opening gifts and talking to family on the phone. I made dinner and we had some friends over and had a pretty relaxing day. I'm guessing if/when we get KTFU this will probably be our last opportunity for such a mellow holiday.

@Astoria1857 I'm so sorry your mom made such hurtful comments about your weight. It's not easy to hear but what Ive learned after SO MANY years of mean digs about my weight, from my grandmother for as long as I can remember, that it's not about you it's about the negative feelings they have about their own weight.

@KirstenAlecia I can't imagine how you are dealing with YH being so inconsiderate to your feelings. Even if he doesn't feel the same way about your loss he doesn't have to be a dick about it! So sorry! Big hugs!

*edited to tag the correct people. Sorry

KirstenAlecia · January 2015

@Teenie16 Don't feel guilty about saying you loved your Christmas...lol. I love to here fellow Bumpies saying they had a good time. In my case here Misery does not love company......Starting this thread I really was hoping to read things that make me smile. So wit that...yeh for your green light and I hope you succeed!

As for H....Im getting used to his dickhead behavior.

Teenie16 · January 2015

@KirstenAlecia‌ thanks for the well wishes. Part of my guilt was board related and part was that it was nice not to have to travel and see my family. I love most of them to death. It's the traveling cross country that sucks.
And as for your H.... you shouldn't have to get used to it, but that's part of marriage..... I guess. Haha!

Nikolie93 · January 2015

I'm glad you had a nice Christmas @Teenie16‌ !

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