Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
princess1686
member
Re: Working mom guilt, how do you deal?
I can't personally relate to feeling guilty about working/ being away from DD- but if you are not really clearing anything or clearing very little, why not have a conversation with your SO/ DH about not working (at least for right now?) Do you work in a profession where you could take a few years off and then return?
I know a lot of women feel guilt, so you are not alone there.
BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12
I have a 1 and 3 year old. I am away from home from 730 to 630 every day. But I honestly don't feel guilty that often. I miss them, yes. But I think it's great that they are cared for by a multiple teachers and one nanny who love them. Also, I find my time with them at night is very enjoyable when I am not exhausted from taking care of them all day. Finally, they nap a lot and they're asleep for like 3-5 hours for the time I'm gone anyway.
You're only gone 2 mornings a week? Honestly, that's really not that much. Your kids will grow up and if you don't maintain your career it's really hard to get it back. It's not about a dollar for dollar calculation of your income vs daycare. It's about the long term view.
2010: Infertility
October 2015: missed miscarriage #2 at 11 weeks (trisomy 22)
I have zero guilt so I can't help you there. But other women do and can perhaps add some perspective on how to cope.
As to the benefits of working when you barely break even- do you carry other benefits such as insurance, retirement/401k, etc. Do you have professional certifications and licenses that need to be maintained? Are there non-paycheck related benefits to continuing to work?
That commute is a killer, I won't lie. Could you try job hunting for something closer?
It isn't necessarily a career killer if you step out of the workplace for a while (career dependent, of course). Many other women re-enter the workforce. It comes down to answering if you can stay home, what that means long term and where you would be happier.
Also, how old is LO?
Newborn? Give it a month or two and see if you still feel the same.
Older and you've felt this way for awhile? See above post.
I don't feel guilty per se, but I do oscillate between wanting to work full time and wanting to work part time to have more time with the kids and to dedicated to home-work. Some reason I am still working full-time are:
- DH is not in support of me going part time
- the short commute and low daycare costs make it worth while
- I have a good pension plan
- my job is fairly flexible if I need to step out for an emergency
- I like to spend money without having to "ask"
- I always think long term, and I would like to make money now while I can in case something happens down the road and I can't work/earn as much
Reasons I want to go part time:
- I always feel overwhelmed with things at home
- I don't get as much time with the kiddos as I'd like
- I'm tired
How I cope with feeling like I want to go part time:
- Take a "slacker" day at work (read: go on the bump and text my sister)
- Buying myself something nice I wouldn't be able to afford otherwise, or fantasizing about same knowing I can buy it if I want to
- Taking it one day at a time
- Remembering that I want my children to have a "village", not just me as a caretaker 100% of the time.
It's tough though, as I would go part-time in a heartbeat...the holidays can be especially tough for this when I'm at work and my SAHM friends are baking and making crafts with their kids. Mine are lucky is they have clean PJ's some days...
I get rid of the guilt by remembering all the good that comes from my working. I'm the primary breadwinner. I love being a lawyer. I'm setting a great example for our daughter by being a happy, fulfilled, high-achieving woman. We are setting a great example for our son by our family dynamic showing him that men can be nurturers and full partners in household things. In my job, I make an impact on the world in a tangible way, which means a lot to me. I can save for my kids' college so they won't come out of school drowning in debt like I did. And when I'm with them, I am totally with them. Focused, engaged, completely in love.
I have moments when I wish things were different than they are, but on the whole I do not feel sustained feeling of guilt about working. Two examples of what I mean:
This morning DH is staying home with my ill daughter, and DS was upset that he and mommy were the only ones going to work and school. I felt bad that we couldn't take the day off together. (I don't feel bad about not being home with DD, though, DH is more than capable and she's so cranky right now b/c she's sick, lol).
Also, the other day at a birthday party I met a woman who was a teacher at my son's school (her daughter goes there also) and it sounded like she had a great set up. She took a step back from teaching while her kid was a baby until just recently when her daughter started kindy. I had a full 24 hours of raging jealousy.
These are moments, though, and they pass.
They are either based in days that are just hard days, and I know there will be hard days whether I work or stay home OR they are based on passing fantasies of how great I think life would be if I had someone else's life. What gets me through those is reminding myself why I made my life choices (I didn't just wake up one day and decide to be a lawyer, I planned and worked really hard for that) and the benefits I glean from that (the money, I have a fun, interesting and challenging job that suits me).
I tell myself that when I tell some mom at a birthday party or play date what I do then at least a percentage of the time (I know not all the time) the SAHM feels a ping of jealously, like she wishes she was at least sometimes working a job, getting a paycheck, interacting with adults, working her brain in a different way than you work it when you are with your kids. Just like a percentage of the time I feel a pang of jealousy when I'm getting a snapshot into someone else's life. The grass is always greener, but you count your blessings for the benefits of what you have vs. what you think you want.
But if being a SAHM is what you want, I suggest the pro con list to really discern if it's what you want, and also just figuring out what you would need to do to make it happen, provided your spouse is on board. That is definitely a couples decision.
I will say that DS was taken care of family until he was 20 months old and DD has been in DC since she was 14 weeks old. Between the two, I prefer the one on one care of family or one on one care of a nanny, so I hear you on that.
I did try to make the nanny thing work or to find a nanny share for DD, but when it didn't work out we did a center. It's fine, but not my first choice. She is safe and well cared for but, you know, if I could do it a little differently I would, so, again, I understand that sentiment.
Having said that, I love centers for older kids - so much so that it's actually one reason having a nanny didn't work out. We could have done it if we pulled DS from DC, but I really didn't want to do that, so we picked what worked best for our family looking at things overall.
I have to say, it took me until DS was 6 or 7 months to really be content with my decision to work. I also changed jobs/employers, and it was a good move - I have a shorter commute, a more flexible schedule, and a boss who is family-friendly. I'm also happier as a working mom.
I agree with a PP's suggestion to make a pro-con list. Make sure to consider future goals. A big reason I work is so we can save more for retirement and for college savings accounts for the kids. If you decide to SAH, will you be bored once you're done having kids and they're all in school? Is it easy to get back into your profession after a period of some years? I think that ultimately, each family makes the decision that is right for them. If it's an option for you to SAH, and you would be happiest doing that, and your H supports it, then I say go for it!
DD1 5.26.12 - Femara, Gonal F and IUI
DD2 10.18.14 - IVF
(That IS a long commute, though!)
Hi there, I can relate with you. I've worked a reduced schedule and I still feel somewhat "guilty" being away from my little girl. Before I had her, I was so used to working and working. Ever since she was born, my passion for a career has dwindled and all I want to do is be with her as much as possible. Even going out for errands or "time outside", I feel somewhat guilty. I try to remind myself it's great my husband and parents, all of us, put in our time for her to be cared for as wonderful as we do. Hang in there. I would think a lot of mommies would love to hug their little ones all day. I think I about her precious face even when I drive away every day.