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Sex.

LucilleAusteroLucilleAustero member
in Parenting

I know I am not really a regular, but that kind of makes it easier to ask about this.

So, I hate pregnant sex. It hurts, I am not into it, yada yada. So, for the 35 weeks I was pregnant, we did it only a handful of times. DS is four months old and we have not done it since his birth. It was a pretty messed up birth, uterine abruption and all the jazz with a NICU stay for my son. But, I am all healed and have been for some time.

I just have no desire. None. Some of that can be attributed to having had mastitis twice and thrush for a month. Baby boy and I bedshare and he still wakes up all night long to feed and I am always tired. But, I seem to have energy to do other things. It is getting weird at this point. My DH has been a saint, he really has.

I am really happy and not anxious, so it is not a PPD/PPA/ PPOCD thing. I just have no desire.

This sound familiar? How do I get my groove back? Fake it til I make it?

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Re: Sex.

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  • pepperedmothpepperedmoth member
    I love what TLex said.

    I agree with "Fake it till you make it" but part of what helped me with that was while I pledged to TRY and have sex with MH once a week, we really prioritized my pleasure.

    So every step of the way he was always checking in to make sure it was pleasurable for me, and changing what we were doing if not, and if there was no salvaging it for me we just stopped because our goal was/is to build up only positive associations with sex for me.

    Time and that touch relationship mentioned above were key.
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  • Rach7170Rach7170 member
    Oh yeah BF has killed my sex drive.
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  • jenmom2girlsjenmom2girls member
    Is it normal to still feel no drive bfing an 18 month old? I really want to want to do it but him even come g near my boobs and I just lose it all together...
    photo 4ce2adad-1d9e-4c29-9468-f2133be5e3b6.jpg  photo 9ed10b7e-0765-4f35-9bc5-9d38551947f8.jpg


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  • SpaceGirlSpiffSpaceGirlSpiff member
    edited December 2014
    I'd suggest the fake it til you make it method too -- I find that the more I do it, the more I start wanting it...but it can be so hard to get the motivation to just DO it when you're not feeling the mood... I know that feeling too well.

    My first pregnancy I had no drive at all and pretty much had to push myself to do it...this time I DO have a drive, however I've been more uncomfortable this entire time (and especially now at the end) and it makes it so I can't really actually enjoy it or get anything out of it :| .  So it kind of sucks either way.

    So ready to get my body back to myself

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  • Soxgirl07Soxgirl07 member
    I so agree with the random touching, and the fake it till you make it idea.

    Being pregnant, I'm so uncomfortable in a lot of positions, we just don't touch like we used to. We were starting to get our normal intimacy back when I got pregnant with this one. We still try to have some intimacy, but honestly, I know it's going to take a concentrated effort to get back in the swing of things once this baby is born. The good thing, at least for me, is I know we've done it before, we can do it again.
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  • bumpuser1691848bumpuser1691848 member
    *Haven't read the comments*

    I still have this problem, and my youngest is 2.5. I talked to my gyno about it and she said fake it til I make it. Well, not those exact words, but you get it.


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  • armandos_girlarmandos_girl member
    We went without sex from about 32 weeks pregnant to about 6 months post pregnancy with my second son.  We were both too busy with a 2 y.o. and a baby and I was suffering from PPD (plus BFing and bedsharing).  I finally decided to fake it until I make it and as boring as it sounds, we just scheduled sex once a week.  I found it was a lot easier to get my head in the game if I knew exactly when it was going to happen.
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  • PrimRoseMamaPrimRoseMama member
    Ask for attention that is not just intercourse. Having my husband give me a back rub or foot rub (with no expectations) or just cuddling. Holding hands & being intimate can do wonders for you.

    I was in the "touched out" camp PP. I just didn't want one more person pawing at me or wanting something from me. H understood & we did a lot of just hanging out together.

    When I did try to go for it-- wine & lube. Pre-seed was actually the best one (even though we weren't TTC) so that area where my perineal tears were didn't hurt as bad. That & coconut oil.

    I still have limited desire-- I've been told BF can do that. I usually just take the leap usually enjoy myself part of the way through. Honestly though sometimes cuddling & enjoying being close is all I can do that day.


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  • Mags748Mags748 member
    I agree with others, fake it til you make it.

    Also agree with the BF causing decreased libido. It's definitely worse in the beginning but DD just stopped at the end of September and she was almost 3! I didn't realize it was suppressing my sex drive because it wasn't drastic but now that it's fully back to normal I can tell the difference.
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  • pepperedmothpepperedmoth member
    triplea598 said:

    I forgot to ask, are you on any meds? Some reallllllly lower your libido. Like whoa. I'm on 20mg of Lexapro (SSRI) and I'm positive it contributes to my lack of sex drive along with breastfeeding.

    I feel like SSRIs are a damned if you do, damned if you don't sort of situation.

    I'm depressed -- ugh, I hate sex and life!
    I'm medicated -- sex? What's that?

    I am also on Lexapro FWIW.

    My phone autocorrected Lexapro to Alexandro. That would be a lot more fun.
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  • LucilleAusteroLucilleAustero member
    triplea598 said:
    I forgot to ask, are you on any meds? Some reallllllly lower your libido. Like whoa. I'm on 20mg of Lexapro (SSRI) and I'm positive it contributes to my lack of sex drive along with breastfeeding.
    No meds. I was on zoloft a few years ago and I wanted nothing to do with sex then, at all.

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  • LucilleAusteroLucilleAustero member

    Thanks ladies.

    I talked to my husband about it again last night and we are going to try to spend more time in close contact and I am going to start small and build it up, faking it until I make it.

    And touched out is the perfect way to put it. I work all day, come home and have a 4 month old attached to me until the next morning when I leave for work. I feel like, the brief moments when he is not on me, I just want to be left alone, not touched by someone else.

    Thanks for the advice and for letting me know that this is not some weird freak thing.

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