TTC - Husband Fears

AshleyG1022 · December 2014

So, I have been ready to try for a while, but there was always a reason why we couldn’t – debt, career, couldn’t afford it..etc. Now, we are FINALLY at the point where we can afford it and are excited about it. (!!) My husband is a great man. He is considerate and loving, he helps with all the chores, and he is a funny guy. He is terrified that he is going to disappoint me when he have a child, and says he loves our relationship and is afraid a child is going to come between us. Any advice on how I soothe his fears…unti la baby comes and he can see that we are going to be a great team as we are parenting just as we are now. We have been together for 9 years and married for 4.

ashiscute · December 2014

A child will change your relationship no doubt. It's sort of hard to ease is his fears because they are normal and valid. I have a 3 yo and a 2 yo and #3 on the way and there are still days where I want to throw my arms up and tell DH I can't do this.

I think keeping an open communication with each other is helpful. It's important to know others are feeling nervous or confused. Do you have any close male friends/family that have recently become parents? Talking to them may be a great help to him as well.

I can see how a child could come between a couple. Stress levels and self doubt are high. DH and I have said a lot of cruel things to each other during fights due to sheer exhaustion and stress. It's important to be honest and take time for your relationship. Good luck!

Maladroit · December 2014

I am with the others, a baby WILL change things. FWIW, DH and I have plenty of issues in our marriage - mostly stemming from infertility, honestly - that totally evaporated when we got comfortable with the fact that I was pregnant and staying pregnant. Other issues surfaced and yet others remain unchanged. Luckily, DH and I don't get over-stressed too often, but when we do we REALLY take it out on each other. Just talk to him and figure out what he's not willing to let change and do your best to be mindful of that.

Kaelynn91 · December 2014

My husband was horrified when we first started TTC. He was so afraid that he would be a bad Dad. Whenever the doubts arose I would do my best to encourage him and slowly it stopped being such a problem for him. Of course, he was still nervous about having a baby, but that's normal. It's a major life changing event. It's normal to have some fears about it.

armandos_girl · December 2014

Having a baby will take every little fault in your marriage and magnify it ten-fold. I'm still not sure how my marriage survived my youngest's first year. That being said, it is normal to be fearful of such a big change. Just make sure you keep your lines of communication open, no matter how hard that is, and you'll be fine. I have to stop sometimes and remind myself that there is no one else in the world I would want to parent with and at the end of the day, we are a team.

laurenr92 · December 2014

My DH and I just started TTC, but it was definitely a process for him. We have been married for almost a year and I think the first step for him was deciding when we wanted to start trying. We put a month to it (next spring) and then a month ago we brought it up again and decided now was a pretty good time too... It eased his mind into it, helped him to imagine what our life would be like (as best we can), and made us both feel a lot more relaxed.

For us, we just don't have a reason not to TTC. We are financially really stable, really happy, buying a home soon and it just feels like the right time. We both want to be parents and the timing just feels really right. If we waited until we were both "ready 100%" I think it might take us a decade!

TTC - Husband Fears

Re: TTC - Husband Fears

Choose Another Board

Search Boards