A Belated WAD - 12/29

mshandlebar · December 2014

The holidays went by in such a rush. I meant to post a Yuletide WAD last week but with parents in town and other cat-astrophes (we had to take a kitty - not ours - to the emergency room on Christmas Day), I didn't get a chance.

But, I digress...so, how is everyone doing with their adoption plans? If you aren't ready to actively pursue adoption, how are you feeling about making the leap? Anyone had any encounters of the adoption kind over the holidays?

redandblue · December 2014

Sorry to hear about having to deal with a vet emergency over the holidays. Boo for that. Thanks for posting this thread though! We have begun planning a few steps for our adoption process. Both DH and I have scheduled Dr appointments for our medical stuff (tomorrow for DH and January 19 for me). We have begun renovations to prepare bedrooms, so we have flooring complete in one room. Just waiting on a shipment of the flooring for the other room. I am almost done painting in one of the rooms and will hopefully get something done in the other room. I am painting a neutral colour we had kicking around (grey) for now, with the expectation that I will get to paint it again next year (I love painting!). It is a little strange to try and paint when you don't have a clue who will be living in there. We have to do some rearranging of storage etc. to ensure that bedroom will be fully functional for a new LO. It feels hard to plan at all beyond even the TTC planning. Like we have no clue of age even, let alone planning a nursery. Anyways I'm feeling excited to move it all forward. We are still waiting for word on when we will be starting our training program. In Ontario the wait for approval process throug our CAS is about a year. I was given some optimistic news over the weekend though. A friend who works for the CAS told me that every year the ministry gives CAS funding to help clear off the families waiting to adopt list, so hopefully the approval wait won't be a long as they originally stated. I have to say as this year is wrapping up I am feeling very excited an optimistic for 2015. We began telling extended family about our plans to adopt, and absolutely everyone is supportive! I hope others have had a nice holiday!

moto611 · December 2014

I've been trying to look more closely into agencies. A friend recommended three in the area and two of them specifically say you are not allowed to start the adoption process if you are still pursuing fertility treatments. Has anyone else run into this? I was hoping to still do a few treatment cycles while looking into adoption... I'd heard it takes a few months to get registered/complete the homestudy/make a profile, etc etc. Is it so wrong to keep trying during that time?

Has anyone considered embryo adoption? It appeals to me because 1) I could experience pregnancy, 2) it's significantly cheaper, and 3) my husband and I would be the birth parents, so I wouldn't have to worry about anyone ever changing their mind and coming for the baby. But... I worry about how I would explain the situation to family and friends, since it's so new and uncommon.

mshandlebar · December 2014

@redandblue - That is an awesome update! It sounds like you have a lot of things going on, and I am so glad it is moving forward. I really hope that your wait time is shorter than they estimated. Do you know when you find out about your training?

@moto611 - I knew that in some cases it was discouraged to pursue adoption while doing IF treatments, but I didn't realize that it wasn't allowed. We are continuing to TTC while going through the foster to adopt process. We feel ok about doing this because if we got pregnant, we would still go ahead with an adoption. I would imagine that the concern is that someone would start the process or even get placed with a child, and then change their mind once they get pregnant. I think you could probably get the ball rolling with an agency. You could also do things on your own, like start preparing a profile, getting your house ready or taking classes like CPR if they are required. Then you will be all ready to go when it is time. Good luck!

I don't know all that much about embryo adoption. It came up in the last WAD (@BunnyBerry), and I was going to ask if anyone knew more about it or was thinking about going that route. How much does it compare to the cost of a private adoption? Is there a special agency that works with embryos or is it though an RE office?

We got the last of our letters of reference in yesterday, which means that all of the paperwork we can do up to this point is done. We have to do the online portion of CPR class and our bloodborne pathogen class this weekend. The rest of the CPR class is next week and our first training session is on the 14th!!

Over Christmas, we also started getting our home ready. Right now we are focusing on sprucing things up for the house visit. Our house was built in 1875, so there is a lot of peeling paint and rickety stairs that we would like to fix. My dad and DH refinished some of our floors and now I have to pick out paint colors (I also love to paint)! What I am most excited about though is that we decided to start buying stuff for a nursery after the New Year, so I've cautiously started checking out sales. MH also bought a stuffed badger (its wearing pajamas!) at IKEA the other day...he is such a softie. It is definitely strange to be preparing for someone when you don't know how old they will be or even whether they will be a girl or a boy, but I like how it feels to get our home ready for that someone. It makes it seem real. On the other hand, I am terrified that this is all going to blow up in our face, and we are going to be left with a newly finished floor, a crib, and a stuffed sleepy badger.

BunnyBerry · December 2014

@redandblue Wow, that is amazing! I can't imagine putting together a bedroom for an unknown (as yet!) LO. What an adventure!

@mshandlebar I just googled a bunch of embryo adoption agencies. It's not cheap - more around the cost of an IVF round for everything together, and of course no guarantee that the embryos implant and grow (especially since they are typically the lowest quality that are left over, and often from older women's eggs). So that makes us nervous. Another option is if your RE's office is big enough, sometimes they place leftover embryos "sight-unseen" with another family at the office, and that should not be as expensive.

moto611 · December 2014

@mshandlebar - like bunnyberry said, you can either go through an agency or through a fertility clinic. We talked to our clinic and they have a program where it costs $4500 for a Day 3 transfer and $6000 for day 5 (blastocyst). The fees are all itemized and supposedly everything is included. (although, I don't see any medications on the itemized list, so maybe meds are extra? or unnecessary?) The extra $1500 for blastocyst is for assisted hatching. There's no guarantee the transfer will be successful, of course, so you might have to pay the fees more than once. But traditional adoption of a healthy infant seems to be $20-50k! We haven't tried to get matched yet but it sounds like it is very fast - the coordinator said usually a few days. If we get matched they'll hold the embryos for us for a refundable deposit of $3k. It's tempting because it just all sounds so fast and relatively affordable.

moto611 · December 2014

Sorry - I just went back and realized that I talked about embryo adoption in the last thread too! I didn't mean to bring it up again like it was a brand new topic that I had never mentioned before, haha. Can you tell it's on my mind??

mshandlebar · December 2014

Thanks for the info gals! It might be something we think about if we can't get pregnant the other way.

I am glad you brought it up again @moto611‌. It was on my mind too! That is great that your clinic has a program. That should make it a lot faster and easier for you if you end up going that route.

theholmanherd · December 2014

Well my best friends and one of my aunts are all super excited and supportive. My other aunt thinks we should 'exhaust all other options first' to which I replied that even if other options came through, we would still want to adopt and that I won't treat them any differently based on their DNA.

H is out of town for now and has finals for his training coming up, so it's on the back burner until we know more about moving (if, where, etc).

mshandlebar · December 2014

@theholmanherd - that is exciting that you are telling people. I wish everyone would be supportive, but there are always going to be people who don't understand or are just plain negative. I totally agree with @packerfan4life, alternative does not equal inferior! What are your plans for moving into a new house? Is it for the adoption or are you moving because of YH work? Good luck for his finals!

@packerfan4life - that is fantastic about having 3 generations of adoptees! As someone who has gone through the whole thing, could you tell us a little bit about your adoption experience? Thanks!

BunnyBerry · December 2014

@moto611 Okay, you've inspired me to ask our office if this is available and if so what the rates are. And I never imagined it could truly be so fast - that is amazing. *big intake and exhale of breath*

@theholmanherd Geez, what does your aunt care whether you have exhausted other options? I'm glad your other family members have been so supportive.

theholmanherd · December 2014

@mshandlebar, we don't know if we have to move cities for his job yet, but we have to get a bigger place if we want to foster, also. We are in a 1 bedroom cottage right now (used to be part of a worker's housing area on a pear farm).

@packerfan4life, thank you for all your kind words. You worded it better than I could. She *was* treating it as inferior and I didn't think of it that way. I couldn't quite put my finger on why it bugged me. I wish everyone could just be supportive of our life choices or STFU.

redandblue · January 2015

Omg I just wanted to share with you guys. Today we got a call saying that we are able to start our adoption training January 14! We were hoping to get into one of the trainings happening before the summer but there were no guarantees with that. We are thrilled to start in January. In theory that makes us ready for our home study this spring. I am so excited to start this next step! Happy New Years everyone!

BunnyBerry · January 2015

@redandblue Congrats!!

mshandlebar · January 2015

@redandblue‌ - woo hoo! That is fantastic!! I am so glad it is moving along for you. Annnnd, our training starts on the same day! I gotta think that's a lucky sign

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