Feeling alone, want to strangle my husband, just need a little support.

eskimozie · December 2014

Ladies, do you ever feel like you are going through this conception process completely alone? I’m the one watching what I eat, taking vitamins, tracking every little thing my body does. My husband has only one job right now. All he has to do is deliver sperm to the right place at the right time. I charted, I tested, I told him we needed to do the baby dance last night. I went to bed. Did he follow? No! He stayed up until after midnight and we never did it! WTF! This whole baby thing was originally all his idea. Now I’m on board and I’m getting no help from him. We’ve been trying for almost two years now but it doesn’t matter if he won’t participate! Grrrrr. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

Thanks for listening.

saysjess · December 2014

I definitely know where you're coming from! I think because we're the ones that carry the baby and actually get to be pregnant, it becomes more real... At least in my opinion. With my hubs I find that explaining what I want and need from him in specifics helps. Communication really is key! But it can still get lonely and frustrating. GL!

susykat77 · December 2014

So sorry! I just wanted to offer my support. Hugs.

pinkdoggie · December 2014

Hugs, I know exactly how you feel. I feel like everyday like I'm the one that has to make this happen by charting, going to multiple appointments and watching what I eat. I'm sorry you feel this way right now

BunnyBerry · December 2014

@rumbera28 Lol!!

I think the topic of donor sperm coming up is what has DH totally on board for paying for IVF (at least at the moment).

OP - so sorry about YH. Mine has done that to me quite a few times. Lately we've made it a thing that he comes along to every blood draw and ultrasound if he doesn't have school, and I think it helped him feel more invested and understand what a big deal it would be to screw (or not screw, LOL) a cycle.

juneroses · December 2014

@Rumbera28‌ - that is hilarious! @eskimozie‌ , I had a similar conversation recently with DH about taking multivitamins....but we both have been guilty of falling asleep, getting sick, or just not being in the mood. Timed sex is not exactly great sex - anything you can do to try to spice things up might make you both feel better. Not saying that that should be one way - maybe he could think of fun things to get you both in the mood, too?

kelizafk · December 2014

eskimozie You're not alone in that feeling. I'm sorry you're feeling alone and I'm assuming quite frustrated. I've gone back and forth with my feelings on the support I feel I'm receiving vs. the support I'd want to have. I've threatened birth control and discontinuing trying ( I have PCOS and the pain isn't manageable) because of feeling alone before. A few months I've also experienced my husband not following through because he just didn't feel like it, and such a simple thing like not being in the mood just wasn't a good enough reason for me. It's still a struggle, but I try to remember that as frustrating as it is for us women dealing with it all firsthand and more than the men, they really will never understand. They may have the information, but will never understand the pain we may have, the daily reminders with tracking and medication, etc. I try to remember that, and while it may not be OK to feel alone, and not OK with us to accept that they can have less responsibility and not be present...that may never fully change because they will never fully understand. There's no way they really can. Try no to carry it all on your own though. Remind him how you feel, what you need. Remind him that he has to be all in. You're all in, and you need him.

It's not fair, but men are so much in their heads, and knowing they have a task scares them. Have you tried keeping him out of the loop of your ovulation? When I used to share my information with my husband, he always freaked out. It did some crazy things to him and it was all too much for him. After many talks and arguments, me threatening to give up because I felt alone in the struggle, I stopped letting him know everything. We had a plan to try having sex every other day, or 3 times a week...but keeping my ovulation (or when I should be ovulating) out of the conversation seemed to curb the freak outs. I keep him in the loop with things, especially when I'm feeling like I need his support, but some things I keep between myself and my girlfriends when his involvement isn't necessary. I hope you have support elsewhere too, and I hope you start feeling less alone.

Feeling alone, want to strangle my husband, just need a little support.

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