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February 2015 Moms
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Long Distance

loriann091loriann091 member
in February 2015 Moms
I've posted about this before, so I apologize for doing it again, but as I get closer to delivery I've been feeling a bit of mixed emotions. Mostly fear and helplessness.

DH and I live really far away from our family, and as we approach the big day I am realizing we won't have anyone here. My mom is planning to come out around the due date but can only stay a few days. My brother is graduating boot camp and getting married three weeks after our daughter is due (a whole new mix of sad emotions because we will miss his graduation and wedding). So hopefully our daughter is born on time so my mom can enjoy bonding with her. My in-laws said they'll try to come visit close to her birth but can't guarantee it. I just feel so sad that we won't have family here to share in our joy. I know it's a special time for DH and I but it's also a little scary.

I'm looking into some mom groups around here to join for support, but that only goes so far. I've also done a lot of reading but I know that's touch and go. When it comes down to it, after the first week it's just me and a baby because DH will go back to his work routine. I'm nervous about having all of that time to myself with little support. After reading the pp thread, it seems like there will be a lot for me to handle.

I'm more venting than anything else, so sorry if it's annoying. I'm also wondering if there's anyone in a similar situation - and what you're doing to keep from going crazy/keeping your marriage close/sharing things with family/etc. Meh.
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Re: Long Distance

  • SSmith2409SSmith2409 member
    My husband is leaving for camp a few weeks after DD arrives. We have moved in with my parents so they will be with me to help with LO. But I'm having a really hard time thinking about doing this without him. In fact I've been having a really bad night! We finished LO room today so my emotions are running on High!

    I'm truly sorry you are having these problems and we will pray that your family will be able to visit!!
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  • firelizard83firelizard83 member
    We are kinda in the same boat. DH's parents have said they will try to come out once every 3 months, or whenever we call them (they are retired and it's about an 8 hr drive). But we shall see if and how that actually happens. I haven't looked into much yet, but skyping with family and then some kind of parenting group/kid hangout class is what I'm looking for to keep LO well socialized and us sane.
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  • CogDisCogDis member
    We're in the same situation. Our families are a 10hr flight and 9hr drive away. They'll try to come up to visit before 6mo is up but it is up in the air, still.

    I really wish we had friends with LOs or friends planning to have LOs. Ours are all either unable to conceive or childless by choice.

    I'm hoping that going to the gym might help me meet people (they have a daycare for 3mo olds and above for while you work out). I'm also looking into classes for mom and baby , like you mentioned.

    But I'll be using the phone and Skype for support, the most, during the first few months, (I assume).
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  • kcwnckcwnc member
    edited December 2014
    While this seems tough now there are a few upsides to not having a hospital or house packed full of guests. It will allow you time to get comfortable with the baby, their needs, whatever routine you establish and to really sleep when the baby is sleeping. If you do some freezer meals before the baby is here and have your H on food duty that will help immensely. Plus when people are able to make it out to visit you'll be in a more knowledgeable place and have a better understanding of how they can truly help and not just by holding your LO. We live across the country from my parents and my inlaws live 12 hours away so I had something similar when DS was born, this time around the in-laws want to drive down once our Feb LO is here to help with DS and my parents want to come out about 2 months after the due date. Surprisingly both sides have made many trips out to visit and we've gone to see them as well. It may seem hard at first but friends, even those without kids were great to have over once I got the hang of things. You'll miss social interaction that doesn't concern poop or burping. Plus babies are people magnets so you never know who you'll meet once they're here.
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  • jennjilljojennjilljo member
    I've been there. I had DS and o one could come up so it was just me and DS after that first week. It was a difficult adjustment, DH and I fought a lot because we were both tired and everything changed. But have you heard the saying "the more things change, the more they stay the same"? I feel like that applies. When we stopped resisting the new changes we had to make and tried facing them with a positive attitude things started getting better. We learned to be upfront with our feelings and emotions, take turns on the tasks in the house and work as a team. The more we rolled with the punches of being first time parents all on our own the more we settled back down into a routine and the happier we were. I know that this is scary and intimidating because I have been there but help is only a phone call, text message or Bump visit away. Don't be afraid to tell others when you feel like you need help, esp. your husband and find your own way to meet and overcome the obstacles you face.It's going to be ok and you'll do great.
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  • sleepymama29sleepymama29 member
    I moved 500 miles away from my family when I was at this point of my pregnancy with DD1 and I was freaking out about it. My mom came down 2 weeks after I had her to help out, but this time she won't be able to visit so it will just be me and DH trying to handle 2 kids. I don't have much advice because there are days I struggle with being so far away, but I found a great support group during my pregnancy with my first and we still all keep in touch.

    Hugs OP! You aren't alone! I actually enjoy being far as I don't have people come over constantly or telling me how to raise my daughters (something my parents do all the time!)
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  • Ace226Ace226 member
    I totally understand. We're really far away from my family and close to DH's. My parents will be here for two weeks shortly after my due date, and I'll have my sister here a few months after that, but then it'll be much more spotty.
    I've never been particularly close to his family, and things have only gotten rockier as time has gone on with a lot of the judgment/crappy attitude toward both DH and I.
    It makes me really sad to be away from not only the grandparents I'd most like DS around, but also practical things like babysitting, etc.
    We're also attending a different church than before because we moved, and while I'm sure we'll have the support of the old one, it's a little harder for them because we'll be further away. We also only go to the regular session every other week because of DH's schedule, so meeting people is a little rough!
    I'll just say, I haven't really "dealt" with it yet, I think it'll take a long time to get there, but in the meantime DH and I are trying to focus on the new family we're creating and less on the ones we miss.. And certainly less on the ones we don't ;)
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  • pitdiggerpitdigger member
    Yep, in a similar situation here. Parents in Montreal and DC and we're in Bermuda. Neither of our moms are coming out for the birth. MIL might come the week after and my mom the week after that. It really hit me that we'll be on our own a couple weeks ago when SIL had her LO and MIL and her in laws were there and were rushing to get to them. And now hearing DH's siblings making plans to see them and not try for us stings a bit.

    It sucks feeling left out.

    Skype, facetime, google hangouts, etc. are going to be key for feeling involved both on your side and your family's. We're setting up regular dates so that grandparents and to a certain extent aunts and uncles can see the baby regularly.

    Do you have any regular friends in your area? I haven't looked into mommy groups here, but between my team and my gym and DH's friends at the theatre and both of our works, we have a lot of people. If you've got any support like that, it can help a lot while finding mommy groups.

    Hugs @loriann091‌.
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  • loriann091loriann091 member
    Well, not that I am happy to hear you're all struggling with something similar, but I am kind of glad I'm not the only one. At least we know we'll have a support system here! :)

    @seamonster -- both sides of our family are trying to plan a trip in April for Easter (since we missed Christmas and will miss Easter due to not being able to fly) so we have that to look forward to! And I second having my mom help prepare whether DD is here or not ;)

    @kcwnc and @jennjilljo - great point of view! DH and I have talked a lot about how being on the other side of the country from everyone has allowed us the chance to rely on each other more throughout our marriage, so hopefully this just provides another opportunity for us to grow without all the opinions! He's so supportive; I'm very lucky in that department at least.

    Sounds like technology and the gym will be my greatest assets! I have a good group of friends here, but they are all in very different places in their lives (single, engaged, newly married, no kids, etc.) so I am not sure how our relationships will be post-baby. They are very supportive (even threw me a baby shower!) so I am sure they'll be there to help if needed.

    Hugs to all of you, as well! We will have to help to keep each other sane ;)
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