Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
rbtrumpet
member
Re: sleep training question
The difference now is that DH is really pressuring me to sleep train L. I don't know how to handle him, or all of our friends who just *love* how "awesome" CIO is....
At 10 months my son stopped falling asleep while nursing, I was still technically "nursing to sleep" because he'd unlatch, roll over, and go to sleep. But step 1 was unlatching first.
As he got a little older, and I'm fuzzy on exactly when, but somewhere around 14ish months I'd imagine, he didn't roll over and go to sleep anymore after nursing, but it only took a quick lullabye and rocking till he fell asleep and I'd put him to bed.
At 21 months he was only nursing before bed, so I weaned him from his last session and DH went back to do bedtimes (which he did from 6 weeks to 6 months). DH wasn't as big on lullabyes, so he'd lie down on the floor beside the crib, hold his hand and the kid would fall asleep.
Around 2.8 years we switched from the crib to a toddler bed because he was waking at night to use the bathroom. At that point he liked someone to lay with him while he fell asleep (10 minutes max when I did it, DH always fell asleep so who knows how long he'd be in there!)
Just after 3 he was fine with us tucking him in and leaving the room.
Personally I go with the path of least resistance when it comes to sleep. It was always a heck of a lot easier to rock or hold a hand for a couple minutes than dealing with the crying or constant check ins.
We tries CIO for 5 minutes one night she cried so hard she almost threw up. I just don't feel she is the type of kid that will do well with CIO. My DH and I have decided that rocking will be the way we go until she let's us know different. She let us know at 5 months that she was ready for the crib and we never had any problems transitioning her (from rock n play).
I have a good friend that did CIO and she says that they have had to re-do the sleep training after illness or travel. It hasn't been just a one time training for them.
1) We are born knowing how to put ourselves to sleep. That's why babies sleep so much. As humans we (yup even you) work on sleep cycles. As brains develop we are able to move from one cycle to the next without waking. It's developmental. Meaning that babies wake often because of sleep cycles and as the develop they are able to transition between sleep cycles without being taught.
2) "Sleep training" is a very very new concept. For thousands of years parents didn't sleep train their children. Do you think that the human race would have survived to present day if children weren't able to put themselves back to sleep?
3) You have 2 posters with actual children who tell you their children put themselves back to sleep without parental intervention. I'm sure @Lynnjess29's daughter is an amazing child, but I don't think she's one of two miracle children in the world who is able to accomplish this feat.
4) If we're playing the "the parents I know who sleep trained" game, then "the parents I know who sleep trained" all had to do it multiple times. Every time they went on vacation, every time their kids got sick, every time the kids hit a developmental milestone, and all these "great sleepers" early on are now super crappy sleeping toddlers who not only wake at night, but wake at night and wander around the house.
5) There are very few one year olds who sleep through the night. Some do, but some sleep through the night at 6 weeks also. Doesn't make it normal. At one year old, a child is likely to still be waking at least once a night.
1) We are born knowing how to put ourselves to sleep. That's why babies sleep so much. As humans we (yup even you) work on sleep cycles. As brains develop we are able to move from one cycle to the next without waking. It's developmental. Meaning that babies wake often because of sleep cycles and as the develop they are able to transition between sleep cycles without being taught.
2) "Sleep training" is a very very new concept. For thousands of years parents didn't sleep train their children. Do you think that the human race would have survived to present day if children weren't able to put themselves back to sleep?
3) You have 2 posters with actual children who tell you their children put themselves back to sleep without parental intervention. I'm sure @Lynnjess29's daughter is an amazing child, but I don't think she's one of two miracle children in the world who is able to accomplish this feat.
4) If we're playing the "the parents I know who sleep trained" game, then "the parents I know who sleep trained" all had to do it multiple times. Every time they went on vacation, every time their kids got sick, every time the kids hit a developmental milestone, and all these "great sleepers" early on are now super crappy sleeping toddlers who not only wake at night, but wake at night and wander around the house.
5) There are very few one year olds who sleep through the night. Some do, but some sleep through the night at 6 weeks also. Doesn't make it normal. At one year old, a child is likely to still be waking at least once a night.
^ TRUE
Every pro-sleep training parent I know has had to repeat the process many times over. With DD, I used Jay Gordon's night weaning method (Google it) at 18 months. Around 21 months, she would nurse to sleep and then unlatch and snuggle into me (we have a family bed). At 3.5, she now just lays down and goes to sleep. And unlike many of the pro-sleep training parents I know who have kids the same age, we don't deal with bedtime stalling, fights about sleep, or sleep problems like bed wetting or crazy early wake ups.
I guess I would be curious why he feels so strongly about this. Especially if you are dealing with the night waking and bedtime rituals.
The only response I have gotten that makes any sense is that he is "embarrassed" that at 1 year old, she still wakes up at night sometimes, and that he thinks I'm spoiling her.
I also think my friends are stretching the truth about sleep training. According to him, his two friends that he's talked to did CIO for 2 days, then their kids slept perfectly every night from then on. OK, yeah, SURE 8-|
Our experience has been: DD stopped falling asleep while nursing around 10m, and we night-weaned her around a year (with DH taking wakeups before midnight, then before 2, etc.). Once she was night-weaned, she started sleeping from about 7:30-6, and now typically sleeps about 8pm-7am. For some reason the past week or so, she's been awake and crying at 4am, so we've gone back to patting her back and singing a little song for her to help her fall back to sleep.
Most of the time, she passes from one sleep cycle to another (we'll sometimes hear a little squeak or something, but I don't think she wakes completely), but sometimes she needs help. I think of it the same way I do any other physical skill - sometimes she is great at going down the stairs, but sometimes she gets stuck. I don't see a problem helping her down if that's what she needs.
FWIW, my SIL, who is the world's biggest sleep-training advocate, has two kids, now 4 and 8, who are in her bed in the middle of the night all the time, and wake up at 5am.
"It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness." - Eleanor Roosevelt
(I like how it goes into "playground bragging rights" in the sleep training section - which is exaclty what DH wants!)
DS1 is almost 4 and lays in his bed and "reads" books to fall asleep--typically for about an hour before he drifts off. He didn't STTN until after age 3 and it still is not a nightly thing, though it happens more and more now. Many nights he wakes and comes into bed with us (which is fine). STTN is just not his nature, and I don't think it simply was physically possible for him until he gained nighttime urinary control. This is a kid who screamed BEFORE he peed as a newborn! He didn't have an "issue" he just was born for EC and not going in diapers. As a baby, he liked to be worn or nursed non-stop during the day and woke every two hours at night.
In contrast, DS2 is 2 and needs a tuck-in, but we rarely even lay with him anymore. He SSTN and when he does wake, he'll often toddle in, check in with us, and then go back to his own bed. The STTN didn't start until after he night-weaned , between 14 and 24 months. His daytime nature also reflects different needs: less cuddles, more independent play, less wearing, isn't bothered by wet diapers, etc.
As you'll notice from my sig, not STTN did not impact our ability to get through pregnancy or a new baby! My guys are just 19 months apart, and allowing DS1 to be a baby for as long as he needed to be way something that we found helpful versus forcing a cultural trajectory. Of course, what you and your spouse agree on is way more important than my story, but I did want to mention it. Also, ditto PPs on looking at the research on SSTN! Anthropologically, it makes no sense. Almost all modern sleep studies are based on solitary sleeping arrangements which doesn't reflect the reality of the vast majority of human history as well as the reality of most of the world today, where roomsharing and bedsharing are realities simply by virtue of the subsistence lifestyle. The sleep studies page on kellymom.com is a great place to start, as is the work of James McKenna and Helen Ball.Two kids, two totally different natures!
More Green For Less Green
OP, my kids were never sleep trained, and both of them were able to fall asleep on their own by 2.5-3. If you aren't even pg, I wouldn't start worrying about what-ifs.
Does your DH do bedtime, or are you the primary person who puts your kid to sleep? I ask bc if your arrangement isn't bothering you, and you're the main parent who puts your kid to sleep, then it's not really your DH's problem.
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
Last January, at 12 months old, I used CIO to sleep train my DD. After three nights of crying, she finally got to where she'd lay down and fall asleep after I was done rocking her in the glider. We did well for about five months. Then, we went on vacation. In the hotel, she ended up back in bed with me. Once we came home, it was more difficult to get her back in the crib. By the time summer came, we were bed sharing again.
I tried CIO again in October, and couldn't stand it. Her cries were so much worse! She ended up gagging and I had to take her out of the crib.
I want to get her back in her crib and on to a better daily routine. I just don't think that CIO is the best method, and want to try something else.
I personally think CIO is a dangerous practice, and gentler methods should be used, but desperately tired parents gently helping their children learn to sleep through the night, I think, is a gift to everyone. If your current nighttime practice is working for you and everyone feels rested enough and functional, then continue to do what you're doing. But parents who choose to sleep train should not be demonized for the practice.
No periods due to 17 years of ballet and distance running after college. Zero response to 2 months of Clomid, little response to Letrozole. IUI left with 9 cysts = too many viable eggs due to age. On to IVF. Low dose of all meds still produced 37 mature eggs 12.6.11. Froze due to overstimulation.
FET #1.1 1.22.12 BFN. FET #1.2 2.22.12=GRACE! (and a vanishing twin).
Grace Katherine born 10.25.12 @ 36w6w 6#14oz 19.5".
FET #1.3 3.2013 BFN FET#1.4 4.2013 BFN. Never tried a fresh transfer. Let's try, despite 10 still frozen.
ER 6.26.13 27 mature eggs, slight overstim. ET 7.1.13 ectopic, FET 2.1 9.10.14 TRIPLETS!!
Boys born 3.18.14 @ 29w5d. Andrew Jack 3#6oz 16", Grant Robert 3#9oz 16", Charles Phillip 3#7oz 17".