ncdr.....others taking and posting photos

PipSqueak0313 · December 2014

I'm needing a sounding board here......are you okay with people (other family members) taking photos with their cellphones and sending them to who knows who and/or posting them on social media when you are unable to see the photos and/or the posts? I'm not sure why I'm not comfortable with SIL doing this today and not sure if it would come across as overprotective (or any other adjectives) to say something.

unaveragejane · December 2014

I am not crazy about having a lot of pics of my kids online, but sometimes I do like to share photos of them, so it's hard to draw a line. I finally decided to make it impossible to tag me in a photo without my permission so it is a tad harder for a stranger to figure out who my kids are. If it makes you uncomfortable, I would definitely talk to your SIL. Before I had kids, I didn't even think about the possibility that my SIL's might prefer me to not post pics, but I would definitely have wanted them to tell me if that was the case.

PipSqueak0313 · December 2014

I think a good part of what's making me uncomfortable is that I don't know 99.99% of the people SIL is Facebook friends with (in fact my bro is the ONLY ONE I know).....so who is she sending the pics to/posting them for?

freezorburn · December 2014

We had a big fight about this with MIL when DS was born. Apparently we were destroying her lifelong dream of taking nude photos of her grandchild and sharing them with the world.

The way I see it, social media hasn't been around so long that people necessarily think of the risks involved. It seems fun and harmless. But then I read about kids getting bullied by their classmates using social media. Or in one of my photography forums, there is an ongoing debate about where you draw the line between art and pornography, and how safe (or not safe) is it to share photos of your children online.

DH and I feel strongly that one thing we can try to provide for DS is a sense of privacy and security that is similar to what we grew up with. We are still documenting his childhood, but it will be his choice what he wants to share in the future and with whom. As far as I know there are fewer than 5 photos of DS on FB, and I'd like to keep it that way. One was shared by an uncle who shared without my permission, but we spoke to him afterwards and he has been respectful since. Two others were shared by friends who asked permission first. I am getting the sense that among those who are concerned about privacy and participating in social media, that asking permission is becoming the considerate thing to do.

Good luck talking to your SIL. She may or may not understand how you feel. Regardless, she should respect your wishes as a parent to protect your child.

Nvywife · December 2014

I flat out told SIL last year that she couldn't post pictures of my child or myself on the internet. She didn't take it well. But MIL backs me up, so everything is good. Side note SIL is one of those crazy people that posts her address on Facebook for the world to see.

kmc84 · December 2014

We had a huge fight with my SIL and I unfriended my MIL over this topic...

My SIL shared/posted pics of dd without asking and she has nearly 800 'friends' and I know about 30. I asked her to remove the pics and that we didn't want others posting pics without permission. She lost her shit over it (she's got issues anyway). My MIL kept sharing every every picture I posted (hardly any anyway) and she had no idea she was doing it. I sat down with her and gave her a FB tutorial and she still kept doing it! Her security settings were crap and she wouldn't change them, so I unfriended her...

I have two friends that have posted pics of dd with their LO's (after asking) but I know most of their friends and I know their security settings are as good as FB allows.

I would talk to her. Hopefully she takes it well!

bumpuser10179393 · December 2014

We do not post pictures of our daughter on Facebook and my family is very supportive of it. It took awhile for them to accept it because my sister posts pictures of her girls all the time on Facebook. We still get weird looks and people think we're crazy but it's our decision and people need to respect that.

TJ1979 · December 2014

I would be livid. I'm not even on fb myself, and I would be pissed if someone else put my LOs there.

I mean, like, why would they? What's the point? Why do you need to advertise to a bunch of people who are strangers to me and don't know my kid, that you came by and spent 5 minutes with my kid? The few situations I have had regarding other people posting pics of my kids have been people who are barely a part of my LOs luces, and want to brag and make it look like they are a good grandmother/aunt. But fb proves nothing. If you want to be a good grandmother or aunt, put down the phone and spend some actual time with the kid. Remember her birthday, call once in a while. Don't post random pics on fb.

Wow, soapbox much? But like Jane said, she might not even realize she's being inappropriate.

bumpuser10179393 · December 2014

This is a really interesting article on the matter.

https://www.slate.com/articles/technology/data_mine_1/2013/09/facebook_privacy_and_kids_don_t_post_photos_of_your_kids_online.html?wpsrc=huffpo

haileyq · December 2014

I'm a nut about this. Nobody posts pics of DS on Fb other than MH and myself. We have as secure of profiles as is possible, and intimate friend lists. This caused a huge issue with my ILs when he was born but we stuck to our guns and they respect it now. I think he has a certain right to privacy that should be respected early on.

ComeMai · December 2014

We have a strict no photos of our girls on the internet policy. SIL will say, "I wish I could post pics on FB" every once in awhile, but she respects our rules. MH has a crazy ex-wife & SIL was FB friends with someone connected to her & didn't realize it for awhile. If friends or family can't respect my rules, then they don't get access to my girls. I don't post pics of myself or MH, either. Once the photos are out there, you can't get your privacy back.

PipSqueak0313 · December 2014

Thank you all. I sent bro and SIL a request that they not post pics of ds2 and that they ask before sending pics to anyone other than a select few (I.e. dh and myself). SIL took request well and said she had posted a pic of her and ds2 but she removed it. Now I just have to chat with dh since he was wanting to put a video of ds2 on YouTube for his sisters and friends. I sent him the link @linewifekat‌ posted so hopefully he will understand why I am not comfortable with it.

Mandmeesh · December 2014

I agree with TJ. And a few others. No pictures of my kid ever. Unless you ask me directly. I set that rule way early-especially for MIL who posts craziness on FB. And I'm sure I sounded like a jerk, but just said "no! Please take this down". Everyone asks me now if they can put a picture up. In 21 months it's been maybe 2 pictures

I've said it before, and I'll say it again-I am the worst

Nikkipal82 · December 2014

We post pics on FB but I'm pretty selective about it. I try to respect the fact that I'm leaving a digital footprint that M has no control over. I got really pissed over Christmas b/c SIL takes pics from my FB and copies them, then reposts to her page. She also tags me and J in it, which means all of my friends see the same pics twice, and then they are "liking" her post and mine, and I think it's redundant and annoying. SIL keeps asking for photos of M, and I keep ignoring her. Fortunately, she's 10 hours away, and doesn't make much effort to see us, so her taking pics and posting them isn't really an issue. At some point, we will have to have a talk with her about this, b/c I only want us to be the ones putting pics of her online.

She really annoys me to no end, especially with these posts about "her" baby and how blessed she is to be her aunt. Even though she's only met her once and passes up opportunities to come see her b/c she doesn't want to go anywhere without her partner. Which is her choice, but don't act all like you're just so crazy about her when you only met her once for like 90 minutes. She bugs me a lot, and if I wrote a post about why, it would be excessively long. Anyway, I guess my TLDR version is, I feel you on this.

flummadiddle85 · December 2014

Some in DH'so family have posted a few pictures of the boys on FB, even to we have never posted anything about them. I never even announced the birth asa status, just as a PM to some closer friends. DH doesn't even have FB. It bugs him when he sees pics of the boys or himself, but he hasn't said anything. Andplusalso, I think given your history, you have every right to be cautious about what ends up on the Internet.

flummadiddle85 · December 2014

linewifekat said:

This is a really interesting article on the matter. https://www.slate.com/articles/technology/data_mine_1/2013/09/facebook_privacy_and_kids_don_t_post_photos_of_your_kids_online.html?wpsrc=huffpo

I just shared that article on FB now.

unaveragejane · December 2014

Facial recognition?! Creepy! I think DH and I have a serious conversation ahead of us.

MapleMomma · December 2014

We are a very anti Facebook household, so i absolutely agree with those that have said very limited pictures of their children on Facebook and only with permission. I get pretty annoyed when someone says that they've seen a picture of me on Facebook even though i don't even have Facebook.

Glad to hear that this opinion is not considered over the top.

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