Pregnant and alone — The Bump
Military Families

Pregnant and alone

Hi girls, I just found out that I'm pregnant, my husband and I are very exciting!! The problem is that he's deployed in a distance of thousands miles away from home and we can't do together the things we want to do before the baby will born.. For example- to buy babies stuff together..

I really want him to be and feel part of this. How can we do it?

Re: Pregnant and alone

  • Hello and congrats on your pregnancy!

    I'm sorry that you have to experience this while he is so far away, but if he has email and Skype access you can always go that route.

    When my H was deployed, I was always sending him random pictures from home via email and you could do the same with things you want to buy.
    TTC #1 since May 2014
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    Jan '17 - FET 1 - BFP, EDD 10/14

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    marysmithson
  • My husband is in bootcamp (had signed contract before we found out). He left at 10 weeks will be home at 24 weeks and then gone again until right around the birth.

    I'll be honest it's hard! It sucks going to every appointment alone, finding out the sex without him....

    I can only write letters. Today on Christmas I got a 1 min phone call, but it was on speaker. So we couldn't even speak personally to each other. And he hadn't even read my letter, so I told him we are having a boy in front of everyone else. It sucked.

    My only advice is to really try and get a support at home. My dad came with me to my doctor's ultrasound. My mom goes baby shopping with me. My aunt goes maternity shopping with me. My parents help me cook and clean. I send DH pictures of my bump and ultrasound pictures and tons of updates via mail.

    I will say I cried almost every day for the first month and now I've gotten used to it more. It's definitely got easier.
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    marysmithson
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  • How long is your H's deployment? i'm currently 8 weeks pregnant and my H is going for a 6 week NTC (which means no contact for at least three weeks of it). It's nothing nearly as bad as a deployment, but I know what you mean by being disappointed that he'll miss out on pregnancy milestones.

    I know for us it's been something of an exciting thing that by the time he gets back I'll actually LOOK pregnant, which I don't right now, but that's not much consolation for the things he'll miss.

    I hope your husband's deployment is over soon and until then I hope phone calls and skype calls can help :)

    *hug*

    marysmithson
  • My H and I talk on the phone and we both research things, like monitors - he has been in charge of monitors.

    And we look at the registry together and he tells me if he does or doesn't like things.

    I send him pics all the time. And he talks to the baby when he calls and is also recording books for baby so he can hear his daddy's voice.

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  • My last pregnancy- hubby was deployed the last 6 months, came home for RnR when he was 2 weeks old, and then returned for good when my son was almost 6 months old. It is tough. He missed all the parts I was really needing him there for - plus we were in Germany (so no family around).  Involve him as much as you can in choosing registry items, send pictures of Ultrasounds, and write lots of letters telling him how pregnancy is going. It stinks but you can do it!

    Married to Lee since 9/2/2000

    Momma to Hais November 2002 and Carter April 2010 (with use of fertility treatments)

    Cancer Survivor

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    marysmithson
  • Hi everyone I didn't know there was a military family board. I'm so excited about that! H will be deploying here soon I'm 24weeks and 5 days. He will probably miss the birth. Luckily I'm near family so I'll have support that way. This isn't our first deployment together but first with a LO. I plan to send him lots of pics and videos. Hopefully he can record a book before he leaves so she knows what her dad sounds like.

    @marysmithson congrats and you will have support here :)
    marysmithson
  • I'm in the same boat. He left just after we found out I was pregnant. I really wish he could be here for the birth at least, but that just isn't an option. So we make sure to talk and send pictures as often as possible. Even of little things (like a onesey I found with Daddy's Girl on it) so that he can still feel included, even when he can't be here. When I went for the A/S ultrasound I sent him a copy of the dvd they made so he could see her and hear her heartbeat.
    I know that none of this is the same as being here, but it helps us to both cope and adjust to the situation that is beyond our control.
    marysmithson
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