to pretend or not to pretend. — The Bump
Late Term and Child Loss

to pretend or not to pretend.

Should I pretend to be happy in front of my family today or not bother?

Christmas eve was my due date. Instead, she was born in August. Even if I wanted to, I don't know if I can be happy today knowing she's not here anymore.
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Re: to pretend or not to pretend.

  • You don't have to be happy today nor do you need to try to pretend. Feel what you feel and take care of you. Don't worry about anyone else. My EDD was immensely difficult and I was a complete mess, so my heart goes out to you. ((Hugs))
    November 2010 - 10.5 week loss  o:) 
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    July 2014 - Stillborn DD (24 weeks)  o:) 
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    April 2018 - 5 week loss o:) 

  • ***siggy


    No, you do not have to pretend. Be real, it's ok. If they can't handle it, that is their issue.

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  • No you do not need to pretend. You feel whatever it is you are feeling and your family will need to deal with it. Grieving is hard work - big hugs to you today. I'll be thinking about and praying for you.
  • I agree with pp's. You have to worry about yourself. It's ok to be selfish when you are grieving. I will be thinking of you today. I hope it goes as well as it can. Maybe you can do something to include your baby?
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  • Mel&John2013Mel&John2013
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    edited December 2014
    ****siggy warning




    I also agree with PP. I understand the inclination to put on a front to keep everyone else comfortable and happy, but now is not the time. You're hurting, and that's ok.
  • Feel however you feel. If you want to cry: cry. If you want to laugh: laugh. There is no right way of grieving. I hope today goes better than expected for you. ((hugs))

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    IVF # 2 (November 2012) = BFP (MIssed MC D&C @ 8w3d on 1/10/13)
    IVF # 3 (June 2013) = BFN 
    IVF # 4 (September 2013) = BFP Fraternal twin boys! (Loss at 21w6d due to IC on 1/26/14...devastated.)
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  • I agree with pp's. Feel how you feel. You are entitled to your emotions, no matter how anyone else wants you to feel. You need to do what is right for you. ((hugs))

  • **ticker**

    I'm a little late to this, but I hope that Christmas goes okay for you.  I know how difficult it can be. We just celebrated yesterday, since my DH is working Christmas day.  Don't fake emotions for anyone - this day is hardest for you, not them, and you deserve to feel how you want to feel. ((hugs))
  • I'm a little late, but I hope the past couple days passed quickly and weren't too painful. ((Hugs))
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    Me: 32 DH: 33  High School Sweethearts  Married 5/28/2005
    DS1 born 6/5/10 at 40 weeks via emergency c-section due to fetal distress and IUGR caused by placental insufficiency
    DS2 born still 8/28/13 at 32 weeks via emergency c-section due to a complete placental abruption - cause unknown
    Baby #3 on the way, EDD 2/29/16.  Originally twins, but we said goodbye to Baby B at 8 weeks.
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