Can't move on

daydreamer3451 · December 2014

Hey All,

I am new here to TTCAL but have found unbelievable support through you all. I posted an intro a little bit after Thanksgiving (when we found out about our loss). As of right now, I tried to do the M/C naturally, which didn't work, took the pill to help the process speed up which also didn't work, and just had a D & C a little over a week ago. I went to the doctors on Friday, and the doctor is nervous because I am still bleeding and still passing tissue and said that I might need to go through another D and C because she is unsure if everything has passed...

The thought of having to go through this again is completely terrifying!!! I feel like all I want to do is move on but the past 4 weeks have not allowed me to do so. With the holiday right around the corner, I am finding myself withdraw from those around me....I don't want the holiday to come now (even though we are hosting both sides of the family). My doctor said that because of the holiday we would have to wait until next week until we can do anything. Having no control over my body right now is extremely upsetting, and with this worry in the back of my mind I am having such a difficult time trying to think of anything else.

I just want it to be over

buggirl72 · December 2014

First, I want to give you some (((hugs))). I am so sorry you are having complications and ended up needing the first D&C. I hope you do not end up needing the second one.

I know it would be incredibly short notice but is there anyone else in your family that can take over hosting duties? Even if it still has to be at your house, you need to be able to step away and take as much quiet time as you need. You not only are grieving the loss of your child, you are still going through the process of the loss itself.

Nobody in their right mind would expect you to host a Christmas party if you were having complications from any other surgery. It's okay to stand up for yourself and say that you can't do this.

It is not okay for anyone to tell you to get over this, that you can just try again, that there was a reason, or any of the other asinine platitudes that well meaning family will throw your way. Your grief is your grief and it happens on your timeline.

Finally, many women on this board found that counseling has helped them tremendously. Maybe talk with your doctor to see if they can recommend anyone that specializes in miscarriage and pregnancy loss.

PinkCamino · December 2014

So many ((hugs)) I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. How incredibly frustrating.

Are you bleeding a lot or is it spotting? Maybe your doc would consider trying another round of misoprostol before having you go through another D&C? I know how overwhelming and frantic and desperate you feel to want to feel physically normal again. FX you come up with a plan moving forward that you are comfortable with.

megrae12 · December 2014

((Hugs)) sweetie. I hope you do not need the second D&C. I agree with Bug in asking if there is anyone who can take over hosting duties. Like she said, you need to be able to hide out. I am so sorry you still dealing with this and I hope it gets resolved soon. More ((Hugs))

daydreamer3451 · December 2014

PinkCamino I am not bleeding very heavily...just enough where I need to change a pad a least once a day. I am hoping as well that maybe we can do something prior to going through another D&C...

buggirl72 Thank you for the advice about the holidays. You are right, I do deserve the time that I need to grieve. You really helped put it into perspective for me. I think that because we didn't tell the family about the pregnancy I feel like I am grieving silently....people just expect you to be okay, and it isn't okay that you are not okay. (if that makes sense).. Luckily my parents are going to be home with us, and I have been able to pawn a lot onto their plate. I am planning on talking to my doctor about seeing someone after the holidays are over...I feel like everyone is just trying to keep me busy so I can keep my mind off of things, but at the same time I don't feel like I have had my time to grieve.

Nikolie93 · December 2014

I am so sorry you are going through this. So many *hugs*

The PP's gave great advice regarding talking to someone and especially having someone take over hosting. You should have the ability to sneak away for a bit if you feel you need to.

The whole MC situation is bad enough but it's even harder when it lingers on. I hope that you can try something else before going through another D&C. More *hugs*

renegadewhit · December 2014

I don't have any advice, I just wanted to offer some ((hugs)).

welly01 · December 2014

Everyone has given great advice. I just wanted to offer hugs. I had a D&C a month after my MC and bled for a week or two after that, so I definitely know how you feel about not being able to move on from just the physical aspect of it.

I hope you are able to make some arrangements for Christmas to shift some of the work off you. And either way, I hope you can just get through the holiday. I'm so sorry you're in this situation. It definitely ruins the holiday spirit.

MellyMel15 · December 2014

I'm sorry you're going through so much and hope you won't need another D&C. I agree with @buggirl72 that perhaps someone else can take over hosting duties for Christmas.

I'm sending you hugs and hope everything will be resolved soon. I know that talking about your MC isn't easy, but maybe you should tell other members of your family why things are so hard right now. I've found that talking about mine has helped me a lot. You'd also probably be surprised how many other women you know have likely been through it-- I know I was. If you don't want to tell people, that's OK too. Perhaps seek out a counselor or a support group in your area (my doctor recommended one that DH and I go to once a month).

Take care and hang in there.

kreardon11 · December 2014

So many (((hugs)))

stephy1221 · December 2014

I am so sorry for your loss and your complications.Big Hugs. We are here for you.

catvaughn5002 · December 2014

I don't have any advice to give but I do have lots of ((Hugs)). I'm so very sorry you find yourself in this situation and hopefully you can move forward soon.

skategirl128 · December 2014

Sending you big hugs!

NOBB14 · December 2014

Hugs, lady. I will second third fourth fifth what PP have said in hoping you won't need another surgery. Bleeding seems normal- I bled sometimes heavily for at least three weeks post d&c; I think all bodies react to the surgery differently. Thinking about you this week, I know all of this happening right now is not an ideal time.

Km380 · December 2014

You've gotten great advice already and I'm glad your parents are there to help. If it still is at your house do not feel bad if you need to excuse yourself throughout the day to be alone. Mc is hard enough without holidays and it's awful when the physical part drags on. Big (((hugs)))

LizBlue · December 2014

Sending big hugs. PP have great advice. I hope you are feeling better soon. Xo

HeyMrsPotter · December 2014

Welcome. I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't have any experience with or advice about bleeding after a D&C, but I'm sending ((HUGS)) your way.

EIsieMae · December 2014

Huge ((hugs)). I am so sorry you are going through this.

I had a very similar situation after my D&C. I ended up in the ER after passing a few clots the size of my fist. They also ended up prescribing me methergine, like @Sterling13‌.

I thought that I was inevitably going to end up with another D&C, but the methergine worked, and I ended up passing everything.

Again, I am so sorry you are going through this, especially during the holidays.

flyoffeve · December 2014

(Hugs)

CC1017 · December 2014

I am so sorry your body is not cooperating. PPs have given great advice. Please be kind to yourself this week. Don't push yourself to do too much. Take a step back if you need to. Can you talk to your Mom or someone else in the family that you're close to and ask them to take charge at your house?

bfonz619 · December 2014

PP's have given excellent advice. I am so sorry for your loss and am sending many ((hugs)) your way. I cannot imagine what you are going through in not being able to move forward and wish you the best.

peregrinefalconx · December 2014

I am so, so sorry. I feel like miscarriage is two parts: the loss of your baby AND the accompanying physical manifestation (oh, and the crazy hormonal changes, which take a month or two to settle down). Nobody tells you how much it hurts physically and how long it can take. My experience the first two times was over a month of bleeding, multiple sonograms, manually extracting tissue, etc. I ran to a DNC the 3rd time. For your situation, it is like adding insult to injury--to need another DNC?!. I really, really hope you can find a way to transfer your duties. You need to focus on you. Seriously.

As a holiday miscarrier, we need to make special allowances...nobody can blame you for being "ill" and unable to host. Give yourself a break. You do NOT have so be Susie Homemaker right now. Others are right about asking for help. Please take care of yourself.

schuebja · December 2014

Im sorry you are going through the this. Hugs.

dandb925 · December 2014

I just wanted to offer you hugs and say I'm so sorry you're going through this. I agree with PP's about passing the hosting duties if you can and to do what you need to in order to get through the holiday. Please take care of yourself!

meredithcarole · December 2014

So many ((hugs)). I echo that like Sterling I bleed for a couple weeks and was given methergine to help void any remaining contents of my uterus.

As for telling people, in my experience it lifted a big burden. I hope you are able to confide in your family about the experience.

[Deleted User] · December 2014

(((HUGS))) I hope you don't have to go through a second surgery and really hope someone else can host the holidays.

[Deleted User] · December 2014

Huge ((hugs)). I'm so sorry you're dealing with this especially around the holidays

alm288 · December 2014

I'm so sorry that the process is dragging on this long for you! It's so hard not being able to influence or control the situation. I hope it passes quickly. Sending (((hugs)))

laurenleigh17 · December 2014

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this - especially during a time of year that's supposed to be joyful. It is so hard to grieve when you are still in the middle of your loss.

I will be thinking of you during this awful experience. You have been incredibly strong throughout this whole thing, but remember to take care of yourself too

Littleowl913 · December 2014

PP have covered it all but I just wanted to send lots of ((hugs)) and hoping you don't need another D&C.

purplehaze11 · December 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss

during my m/c in July it took 8 weeks for my body to rid itself of tissue and regulate, it sucked. I had weekly bloodwork and ultrasounds, to try and avoid a d&c. I'm sorry you have to go through it all in general, but ESP at the holidays

hey_alex · December 2014

Just stopping by to give some hugs.

Crunkal · December 2014

Sweetie I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I agree with PPs, I would be asking someone else to take over your hosting duties even if it's still at
Your house. You need to take it easy and not deal that kind of frustration right now, you've got enough going on.

Sending lots of hugs your way.

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