I'm seeing who my true friends are

knottie7ab26a0507d48d40 · December 2014

Hello moms to be,
I'm a first timer. Im 17 weeks and 3 days. I'm noticing a particular "best" friend of mine has vanished ever since she found out I was expecting. Her and I have been friends for 14 years and I feel really let down by her. She has every excuse in the book on why she stopped coming around. Her and I loved to have drinks (lots of drinks) together. I'm feeling she has disappeared because she realized the party is over. Im starting to see who my true friends are. It's sad because I've never seen this side of her. I thought maybe I was being overly sensitive and hormonal but my husband has noticed she has changed as well. I'm embracing my sobriety and I love it. I love everything about this experience and I wish she was around to share it with me. Please let me know if you have had the same experience. Maybe someone can give me peace of mind. Thanks!

blitzy23 · December 2014

I have been going through a similar situation. I felt horrible and just overall not very worthy of her time and effort. I have some other friends that were happy to slightly adjust plans so I could be in comfortable situations, and I have been steering more in their direction for fun and different dates/activities. It made me realize that it's possible to have fun without being at a brewery or headed out for a ski day. I just backed off of my friend, and have been enjoying the friends that are embracing this new stage of my life. I'm definitely sad and disappointed, but there is no point in forcing it. I think this is a common experience as people go through different stages and priorities, but I certainly didnt see it coming, and it's such a bummer! I have very few friends with children (even though I am 30), so this is a very huge life and social change, but dangit, I'm happy to have this little guy on the way!

knottie7ab26a0507d48d40 · December 2014

Thank you @blitzy23‌! You're absolutely right! I'm gonna let her do what she wants and stop forcing it. Ultimately it's her loss if she doesn't want to share this wonderful experience with me. I have a couple girlfriends who have gone above and beyond to support me. I need to start embracing them and counting my blessings. I'm truly lucky to have such wonderful people in my life. I'm so excited about my baby boy coming this May. I refuse to let anyone rain on my parade. On the upside, I have two girlfriends who are also pregs, so I get to share the experience. I guess I'm a pretty lucky gal. Thanks for your support. It means so much to me.

stephaniesee · December 2014

When I was going through my IF issues my absolute best friend turned out to just be another part of the heartache. I eventually decided to cut ties and now that I'm pregnant I'm surrounded by all my true friends who genuinely care and are excited and I wouldn't want it any other way. I hope it works out for you and your friend but it also might be time to accept her for what she was at the time and move on and allow yourself to be happy for your and your LO.

knottie7ab26a0507d48d40 · December 2014

My due date is May 30th. Technically i can deliver in May or June. Hope that answers your question.

lgsdesigner · December 2014

Unfortunately, this happens often. When I was pg with my first, I lost about 4 friends because I wasn't "fun anymore" and "couldn't go out and party". Well you know what? They weren't my real friends, anyways!

With this pregnancy, I have a friend who was my friend for 8 years, and she is jealous of my pregnancy so she is staying away more too. She also posts tons and tons of photos of her drinking on Facebook saying "Mmm..alcohol is so good!" to try and make ME jealous. Well guess what, honey...it doesn't. I'd rather have a baby on the way than be drunk every weekend.

***She is also jealous of my marriage, and has a crush on my DH, but that's a whole different story.

lgsdesigner · December 2014

IFinTN said:

Unfortunately, this happens often. When I was pg with my first, I lost about 4 friends because I wasn't "fun anymore" and "couldn't go out and party". Well you know what? They weren't my real friends, anyways!

With this pregnancy, I have a friend who was my friend for 8 years, and she is jealous of my pregnancy so she is staying away more too. She also posts tons and tons of photos of her drinking on Facebook saying "Mmm..alcohol is so good!" to try and make ME jealous. Well guess what, honey...it doesn't. I'd rather have a baby on the way than be drunk every weekend.
***She is also jealous of my marriage, and has a crush on my DH, but that's a whole different story.
This rubs me the wrong way. Maybe she does really want a baby and can't have one for whatever reason. I posted lots of alcohol pics when I was going through IF....getting drunk every weekend was my only solace.

@IFnTN- Nope. She has two kids and now has her tubes tied. She wanted three kids, but her then husband didn't want anymore, so she got fixed. She is angry her now boyfriend doesn't want anymore...otherwise she would get a reversal. He actually dislikes kids, and that is why she is jealous I met a man that wants them.

***And for the record: I have a friend who cannot have children. I would NEVER judge anyone who is unable. That is why I am hyper sensitive on FB. I rarely say anything about my pregnancy because I have respect for my friend's feelings who can't reproduce.

rivers714 · December 2014

I hate people

dukwok · December 2014

Themisfit444 lgsdesigner. A lot of times when friends and even family seem to disappear, they tend to be dealing with an insecurity or issue that may have been triggered by your happiness. Or sometimes they really are just BSC - and usually then it's still spurred by some kind of jealousy!

Sorry for the loss, hopefully your friend will be able to work on her own stuff and eventually come around to share in your joy!

melissak1q · December 2014

My best friend got pregnant when we were in our early 20s. I kept doing my own things, involving alcohol and clubs. I didn't even realize how jerky id been until she pointed it out to me and told me how she felt left out. I was so busy with my own life, I forgot about hers.

Maybe she's being selfish, like I was, and isn't consciously being a turd. Have you tried to talk to her about it?

lgsdesigner · December 2014

emilyzemily said:

My due date is May 30th. Technically i can deliver in May or June. Hope that answers your question.
Ermm you just told me on the June thread that you're due May 31st. Make up your mind!

amalama · December 2014

irishtheatrechic said:

I'm going to play devils advocate here and say maybe you should do a better job being a good friend, instead of just focusing on being pregnant. I am the first of my close friends to get married and get pregnant. It has been a big change, and while I skip the bar crawls and club nights I do make a point of going to the pub with them, or hosting our game nights so that they see I am still fun. Sure I can't drink but the pub serves food too, and has great music. I just sip on something else when we have game nights.

Being a friend goes both ways. Have you been reaching out to her to suggest activities you are BOTH interested in? Also, she may not want to talk about babies all the time, and if that is your main topic of conversation she may feel like you aren't interested in her anymore.

Just something to think about.

This is pretty much what I was going to say. Yes, your life is changing. Hers isn't. You both need to find a middle ground.

I was one of the first in my friend group to have a kid. Sure, while I was pregnant I skipped stuff I didn't feel up to doing or the nights that I knew would be crazy, but I made it a point to still go to what I could. And right after I had my DD I disappeared for a little while, but everyone understood that and tried to come see me when they could and I tried to keep in touch through phone/text/etc. When I started feeling up to it I made sure to invite them to some kid friendly things and make time to go out with my friends kid free too. I am still super close to those same people from college.

A couple years ago another friend had a kid. She came to a couple things when she was pregnant, but as soon as she had her DD she dropped everyone. We would go when she would invite us to her DD's birthdays and other kid friendly things, but every time we invited her anywhere she wouldn't come. A lot of times she would try to get us to change our (not kid friendly) plans so that she could bring her DD. We were fine with that sometimes but honestly, even the rest of us with kids want a kid free night sometimes! After a couple years of this we all just kind of lost touch with her, and then it all blew up the one time she did come to a wedding without her DD. She thought we were leaving her out, but it's hard to maintain a friendship when it's so completely one sided and by that point we just weren't close to her anymore. I don't think anyone has spoken to her since.

Anyway, my point is that sometimes friends just grow in different directions. If you don't want it to mean that you grow apart, you have to put in some work too, don't just expect her to change to catch up to you.

cosmicav · December 2014

I'm kind of losing touch with some of my friends too. I have been so SO fatigued through the whole pregnancy so far, and so I lose my energy really quickly when hanging out with everyone, and I just can't do as many car trips any more because of motion sickness. I tell my friends that, and they just think I am blowing them off, or they take it really personally (like "why are you angry at me?") The whole thing sucks. Good luck with everything, and I hope you can find new friends who are more understanding, and also keep the old (one is silver and the other's gold)

flaky24 · December 2014

All my friends dumped me when I was pregnant with my daughter 5 years ago. They stopped including me on girls night out because they assumed that I was too tired to go out or that I couldn't drink so it wouldn't be fun anymore AND that I would feel embarrassed with a big belly at a club/bar.

Even my own sister stopped talking to me because I wasn't always going to be free to babysit my niece whenever she wanted me to.

knottie7ab26a0507d48d40 · December 2014

My due date is May 30th. Technically i can deliver in May or June. Hope that answers your question.

irishtheatrechic said:
I'm going to play devils advocate here and say maybe you should do a better job being a good friend, instead of just focusing on being pregnant. I am the first of my close friends to get married and get pregnant. It has been a big change, and while I skip the bar crawls and club nights I do make a point of going to the pub with them, or hosting our game nights so that they see I am still fun. Sure I can't drink but the pub serves food too, and has great music. I just sip on something else when we have game nights.

Being a friend goes both ways. Have you been reaching out to her to suggest activities you are BOTH interested in? Also, she may not want to talk about babies all the time, and if that is your main topic of conversation she may feel like you aren't interested in her anymore.

Just something to think about.

Yes actually I have. My breaking point is when she missed my gender reveal party. I understand my priorities have changed and we may be growing apart. This is just a part of life I suppose. Thanks devils advocate.

khaleesi123 · December 2014

I 100% understand this post! I can't believe how many people are getting annoyed at me and stressing me out because I'm not visiting them enough or not inviting them to random pointless things like a lunch with someone else etc. people have gotten really needy and I've gotten really lazy aren't people supposed to NOT want to stress out the pregnant hormonal lady?? But one thing that has surprised me is there are some people I haven't really been close to that have cared and been more interested in how my pregnancy has been going than any of my closest friends..

RachiCakes · December 2014

IFinTN said:
AND OP flips her shit on us in her next post. What the actual fuck??

This.
No one was even mean...I'm confused

sarahchrismck · December 2014

These were such nice and supportive responses. I'm confused.
:-??

knottie7ab26a0507d48d40 · December 2014

Thank

IFinTN said:
AND OP flips her shit on us in her next post. What the actual fuck??

My last post had nothing to do with this thread. It was other communities that I wrote in. Please stop

RachiCakes · December 2014

Themisfit444 said:
Thank
IFinTN said:
AND OP flips her shit on us in her next post. What the actual fuck??
My last post had nothing to do with this thread. It was other communities that I wrote in. Please stop

Thought you were leaving you little tease ;;)

MissRissx3 · December 2014

I've actually lost my best friend because of my pregnancy. It does suck and I'm sorry you have to go through that.

Snapdragon750 · December 2014

Themisfit444 said:

Thank
AND OP flips her shit on us in her next post. What the actual fuck??
My last post had nothing to do with this thread. It was other communities that I wrote in. Please stop

That's even worse! Why tell THIS board off for stuff that another board said to you??

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