Community› The Bump Month Clubs› September 2012 Moms
September 2012 Moms
New Discussion

BM coming over for Christmas

Doubletrouble12Doubletrouble12 member
in September 2012 Moms
How would you feel about BM coming to your house for Christmas morning?  
I posted on blended families as well, just hoping for some more input :)

A little background, This is the 5th Christmas I've been with my DH. He had 2 DDs from a previous
marriage. We now have twin DDs together. My SDs mom has came over the past 4 years we have
been together to watch them open presents from my husband and I.  Last year I was irritated and let it slide, bc
I don't like causing conflict. This year I'm once again annoyed with the idea. I feel like why should she come to our
house on Christmas to watch them open the presents from us?? This year I told DH I wasn't really okay with it and I felt
like it irritated him.  

How would you handle it?
Report Reply to Post

Re: BM coming over for Christmas

  • melody921melody921 member
    I get that he wants his girls to feel like they have a unified family front. That said, you guys deserve some time alone with them too. Is there any way you can have some time just with SDs in the morning and then their BM can come over a bit later? Do the girls live with her most of the time?

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • Holly_1007Holly_1007 member
    Yeah. No. BM was never at our house when we did christmas. I have to ask, did they do christmas together before you were in the picture, or is it just in recent years? If they always did it together I think I would let it slide, but If she is trying to make it the new normal I would put my foot down.
                           
                         View Full Size Image  View Full Size Image
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • watercolor5watercolor5 member
    How old are your SDs- are they old enough to have an opinion on the matter?  I'd probably let her come over for Christmas, esp if her daughters love having her there and would miss it if things changed, I'd just do our family gifts at a time she wasn't there, like in the morning before she got there.  If SDs are coming with her, then I'd just do family gifts at a separate time, like Christmas eve.  I don't think it's at all weird that BM comes over on Christmas, I just think it's weird she's watching the kids open presents from you.
    Report Reply
  • hmp1hmp1 member
    I guess it would depend on the legal agreements made for the holiday. Is she supposed to have them but she is bringing them by to be nice so they can see their dad that day? Totally cool and I would keep my mouth shut. Or is it his day and she is sticking around for awhile during drop off and watching the presents get opened? I don't think I would care if she was hanging out for an hour as I imagine Christmas can be sad without your kids. But I wouldn't want to spend the day with her if it was my husband's day with the kids.

    James Sawyer 12.3.10
    Leo Richard 9.20.12 
    image

    Report Reply
  • HyalineHyaline member
    Honestly, I would probably try to push toward a "new normal" of each parent having holiday time, separately, with the kids.  I think it's weird to continue to do things together unless that's the kind of relationship the parents and stepparents have--and it sounds like it's not.  There are two families now, time to separate the holiday time.  And opening gifts is a particularly weird thing--unless if "from you and your H" you mean "from Santa?" In that case, I do understand why she wants to be involved in that.  But for me, I would have "Santa" visit both houses or alternate or something.
    image
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Doubletrouble12Doubletrouble12 member
    They live with us 50% of the time, which is more of their main "home" as she lives with family. So they leave Friday and come back the following Friday. This week is her week with them but of course we want some time on Christmas as well. So the way that we get to spend Christmas with them is basically if she is there also. 

    As of now I think she is going to bring them over around 10 or so after opening gifts with her family and they will stay till she picks them up in the evening.(Hoping she isn't coming in with them for our gifts) which is completely fine. Last year she came over Christmas morning, they opened gifts then left right after to go with her. I just feel like that isn't really fair to them because they didn't even get time to enjoy what they got. Hopefully this year is better.  
    Report Reply
  • Nita2603Nita2603 member
    There is no way I'd be ok with that. I'd rather do Christmas a week late or early when we have the kids or something. But in no scenario would I spend the holidays - any holiday - with my hubby's ex. Hell to the no.
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    Report Reply
  • redneckmomma25redneckmomma25 member
    Doubletrouble12 said:
    They live with us 50% of the time, which is more of their main "home" as she lives with family. So they leave Friday and come back the following Friday. This week is her week with them but of course we want some time on Christmas as well. So the way that we get to spend Christmas with them is basically if she is there also. 

    As of now I think she is going to bring them over around 10 or so after opening gifts with her family and they will stay till she picks them up in the evening.(Hoping she isn't coming in with them for our gifts) which is completely fine. Last year she came over Christmas morning, they opened gifts then left right after to go with her. I just feel like that isn't really fair to them because they didn't even get time to enjoy what they got. Hopefully this year is better.  
    It sounds like it is her day and if you want to see them it's on her terms. So Christmas belongs to whoevers week it is? Not an every other Holiday deal? Sounds a little confusing. 

    I guess since it's her day I would probably just want to wait to do gifts all together when you have them. Maybe doing a Christmas brunch together somewhere? Then you still get to see them. I normally spent Christmas with my dad since I had 2 step brothers and would do Christmas with my mom and family a different day. I always called. I of course would have liked to have spent the day with both and felt bad she was by herself. But it would have been awkward for me to have them both together for Christmas. 
    Report Reply
  • myjohnsonboysmyjohnsonboys member
    I would be uncomfortable having my DH's ex with us on Christmas morning. I'm trying to understand why if she does not bring them until 10am or so can't she leave them for a bit and come back. It's ok to be civil and get along but I have boundaries and since becoming a blended family new traditions have been set in place. My oldest son's dad usually comes to drop his presents on Christmas eve and then he comes back Christmas day and takes him to spend time with his side of the family. He'll come in to say hello while my son gathers his things but never long enough to make my DH uncomfortable.

    View Raw Image'>View Raw Image'>

    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"