Military Spouses?

Grapes13 · December 2014

So I wanted to see if anyone else is experiencing or has experienced what I am currently going through as a military wife/ first time pregnancy... My husband is in the Air Force, and in Oct. 2013 he started to train for the special ops program for Pararescue. (This is extremely difficult and has between a 10-5% pass rate) the training for this generally goes for 2-3 years, during which we can't live together until he gets to a certain stage of training. Long story short- he passed what we thought was the hardest part, planned on being together early Oct. 2014- but our plans fell through and his orders changed. We are still living in two states very far apart, still waiting on his reclass assignment, and now we know we will still not be settled together before baby boy gets here. So the whole pregnancy we have seen each other twice, and he only has 20 days leave to come home when the baby is born. After that we have no clue when we will move together or where we will be. I am in the process of moving so that I can be closer to my mom- so as not to be completely on my own when our son arrives. It's been difficult to say the least. It's been almost 2 years since we have been living away from each other, and now we are not sure when that will end. Anyone have words of wisdom or a similar experience?

racheltherose · December 2014

So so sorry you're dealing with that. I have no experience and I can't even fathom how hard that must be. Hopefully things get settled and sorted out for you soon!

jennjilljo · December 2014

Never been through it but I've been around it a thousand times. Get in touch the family readiness officer for his unit and the chaplain to help you get the resources you need and to find other women going through similar situations or who have previously been in your situation. They can also help you with any moving, tricare (or insurance) issues and any financial aid you may need or be able to get. I'm sorry you're going through this right now.

Irishcurls · December 2014

I think the hardest part is not knowing when it will end--most things are endurable for "some time" but to not know must be very difficult. When will his orders be finalized? (I don't mean actually tell us, but you know what I mean). Hopefully it will all calm down after that happens, even if it is post-birth. You'll be together eventually, even if it means paying for a move OOP, I would probably do that. We'll be getting orders right around the birth and moving in general is stressful enough, without being separated. Try to let go of what isn't in your control and trust that the time will come when you will be together.

Grapes13 · December 2014

jennjilljoite said:
Never been through it but I've been around it a thousand times. Get in touch the family readiness officer for his unit and the chaplain to help you get the resources you need and to find other women going through similar situations or who have previously been in your situation. They can also help you with any moving, tricare (or insurance) issues and any financial aid you may need or be able to get. I'm sorry you're going through this right now.

Thank you!
The good news is that my job is in benefits- so I have all the info I need on tricare and my other healthcare etc. And our belongings I have been packing since July, since we thought we were doing a DITY move in October! So moving right now isn't too bad since most of it was ready

hopefully in the next few weeks we will find out at least what base he will be transferred to for the time being.

Grapes13 · December 2014

@Irishcurls I think you are right. I could handle this much better if I just knew what I was up against! Lol I really hope your move goes smoothly when he gets his orders!

jennjilljo · December 2014

Grapes13 said:

jennjilljoite said:
Never been through it but I've been around it a thousand times. Get in touch the family readiness officer for his unit and the chaplain to help you get the resources you need and to find other women going through similar situations or who have previously been in your situation. They can also help you with any moving, tricare (or insurance) issues and any financial aid you may need or be able to get. I'm sorry you're going through this right now.
Thank you!
The good news is that my job is in benefits- so I have all the info I need on tricare and my other healthcare etc. And our belongings I have been packing since July, since we thought we were doing a DITY move in October! So moving right now isn't too bad since most of it was ready hopefully in the next few weeks we will find out at least what base he will be transferred to for the time being.

I hope you find out soon and that you guys can be together soon. I know how hard it is for these guys to miss the birth of their children and to not be able to be there for their wives. Good luck to both of you. I know this is hard but it's not forever.

Nvywife · December 2014

All I can say is hang in there, and keep rolling with the punches. It's by no means an easy life style, we live. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. My husband had orders cancelled with movers coming the next day. All of our stuff went to storage. He ended up in the barracks and me back to my parents with our baby. With no new orders in sight. The command that he was promised to couldn't take him due to a base closure, and wouldn't release him to anyone else. He was stuck in limbo (6 months), having already checked out of his former command. At the time it was a horrible obstacle, but looking at it now it was just a bump along the way. Previous posters have given some great suggestions. If you ever need to just vent or cry feel free to send me a private message. I always have an open ear for another military wife. Thoughts, prayers and positive vibes headed your way, for orders and a reunited family.

Mommalawyer · December 2014

DH is a senior commissioned officer in USMC. While I don't deal with these specific types of instances you mentioned, he is gone A LOT and I don't have any family close by. It's rough being a military spouse for sure! I don't have any advice for you, but sorry you're going through this.....

DBJackson25 · December 2014

I have no advice to offer I just wanna tell you I appreciate all the sacrifices your family and all the posters here in the military or with spouses in the military are making for our country. I truly appreciate it and if you(or anyone) needs someone to talk to I'm here for ya.

Grapes13 · December 2014

Thank you all

it has really boosted my moral today to read these responses! @nvywife that sounds terrible! And really close to what I am dealing with now. Moved the last of my "not necessity" items to storage today! Well someone else moved it for me- since heavy lifting isn't an option! But I'm glad to hear that you can look back on it as just a bump in the road! That gives me hope

tlglass91 · December 2014

Military life isn't easy at all. There are lots of bumps along the way and when you're expecting they just seem unbearable sometimes. I'm sorry you are missing your hubby and I hope you are reunited soon! Hang in there, it'll get better soon

Hartory · December 2014

My husband was gone for training during my entire first pregnancy. Luckily I was able to go visit him several times but they wouldn't give him any time off for the birth. They said there are soldiers that miss the birth of their baby all the time, which I thought was ridiculous since he was just in training. It wasn't like he was in Afghanistan. He did end up making it for the birth because he had the weekends off, so my midwife induced me on Friday morning and my husband flew out Friday night and baby was born Saturday morning and he had to leave Sunday morning. It sucked and I ended up with a lot of interventions I didn't want because of the induction, but at least he made the birth. My mother in law drove us home from the hospital and helped a lot until he finished his training. Now we are living on the other side of the country from all our family with two kids and that is really hard too. Military life definitely isn't easy, but it does have its benefits.

Grapes13 · December 2014

Hartory said:
My husband was gone for training during my entire first pregnancy. Luckily I was able to go visit him several times but they wouldn't give him any time off for the birth. They said there are soldiers that miss the birth of their baby all the time, which I thought was ridiculous since he was just in training. It wasn't like he was in Afghanistan. He did end up making it for the birth because he had the weekends off, so my midwife induced me on Friday morning and my husband flew out Friday night and baby was born Saturday morning and he had to leave Sunday morning. It sucked and I ended up with a lot of interventions I didn't want because of the induction, but at least he made the birth. My mother in law drove us home from the hospital and helped a lot until he finished his training. Now we are living on the other side of the country from all our family with two kids and that is really hard too. Military life definitely isn't easy, but it does have its benefits.

We were just updated on his new training since he was sent to a new base. We are now in the same boat as you were. Now he gets no time to come home- except a weekend. I am going to talk to my doctor at my appt next week about possibly inducing me on a weekend when the baby is ready so hopefully he can catch a flight an not miss his birth. It's so hard for him to miss all of this, and of course not easy on me either. I am just praying for comfort and strength. Maybe praying for a little good luck too

thank you for sharing!

michellemock · December 2014

I guess I am in a somewhat similar situation. My husband will be in training for my last month of pregnancy (returning 2 days before my due date) and then deploys for 6 months when our baby will be about 6 weeks old. I am not too upset about our situation. Of course I wish he didn't have to go, but deployments are part of the job. I'm excited to spend extra time with my family while he is gone since I don't get to see them much since we live a few states away. My mom is staying with me when my husband is in training and then I will go stay with my parents while he is deployed. My husband absolutely loves his career and I love the lifestyle we live so I can't complain too much. Hope things sort themselves out for you!

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