Monday Crazy Train

PinkCamino · December 2014

W e l c o m e t o t h e C r a z y T r a i n ! ! ! !

Feel free to chime in, offer hugs, give your interpretation of a chart stalk and share your knowledge!

This is a thread posted daily for any of us who need to get out our frustrations about waiting to O, the 2WW, or vent about our cycles.

If you find yourself checking FF obsessively, MF is getting the best of you, or you just want to pee on all things, let it out here! In order for the conductors to be better able to help you, please make sure you either have a FF chart link in your sig, or make sure you post a link.

Don't chart? You should consider it, not only will it give you a lot more insight to your cycles, but conductors will be able to answer a lot of your questions just by looking at your chart!

To learn more about charting, check out the charting course that FF offers:https://www.fertilityfriend.com/courses/

The CT is not the place to post a BFP. If you have a "squinter" or if you have a line that appeared after the time frame, please do not post about it here. Take a step back from the board, test again with FMU, and good luck!

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Crazy level from 1-10:

CD/DPO:

Can I just ______ already?!:

Signs/Symptoms:

Explain your Crazy here:

PinkCamino · December 2014

petitchou1019 said:

Crazy level from 1-10: 10
CD/DPO: 31/11
Can I just ______ already?!: Just be over it
Signs/Symptoms: Temp drop this morning, BFN, cramps
Explain your Crazy here: Well, it looks like I will most likely get AF tomorrow. I'm feeling super bad for myself today. I put too much pressure on this cycle. Bring on all the alcohol!

So many ((hugs)). I'm so sorry. Do something nice for yourself okay?

NOBB14 · December 2014

I hope it's ok that I'm going to skip the traditional CT layout because something happened last night that I'm struggling with emotionally: ********trigger warning pregnancy mentioned, not mine*********** My husband had a buddy over last night to help fix our garbage disposal. He's expecting a child with his wife, my friend, the first week in January- so needless to say I've kind of withdrawn from that friendship because it was just too big of an elephant in the room. Taking my husbands need into consideration (he's happy to be social) I was gone for most of the day to avoid any trigger conversations. I ended up back at the house right before husbands buddy left, and he began talking about his bathroom renovation- a relief at first as it seemed like a totally safe subject. Wrong! He was flipping through pictures of his Reno on his phone when he accidentally scrolled through several naked pictures of my ready-to-pop friend. He knows I saw them and knows about our losses yet no apology has been given. I'm totally no prude and honestly don't care about accidentally seeing her naked- something like that could easily happen on accident to my husband with pics of me. What's killing me was seeing her very pregnant body... It just fucking broke me. I felt like I've been doing a better job at handling my emotions but this shattered my very fragile attempt at staying strong. I've spiraled back into anger over my loss and am furious that I have no infant to share this holiday with as I should have. I know it's wrong but I'm resentful of my friends lives and how excited they (rightfully) are. I ovulate this week and MH and i were going to TTC for the first time since my second loss, but now I can't get out of my own head to get in the mood. Fuck....

PinkCamino · December 2014

NOBB14 said:

I hope it's ok that I'm going to skip the traditional CT layout because something happened last night that I'm struggling with emotionally: ********trigger warning pregnancy mentioned, not mine*********** My husband had a buddy over last night to help fix our garbage disposal. He's expecting a child with his wife, my friend, the first week in January- so needless to say I've kind of withdrawn from that friendship because it was just too big of an elephant in the room. Taking my husbands need into consideration (he's happy to be social) I was gone for most of the day to avoid any trigger conversations. I ended up back at the house right before husbands buddy left, and he began talking about his bathroom renovation- a relief at first as it seemed like a totally safe subject. Wrong! He was flipping through pictures of his Reno on his phone when he accidentally scrolled through several naked pictures of my ready-to-pop friend. He knows I saw them and knows about our losses yet no apology has been given. I'm totally no prude and honestly don't care about accidentally seeing her naked- something like that could easily happen on accident to my husband with pics of me. What's killing me was seeing her very pregnant body... It just fucking broke me. I felt like I've been doing a better job at handling my emotions but this shattered my very fragile attempt at staying strong. I've spiraled back into anger over my loss and am furious that I have no infant to share this holiday with as I should have. I know it's wrong but I'm resentful of my friends lives and how excited they (rightfully) are. I ovulate this week and MH and i were going to TTC for the first time since my second loss, but now I can't get out of my own head to get in the mood. Fuck....

So many ((hugs)). I hate that you were blindsided like that. I don't think it was done intentionally though but despite that I can totally understand the flood of emotion that it brought. You went into that conversation thinking you were safe from the trigger and then BAM! there it was. I'm so sorry ((hugs)). Having said all that, those emotions: the anger, the resentment, the jealousy are all very very normal and as a result you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. We can't help but feel this way because of the shitty cards we've been dealt. As a result, you're entitled to feel that way even if it makes you feel guilty.

(((((((more hugs)))))))

NOBB14 · December 2014

Thanks, @PinkCamino‌. I'm trying to shake it but it really screwed with head. I'm so disappointed - if I can't perk up we will be going through another cycle without trying. I'm so anxious to get pregnant again but wish I weren't so sensitive.

PinkCamino · December 2014

NOBB14 said:

Thanks, @PinkCamino‌. I'm trying to shake it but it really screwed with head. I'm so disappointed - if I can't perk up we will be going through another cycle without trying. I'm so anxious to get pregnant again but wish I weren't so sensitive.

I hate that these types of moments make us all our nothing ya know? Is there anyway that you can focus on just connecting with you DH and not necessarily approaching this from a TTC point of view?

My DH and I were dealing with some really significant issues related to my obsessiveness and need to get pregnant immediately. We went through make 4 cycles of timed intercourse that really left us feeling broken. If you can maybe try to shift your focus from TTC to connecting with your DH and seeing where that goes maybe you'll be able to refocus your energy?

Either way, whatever you decide we're here for you ((hugs))

NOBB14 · December 2014

(Not so luckily) I have to work today and tomorrow before leaving for the holiday, so i am hoping to use the work days away from my husband as time to clear my head so I can be in a better place when I get home to him. I also just need to focus on Christmas which up until yesterday I was super stoked on... It's the eternal Carrie Bradshaw question, why do all of the things we don't have affect the things we do? Thanks for the hugs @PinkCamino‌. I do already feel a bit better. I love this group and I'm so glad I've found it.

imnotfancy · December 2014

@petitchou1019‌ I'm so, so sorry about your BFN today! :-< ((hugs))

@NOBB14‌ I'm sorry about your experience. I feel ya. I'm angry about some triggers too. It is really hard to want to "give" to DH and "accept" love back when in that mindset. I'm hoping you can break free of it and get back to connecting with him. Sending ((hugs)) your way.

NOBB14 · December 2014

@petitchou1019‌ I think you have definitely earned a champagne bottle or three to yourself this week. (Hugs)!

flyoffeve · December 2014

@PinkCamino Love the picture of the trolls on the train! lol

(Hugs) ladies

nikiswimr · December 2014

Lots of hugs for @petitchou1019‌ and @NOBB14‌. Wine of some sort is definitely in order.

@linkloveszelda26‌ good luck this cycle!

Not punching my ticket today. Just run of the mill Clomid crazy over here. Starting yet another cycle...

vmatt850 · December 2014

@petitchou1019 I hear you sister. It's so frustrating when the 2WW amounts to a BFN and then the added bonus of AF. We spend all this time as young people trying to NOT get pregnant, and when we finally stop, we just find that we have issues. w.t.H!! So many ((hugs)) your way. I so hope your 2WW next cycle yields a BFP : ) : ) : )

Crazy level from 1-10: 10. Harrrrrd 10.CD/DPO: 25/ ?? (first cycle since MC)Can I just ______ already?!: OVULATESigns/Symptoms: cramps. exxxxxttttrrreeeeeemmmmeee irritability. poor DHExplain your Crazy here: I've been a bit absent this last week+ because I was SO SURE I was experiencing early pregnancy symptoms. BFN today. Cramps. Moody as ever. Just want to curl up and sleep until I'm ovulating again. Definitely putting too much pressure on myself AND DH - I just want to shake myself! It was my first cycle after MC. I guess that I just got so excited that we got pregnant the first time that we tried that I think we should get pregnant every time we try. Fucking bodies. So stupid. Not to mention, we've barely started trying and I already feel like I'm a drill sergeant. Fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck, fuck.

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