She's gonna make me crazy...MIL

Lindss1209 · December 2014

At a family (my side) retirement party for my mom (DH invited his mom last minute), I felt like I had a shadow the ENTIRE night. I would go talk to family members or friends who haven't seen the baby in weeks/months...or ever for that matter, and MIL would follow right behind me. But it wasn't to be social/meet people she didn't know. She followed behind and was in DSs face the whole time, which was making him slightly nervous and freaked out and was aggravating the crap outta me! I couldn't relax!! Then at one point MIL took DS from my husband who, by the way, seems absolutely oblivious to all of it (she's done some weird, messed up, often disrespectful things when it comes to me & DS since the beginning). DS has recently started separation anxiety, so he constantly wants to be with one of us... Anyway, she takes him from DH and DS starts reaching for DH and she turns him to face him away from DH so he can't see him, then turns him to face him away from me when he reaches for me...then proceeds to take him AWAY from the family party... What the hell?!?! He was fine! I could understand taking him away if he needed a break from the commotion, but he just wanted Mom & Dad! So then he gets super upset because she's taking him away from us. She does crap like this all the time. And when she gets him, she won't give him up - and with it being my family party, I wanted other people to see him/meet him. She's ALL over him! Give him some space...and me some space! To get him back I end up having to make something up like "he needs his diaper changed", etc. I just feel like she constantly brings him away from us, and any other surrounding people...and maybe it's just that she wants one-on-one time...but last night was not the place for it. I just don't know how to deal with the situations without being harsh...because if I'm too nice about it, she says no and still won't give him up, or she continues to walk him out of the room. One time, at another family gathering, she started taking DSL outside because she had to get something from her car. DH said, well then leave DS here. She said no, and continued to walk away. He just blew it off, but I was FUMING! I'm just not sure how to speak to her/what to say without being too hard but also being to the point.

UnofficiallyLO · December 2014

That's annoying! Probably the type of thing I wouldn't bring up after the fact and maybe just preface with some guidelines for next time so she doesn't drive you so batty but if you needed her to watch LO she would've been at home doing so, this is a party, socialize!
Plus, I find it odd that she or anyone else says "No" to a parent wanting their baby back. I have no issues with anyone holding DS but when I motion for him back, they better follow thru.

zoopsiedaisy · December 2014

I feel you completely. Mine does similar things and then tells me after the fact how stressed out and unhappy I looked all night. Hmmm....I wonder why! Lucky for me my Husband gets it and says stuff to her all the time. The unlucky part....it goes in one ear and out the other. It doesn't help. So I have taken my own stance in my head that I'm not going to let it bother me. Which I is admittedly way easier said than done. I out my foot down when I need to and let her do her thing when its really no big deal. Although last night before i left my LO for a few hours she asked me about giving her water with a little juice in it to make it taste better in a sippy cup. To which I responded, no, she's had allnthe plain water she can have today, we don't give her juice and she likes plain water so why flavor it. When I got back she had out a sippy and straw cup both FULL of water next to my LOs chair. She told me how cute it was that she drank so much out of the straw but hated the sippy cup. Them told me that she must not care for her formula because she didn't want but an ounce or two before bed. These are the things worth the fight to me. I finally wrapped my mind around it earlier this morning and when we go over next I'm going to explain why she didn't take all of her formula and have H tell her no more water.

All of that to say....I get it and am sorry she is like that!!!

Haysgriff · December 2014

Haven't posted in a while but felt compelled to with this thread. I totally get where you're coming from, my FIL is EXACTLY the same and does it all the time. It makes me anxious and drives me crazy. I've decided the next time it happens to excuse myself from the situation and take DD elsewhere.

lcr23 · December 2014

Speak up. It can be uncomfortable to do so but pick your battles and speak your mind when it's important to you.

My fils wife drives me up the wall and I bite my tongue a lot but there's times that I feel strongly enough to say something.

Mustardseed2007 · December 2014

I think being a parent has helped me tell people things that in the past I wouldn't have the nerve or fast thinking brain to say. Part of it is practice and part of it is just feeling the need to advocate for my kid who can't speak for herself.

I get the comments about overreacting also, though. This probably sounds contradictory to what I just said about being an advocate but when I hand dd over to someone I try to walk away and ignore what they are doing for a little while so she can adjust to them and I'm not stressing about things that are bigger deals in my head than they are in reality.

If after a few minutes she is still loosing her shit I will walk back over and get her and just tell whoever That dd needs a break.

I recall one time actually saying something similar to my mil, though, and reached out for ds and She actually said "no" and physically moved him away and blocked me with her body. It was actually SUPER awkward bc then it's like, what do you do? I'm not getting in a physical fight to get him obviously. And I clearly expressed my wishes and she was just as clearly saying no.

So I said something like "wow That was weird. I understand you want to calm him down and squish on him bc he's the best baby ever, but he and I need a minute so pass him over, you will get him back I promise." I think it was my firm and annoyed tone rather than words, but she did it.

LaNorte · December 2014

I get how it seems overreacting when it's about this one incident, but it when it happens over and over and over all the time, it wears on you a little bit and makes the small stuff feel big. I feel ya, OP.

Jodash24 · December 2014

I feel you, sometimes I think is it just me, am I being silly but my in laws annoy me so much, when we are with them whether it be out at a social or at my home or theirs they constantly take lo. They fuss over him and get in his face so much you can see he don't want it. They don't pass him back the entire time when he's upset they like to try and settle him but it never works. We have been going to theirs for Christmas the last few year, yeah we've cancelled that, and having christmas alone at ours, I'm not prepared to stay at theirs at have them take over, to the point I don't even need to be there. Sorry long rant but argh!

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