"Preference Politics"...I have to be honest!

cyahnian · December 2014

I have to be honest, I'm feeling just a little guilty when it comes to this subject!

Obviously from the moment you get the positive pregnancy test you start envisioning what your life will become..
Bottle feeding or breastfeeding?
How will my son react to a new baby?
And the question that I has been weighing heavily on my mind is- will it be a boy or a girl?

Now, I know some people may feel very opinionated about the fact that this is a big deal to me, why should it matter right? Would I love my child more if it was the gender of my choosing? OF COURSE THATS NOT THE CASE.

I have a 4 year old son who is the light of my life. But now that I am pregnant with baby #2 I can't help but hope and pray it's a girl! I think about my 18 week ultrasound and in the case they tell me it's a boy I can picture my self actually becoming... dare I say....disappointed:\.

Call it what you want but I am not only hoping for my little girl not just to cover in obnoxious pink and purple bows. But I can just envision my family as a whole having the "missing puzzle piece"- having a little woman to talk to her about the world, instill values and teach to how and why to respect herself. Obviously these things apply to my son just as well but boys are cut from a different cloth- everything is cut and dry and frankly they look up to and gravitate towards the male figures in their life. Boys (mine, anyway) wants to learn to play basketball, look for bugs and growl while he's kicks things over like a dinosaur. We do have our fun times together too but he's a busy body like most little boys and all of those things are enjoyable with another guy (usually Dad). Usually the only time I get attention from my little old man is when he's sick and he just wants to be held and comforted.

So yes, it's would make me happy to add a little sugar, spice and everything nice into the mix for a change. Everyone wants the best of both worlds right?... Is that so wrong?

I'd love opinions on this topic, please remember I'm sharing my inner thoughts and try to be respectful.

Do you feel the same?
Do you feel exactly opposite?
Feedback welcome...
Thanks for listening!

TealAppeal · December 2014

It's funny, I think I want: either gender of baby, a girl from 8 through 13, a boy 14-17, a girl 18 and up, and either over 25.

I work with a lot of teens! So basically, I think I'd be happy either way but do not judge you for wanting a girl. Maybe you just want a quieter kid? My 2nd nephew is the poetic artsy type and will probably end up becoming a college professor. He and his mom get along really well.

JennyJensing · December 2014

I think it's natural to feel this way. I was very surprised when we found out DD's sex, but I wouldn't say I was disappointed. With this baby, it could very well be the last one. I think it would be neat to experience a little boy too, but if it's a girl, that will be fine too.

TealAppeal · December 2014

P.S. And he also plays sports, dates, barbeques, etc etc

cyahnian · December 2014

Yes maybe your right, a "quieter kid" lol... all kids are different and I appreciate his very textbook "boyish" tendencies, that's great he's special in his own way- maybe someday he'll be a basketball star or even a construction worker (it doesn't matter) I love him so much for his personality and I'd never want to change it. I just want to add to my already blessed life.

cyahnian · December 2014

I guess it really doesn't matter the gender I could have another boy and even he could be completely different type of kid than my son now. Obviously all boys are not the same. I don't want to come off stereo typical, I would support anything my kids did or didn't want to do regardless of the "gender related norms"

bosco213 · December 2014

I posted this in FFFC but I think it's natural/normal to have feelings of preference towards one sex or the other. My DH had a strong boy preference and I think it rubbed off on me a little bit. Of course we both wanted a healthy baby but I think we just thought a boy would fit right in with our family for whatever reason. My DH has 3 brothers and 4 nephews so he's definitely from a "boy" family and that's his comfort zone.

My DH was actually really bummed when the doc said it was a girl (it kind of broke my heart because I am so excited!), but within 24 hours, he's so excited and telling all his friends he's having a daughter.

I know for myself, I think/plan about the future a lot and was just always picturing a boy. I am already ecstatic to welcome a little girl into our family, but for a few hours I was bummed I wasn't getting the son I was envisioning.

You'll love your child no matter the sex!

ceci8876 · December 2014

I hear what you're saying. These kinds of desires and emotions just are. I would prefer a boy. I'd love to give my Dad his first & probably only grandson- he has 4 granddaughters. I feel very strongly about being able to raise a strong and confident Black man who loves The Lord. Also, I'm super close to my niece and have been attached to her from the moment I saw her enter the world. I'm nervous about how our bond would change if I have a daughter. However, I've had a loss. I've gone through 4 fertility treatments, the last being IVF. I'm 8 wk and scared to death until my next ultrasound. So in all honesty, I just want to bring home a living, healthy baby! I hope your family dreams come true.

ohkay · December 2014

When hubby and I found out baby #2 was another girl, we were disappointed. It definitely took a couple of weeks to digest. We had ourselves so psyched up for a boy. Of course we are crazy over DD2, but I long to know the love a son has for his mother. My girls love me to pieces, but they are totally daddy's girls. I want a mama's boy so bad... Plus I'm a little afraid of having three teenage girls fairly close in age. I'm afraid that period of time will be nothing but drama!

MisSmartyPants · December 2014

I hear you. This is my first so I would be happy with either. And while pink bows and butterflies are so irresistibly cute, somehow I wish for a boy. Girls are just so complicated, and while cuteness is the factor at first, bitchiness soon overcomes it lol.

squeegoi · December 2014

Being gender fluid myself, I'm don't care what the kid's sex is, but gender? Too far in either direction, and I'll probably have to smile and nod. I'm not sure I could relate to an über princess-type or ultra-machismo-type, regardless of the kid's peeing hardware.

yelah250 · December 2014

My daughter (8) is wonderful but she is not the snuggler my son (6) is. Yes he's busy and loves sports but that doesn't stop him from being a sensitive and caring young man who loves his mama very much. Having a daughter is also very special to me, but my girl (and many that I know) is fierce and independent and wants to rule the roost. It's a different type of relationship and I must say she's not nearly as "needy" as my son or my friends sons.

SidneyEllen · December 2014

Just a lurker

but I wanted to share some good advice I got when I was pregnant with my son. "If you have a preference of boy or girl, don't find out what it is in an ultrasound. When you find out when the baby is born there is no way to be disappointed because there is so much excitement and joy in the air" I know some people just can't wait to find out but I thought it was a good thing to consider.

karlablake · December 2014

I feel exactly the same although my situation is a little different.
My husband has two boys from his previous marriage and they are 7 and 3 now.
This will be my first baby and I plan for it to be my last because even though we both hold full time jobs after child support for two kids and our other bills we can barely make ends meet.
I frankly do not care what other people think because regardless if our LO is a boy or girl I will love he/she just as much as my step children!!
Like you said boys are just cut from a differnt cloth and I just want a baby girl whom I can do things the boys are not interested in doing with mom! But then again all children are different full of surprises and many characteristics.

I adore your opinion and thoughts so much! ♡
Congratulations!!

Soon2BKimbrough · December 2014

I am having twins... our first babies. I really just want healthy happy babies but the more I think about it the thought of two little boys really makes me nervous! The one family member we have told that its twins said "well now your done!" Which if its two boys I am not so sure. Coming from a family of pretty much all girls except husbands and dads I can't imagine not raising a little girl!

cabinchick · December 2014

Glad I'm not the only one feeling this way! I was just talking to my mom this weekend about how much I really want a boy as my first, and how feel kind of guilty about that. She then made me feel even m I really awful for that. I just don't know how I'll deal with a girl if that's what we have...I hated being the oldest and a girl, honestly I think it would have been so different being a boy and the oldest. And I have always wanted the big bro/lil sis dynamic. Finally, I just don't connect well to other girls. I've never had a ton of friends who are women, and I'm not like a tomboy or anything...I just don't get all the girly things! My mom and I get along alright, but it was NOT like that growing up, though I've always adored my dad. Maybe some part of me doesn't want a lil girl stealing my hubby's love? I don't know...but I do know when it all happens I'll be so in love with either sex!

smccall3838 · December 2014

My DS is 4 as well. My DH has a boy and a girl from a previous marriage who were both born premature at 7 months. More than anything I'd love to give him a fat, full term, healthy baby. But it's no mystery I want a girl. I'm over the moon with my son even to the point where I questioned if I could love another child as much. Yet, as each successful week of pregnancy passes I'm accepting the fact that I could be carrying another boy...who DS wants to name "Reindeer." We have names picked out, but hey, color themes and minds kind change.
Ps: not that we'd actually name our child Reindeer though.

sutavim2 · December 2014

I think it's perfectly normal to want one over the other. I personally would prefer a boy first so that he can take care of his little sister(if we have a girl later on). And DH is so excited to be able to play sports with a boy.. he's already been drooling over potential basketball hoops

JuneBug0611 · December 2014

I had a strong preference with DD. I wanted a girl. I just wanted to have at least one girl someday and, that being my first chance, I hoped for a girl. That being said I was Team Green so I also spent a lot of time thinking about what it would be like to be a mom to a little boy and came up with one mental image of it that I found particularly happy (I pictured me with my little boy at age 2 or 3 bundled up in a snowsuit walking through our favorite park hand-in-hand crunching through the snow) and made peace with either way.

This time I don't really have a preference. DH has a slight preference for another girl. DD is SUCH a daddy's girl and he loves it! But I think we are both curious about what raising a boy would be like.

I do agree with previous posters, sex doesn't determine hobbies and such. My sister has three boys and a girl, and one of her boys is a really sensitive, creative, theatrical kid with little interest in traditional "boy" activities, and her girl is a self-declared tomboy who has never been interested in dolls. So you never know... regardless of their sex each of these kids is a unique person and a total mystery we get to spend the rest of our lives learning about and treasuring!

LadyAnnibal · December 2014

I always imagined myself with 4 boys. DH has a son and is dying for a little girl. It's made me want a little girl too! Honestly, I think I'll be happy with a Nathaniel or a Nataliyah. I really just can't wait to meet my baby!

ashiscute · December 2014

I think it's 100% normal to have a preference and to be disappointed if you get the opposite. While I was pregnant with DS I was really hoping for a boy since I already had DD. I know I would have been disappointed if he had been a girl. Now since I have one of each I don't have a pull either way.

I find having one of each that there are some small differences (mine are still pretty young). Boys tend to be more cuddly and loving and girls more independent like PP said. I'm sure that will continue as they grow older. And no I don't mean differences like dresses and sports. Most people are more complex than that.

irelandsangel81 · December 2014

I definitely have a preference for another girl. But I don't know if my preference is because that's what I prefer or because DD is convinced baby is a girl and it is rubbing off on me. I know DH prefers a boy. I honestly wouldn't be disappointed either way. But I think it's totally natural and okay to be disappointed if u hope for a girl and find out ur having a boy, and vise versa.

wineandcake · December 2014

If I had a choice on the sex of my LO, I would probably choose to have a boy. I already have one and just love everything that we bought for him so I would love to use that again and I think it would be special for DS to have a brother - I grew up with sisters and DH with brothers, we're both close with siblings now and I would love that for Mac.

When I was pregnant with DS, we talked about him being a boy from the start. We were so set on him being a boy that I would have been almost disappointed because I had worked myself up so much about him being a boy. I would have been shocked with a girl and would have kept making them recheck because I was so convinced he was a boy.

Obviously I wouldn't be upset to have a girl this time (and I wouldn't have been last time either). It would just be a whole new learning experience for me and I would have to learn to change girl diapers, look in the girl section of stores instead of just boys, and potty train a girl. Everything else will be the same; we will follow her lead on interests, not push gender specific toys, and parent according to their personality. DS is such an outgoing free spirit that loves to stop and snuggle on occasion, I expect the next will be different regardless of sex - my sisters and I were so different and had our own interests as kids.

I'm going team green this time. Have you considered going that route? This way you won't have time to be disappointed with the sex because you will just be so in love with the tiny person you're holding. I do understand that knowing in advance gives you time to work through your feelings and get excited for your baby though.

dllnlrn · December 2014

I don't fault you for wanting one or the other. But gender stereotypes annoy the shit out of me. Girls and boys are just unique in that they are humans. Not every girl is going to be "your little woman" and not every boy is going to growl like a dinosaur. It's just dated beliefs like this that keep women from realizing their full potential. In any event. My son and daughter are both pretty adventurous, hyper, little kids. Daughter is NO different from my son which I think is pretty funny. But it just solidifies my belief that a lot of these gender roles are instilled by parents. Not all, but a lot. In any case, with this one, I really don't care if it is a boy or girl. I just want a happy, healthy child who knows that he/she is loved.

mrstutus · December 2014

Your feelings are completely normal! Speaking for myself, I really wanted a girl the first time around because I always imagined myself with a daughter. My mom has all sisters as does my dad. And I've grown up with a younger sister and all girl cousins (literally not one boy). So, it's safe to say that I'm more familiar with girls! My DD is my mini me and I love that. The thought of having a boy this time around frankly scares me. I feel like I know how to be a "girl mom"! (Obvi healthy is most important and I will absolutely adore him/her regardless!)

travelmama · December 2014

I was just having this conversation with my husband yesterday. We would both like a girl, only because we have done it before! I admit I also swoon at the idea of DH holding two little girls. The more we talked about it though, the less it felt like it mattered. When we discussed the "real" differences that there would be between a son and another daughter there wasnt a single one we could think of. Our daughter has been allowed to chose hers own path and identity and so will a son. She is equally into cars, construction, and princesses and he would be given the same choices.

Talking it out honestly with DH helped a lot, and somehow allowed me to get back to the things that have always been our core parenting values. Now I can just be excited!

emwithpeanuts · December 2014

It's interesting for me because, with the 4 kids I have, I have l a variety of personality types. I always wanted a daughter because I was the only girl in my family. I had two. One is the quiet, neat, sensitive type and the other is the enegetic, creative, spunky, sassy type. After them, I REALLY wanted a boy. I would have been happy either way, but I ended up having two boys after the two girls. They are both total definition of boy but my older one is so sensitive and cuddly and quiet. The other is super sweet but isn't as cuddly or sensitive as his brother and he's louder and a lot more rough, haha. SO, with another one coming, I found myself wondering what I would prefer to have this time around. In all honesty, I don't whichever. I'll be happy either way. I do however, think it will be easier for me to end with a girl. I think it's the fact that I am one, that makes it a lot easier. I know how they work. With boys, for instance potty training, I have no clue how to get my son to go. He's three and I have tried everything and he has no desire. With my girls, I trained my second AND my little sister in law at the same time, in 2 days. It's just easier. So, I'll be happier either way, but kind of relieved if it's a girl.

cschissell · December 2014

In many ways I'd love another boy. Seeing my son with a brother would be wonderful, but if this baby is a boy I'll be a bit disappointed that I'll never have that experience of having a daughter.

SlurpeeLove · December 2014

I have no preference. People keep asking and I keep thinking about it, but I have no idea what I would prefer. I was raised in a double standard household. I wanted to play football, skateboard, and surf and I was never allowed to do any of those things because they weren't lady like. My kids will be able to choose their own hobbies. So I guess for me it doesn't matter. I could end up with a boy who likes make up or a girl who wants to play football.

I do think that girls get cuter clothes at first though.

mommytati · December 2014

Personally for me I want a girl. But that is because fragile x runs in my family and I am a potential carrier (getting tested on the 23rd). With that I have more of a chance having a son that will have disabilities like autism which runs in my family. Obviously for this reason I want a girl. But then I look at my brothers who both have high functioning autism and think how much I adore them and wouldn't mind having a little boy just like them autism or not. It's kinda been tough for me, but as long as my little bean is healthy I will be happy.

WhiteSun · December 2014

I pulled and pulled for a sister when my mom was expecting and got my wish

Obviously I caused that right??

Dh thinks every little girl he sees its the most adorable thing on the planet. Boys? He often ignores. My aunt and mil had all boys. I so desperately want our first to be a girl. This way I can get over my worries of having all one sex. My dh mothers family has mostly boys but his dad's is almost 50/50. Dh loves to talk with women at parties and in sales almost all his coworkers are females so maybe that's why he's always talked about having daughters. I would love to have a son but honestly I was raised in am almost exclusively woman family. I'm a tomboy and have trouble connecting with girly girls but still, boys are pretty foreign to me. Which I learned big time with dh walking around burping thinking it's funny!!

jujo16 · December 2014

Of course it's a normal feeling. But I advise against it to be honest. I have 3 boys and with my 3rd, I was positive that he was a girl. Whenever the u/s tech said and "here is his penis" I was like huh? I think you mean vagina. I literally cried on the way home. I told my husband I would never buy a wedding dress, never have anyone visit me in the nursing home (I thought 3 would be it for us - obv not the case). My husband reminded me that healthy was what mattered and I totally rolled my eyes. 3 weeks after my youngest was born, my totally healthy middle 2 year old boy started having seizures. He got very sick and I spent the first year of my newborns life, fighting for my 2 year old's life in the hospital. Life is still very tough for my middle son, he is on a special diet and has some significant delays from all of the seizures (30/day), but he is in a better place. I am not saying this to scare anyone. I just gained so much perspective with the illness of my son and it really has shown me that healthy IS the greatest thing. My yohngest boy now 2, by the way, is the sweetest of the bunch. He tells me every day he is going to marry me and that he is my baby doll. I think it is totally normal to hope for a girl because you already have a boy, but please don't be disappointed if it is a boy. I promise you, a healthy baby is the best kind of baby in the whole world. Ps. I have 3 boys, so of course I am thinking of girl names like crazy, but I am also excited at the idea of another silly, crazy boy that will tell me he wants me to marry him.

knkmomof2 · December 2014

I felt the same exact way with both of my first two pregnancies. I wanted a boy first, then a girl. That may be crazy, but I just wanted that so bad! And we were very lucky to have it that way! 8-> now with my third pregnancy, I don't quite have the same feeling. I would be happy either way. :x

gem717 · January 2015

I feel the same way, I honestly feel a little guilty that I may be disappointed in the sex. I have a son and I am hoping for a girl, I always envisioned having four children, but since I have HG we have decided that this will most likely be the last child since my body just can't handle it, so that's been a tough pill to swallow. I'd love to experience having both a son and daughter, but I just keep telling myself what's meant to be is meant to be and it's out of my control.

mernuuh · January 2015

I feel the same way except I really hope its a boy. I guess I look at the relationship I had with my mother and I really do not want to go through that.

Marlee8 · January 2015

I have two boys and was so sure my second was going to be a girl because my pregnancy was so different from my first. When the technician told me it was another boy I was in denial for a while. I wasn't totally disappointed because I knew it wouldn't be my last but I was kind of shocked that my "plan" was not going as I thought it would.
This time around I'm definitely hoping for a girl. I really want to know what our girl would look like!!! But I knew I couldn't get pregnant again until I was ok with the possibility of 3 boys. I think either way, watching 3 grow up will be amazing. But in my experience my friends and I are all so much closer to our parents and they are the grandparents that the kids are much closer to as well. So I guess that worries me, always being the mother in law

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