Stealing names - When is it ok?

mattandlora · December 2014

A friend of mine and I recently came up with the following rules about reusing baby names used by friends / family. In other words, when is it stealing, and when is it ok? Let me know what you think!

As a general rule, it is NOT ok to use the same baby name as a friend or family member. There are some circumstances where it could be ok. Here is what we came up with.

FRIENDS

It is OK to use the same name if you never lived in the same city, at any point, as the child whose name you want to use.
It is OK to use the same name if there is a big enough age difference (10 years???)
It is OK if it is a family name for you
It is OK to use if it is a middle name for at least one of them.

FAMILY

It is OK if it is a different generation
It is OK to reuse as a first name IF it is a family name AND the children will rarely see each other (reunions, holidays, weddings)
It is OK to reuse as a middle name IF it is a family name AND only one child uses it as a first name.

Did we leave anything out?

mandyreads · December 2014

My husband's cousin was going to use my daughter's full name for her daughter that was born about 6mths later. I was livid. Thankfully they ended up changing their minds. But that all sounds about right

NicoleWI · December 2014

I don't know. I just don't think you can create rules and legislate this. Every situation is unique.

The general gist of it sounds okay, but waiting 10 years for friend names is a little much. I guess partly it depends on how close the friends really are and how much you see them. I wouldn't care at all if a friend used the same name we used for one of our kids. I don't have a claim on it!

lcwed · December 2014

What about Facebook? I am friends with a family who went to our church. They have since moved, but I still see their posts. They had a baby about a year ago and the first name they chose is the name we decided we would use if we ever had a boy. If this one is a boy, I am still using the name because we picked it out before we knew them and if we weren't facebook friends, we would never know what they named their son.

Sharon&Paul · December 2014

I don't believe anyone owns a name. If you like the name than go for it. My sister is naming her daughter my first daughter's middle name.

My cousin and my brother have the same first name. Though my cousin died a couple days after birth. My other two cousins have the same name and both were named after their fathers.

mandyreads · December 2014

I think it more has to deal with family...at least with me. I don't mind so much with friends. Most of us on hubs side use the name James only because of his dad was James and he passed away. But it is used in different ways. Never the same. And it really doesn't bother me with middle names bc that name is not the one that is out there. But if the name is unique and a family member uses it I would be upset.

ewenner · December 2014

Too many rules. I think names are a very personal decision, and you shouldn't feel restricted from choosing a name just because someone else "beat you to it." That being said, I think it is respectful to let someone know if you are planning to select a name that they have also used. That way, if they really are bothered by it, you can perhaps reconsider.

Bigboneded · December 2014

I don't think I would restrict myself from a name I loved because someone already had it, definitely not for a friend's child. That said my friend's BIL /SIL. Gave their child same name and she was VERY upset. I get it, first cousins with same first and last names can be confusing. So if I thought I was breaking a rule, having seen her side of it, I might run it by the parents of same name child. Not to get permission, per se, but to acknowledge that I do not mean to offend.

mattandlora · December 2014

(Edited because I hit "enter' too soon).

All - This was meant for fun and not too serious. Obviously, if you love a name, go for it! My friend and I were just talking about what classifies as "stealing" a name instead of using the same name because you like it. I mean, if my friend and I both name our kid John, no biggie. It's a common name and a family name for many many people. But if I come up with something really unique and don't know a single other person in the world with that name, tell my friend, and then she uses the same thing, I'm gonna get a little miffed.

The subject came up as we were sharing girl name ideas. There are 3 girl names I like which have already been used by other friends / acquaintances. One is used by a very close friend / bridesmaid who named her daughter the same thing. Her daughter is 7 and lives in a different state. We've met the kid once. The name has no family significance. We decided that was ok, so long as we ask the mom first. She's fine with it. Another name is a girl who is 4 and we lived in the same place until she was 2, then they moved away and still visit frequently. We decided that name was questionable to use if it didn't have some significance to us. The last is a former coworker / acquaintance who is a Facebook friend now and lives in the same city, but we pretty much never talk. Plus it is a family name for us. That one is totally fine.

So, the above conversation is what led to our informal 'rule' list.

chucktgirl · December 2014

Too many rules. The only rule we had is to prohibit names of people we've previously had serious relationships with.

That single rule took away my favorite boy's name... but I'm okay with that.

supersarah77 · December 2014

My BF's son's name is Oliver. When she told me the name I fell in love with it. Now we're having a boy and I'm thinking about that name again. I live in a different state now, but still, it gives me pause. We've been BFFs for over 30 years and she's like family. Even though no one can own a name, i get it with the "rules."

On the flip side, DH and I were just talking about how one douchebag can ruin a perfectly good name. Ha!

mattandlora · December 2014

@supersarah77 - name ruining, yes, I get it. I work with kids. DH often suggest something and I say "UGH! No....Because I once knew this kid with that name who blah blah blah."

mandyreads · December 2014

We loved the tv show Rules of Engagement and there was this time Audrey and Jeff were trying to think of girl names. They didn't want to name their daughter a name of one of Russell's (man whore) conquests. Lol

niknak1208 · December 2014

I think those are great rules. But my hubby still won't use certain names even though they are well within those guidelines. For example, I love the name Max. But he has a cousin named Max. His cousin is in college AND does not live here AND we never see even when he is home! I have probably met him 5-6 times and we've been married for almost 10 years. He still will not consider Max if our baby is a boy.

BUT my BFF.. her oldest son is 14 and his name is Jackson. She's been my BFF since we were in the 6th grade! Her son is like my son. I love him to pieces. We don't live in the same city. But close and we still see eachother relatively often. My hubby loves the name Jackson and wants to use it if our baby is a boy. WTH?? AND he also has a little cousin whose name is Jackson and is the exact same age as our son. (6).

I don't get it. To me.. Max would be ok.. jackson would not.

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