Sounding Board: Let it All Out in Here

staylucky · December 2014

Hey ladies. I'm currently sitting in my car in a Chick-Fil-A parking lot on my lunch break, crying and eating my sandwich. And I wanted to tell you all about it because no one else would get it. So use this post as a place to let it all out. What are you feeling? How are you coping? Who is pissing you off?

staylucky · December 2014

I'll start. I am 8 days post D&C and my days can be so hard. Some days I feel fine, but days like this? Everything brings on the tears. I hate getting out of bed for work, but I can't sleep when I'm in bed. This morning was exceptionally bad at work. My coworker is pregnant and I had to go into her office... Another coworker had brought her in some baby clothes and I walked in right as they were oohing and aahing over the cuteness. I tried to stay cool, but I could feel the tears welling up and had to bolt. To top it all off, my nosey coworker noticed and will not quit prying. She told me that this is my first Christmas as a newlywed and I should be so happy right now. Ugh. I feel like I can't even exist in society right now. When does this get better?

katerbug0607 · December 2014

I am so frustrated that this whole process is so GD slow. I appreciate they are just trying to be certain, but at the same time I'm realistic enough to know that no baby or heartbeat showing on an ultrasound at almost 9 weeks is no good. I am 100% sure on my dates because of charting and temping.

It's amazing how little faith medical professionals put into the whole charting process.

They took betas on tuesday and this morning to see if my levels are going up or down, but they wont have results until later tomorrow morning. And the office closes at one so i don't even think I'll get to talk to my doctor to figure out next steps.

And NOTHING is happening with my body on my own. No cramps or bleeding, just some periodic brown spotting which I've had for weeks. I just want this over with.

katerbug0607 · December 2014

staylucky said:
I'll start. I am 8 days post D&C and my days can be so hard. Some days I feel fine, but days like this? Everything brings on the tears. I hate getting out of bed for work, but I can't sleep when I'm in bed. This morning was exceptionally bad at work. My coworker is pregnant and I had to go into her office... Another coworker had brought her in some baby clothes and I walked in right as they were oohing and aahing over the cuteness. I tried to stay cool, but I could feel the tears welling up and had to bolt. To top it all off, my nosey coworker noticed and will not quit prying. She told me that this is my first Christmas as a newlywed and I should be so happy right now. Ugh. I feel like I can't even exist in society right now. When does this get better? </blockquote

So sorry you're feeling this way. This whole process sucks and this happens far too often to women than it should.

Nikolie93 · December 2014

@staylucky I am sorry you're having an off day and sorry they are more good than bad right now *hug* I know that anything I say right now will not help you but I was where you are now, and it does get better and it does get easier. I have said before that it will never completely go away and there will be some days that something triggers it, but as time goes on those days get less than they are now.

In some of my darker days in the beginning I made a point of writing down a couple of positive things in my life each morning. When I would feel bad throughout the day I would look at that list and I would concentrate on those things. I know it sounds silly but it was helpful.

Nikolie93 · December 2014

@katerbug0607 I am so sorry you're going through that. The wait is the worse and it's ridiculous that when they won't speed things up to find out what's going on. *hugs*

When was your last U/S?

staylucky · December 2014

@katerbug0607‌ The waiting just makes it so much harder. I had a MMC at about 6w1d. Didn't catch it until two weeks later. From the day it stopped growing until my D&C, 3+ weeks had passed and my body still hadn't figured it out. It just seems so cruel. *hug* I hope you get things resolved soon. It's so hard to try to begin the healing process when it's all still in your face every day.

terrissa89 · December 2014

@staylucky *hugs* that must be so tough with the pregnancy and oohs/ahhs right in your face. I hope it gets better. I know it probably doesn't seem like it right now, but it will get better.

9 weeks later I'm still having my ups and downs, but it's better than how I felt right after

@katerbug0607 sorry for the slow process, I hope you get some answers soon

I'm actually dealing with everything okay right now. At thanksgiving my SIL brought her newborn and that was hard. It was all about them and it was like everyone forgot we ever had/lost our baby. No one even thought it might be difficult for us.

She won't be there at Christmas, but when we see my family, my pregnant sister who already has a child will be there and I'm sure that'll be hard

I love my family and friends and their little ones, but it is so hard to see them right now...especially when everyone seems to have forgotten about our little boy we lost.

Nikolie93 · December 2014

@terrissa89‌ unfortunately it's easy for people to forget when it's not their situation. I'm sure it will be hard for me during Christmas. We are going up north and my SIL has 3 kids, one under a year old and they were all "accidents".

*hugs* to you

And to you @agpjt413‌

lattemom · December 2014

Someone said to me today "at least you have a child." Yes, I have a living child. But I also had two other children who didn't make it and I am going to be sad.

ticktock0903 · December 2014

Yesterday made 2 months since I lost my little boy and the road has been long and torturing. I can function for a while but then I am triggered and its the worst all over again. I work in a hospital and there are pregnant patients and co-workers everywhere. I also have a sister thats pregnant who was contemplating abortion when she found out, I can hardly bare to speak to her. The things I have heard to "comfort" me usually makes things so much worse and I don't really talk to anyone other than my DW about it cause I know the responses will make me want to commit violence. I miss him so much..

katerbug0607 · December 2014

Nikolie93 said:
@katerbug0607 I am so sorry you're going through that. The wait is the worse and it's ridiculous that when they won't speed things up to find out what's going on. *hugs*

When was your last U/S?

My ultrasound was this past Friday, so only a week ago, but it feels much longer. Perhaps because I dont feel I know anymore now than I did last friday

Nikolie93 · December 2014

@katerbug0607 Did you go to the Dr today? How is everything looking?

@lattemom that is so cruel to say. I don't have any children but I would never say that to somenone that has experienced a loss or losses *hug*

@ticktock0903 I also have a hard time relating to people that have recently had, or talked about, having an abortion. I know that everyone's story is different but it's hard for me to wrap my mind around it

I hope that the days get a bit easier for you *hug*

daydreamer3451 · December 2014

I am still going through the entire ordeal which has been over a month so far...(long story)...but I am teacher and work with 2nd and 3rd graders.

One of my students said on Friday... "Are you married???" I said "yes". She then said "Do you have any children?". I said "no I do not currently". She then said "Is it because you don't want children?" I said "no I do very much." (as I am choking back tears). She then said "that is really sad then that you don't have children." At which point I excused myself to the bathroom and began to bawl my eyes out...

I find that anything at this point will make me cry...even just looking at my dog I can start crying now.

Nikolie93 · December 2014

I am so sorry *hug*

It's probably a bit harder for you because you are still going through it. You won't really be able to move on until it's done. It sucks

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