Baby advice?

spainy17 · December 2014

Ok let me know what you think.

So most of you know we had a hard time with DD her first year. Colic, silent reflux, inability to take a bottle, etc etc etc. This took a hit on my marriage at the time and while we are back and better than ever I am rightfully skittish about making baby number two.

For some reason I have it in my head that waiting till thus summer to try is best. A spring our summer baby sounds easier with a toddler, DD would be close to 3.5, we could avoid cold and flu season, etc.

Well now Dh has brought up that he wants to start tyring now for the third time. He thinks we are not getting any younger and that the chances of us having that bad of a time again are low.

I'm torn. Dh wasn't sure he wanted a second for a while after DD was born so I feel like I should capitalize in this. And part of me thinks it could take till may anyway so why try to plan it.

But on the other hand I'm scared. What if it happens right away? What if we aren't ready? What if what if what if what if.

I'm really freaking out. Its like I wad okay until a second baby is actually a realistic option and now I'm a disaster. I want a second child for DD, I do. And I adore her and all if the crazy of the fort year was worth it. I just feel like in life the second we get comfortable we humans go shaking it up again. Sigh.

Sorry this was a novel and I don't even know if there was a true question in it. I just can't talk about this with any unbiased parties in real life so I had to have my freak out here.

sulsa78 · December 2014

So this is my opinion. Just because colic happened with your 1st baby doesn't mean it's going to happen again. I have many friends who went through colic with their 1st and baby #2 was completely fine! Their pediatrician's also told them that there's a slim chance it happens the second time around (it could but slim chance). I have 2 little girls 2yr old and 7mth old and they are the best of friends. I thank God that I made the decision to go ahead with baby #2. I personally never went through the same issues you had but being pregnant and having a newborn is stressful regardless for anyone. They are only babies for a short period of time. Go for it and don't think twice or stop overthinking it! Everything will be fine. Good luck and happy holidays!

jobiann · December 2014

DH and I are on the fence about baby number two. J was a great baby, I had a good pregnancy and a decent labor, but we worry about another miscarriage, financial stability and I'm extremely concerned that I do 99% of the work with J and I doubt that will change once a baby comes. So I'm wary. However, my fear of regret is much larger then all those fears I mentioned...so I think we are going to start trying early next year.

Mom2anAngel2 · December 2014

My niece had terrible colic. I remember my sister and BIL going crazy. Her next 2 were such easy babies.

While there is no sure way to know what will happen, you have had experience with a rough newborn period and it will most likely be easier. Even if LO isn't easier, you will have experience under your belt this time.

I don't know if I really have you an answer, but I think it is something that you will know what you want to do when the time is right.

Sep5Bride · December 2014

Just wanted to throw in that we had a tough time with DD the first year too, and I'm counting on karma to give me an easier second child - haha. It worked for my parents; I was a hellion and my younger sister was a super easy baby. It's only one case of course, but that's what I'm banking on!

littleheaven · December 2014

i had a tough time with dd in the beginning too...honestly thought i was close to ppd.....but she was an awesome baby....i'm hoping that this time goes a lot easier....

we always wanted a 2nd...just not necessarily now...we thought we had control since we had to do fertility treatments for dd...but nope...this one is all us all by ourselves....if we had decided to wait until we had....more money...more time....more this more that, we probably would never have had a 2nd one....same thing goes for having the first one...if you wait until the right time, the right time may never come...

we just finished construction and money has never been tighter than it is right now and dd couldn't be anymore of a handful than she is...but....alas...a 2nd one is on it's way....it happens when it happens....

it's never the right time....and every baby is different....dd was wonderful which almost made me not want another...cut my losses....but that's silly....every pregnancy is different (i can vouch for that) and every baby is different....

littleheaven · December 2014

katrine_05 said:
We rarely have sex (2-3 times/month) so we'd have to get lucky Which did happen with DD.

it only takes one time...tmi i'm sure, but dh and i are less than 2x a month....and here we are pg....we couldn't even remember when we did it lol.....i kept forgetting the pill after dd was born, and we figured since we needed iui for dd it wouldn't be an issue...whoops

this decaf life · December 2014

Even if DH said he was ready at this point, I'm not. Both teams need to be on board! Have an open conversation, maybe you'll change your mind but if you don't think it's good timing then don't be persuaded just because other people assure you the 2nd will be easier.

I need DD to be in school before I can imagine dealing with a newborn. I think DD would handle having a baby well, I just don't think I would.

URMySunshine77 · December 2014

b0710 said:

I do remember you talking about how difficult your DD was, and what a struggle it was with your H. However, if you both want a second child, I would not wait just out of fear. I didn't want to have kids too close together, but definitely want another one. Here I am 6 months into trying and no BFP. I do not regret waiting until when I did because of the spacing thing, but I would also encourage people to go for it when the time is right. I feel like you never know how long it will take to get pregnant, and if you for sure want a second, it's worth it. Like @2013mommy said, I think it's not that likely that you would have another child that had the same difficulties as your daughter. Plus, you even admitted that it was worth it in the long run. I would imagine that you and your H have developed some great skills now to handle those difficult situations, so it would probably not impact you as much as it did the first time. In terms of adjustments....I think the first kid is the hardest (but I only have 2....far apart, so take that with a grain of salt). Good luck with whatever you decide!

I agree with @b0710. I wouldn't wait for another child because of fear.

My experience is similar with her own. I thought that it would be easy when we started TTC again, but we are eight months in and no BFP. I keep reminding myself that the first year with an infant will be difficult, but it will go by in a flash (like @slh33 said).

spainy17 · December 2014

Thank you all for not flaming me. I mean, who asks a bunch of internet peeps about what to do with their uterus? But I trust your opinions and since you are all basically in the same boat your opinions matter a lot to me!

Basically DH and I are in limbo. He and I talked last night and he doesn't really want a winter baby either (for the same reasons I don't) but he is worried about our age and doesn't know what to do. I thought about it a lot yesterday and I just keep thinking that God will give us a baby when it is out time anyway so maybe trying to plan it is silly. I want a seond one and getting pregnant sooner rather than later while not necessarily idea in my head would definitely not be the end of the world. I think I am just going to be scared of round two whenever it happens! I told him last night that if he wants me to stop birth control this month then I am in. He said he would think about it, ha ha! So here we are in the same place but at least we are talking about it and he feels heard so I guess that is a win.

spainy17 · December 2014

Thanks again. @ClaryPax I am only 32, 33 in November, so in my head we are fine. DH is just freaking out because he will be 35 in August and his mom was really young whereas mine was older. I think that a few months wait will be fine. We talked again tonight and he is leaning towards waiting a bit now too, haha. There are pluses and minuses to each and in the end who knows when and if we can even have one anyway and I am a huge believer in the genetic-makeup thing (where the kid you have is the one you are supposed to have and another situation would have been a totally different child, etc). So back to the original plan.

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