End of my rope

FishyMom · December 2014

I'm at the end of my rope. I'm starting to feel like I'm not cut out to be a mother. My daughter cries like she wants to eat all of the time. She is been consistently crying every hour and a half and then eating for half an hour. I get one stretch a day of about three hours where she doesn't cry.

I always try and breast-feed her when she cries, but even that hurts. It doesn't hurt while she's eating but it hurts a lot after. I feel like all of the LC that I have seen just show me how to latch her on but don't really teach me anything. So I just don't think I'm getting it.

I dread nighttime because it seems harder some how. This morning I even told my husband that they should forget waterboarding and just have people breast-feed and have a newborn. Just don't think it's supposed to be this hard.

There's not really a question here I just feel like I needed to vent to someone. Thanks girls for listening.

FishyMom · December 2014

Please don't take it the wrong way I love my daughter very very much and I feel very blessed to have her I just wish it was being able to enjoy this time instead of feeling this way.

mamatohne · December 2014

I also could of written this myself. I called my pediatrician's office today to make an appointment and they asked me what for and I responded "there is just something wrong , my baby cried all the time". Hopefully Thursday will be full of answers for us.

lizzielu82 · December 2014

So sorry and that sounds awful! I agree with others in trying a pumped bottle. I had no idea what I was doing at first either and learned that my LO was not eating as she should be from the breast and needed to get my supply up first.

It was a long process but now she breastfeeds like a champ - but when she was hungry she was just too tired to actually do it right.

Hugs to you!

lovingaddi · December 2014

I'm so sorry you are having a hard time. I agree with what pp have suggested...sometimes breastfeeding just doesn't work out. Don't be hard on yourself because you need a break. Feeding methods come down to what is best for you & baby. You can have just as special of a bond with your lo if you choose/have to bottle feed. Sending tons of hugs your way

FishyMom · December 2014

Thanks ladies.. I'm glad I'm not alone.

@SarahMaureenF‌ she is gaining weight like a champ. We are 3weeks2days and she is well over her birth weight. I don't think she is having any issues with feeding, I think it is just me.

We have not done a bottle yet. My pedi said she thought it would be better if we waited, so that is what we have been doing.

MollMoll4 · December 2014

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I went trough a few really tough weeks when we first got home with Finn and this is the best advice I got:

"You need to do whatever it is that will allow you to enjoy having a baby."

I hope you can find a balance that allows you to enjoy being a mommy.

pixie523 · December 2014

You are not alone. I've cried to my mom friends many times that my baby is "broken". We get MAYBE an hour of pleasant baby time between feedings, changing, snoozing. Night times are rough. Daytimes are constant pacifiers and bouncing between feedings. It's just tough.

A bottle may help but even when we supplement a formula or BM bottle she's still kind of an ass afterwards. (A really cute ass, but my baby can be an ass).

No suggestions to help. We're just taking it one day at a time here and reminding ourselves this is temporary.

mockingjay1 · December 2014

SarahMaureenF said:
One thing I just though of--if it hurts after and she's crying a lot, could you both have thrush?

I would question thrush too

FishyMom · December 2014

I don't know much about thrush except that the baby would have white spots in her mouth, which she doesn't. I need to do some research on it.

TeeJ526 · December 2014

I'm so sorry.

Is it possible that your LO is in the middle of a growth spurt which might be why she's crying like she's hungry? My LO went through something similar at the 3 week mark and it got better (even though right she might be going through the next spurt a little early). Stay strong. You can get through this.

silverwings72 · December 2014

Hugs to you, Mama. You ARE cut out to be a mother, you are doing a great job. Please talk to your doctor about the pain after BF and the emotions this is causing. It helped me get into solution when I was having the same feelings and thoughts. My doc and I decided to go to formula for some of the same reasons and my anxiety decreased a little. I like the PP of checking for thrush. It WILL get better!!

anlicsceadu · December 2014

It could also be colic/gas. I had horrible issues with Little Miss up until a few weeks ago. She got so gassy after nursing and wanted to feed constantly because it helped it not hurt. It was so painful listening to her cry and having nothing I could do because the darn drops wouldn't work. I knew it was gas because her tummy was hard to the touch and if I applied pressure it would sort of sooth her. I wanted to avoid medicine so I tried out a chiropractor first. It totally worked. She had compression in the spine which was triggering the gas. She's like a different baby now. It might be something worth looking into. As for your pain, I would definitely check with a doctor. But it sounds like your doing a great job! Whatever you decide to do for you and baby is just fine. I've found being a mama is really freakin hard and there is now manual so we all just do are best. You are not alone.

howin23 · December 2014

Sorry you're having such a rough time. We've had similar challenges and I talked to our pedi about it today. Some thoughts...

-Have you gotten prescription nipple ointment? That would cure thrush (if you have it, though you would need to cure it for the baby too) and will help heal cracks. The stuff is awesome.

-Definitely try pumping and giving the bottle. My pedi said there's a narrow window to give a bottle so encouraged us to start at 3-4 weeks. My left nipple is so sore that I'm just pumping on that side and primarily feeding LO from the right side, but then also using bottles from the left side. No issues, she's still nursing fine. This has saved me a lot of angst.

For the PURPLE crying (look it up if you aren't familiar with it, as it made us feel better about the crying), pedi said to try:
1) Topping her off with formula (we've been EBF and are reluctant to do this, but when she cries for five hours and we can't soothe her...)
2) Simethicone drops
3) Probiotics (Floragen)
4) Car ride

lizgrace03 · December 2014

Hugs! I was super frustrated with the whole mom thing until this week. Now I'm really starting to enjoy it... Just give yourself time and don't be so hard on yourself. If you need to switch to formula, so be it. If you need to pay someone to help watch LO so you get some alone time, do it. I like what a pp said- you need to do whatever makes you ok to take care of the baby, even if that means you don't do everything by the textbook.

pete2835 · December 2014

Some kids are just rough. I promise it gets easier! I seriously thought I had made the biggest mistake of my life with our first, but she went from the roughest baby (screaming four hours at a stretch all day long) to being a wonderful toddler. Stick with it Momma. You are doing amazing, and before long this will be a distant memory.

MmmPopcorn · December 2014

I agree with PP about the 3 week growth spurt. DS fed nonstop for 3 days during his growth spurt, and it was dreadful, and I wanted to quit desperately. I just sat in bed crying while I nursed him, and I told H I thought we had made a terrible mistake. It did get better for me. However, I started pumping at 3 weeks, and DS has started taking the occasional bottle. I found pumping to be much more comfortable than breastfeeding.

Even so, if you decide to switch to formula, don't feel guilty in the slightest. Breastfeeding still isn't the magical bonding experience I expected it to be, and if we didn't have a family history of dairy allergies, I would have totally switched to formula by now. Your emotional well-being is important to both you and your baby!

carafern · December 2014

PPs have said it all. I'll just offer hugs. You are certainly not alone. This mother thing is hard, really really hard.

Maelara · December 2014

I don't think anyone could take what you're saying wrong. If they do, they're jerks and can deal with me

when I had N, I remember very vividly sitting on the floor of her room and ugly crying thinking how much I regretted having a baby and why the hell did I want this? It didn't help that my husband kept saying 'well you wanted this!' Ass. Anyway, it does get better. I promise. Being a FTM mom is fucking hard in the way of learning a newborn. Especially a difficult one. Just give your self a break. You aren't sleeping, you're learning so much new stuff, you're taking care of a tiny human and your hormones are going BSC. Your world has been turned upside down. You're allowed to have these feelings and they are NORMAL. You're doing great, I promise! Lots of love, mama

uncharted01 · December 2014

Hugs mama >:D<

As a few other posters have said, could it be gas? When my LO is gassy, he is completely inconsolable and just screams and cries all day long. I bought simethicone drops (Little Remedies) and it is like a miracle in a bottle. One dosage and within 10 or 15 minutes, I had my happy, content baby back.

I hope you find answers. Trust your gut - you got this!

bustarmu21 · December 2014

I can relate. I am sitting here feeding this baby who will fall asleep in my arms but will not stay asleep, just wants to be held. I just want to rest, just a few hours!! Right now I am thinking wow this really sucks. I feel guilty for even thinking that but it's the truth at the moment.

FishyMom · December 2014

Thank you all again. It means so much to me that so many if you took time to respond.

In a last ditch "Hail Mary" effort I did skin to skin while feeding and I think that relaxed her enough for a big poop. I put her to bed and she slept for 3 hours. I'm feeling a little better. If appeared for a litle whole I got my girl back. I will be calling my doc about thrush today. Is it weird that I'm hoping I have it?

rox825 · December 2014

I'm sorry that you're feeling this way! Just wanted to agree that you're so not alone, as I feel like I'm starting to adjust and get a handle on taking care of a newborn something else happens and I end up sobbing with thoughts about how terrible of a job I'm doing. I hope that things get better soon and that you can figure out and fix the pain. Sending a big hug!

hjenni · December 2014

I'm glad you finally got a little sleep! Not weird to wish you had it. I get wanting to have a definite answer so you can find a solution.

rinaealy · December 2014

I remember with DD it was so hard for the longest time that I even broke out with hives but when I decided to stay with my Mom for two weeks when DD was 2 months my Mom helped me realize that I could do this.

It does get better and know that you don't have to do what everybody else does just do what is best for you and ur little one.

oklahomamom09 · December 2014

https://www.coffeeandcrumbs.net/blog/2014/7/25/bqysx2mx6gbotqv8sxfkqlrmgk2ie7

Read this

FishyMom · December 2014

oklahomamom09 said:
https://www.coffeeandcrumbs.net/blog/2014/7/25/bqysx2mx6gbotqv8sxfkqlrmgk2ie7

Read this

Wow... I am so crying over here. This was just what I needed to read. Thanks!

KMW08 · December 2014

Just sending ((hugs)) for moral support. I've had a couple of days where I've felt at my ropes end too.

snarkylibrarian · December 2014

I feel like I could have written this post myself. Breastfeeding is hurting so bad that I too I am hoping for a diagnosis of thrush when I see the lactation consultant today. I am not sure what else to do...his latch appears to be fine and he is gaining weight. I don't have any advice, just know you are not alone!

snarkylibrarian · December 2014

No thrush here. Just a shallow latch and upper lip tie. My lactation consultant told me until we get it fixed, I will need to exclusively pump because my nipples have had enough and my ducts are getting blocked because he can't drain my breasts. My appointment isn't until Jan 14th.

I hope for better news for you guys!

FishyMom · December 2014

@snarkylibrarian‌ this mayo sound weird but... Sorry you don't have thrush.. I did not call the doc but I'm pretty sure I don't have it either cause it does not burn after I pump. I hope your nips heal quick.. Are you going to go back to bfing after they heal?

oklahomamom09 · December 2014

Ashris13 said:

oklahomamom09 said:
https://www.coffeeandcrumbs.net/blog/2014/7/25/bqysx2mx6gbotqv8sxfkqlrmgk2ie7

Read this
Wow... I am so crying over here. This was just what I needed to read. Thanks!

No problem

Loopyseven · December 2014

If not thrush, it could also be gas or reflux. 2.0 is much fussier than 1.0 was. It's been a challenge many days to deal with it/him.

FishyMom · December 2014

Well I might be wrong. I pumped this evening and it hurt afterwards so maybe it is Thrush.. I'll definitely call tomorrow.

AngelaV321 · December 2014

It's not easy being a new mother! Everyone will tell you that breastmilk is better then formula but I think it's also better for you to have your sanity. Maybe try supplementing with formula or just switch all together. I am sure some people would jump all over me for saying that but you have to do what's best for you because I'm the end it's what is best for baby.

snarkylibrarian · December 2014

@Ashris13 I am trying to hold out until he gets his tie fixed because if I go back to bf my nipples will just get sore again with his latch. I couldn't pump fast enough for him yesterday so we are having to supplement with formula until I get my supply up. I was hoping to go exclusively breastmilk after that and back to breast after his tie is removed, but I am starting to think I may just combination feed if it gets too hard to do it all by myself. I have to pump every two hours and with feeding, changing, soothing and cleaning parts, I am getting zero sleep.

AshleeDockter · December 2014

You don't have to clean parts every time! I let them go a day before I wash them just put them in the fridge in between pumps. It saved me like 10 min a pump because I am also on that train.

FishyMom · December 2014

@snarkylibrarian‌ I believe @AmyG*‌ mentioned in the cleaning pump parts post (I think I started it) that they can just be out in the fridge and cleaned more rarely than you think. I would link the post but I'm mobile.

snarkylibrarian · December 2014

Good to know! Yesterday I was able to snag an appointment with the pediatric dentist due to a cancelation and we had LO's tongue and lip tie corrected. We are now back to breast and he is relearning how to latch now that he can fully open his mouth. It is a work in progress and he is still eating about every hour and a half for 30-45+ min and cluster feeding all night, but there's less pain so yay!

How are you doing @Ashris13?

FishyMom · December 2014

@snarkylibrarian‌ that is so awesome!! I am glad it is getting better for you. Doc never called me back and I have an appointment next week with my OB so I will talk to them about thrush. I am also going to see if I can drop in to my hospital to see a lactation consultant and hopefully get some answers. I am very encouraged that you are seeing progress and you are giving me hope that I will get a solution too.

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