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I truely understand the term "Trigger" now

bumpuser10605721bumpuser10605721 member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
*Trigger warning *living child mentioned *c-section mentioned


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I am part of a few c-section support groups after I had a c-section with my son. I was devastated by the way he came into this world and cried daily with thoughts of how badly my body failed me and how I didn't actually give birth. But over time before I join these groups I had somewhat moved past it and moved on. But I would read posts that would say trigger warning, and never really got it, they had no effect on me and I didn't understand why it was a trigger.
Being threw a MMC and D&C it brought back a lot of bad thoughts of "my body has failed me again" = Trigger now when i think about my sons birth
My co-worker told me yesterday that her sister just found out how shes pregnant with her forth baby = trigger. I had the coldest deadest look on my face when she told me, and cried at my desk.
I saw a picture on pintrest on a pregnant women standing in front of a Christmas tree and her son was kissing her belly = Huge fucking trigger and makes me cry now because that should of been me this christmas.

Sorry this is a rant. Just so blah. This shit sucks and is no fair, why me? why us? why do we have to be that fucking 1 in 4?

Rant over
Me: 29 DH: 30
DS born 12/29/12 @ 41+1 
TTC#2 07/2014
BFP 10/14/14 MC 11/14/14 D&C for RT 11/18/2014 
Given all clear 12/15/2014 - back to TTC



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Re: I truely understand the term "Trigger" now

  • Nikolie93Nikolie93 member
    Triggers suck and they seem to hit me out of the blue, like a big punch in the gut. They are getting a bit less and less but I'm sure there will always be triggers here and there forever.

    *big hug* @kingscross145‌ and @sweetcalittc1
    I am not sure how to say this without getting a "solicitation" warning so I guess I just say that I am not longer active on THIS site. 



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  • ashleyann62215ashleyann62215 member
    So sorry for you! I hate that we have to be so emotional during the holidays. These are supposed to be happy times. Hugs to you.*
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  • 4N6s4N6s member
    I'm so sorry. Hang in there
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  • ahackett1990ahackett1990 member
    I'm going through a miscarriage right now and I feel like everywhere I look there's something that brings on tears.  I watch TV and see commercials for diapers, kids toys, etc. and it makes me emotional.  Also, what is pissing me off the most right now:  Facebook obviously has been tracking my web visits while pregnant, because they are putting ads on my feed for baby/pregnancy apps and stores.  It INFURIATES me.  Get off my feed now!!  I'm also finding myself wanting to ask almost every woman I see if they have had a MC.  I want to know that I am not alone when I am in public :-/
    Me: 26 DH: 33
    Married: 6/14/14
    TTC immediately
    BFP: 11/19/14 MC:12/3/14
    BFP:  2/27/15 Blighted Ovum: 4/10/15, D&C 4/13/15- Trisomy16
    BFP: 12/29/15 EDD: 9/15/16!!  Please be our miracle baby!



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  • bumpuser10605721bumpuser10605721 member
    @ahackett1990 Im so sorry for your loss. Its been 3 weeks since I found out I would miscarry and 2.5 weeks since I was in emerge for bleeding +++ and needed a D&C.
    I totally understand where your coming from. I hated seeing commercials or babies IRL I deleted all the apps I had on babies and countdowns I even almost deleted facebook so I didn't have to see that stuff.
    I know how you feeling about wanting to ask others if they have a MC, its a lonely feeling, no one talks about it and you just feel like your the only one. its a scary and sensitive time.
    I was just in Wal-Mart an hour ago getting my cars oil changed, I was stuck at the check out and a woman walked in with a baby in the carrier........I groaned and expected to get really upset but didn't. Time heals hun. It hasn't been long for me but things are getting better. *big hugs to you* 
    Me: 29 DH: 30
    DS born 12/29/12 @ 41+1 
    TTC#2 07/2014
    BFP 10/14/14 MC 11/14/14 D&C for RT 11/18/2014 
    Given all clear 12/15/2014 - back to TTC



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  • cherish1986cherish1986 member
    I had to go out into the real world today and it royally sucked. I hate this. I wish I could take my DH with me everywhere.
    I was listening to my iTunes on the train to day and could hear a little girl calling for her mommy. This broke my heart. Only silent tears fell but nonetheless I think today was a bad day.
    Married: August 16 2014
    EDD: July 12, 2015  MC: November 30, 2014 8weeks
    Clover Grace
     our little angel.
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  • ahackett1990ahackett1990 member
    @kingscross145 I feel for you- I'm an avid knitter and it's been helping me stay distracted.  But yesterday I went with my mom to the store to buy some yarn to start a new project and I couldn't even go down the aisle that was full of soft pastels for making baby clothes/blankets.  I spoke to my friend last night that MC a couple years ago and she said that everyone she knows that has MC has similar feelings.  It's comforting to know that most of us experience the same emotions and that with time, it won't be so painful.  
    Me: 26 DH: 33
    Married: 6/14/14
    TTC immediately
    BFP: 11/19/14 MC:12/3/14
    BFP:  2/27/15 Blighted Ovum: 4/10/15, D&C 4/13/15- Trisomy16
    BFP: 12/29/15 EDD: 9/15/16!!  Please be our miracle baby!



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  • Em97Em97 member

    I am so sorry for your loss, but please know that you are not alone.  I miscarried twins yesterday - still in progress - and the thought of spending the holidays pretending like everything is fine is terrifying.  I was only 8 weeks, so only a handful of people knew.  This was my first pregnancy and first miscarriage, and I had no idea how invisible this would make me feel.  I'm trying not to worry about the "shoulds" - what I should do/how I should feel - and instead, focus on what I need to do to be good to myself.  But it is isolating.

    Rant as much as you need - we understand.  And believe me, it isn't fair.

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  • bumpuser10605721bumpuser10605721 member
    Hugs to you @Em97
    Me: 29 DH: 30
    DS born 12/29/12 @ 41+1 
    TTC#2 07/2014
    BFP 10/14/14 MC 11/14/14 D&C for RT 11/18/2014 
    Given all clear 12/15/2014 - back to TTC



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  • CMDDCMDD member
    Everything feels like a trigger right now. Going back to work at different studios (i teach yoga) I have students constantly asking me where I was and what I was doing, and some students who know wanting to hug me...so i'm crying right before and after I teach class. 

    You really don't understand triggers or how hard this is until you've been through it.
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